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// Only... 
// Story: As I watch 
// by Cherry delight 
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I gently hold the orange feather in the air as it slowly ripples in the wind. The sun shines brightly blocked slightly by the fluff of the feather. The shadow on my face is momentarily turned orange. The feather itself is not a big thing. It is what it means that matters. 

"It's a girl" 

I blink slowly as I remember the happiest and most heart breaking day of my life. I remember the pain the happiness and the anguish. When you were born my life was completed everything fell into place. I finally finished my house of cards and you were my queen. But as every one knows houses of cards are delecate things bound to fall at some point. The cards sometimes weaken over time but others they collapse as the last card is placed. My house is the latter.  The cards were muddled around me. I just watched 

 "You're to young"

I left you on their doorstep. I nearly ran but I had to stay to make sure you were safe. All my better instincts were telling me to run. There was one instinct that fought against the others. The  strongest one of all... Love. It pulled me towards you. It is the reason I left you and didn't selfishly keep you to myself. I remeber they took you in. My heart was shattered like someone hit it with a hammer. And still I watched.

 The door opened gently. "A baby!"

She helped me through. The rainbow that brightens the sky. The one you look up to. From the day they took you from there doorstep she was always there. A shoulder to cry on, hooves to hold. She helped me but I never told her. Even now she does not know that the one she takes in as a sister is her best friends creation. She looks after you like I wish I could. I simply watched.

" Are you okay? You seem sad. Oh Flutters. Come on cheer up it will get better I promise."

I watch you as you zoom through Ponyville on your scooter. A gift I bought in a hopeless atempt to fill the parent less whole in your heart. You friends are always by your side and when you all got your cutie marks I was so proud I wanted to hug you but you think me uncool. Your friends went through multiple scrapes to get your marks. You constantly went into the Everfree forest and put your precious lives in danger. I was always so angry. I saved you but once. The rest of the times I silently watched.

"Oh Angel I'm so worried. Why must this happen to them?... Oh Angel.

Your courage reminds me of your dad. You're kind brave and strong. However there is one ability I didn't want to share. I was and am a weak flyer. This never bothered me I wasn't sporty. But you like your dad want to be the fastest and the best. There are some days when life has put me in a bad mood that I wish that you weren't born. Your mere existence tears my heart in half and the pitying looks ponies give you, when you flutter your wings so hard you make a buzz sound, makes me want to kill them. When I reach this train of thought I hit myself for such morbid and disgusting ideas and I do something to take my mind off that particular train. It still exists and I hate myself more and more each day. I know that Filthy Rich's foal used to pick on you and many others will in the future. Like a cold unmoving stone statue I just watch.

"Fluttershy, Fluttershy, Fluttershy can hardly fly!"

You don't seem to notice how beautiful you are with you messy purple hair and sun tanned orange fur. The strange thing is I seem to be the only one noticing how amazing you are. Well I might be a bit biased. i wish that I was there for you to tell you how amazing you are and for you to complain about me being sappy or embarrassing. Normal mother daughter banter. I hate who when you talk to be you polite and non personal. You speak to me in words that you have obviously been told to say to strangers. I am just a stranger to you. An friend of your amazing "sister". I suppose I could become closer but I am stuck just watching.

 "Aww you look so sweet."

I know that one day being the adventure seeker you are you will travel far away from Ponyvilles, carried by the swift wind. You may travel overseas or visit places in deep jungles. No matter where you are I will always love you. Until you are a mother you won't understand. Even fathers don't completly share the feelings. But one day when little hooves run in circles round around you, you will understand how strong the bond is between mother and child and you may finally understand how much I love you. Even if I just watch.