//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 - Fear of Life // Story: The Flame of My Darkness // by eggtosser //------------------------------// The Flame of My Darkness III Fear of Life Daylight streams through the curtains, flooding the room in a warm orange. The light assaults my eyes, disturbing my restful slumber. Groaning, I shove away the blankets over my body and onto the wooden floor boards of my room in annoyance as I rub my eyes clean. I stare up into the the ceiling off my room, feeling absolutely tired and not bothered to do anything. But despite my wishes, I'll know I will have to. "Looks who's awake," I hear mum say from the door, poking her head through it. "Morning mum." I say to her. After getting out of bed and making myself look presentable before heading towards the kitchen. I quickly consume the bowl of oats and milk so I can make final checks that I'm fully equipped for the day ahead. Textbooks, quills and parchment, homework and exercise books all present with my lunchbox at hoof, nothing missing or out of place. Looking through the hallway and into the living where I can just make out a clock hanging on the wall, it reads eight thirty which means I have to leave really soon if I am to make it there on time. But do I really want to go though? To go out there and into the dangerous territory of the outside world, where all of my hunters are waiting for my return so they can pounce on me like prey. I know I'll have no say in the matter anyway, I will have to leave my sanctuary one way or another. It's a phobia that plagues me, filling my mind with doubts that taunts me. Look on the bright side though, at least the weather is meant to be sunny for the rest of the week so at least I'll have that. It isn't much of encouragement to keep me motivated to keep moving forward but something is better than nothing, I just need to make the most of it no matter how small or meaningless it may be. My dad told me that, to just enjoy even the littlest things in life. Now that I think about it, he always gives me a lot of advice, all of which I have taken to heart and used. Just keep moving forward, that is what I need to do, just keep moving forward. As mum realizes the time, she rushes me out of the house and into the streets of Trottingham. We live on the outskirts of the, not so grand, city that is bordering a large plain that my school is built upon. The school is big but not large and isn't built like the new modern builds, and has a lone oak tree at the left side that stands tall and strong over the building. I feel my heart pounding against my chest as if preparing me to run or fight my fears as my hooves touch against the cracked concrete pavement, out in the open in the dangerous territory of my predators. My mum holds me tightly against her side, my school bag hanging off her back as she guides me through the already bustling roads. The air is cool but not uncomfortable or unwelcome, the streets are painted a bright orange from the rising sun, and looking up into the great sea of blue fills my mind with a sense of calmness. It is nice, almost calming as I welcome the wonderful sensations. I feel my mum tug at my leg slightly, taking me out of my small trance, I look forward and I already know that just up ahead is my school from the fields of green that surround the long building. The ocean of green stretches for miles, dotted with colourful flowers from pink to blue and to yellow. She stops in front of the school gate where I can hear all of the children playing and shouting in the playground like they don't have a care in the world. "You be okay now, okay? I don't want you to get hurt, be strong for." She says hopefully. "I will." She hugs me and kisses me a cheek before making her way back home, waving to me as she leaves back into the city. Turning away the speck in the road, I turn my head back towards the school. This is it, just have to survive for six hours no big deal. Taking in a deep breath, I trot through the blue gates, that might as well be prison cells, into the school. My heart is still racing, desperate to run and hide away until the moon is high in the sky when everypony is asleep and there isn't anyone awake to ridicule me. My eyes dart around me, though I can't see anything I can hear a voice calling me. And not a very nice one. "Klutz, I'm surprised you made it here. I was thinking you got confused between the bin and this school. Nice to know you actually got something right for once." His voice is like venom, melting the insides of me. Klutz... a nickname that the entire school knows. I hate it. Every time I hear it just makes me want to... do something. They may hurt me until I am a shambling mess but I refuse to retaliate, it isn't right even if they strike first. I learnt it the hard way. He obviously doesn't seem to know either. He goes by the name Fanged Claw, fitting for a devilish child. His coat is white with a light shade of brown, and has a dark and messy brown mane. Fanged Claw isn't the smartest in class but at the same time he isn't the worst, apparently he believes that he is too good to actually try during tests which is absolutely absurd. "So what are you going to destroy today? You already got half of the school yesterday, working on the next half?" He chuckles to himself. "I must go, don't to be near you when the school caves in. Hope I don't see you Klutz." Off he goes, running off back into the crowd of ponies that scatter throughout the school yard. My body vibrates with fury and the urge to cry, to bawl out my sorrows and then scream to his face that will make his ears burst into its basic atomic component. He may or may not know it but that name... it hurts me so much, the meaning behind it is what can be used to define my entire life, and to hear him use it so bluntly like that as if he doesn't care. It hurts, every time. But over time, it starts to hurt less. It still is painful like a constant thorn on my back but at least it isn't as bad, it just takes time and a lot of it. Sighing, I quickly attempt to navigate into the school while, colliding into everypony who are either consciously in the way or the ones I can't see. Luckily for me they usually don't come in early because they'd rather spend their time outside which gives me a few precious minutes to wind down slightly from earlier. I head into the fillies restroom, hovering my head over one of the sinks I open the cold water tap and splash myself with it. I have discovered that it actually can be effective in relieving someone's stress, I don't really know the sciences of it but all I care about is that it works. "Remember what I said," I tell myself looking into the small mirror that's glued to the yellow wall of the restroom. "Have hope and keep pushing forward, just need to keep holding on."