Captain Shadow of the Lunar Navy,
Lance Corporal Star Shooter checking in as promised. It has only been approximately four days into medical leave, five or six by the time you read this most likely. Never so much have I desperately wanted to return to work. With Doctor Haywalker ordering I relax and not do anything vigorous during this time, it leaves me with absolutely nothing to do. What's worse is, I've already snapped on about three different ponies so far, and almost had the Royal Guard called on me because of it. I will keep trying to last the rest of the ten days—or eight by the time you receive this letter.
I will send one more letter next week to check in as well. Then, I will see you on the 20th.
Star Shooter
Lance Corporal
25th Battalion, 4th Marines
Lunar Marine Corps
Setting down the quill beside the paper, I looked over the letter one final time for any mistakes. After convincing myself it was good enough, I folded the paper carefully and tucked it away into an envelope, licking the tab to make it stick shut and writing Shadow's name on the opposite side. I would bring the letter to the local post office first thing in the morning before buying some more groceries. Today simply wasn't a day I wanted to be outside. The risk of snapping again was too great, not to mention my heart beating faster than normal since the moment I woke up early this morning. It felt as if my condition was deteriorating faster by the day. Just a few more days, I'd tell myself, not that it made much of a difference.
Once again I found myself resting on the couch with my head up against the armrest, tilted to face the flat screen and continuing to pay close attention to national weather reports. Was I really this boring when it came to watching television? It wasn't like I owned any movies that I hadn't watched over a hundred times either—literally.
This is what I get for joining the Marines, I muttered under my own breath. I wasn't one bit off, either.
A small snow shower had worked its way into the mountainside city and blocked the sun out for quite some time. The rate it came down wasn't severe but visibility definitely had been better beforehand. I watched the big flakes flutter down in endless clusters outside my window, adding to the accumulated frigid powder Canterlot collected in recent weeks. Despite the grayness of the sky and the chill of the breeze, it wasn't much similar to the rainy days I preferred, nonetheless relaxing. I let out a gentle breath and shifted a bit where I laid, closing my eyes but not to fall asleep.
Soon, the television was drowned out by total silence. I didn't keep the volume up too loud in case I intended to nap again and again during the day, even though that would screw up my already strange sleeping schedule. With sunlight not flooding the room, it was already too easy to doze off by accident. The moment was too peaceful—for once.
When my eyes reopened, everything was different. The ceiling of the living room was now replaced by a dark, gloomy sky with heavy flakes of snow raining down—except it wasn't snow. It was ashes. I looked off just slightly to my right, now staring down the lengthy Manehattan streets. Numerous buildings were damaged or abandoned, one of which had a small fire burning on the second floor. Paper and rocks were strewn everywhere I could see as I sat upright. Taxi carriages were carelessly parked in the middle of the street or flipped onto their sides, and some were completely destroyed. Where was I? This wasn't my apartment.
I shifted to push myself up on my hooves, pausing to look down toward my lap where in my hooves rested a scoped HK417, with my name engraved by knife into the handle. A cold breeze rushed past me as I looked over the weapon, moving it and reaching forward to cock it as a bullet remain popped out of the barrel, clinking on the asphalt to my side.
Rather than the light jacket I had on before, half unbuttoned, I was dressed top to bottom in-uniform of the Lunar Marines, gloves on my hooves for added weapon grip and a helmet strapped tightly on my head. On my back was a light backpack that matched the uniform. Despite the outward appearance, it was quite heavy, and gravity tried desperately to force me back down. With a soft grunt, I pushed myself up on all fours, rifle in one hoof as I continued to check my surroundings.
The street was remarkably quiet, and fully deserted. It was evident ponies had not been here for any longer than a day or two, the destruction less so. What ever had caused such a mass evacuation and chaos had to have been the reason why I was here. But, wasn't I just in my apartment?
A whoosh came quickly after a distant pop, followed by the light splatter of something extremely quick piercing flesh. A radiating pain exploded in my shoulder, and the force of what ever just struck me knocking myself back onto the cold street surface. With a yelp of surprise and shock, my eyes shut tightly and I winced at the constant stabbing. Reaching one hoof around and resting it on the wound, I moved it back out in front of me to look. The glove was completely covered in a red substance, and my shoulder spurted with even more blood. Had whatever hit me gone a bit further up, and I would be bleeding out from the neck. Who even did this?
The world around me was coming to a screeching halt. My heart pumped quickly and heavily in my chest, almost fast enough to explode it felt like. Within just a few moments, that was all I could register, and moments more later, the faint pops and whizzing of more bullets flying past caused me to tuck in and shield the vulnerable parts of my head. A hit to the hoof definitely beat one to the muzzle, or worse.
When I thought it was all over, more pain blew up in my side, close to my flank. I couldn't help but to scream out, the tears beginning to build up in my ducts and stream down my cheeks relentlessly. What I did not notice was the ground around my body pooling up with blood from either wounds. I still bled severely from my shoulder, and just this was making my vision blur from time to time as I struggled to remain conscious. The second hit would kill me faster. With how big these bullets felt as they pierced my skin and embed themselves deep inside, surely there was a sniper around here somewhere, likely taking aim for one final blow that would put me to sleep permanently.
That didn't happen. I didn't know what would. Too many outcomes were racing through my panicking mind, and even those became foggy with the blood loss. Not a word could be slipped out. Not a single cry for help. What would it do, anyways? No one was around. Even if there were other ponies nearby, what were the chances I would survive?
What if there were other ponies close, but they were the ones shooting at me? What if my fellow Marines were my enemies? What if they were trying to take me down to take me away for torture interrogation? Sure, I had been trained for it, although it wasn't my specialty.
There were too many what-ifs, and not nearly enough room to think them through. Or, more like, not enough time. I was still bleeding out. Incapacitating or death was all that could come next. What was even happening? I could have sworn I was laying down in my apartment. Was any of this real?
No, it had to be. The smell of death and open wounds, the heat of the blood gushing out, the pain of the torn flesh, the shooting from all around. It was too real.
"Hey, over here! We've got a man down!"
The shooting had ceased completely. The rustling of gear being shifted about and hooves quickly approaching was just hardly picked up by my gradually failing ears. I remained still as a statue on the ground, having slowed my breathing and forcibly my blinking as well. Blurry figures gathered around me, a couple kneeling and putting their hooves all over me. I winced two more times as I felt more sharp pain coming from either wounds being fiddled with, but in that instant, the bleeding had stopped, and the wounds had been filled up.
Next thing I knew, my limbs had been grabbed and body temporarily lifted off of the ground, before being set down onto a medical stretcher, and four uniformed ponies carrying me away.
"You're going to be okay," came a soft, gentle voice. It was almost soothing, and calming
With that, I closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep.
***
My eyes shot open and I sat up within the fraction of a second, breathing out heavily and panting with a hoof over my chest to make sure it was still beating. Within the brief panic, I felt the throb of my heart pumping quickly with the short breaths I took. Scanning around me, I took note of the television screen being completely black as it was turned off. At some point, it must have powered off, though I couldn't be sure when. What worried me the most was what in the hell had just happened. Nothing was wrong. It was another damn dream, I said to myself.
I reached behind to gently rub my neck, my sudden movements added with the position on the couch made it ache. I thought perhaps I should invest in another pillow to keep on the couch for these times when I unexpectedly fall asleep. Yes, that would be nice.
With my focus shifting to the clock on the wall, I squinted my eyes slightly to read the time. As it ticked, the longer hand snapped into position of nine-past-six. I eased myself back into the couch, but not before my stomach let off a low growl, signalling it was getting close to dinner time.
It was common sense that a pony doesn't run to the grocery store when they are hungry to avoid spending more than what they intend, although, my cabinets were a ghost town. A quick trip wouldn't do any harm, I hoped.
Wallet in-pocket and keys in-hoof, I sauntered out the door, into the chilly air, locking up the apartment behind me with a simple twist and a click of the lock with the key. Pocketing my house key and turning to walk down the steps, one thing that caught my attention most was that the sky was in all sorts of colors, ranging from the blues to the oranges—except they were in the wrong place.
Rather than the west where the sun set, the different assortment and arrangement of color rested in the eastern sky. Nopony walked the streets, either, aside from one or two here and there, completely dressed up like eskimos or something of that nature. Did the world start spinning the other way?
No, wait. It was morning. Stupid me, I must have slept from yesterday afternoon to six in the morning! I couldn't help but to press my hoof to my forehead and groan with exhaustion mixed with embarrassment. On the plus side, I had a full nights rest, for once.
Shaking off the thought of mistaking dawn for dusk, I trotted carefully down the icy streets in the direction of the Canterlot grocery market. Most ponies including myself preferred the Outdoor Market, albeit it remained shut down from October through late-February and sometimes into mid-March, depending on what the weather is like. The store remained open year-round, minus holidays, and had as much of a variety as the Outdoor market, even though things costed a bit or two more.
Rounding a corner, there sat the grocery store, glimmering slightly in the early-morning sunlight and sidewalks completely salted with no worries of slipping and falling when walking in and out. The sun was the only light, however. Stepping up to the door, I gently tried to open it, only for them not to budge. Locked.
"Damn, they must not be open yet," I muttered, sighing. Glancing over, I read the print on the glass door, the hours on Sunday were much different—and the store didn't open until almost eight.
My stomach growled again, and I lightly began tapping my forehead on the center of the two doors, groaning as I did so. I'd have no choice but to come back later. For now, however, I needed to eat something. With disappointment, I turned gradually away from the front doors of the store and made my way further down the street, bent on finding a cafe or restaurant that wasn't closed this early.
Soon, I found myself closer to the Canterlot Palace, in the commercial center of the city where cafes and restaurants sat just about anywhere you go. Unfortunately for me, however, none of which had their signs flipped to welcome ponies. With that, I started back toward home, hoping I would come across something.
Eventually, I did. At the end of the block was a cafe with the sign lit up in the window. It didn't appear too busy, either. What made me so hesitant and stop to think if I even wanted to go in, was because it is the very cafeteria I unloaded on an innocent pony in line yesterday. But wait a minute, that was in a dream. It couldn't have been real, could it? My stomach's desperate pleas for food and the light tremble of my body lacking energy reminded me of why I was out this early in the morning.
Giving a sigh, I strolled up to the door and pulled on the handle, swinging the door outward and stepping into the toasty shop. My body shivered the cold off, and ice that had built up on my flank or wings melted off, if there was any at all. But then, I froze, and not in the cold sense. Standing beside the counter was a taller white earth pony in Royal guard armor, completely polished down to the very shoes. I hoped he was waiting on an order as I stood in line.
I felt my muscles lock and harden, keeping my gaze set on the pony in front of me rather than having them dart off to the side and accidentally make eye contact with the guard. All the while, in my mind, I questioned being nervous numerous times. He was a city guard. As long as I wasn't breaking the law, he wouldn't tackle and cuff me... I hope.
Throughout the wait, which felt like ages, my mind kept telling me that everypony was staring, waiting for a sudden outburst, preparing for that side to come back and bark in somepony's face. Maybe that's why it was so quiet. Maybe that's why the guard was here.
"Sir?"
I snapped out of my trance of thought and back into reality, heart briefly racing. My focus shifted to the pony at the counter, watching with a brow furrowed. "Y-yes?"
"Are, uh... are you ready to take your order, or are you still deciding?"
My pupils shrunk slightly. How long was I standing there? I couldn't be sure. Slowly looking to my left, I noticed the guard briefly glance at me but otherwise not move. With a gulp, my hooves brought me up to the counter.
"Two bagels, cream cheese, and a coffee. Black."
"Of course, sir. Coming right up!" The pony smiled, trotting into the small kitchen to prepare my order. The poor stallion was here by himself running the place. Only three others were in there and already received their orders, so at least he wasn't stressed out from the looks of it—and thank Luna it wasn't the same cashier as yesterday.
"Are you military?" Came a voice to the left.
My focus shifted to the guard, blinking twice. "Come again?" I asked politely.
"Are you a military member?" The guard asked, staring slightly down at me. He was, after all, a few inches taller.
Blinking again, I nodded after a short pause. "Yes, I am. Why do you ask?" By now, my heart pumped quicker.
"Hmm..." The stallion narrowed his gaze, causing me to tense up even more than previously. "You don't look military aside from your coat. What branch?"
Oh boy, here we go. "Lunar Marine Corps."
The guard was silent for a few seconds. "My brother just enlisted in the Lunar Navy a couple of months ago. I questioned it and said he should join the Royal Guard, but he's stubborn as ever," he stopped and stood up a bit more straight. "If you run into him, I suggest you watch your back."
My head tilted. "Why?"
The guard's eyes darted side to side, and he leaned closer. "Don't drop a soap bar, and you should be fine."
I could have sworn I told somepony those exact words once. Oh, yeah. Nightpath. My face turned a light shade of red, and I nodded slowly with a chuckle. "Will do."
The guard nodded once, returning to his original posture. As he did, I turned back forward where the cashier still had not returned with my order. Maybe he was new and didn't know how to work the toaster or something. My attention was once again grabbed, this time by a hoof tapping me on the shoulder gently. Deep down, I hoped it wasn't that pony from yesterday.
Turning around, I saw a gold pegasus with a winter vest on and a scarf around his neck. He gave a warm smile, walking around to my side.
"Hey there," he said.
Confusion hit me for a split second as I blinked. "Ray?"
"The one and only. Well, Ray Blitz, that is. Anyways, I didn't expect to see you here. Whatcha doing out so early?"
"Breakfast?" My head tilted. "I should ask you the same question," I added.
The pegasus let out a chuckle, putting his hoof on my shoulder. "The work of a voice actor never ceases. I'm in Canterlot for the next few days, as it turns out. The place in Silvertail Summit is closing down, so my work is being moved here temporarily, so to speak. I just got into town, and apparently even the coffee shop at the train station isn't open this early. So, here I am!" He grinned big.
I lifted an eyebrow, giving a slow nod. "I see."
The pony kept his smile, turning forth to the counter as the cashier returned with a cup of piping hot coffee.
"My apologies, sir. I'm afraid the bagel machine isn't turned on, so it may be a few more minutes for it to heat up. I'm so terribly sorry," he said with a look of concern, trotting back to work with the machine.
I let out a grumble and rubbed my forehead with a hoof gently. So much for fast food.
"Hey, are you okay?" Ray asked.
I glanced over to look at him. "What?"
"You don't seem like yourself," he said. His smile was completely gone.
"How would you know? We've only met once," I replied with a rather cold tone.
The pegasus recoiled slightly. "Right, but... You weren't like this when we met."
"Different circumstances." I looked forward again.
"Star, don't give me that. I know it's early in the morning, and most ponies I know well hate being up at six-thirty, but I assume you're well-accustomed to being up around this time. What's wrong?"
"Why is it any of your concern? You said we should get together again sometime back in Whitetail, and this is not how I imagined it. Now, if you would please, back off and give me some personal space, then this won't turn into a problem," I tried my best not to raise my voice.
The guard shifted his focus to the both of us, watching carefully. I just so happened to notice, eyes widening. With a gulp, and a deep exhale, I looked back to the golden pegasus and made gentle eye contact.
"I'm sorry."
"Wow..." Ray's ears had fallen back slightly, and he put his bottom lip out. Quite frankly it was one of the saddest faces I've ever seen on a stallion. "I'm sorry," then he stepped back behind me.
"I... no, don't apologize. I need to control my anger."
"No, I get it. Touchy subject. I won't bug you about it. I was being too persistent, anyways," Ray replied softly. "And besides, this isn't exactly the best of places to discuss these things. But... I do have one question."
I slowly looked up at him from my hooves. "Hmm?"
"I know you're on leave, but, do you have anything going on tonight?"
My head lowered slightly. "No..."
"Hmm... How about, later on, we go out and do stuff, like see a movie or something?" Ray smiled warmly.
"Not... go out and see one. How about... we watch one at my place?" I suggested, staring at him with still some concern plastered on my face.
"What's wrong with goin—oh." Ray then nodded. "Your place it is, then."
"I don't know..."
"What don't you know?"
"We barely know each other, and... well, don't you think it's kind of weird that we're jumping straight to hanging out?"
Ray shrugged. "No better way to get to know each other, I suppose. You seem like a cool stallion to befriend."
My eyes shifted back up from the floor a second time as I straightened my neck to make direct eye contact with Ray. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"That little... outburst."
The stallion moved his hoof up to my shoulder. "We can talk about that later, if you want to, that is."
"I'll consider it, another time though. But for tonight, I'll make dinner, and we can watch a movie."
"Sounds perfect," Ray smiled more. "But, you don't have to cook. I can bring snacks if you'd like."
"No, no. I'm cooking."
"But—"
"Hush! I'm cooking."
"Fine, you win. Then it's settled. I'll be over at six. Where's your place at?"
"North Canterlot. Second floor above Lilli's Flower Boutique, stairs are on the side of the building. The shop is on east Platten Street, and the whole building is colored green, so it shouldn't be hard to find."
Ray nodded, smiling slightly more. "Should I bring a movie?"
"No, no," I waved a hoof. "I have lots. You'll believe it when you see the tub of them."
Ray chuckled. "Alright, then it's settled. But, I get to pick a movie, alright?"
I nodded. "Of course."
"Sir?"
Turning around to face the counter, I looked at the cashier. "Your bagels are ready."
***
Did I agree to some sort of date from Ray? No, of course not, we're just hanging out. What even happened?!
Right, right. It's completely normal. It was nice knowing I could spend the evening with somepony else and talk to them. This would be a slight milestone, even for me, considering the majority of my friends were ponies I worked with. To make a new friend outside of the military would be nice for a change.
A quick run to the grocery store as soon as it opened later, I began preparing for the evening. My apartment hardly ever had any kind of mess, aside from the occasional pileup of dishes yet to be washed. Thankfully that wasn't the case as it granted something to keep myself occupied for the time being.
I'd also hoped my instructions were clear enough to Ray. I would hate for the poor stallion to get lost and give up. Then again, it wasn't like North Canterlot was a big area. The city itself rested on a slab of land two and a half miles long, and three-quarters of a mile wide. Where my apartment was rested right on the edge of some of the residential parts of town, though still considered to be in the commercial districts.
Hours passed, and with everything put away and the place smelling nice and fresh, I rested on the couch, watching the clock tick closer to six. It would be up to the guest to decide what he's hungry for, and if worse came to worst, I could cook two separate meals to satisfy us both—assuming I could even cook what he would be interested in.
When came a gentle knock on the front door, I stood up off of the cushion and sauntered to the door, twisting the lock with a slight click and opening with a welcoming smile. "Hey."
"Hey, Star," Ray grinned. "How have you been?"
"It's only been a few hours, Ray," I blinked, then stepped off to the side. "Come on in."
"Thank you," he nodded once and entered. "Nice place, very spacious!"
"I wouldn't call it spacious, but thank you," I smiled, shutting the door, then noticing two greasy-bottomed paper bags on his back. "Ray, I said I would cook!"
"Too bad, I picked us up some hayburgers. I got yours plain," Ray grinned still.
With a slight grumble, I trotted over to him as he set the bags down. "Well, thank you. But seriously, I was going to cook tonight. I was going to let you decide what you wanted."
Ray shrugged, taking a seat on the couch. "I didn't want to pressure you. Besides, you're trying to relax, aren't you? It should be me cooking for you."
"Too much relaxation is a thing, too," I said, sitting beside Ray and pulling the food out of the bag. "Ah, fried food. It's been so long."
"I take it you don't eat out much?" Ray asked just prior to taking a bite of his burger.
"Depends. I really only eat out when I don't have food in the apartment. That, or I'm too lazy to cook, which even then is rare. Plus, I've got to keep a steady diet and avoid gaining too much weight," I paused to take a bite, continuing after swallowing the chewed-up mush down. "Hell, I lost probably thirty pounds in basic."
"They really work you down to the bone, don't they?" Ray looked at me and continued to eat.
I nodded at that. "Multiple laps around a track, a ton of push-ups, ruck runs, you name it. Although, I think they skipped swimming because it was getting too cold outside."
"I wouldn't say that. I used to know a pony who they made swim in the middle of December for a week. Two hours per session. He made it, though," Ray sighed.
Shifting my focus to him, I blinked twice. "What happened to him?"
"Well," he shifted a bit. "He just moved away, and we broke contact. He said he was planning on going off the grid and laying low. I knew it had something to do with his mind. When he was away, he ended up coming home early because somepony cut his leg off in captivity."
I shuddered at that thought. "How did he escape?"
"He was rescued, I guess. Somehow another squadron found him and he had to go through serious medical procedures and rehabilitation en-route home. The last time I saw him was the second time after he returned. By then, he just had a plastic prosthetic developed by a Lunar guard who went through a similar fate, ironically. I forget his name, though..." Ray shrugged. "Oh well."
"That's quite the story. I'm... rather shocked he shared it with you. Typically, soldiers aren't willing to talk about those kinds of things unless they really trust the pony they're talking to," I looked down. "I should know."
"Hey." Ray put a hoof on my shoulder. "Don't beat yourself up. If something is haunting you, ponies have no business trying to make you relive it, including me. If you ever want to talk about anything, that's up to you."
Staring down at my food, I nodded once, then took a bite, remaining silent for the moment.
"Now, changing the subject," the golden pegasus began, crumpling up the wrapper of his burger and stuffing it back into the bag. "Why don't we get to know each other more?"
***
"Man, you have a lot of action movies. Not the biggest collection I've ever seen, though. How do you ever get bored?"
I shrugged, sitting back on the couch while Ray dug through a neat bin of movie cases. "Most of those I've seen too many times to count at this point, so I lay off for a short while, you know?"
"I see." He said, still searching. "Oh, how about this one?" Ray asked, pulling a case out of the decent-sized box, with a military helicopter on the cover along with a few soldiers in the shot as well.
"Grey Eagle Down? Sure, why not?" I stood up, walking to the kitchen to make quickly popcorn before it starts. "Put her in."
The yellow pegasus trotted to the television stand, opening the case and inserting the silver-reflective disk into the small black box on a lower shelf, while in the kitchen, a bag of dry corn kernels popped in the microwave, inflating simultaneously as it was nuked. Ray returned to the sofa, taking a seat and waiting for me to follow suit.
A minute and a half later, the microwave beeped, and opening the door, my hoof reached inside to pull the steaming, puffed-up bag out. Cautiously, I tore one end open, avoiding the scalding steam as it rose up to the ceiling, then dumping the contents into a decent-sized bowl for me and Ray to share.
Looping a hoof around the bowl, I walked out of the kitchen and to the couch, sitting down beside Ray with the bowl on the coffee table, munching on one single piece of the sweet yet salty snack, before bringing up, "Hey, want me to turn off the lights?"
"Go right ahead!" Ray smiled with a bit of excitement, sitting back.
I stood up once more, just hardly moving to the light switch where with two single flicks, every light in the room went dark, much like an actual movie theater. Once I'd re-seated myself, the movie began.
The two of us focused on the screen as it faded to white. Faintly, ashes floating down became gradually visible, following the movie's title. Soon came a deep, orchestral background track, and far above what turned out to be a desert flew a pair of grey-painted helos, too distant from the camera to make much out. In the distance as the camera panned to the left was a currently unknown city with faint traces of smoke rising skyward.
Inside one of the helicopters piloted two uniformed ponies, heads and faces mostly covered by their helmets and visors. Behind the cockpit, in the closed passenger bay, sat six more ponies in uniform, a mare and five stallions, albeit having far different clothing than the pilots. All sat strapped into their jump seats and armed with modified combat rifles, all silent as they prepared to be dropped off for landing.
Briefly I peeked over to Ray, who watched curiously while reaching forward to the bowl to eat some popcorn. At least he was paying attention to the movie. With that, I glanced back toward the screen.
The first helicopter branched off from the other, descending toward the town and kicking up a miniature dust storm the rotors created. Both doors on the side opened, and the soldiers hopped out, weapons drawn and keeping an eye out for any ambushers or attackers that may be nearby. The mare shouted 'clear!', leading the small squadron into an abandoned building as the helicopter lifted back off into the sky.
Entering the building, they shouted and called for anyone hiding to come out. As they did, however, bullets flew just about everywhere, one striking a pony in the shoulder and making him dive into cover to tend to the wound while the other soldiers fired back blindly. The dust thrown around by the helicopter's touch and go lingered in the air, deteriorating visibility even in the structure.
Ray continued to watch intensely, slowly eating a bit more popcorn and taking a sip of water from his glass. I watched as well, having a slight grin that crossed my muzzle. As the gunfight intensified, however, it began to fade away slowly. A very gentle breeze swept across my chest, orbiting around my body to my spine. Slowly moving my gaze down, I looked at my chest, just hardly noticing the coat pumping just a little bit faster than usual.
Reaching a hoof up, gently I rubbed my chest where the heart was, feeling as it beat quicker and quicker. What was going on? Something clearly wasn't right. My heart kept beating harder and faster, and eventually, I began to take brief breaths rather than long, slow ones. Glancing back up to the television, I saw bullets pecking at the corner, embedding themselves deep into the stone and chipping off some bits of wall, whilst the two sides shot at each other.
Just then, my mind flashed. Thoughts, memories, and nightmares. They were all racing past, not as if I was watching my life flash before my eyes, this was way different. After a couple of long, terrifying moments, it hit me. It was a panic attack.
I relaxed back into the couch, hoof over my chest as it heaved in and out due to the breaths I took. Not once had I noticed Ray look over with concern. My pupils had shrunk to pinpricks the more they focused on what was happening in the movie. Gunshots rang through my mind, the voices of orders being given to fall back and take cover echoing. Please, make it stop, I whispered to myself.
"Star."
Make it stop... Make it all go away... Please... Why can't anypony hear me?
"Star..."
Everything turned out okay. Why do you keep coming back? Why won't you leave me be?! I did not do anything wrong. I didn't do anything to deserve this!
"Star!"
Gasping deeply in shock and sitting upright, I began to pant rather heavily, hoof still over the heart. My head slowly turned, eyes setting on Ray as he stared directly at me, hooves on my shoulder. He looked quite possibly just as scared as I was.
"W-what the hell... just happened?"
"I'd like to ask you the same question... Are you okay?"
"I... think so. I don't know what that was." I lied to keep him calm. Reaching forward, I grabbed the remote to pause the movie, laying back against the sofa cushion.
Still staring with concern, Ray scooted a bit closer. "It almost looked like you were in a completely different dimension."
"You think so?" I slowed my breathing gradually.
Ray nodded, then after a pause, he replied. "Yeah. Was it—" he stopped again. "I won't ask. But..."
I looked at him again, slowly.
"We can change the movie, if... that's it. And... uh, I don't want you to think of me as weird, but... Would you like a hug?"
I blinked twice. A hug? Nopony has ever offered that before, other than my mother. That was years ago. Yes, maybe a hug would do.
"Yes, please..." I replied with slight desperation in my tone.
Ray's hooves slipped around from behind, pulling my entire body closer and against his chest, even slightly moving my own head down enough for him to rest his chin in my mane. I sighed quietly, resting against him willingly into the stallion's embrace. It was more than comforting, really.
"You're trembling..." Ray muttered, not budging.
I nodded at that. "I know."
"I won't let go until you ask me to. Even then, I might not."
"Whatever you say." I replied, closing my eyes.
I'd actually given in to be held by another stallion somewhat like a mother would with her foal. I'd forgotten what that was like, too. But, that was beyond the point. Ray was there for me. Rose would have been, also, I'm sure, albeit it would feel different. As my focus drifted back into reality, a hoof gently stroked and brushed through my mane, nice and slowly.
For some strange reason, it felt like Ray had been experienced with this in some sort of way. Perhaps he did this to his other friends when they experienced depression or anxie—no, it couldn't have been that. I mean, maybe.
"You know..." Ray spoke softly and quietly. "I like you, Star."
That too. "You do?"
Ray gave a gentle nod, still stroking the strands of blue hair with his hoof. "You're actually kind of adorable."
With that, my cheeks, I felt, began to heat up. "I am not..."
"You are."
"No, I'm not."
"Just, be quiet and accept it."
"Ray..."
"Shhh."
"O-okay..." I stopped, closing my eyes once more.
"I apologize if this is getting too weird for you..."
"No, no, it isn't. Trust me."
Ray let out a gentle breath or sigh, grazing the tips of my ears with it. "And I understand if you—" he stopped.
...
"If I what?"
"If you... don't... lean that way."
"Lean what way?"
"You know."
At first I didn't. My mind remained to be in minor chaos from the attack. The majority of my thoughts were spastic and blurred. It took maybe a minute or two to comprehend what he was saying, and all I could say was...
"Maybe I do."
What was I saying? I didn't. I couldn't.
"You do?"
"Maybe... I don't know." No, mouth, stop it—wait a minute, don't stop. I don't know!
"You don't know what you fall for?"
"I do and I don't."
"Could you maybe explain a tad better?"
Damn it. "I like mares. I don't like stallions... too much." What the hell did I even mean by too much?
"I see."
"Yeah."
"Well..." Ray raised his head a little to look down at me. "Would you ever see yourself dating a stallion? Marrying one?"
Did I? Not exactly. Marriage was a definite no. Dating, possibly, maybe to see how it was. It couldn't be much different from dating a mare, I believe. I wouldn't know for sure. I needed to be honest.
"Probably... not."
"So, you're confused?"
"...Maybe. I don't know. Please, stop asking."
"Alright. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, we're getting to know each other. Maybe... a little sooner than we should on some thoughts."
What on earth did I mean by that? I just met Ray not too long ago. What thoughts would be too soon to be thinking of? What was my brain even doing?!
"What are you saying?" Ray blinked, resting his hoof in the center of my mane.
"I... don't know. My mind is all over the place. Can... you possibly stay a little bit longer?"
"Is that what you want?"
I nodded. I really did want him to stay.
"Alright, then I'll stay," he smiled warmly, leaning forward and nuzzling my forehead gently.
Maybe cuddling with a stallion wasn't so bad after all.
***
Looking up at the Equestrian flag waving slowly in the breeze, I let out a single breath and nodded to myself. It was good to be back. After dropping my bag off at the barrack, I made my way across the base to one of the smaller office buildings around the tiny plaza in the southwest sector, near the building with the second lieutenant's office, as well as my commanding officer's.
Pausing at the door and pressing a small button beside the handle, patiently I waited for the click of the lock and trotted inside. For security, this building required somepony to look through a camera above the door to determine to let the pony in or not. Where their room was remained to be beyond my knowledge.
One flight of stairs and a slow walk down yet another hallway later, I stopped before a brown wooden door, and in fine silver plaque in dead center above eye-level, read Psychiatrist Doctor Haywalker, exactly where I wanted to be.
Lifting a hoof and knocking twice, inside came the voice I wanted to hear.
"Come on in."
With a deep breath, my hoof took the handle and twisted, pushing inwards and stepping through the doorway.
"Good afternoon, doc."
The sky-blue unicorn shifted his focus up from the file he was reading. He closed that, setting it down on his desk and giving a warm, welcoming smile. "Ah, Star. Please, have a seat. How did leave treat you?"
"Like shit." Honesty is the best policy. "Boring as all hell."
"Well, no denying those words," he chuckled. "Though I imagine it was boring in a good way?"
I nodded in response. "No doubt. I stayed in my apartment much of the time."
"That is good to hear," he said, taking out a pen. "Now, how about we talk for a bit?"
"Of course."
"Then let's get started."