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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So this was the first time I ever had any issues with importing from GDocs. Fortunately, a quick find-and-replace got rid of the majority of the errors, and a read-through should have gotten rid of the rest, but I may have missed something. Please let me know if I accidentally a word or deleted some punctuation
Aaanyway... welcome to the hive.
(Also, the Fallout: Equestria subreddit is doing monthly voting for top stories. I'd normally feel a little shy about self-promotion, but most of the ones I really wanted to see win have already won, so I'm feeling a little better about 'competing'. Go ahead and give The Chrysalis a vote! I mean, if that's okay with you )
I was gonna make my own MLP Fallout 4 with a changeling protagonist, too.
It failed miserably.
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Aww, that's too bad. I like seeing changeling stories.
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Heh, thanks
...I do need to get around to reading your story at some point, especially since it's finished. My read-later list keeps growing faster than I can get through it. So many ponywords...
Love Sickle respecting Whisper more, and Whisper finally getting some balls, plus badass armor. Funny that now everyone's feeding Whisper. And yay, Sickle is tsundere!
Whisper needs a hug. A really, really big one
Poor Whisper... At least she has new friends, including Sickle.
That part of playing a Fallout game where you've finished a big quest line, step outside and think "What now?"
Usually this is the point where the Legendary Death Claw appears out of nowhere. Because the universe is just like that.
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Well, she's got armor now, so she has a chance of surviving Sickle-hugs.
7447176 Yeah, it was gonna be based largely around the choices I myself made while playing the game, but I just couldn't keep track of all the shit I did.
I would have liked to see a regular ghoul changeling at least, but that didn't happen.
This one is interesting on so many facets, from whisper staring down sickle, to the little things of the armory at the end, even the haggard draining nature of the ghoulish hive. To a lead, slim as it is. This was a blast to read, and even what it means to whisper to have to change, in donning armor. The symbolic nature of having to, of all things, change once more.
I'd love to see an image of Whisper in her guard armor and cloak.
Hopefully there are still other hives.
I wonder if Whisper will eventually become a Queen?
Or if she's the last of an extinct species?
I'm depressed now.
7448495 I just might draw that next then. Already working on more art for this story.
Loved this chapter, thank you for the great read thus far, and I will have you know I a. Going to draw whisper in her armor. I cannot NOT draw it now.
Huh, you were pulling my leg, ponies died... (again) just not the ones I was worried for.
....no pineapples in your power armor I guess. XD
and it's name is Phoenix_Dragon.
Whisper is taking this quite well, actually. I've seen plenty of wastelanders put their ghoulified family chained in the basement or similar. Pretending everything is fine and having made up conversations with then.
The creep-out winner was a guy that carried his zombified wife's severed-but-somehow-still-alive, growling head in a bag around with him, talking to it. (Telltale's The Walking Dead)
wow. i actually cried a bit on this.
deep personal emotions, loss of almost all you knew and what wasn't lost forever, is hiding and you have a short time to find them, finding your home and family ruined and turned zombie...
dark, emotional, deep, and put in a way that hits harder. well done
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Funny you should mention that! There miiight be some artwork on the way of an awesome armored Whisper, among other things...
Great chapter, enjoyed it a lot
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She's really not having the best week/month/century, is she?
But at least Starlight gives good hugs.
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Even if that last one is a little confusing and occasionally concerning...
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And then you realize you're playing on survival difficulty and haven't slept since before you started the whole quest line.
Though Whisper decided survival isn't hard enough; she's going full ironman mode
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I'm glad you liked it. Whisper certainly appreciates the value of change, even if she's not entirely comfortable with this one. She's certainly been dealt a much larger task than she ever expected to handle as an Infiltrator
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I might have been thinking that the whole time I was writing that section.
And yeah, Whisper's been trained to deal with personal hardship and emotional struggles. It helps... a little...
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A rather unpleasant homecoming after everything she's been through. But at least it came with a glimmer of hope...
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There are better places to put pineapples (...damnit Sickle... )
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infiltrators honestly have harder tasks than brutes. infiltrators go in with light to no armor or weaponry. brutes have the 'walking assult platform' theme.
infiltrators rely on keeping to blending in for survival. brutes rely on strangth.
infiltrators decide if intel is worthy to need to send for alerts, brutes react to this intel.
if a brute is discovered, everything dies.
infiltrator is discovered, they die.
all and all: infiltrators harder to train proper, brutes are equiped to survive.
Anyone having any luck with the chapter 15 code? I've been at it for a day and a half and I can't come up with anything solid.
Surprise!
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I somehow completely derped on the "open-girder" part
Wait, really? Huh. Guess that's what happens when you clock out for a few months and then get back into a story.
[edit]
blargh. Forgot to post this in the right chapter
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Heh, I know what you mean. There are some stories I'm tracking that I have to go back and re-read sections to even remember what they're even about (Though usually because they take half a year or more to update).
But yeah, for Whisper, I wanted to do something slightly different. Earth ponies seem a little under-represented at times, and I'd already had changelings whose main disguise was a unicorn or pegasus. That's probably also why I ended up with a travelling group of three earth ponies and one unicorn.
This is the best fallout story I've read since the original fallout equestria
Ugh i could no longer resist to read this Story. Normally i don't read anything incomplete.
But your Stories are just all really great and i could no longer resist.
Around 10 months of waiting, and i did read it all in 3 days. Now the waiting game
begins again.
But at least i know it is worth the waiting.
Keep up this great work, you are really great at writing storys. Can`t wait to see how it continues.
And sorry for the bad english
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Hopefully you won't have to wait too much longer. I've got a lot of ponywords on the way soon!
Yeeah, that's just egotistical. The cruelty of the Wastelands targets everyone indiscriminately
Yeeeah, the fact it was a major traffic intersection was actually an important tactical detail they could've used beforehand
These descriptions really drive home how truly shocked Whisper is by all this.
Huh, she called her "whisper". And that at a moment she was quite decidedly whimpering
Is that really a good idea, indoors? I doubt the place's air conditioning still works
Hah. Glorious
Heh. You're no infiltrator anymore...
Eh... no queen is ever going to move into this irradiated place, y'know
Saw that coming
Hah. Come on, she's not that hard to understand. She tested out your armor for you in a non-lethal situation! That's doing you a service!
Well, crap.
A foot tall? That's three hooves tall, more or less?
Now we're getting somewhere. Time to look into COCOON site 1 to 3, methinks
Ah. Damn, they're good
Uhhh.... maybe the ghouls can feed? I've seen concept art of emotion-draining changeling ghouls once
Oh? That's promising. Means there might be eggs somewhere, preserved in a similar way Whisper was.
Quite. Let's hope any of these other sites actually survived.
Remarks and corrections:
> All that was missing was a spoken accusation. “Why you?”
Not sure why that suddenly uses "you" there. The thing she'd ask herself would be "why me", and all the rest of her musings on the subject is directly about her as "I" anyway.
I'm expecting them to walk into some massive main chamber filled with malevolent green energies with, like, the dead queen in the middle, as some kind of necromancer force keeping her hive "alive". Probably sitting on a leaking balefire bomb.
How much you wanna bet she sinfected now?
That was, an emotional chapter. Poor whisper.
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The queen was with her in the vault. I was expecting some sort of super amalgamate of the dead Changeling near the love crystals, which would be been pretty much that.
Not having a big boss makes it Kind of harsher though, more emotionally damaging than physically
I like the idea but no ghoul changelings?! C'mon.
Lol
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Huh? No ghoul changelings? What are you talking about? There were plenty of ghoul changelings...
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No those were ferals. (Or zombies). - Ghouls refer to the ones with their minds largely intact.
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Ohh. Well, that would make the comment make more sense. But feral ghouls are still ghouls. I haven't seen any fic use "ghouls" to refer specifically to the sane ones.
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Fallout: Equestria does.
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No it doesn't. It frequently uses "ghouls" to refer to feral ones as well.
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Only if immediately preceded by "feral." Otherwise, the original fic totally calls them zombies. I know, I re-read the whole thing mere months ago...
I don't mean to be an an ass, but this is going to come off as such. Even if so, I am going to voice my opinion either way.
This should be two paragraphs, not one. Not only that, the story uses "said" way to much. To the point were I just ignore your dialogue tag, and just make up my own actions, tone, setting, and mood. Your dialogues, most of the time, have no mood, setting, or actions.
This should be two paragraphs, but why even have a dialogue break, it is just pointless to have a dialogue break when we already know who's speaking. It expletives.
This is both painful, and boring to read. I am sorry, but I am not. At this point, I am just grinding.
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I’m rereading the mentioned paragraphs, but I’m afraid I don’t see why they should each be two paragraphs rather than one. After all, for both of them, two different people aren’t speaking in the same paragraph, so I cannot find a reason why they are incorrect as they are, other than perhaps different writing style preferences. Do you think you could explain your reasoning? It’s possible I might just have some wrong preconceptions.
Havent really had much to say the last few chapters, but that is mostly a compliment. All of the stuff that I could have commented on have I already mentioned and the story is moving forward as a well oiled machine, me just wanting to hit next chapter as soon as I hit the end of the current one that I am reading. Must admit that it have been a long time since I have read so much in so little time, and it is nice to be out of the old funk.
Nitpicks:
"but it is a small price to ask me compared to the sacrifices others have made." Is this not missing and "of"?
"despite the thin trail of tears that had run down her cheeks.." Double period
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Well, I'm certainly glad you're enjoying it and getting into reading again!
Even if you keep turning up all these mistakes I've made
Some more stuff I noticed when reading my Dead Tree Edition:
> As the body of the group close in
As the body of the group close[d] in
> burning away under the Repeaters assault.
burning away under the [Repeater's] assault.
>> Side-eyes the author