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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Yeah, it was a bit rushed by the end of the chapter. I was kind of tired of looking at it and I just rushed a few sections. Still, I'm learning pacing, and I'm overall satisfied with the result.
I'm glad you're still reading!
Fine job with the description here. Fitting enough for the character who is delivering it.
Firefly would have to be lacking in a basic education to not recognize those words. The technician even describes it in layman terms, so there is no excuse for this line above.
Quite a hilarious sidenote. I just hope you don't wind up overusing it in the vein of those vague phrases like "Cringe."
The snark and contempt in the narration comes off as natural thanks to the protagonist's exhaustion after the preceding chapters.
The first time in this story, during which the conflict between the council and Firefly feels pronounced and significant. And this line, taken in context of two paragraphs before, is smartly written for multiple reasons I can't describe right now. Also the standout moment of tension in this chapter, which comes right out of the blue after a grinding, slow-paced half of the chapter. You at least go out of your way to make the everyday work of Firefly feel genuine, rather than some sort of filler. However, it started becoming tedious around the meeting with Astral Vision with way too much time spent on stuff that felt inconsequential to the overall narrative. It was too long a wind-up to the climax.
That felt like it went by too quickly. Especially considering what kind of breakdown we were just witnessing.
Originally, I thought Firefly was just putting on a facade for colleagues and friends, hiding the fact that she was falling apart just a few scenes ago. Now that Firefly is putting on the facade even with Range, her biggest confidant, I do not even know what Firefly is going through anymore. She is definitely unstable at the moment, but she continues going in and out of these phases of normalcy with hardly any clue as to what is happening inside of her head. That is a big problem for me as the reader, since up to this point I had been able to comprehend what Firefly was going through.
Best three lines in the chapter. You ended on a high note with this nightmare shocker.
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Firefly's being kind of sarcastic with that, but I can see your point there.
*makes notes*
Firefly is not a nice pony, and this chapter sort of lets that come to the surface.
That is one of the goals of Stable Scout, to make Firefly's job genuine. It's not just filler of her day, it's the job she's desired since she was little - helping ponies - and it's not really 'work' for her. This is her life, and her trips out of the Stable are simply an extension of that.
The Arcane Sciences meeting was set up for a few things later on down the road. Also, Pumpkin is feeling upset. Don't you care about Pumpkin!?
(Your comment suggests no, you do not, which is something else I must work on.)
Once again, a recurring trend in StSc of rushing through scenes that should be really drawn out, and then spending lots of time on scenes that really should be cut or shortened.
Firefly dislikes talking about the personal life or secrets of anypony named Firefly, even with her mother-figure. She's very macho that way. There are many, many ponies she'd trust her life to, and zero ponies she'd trust her secrets to, even those who are her closest, best of friends who she can be 100% sure will never even consider spilling them.
As for Mend, Firefly likes to think the best of ponies. She openly downplays their flaws and upsells their good traits. She may not like Mend, but she's ultimately a positive, optimistic pony who dislikes publicly downing anyone. She doesn't even really dislike Mend, because for all of his flaws, he has the advantage of being actually right most of the time, even if he's a prick about it.
ARGH I HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP
But I cant... stop... reading...
This honestly probably isnt healthy, and I should stop before I get to the end and realise there are no more chapters after this one at the moment.
You know, there's something to be said about the way this mirrors veterans coming back from deployment. The transition back to home, how people then tend to question if you're okay after what you had to do out there. The idea that Fire is NOT okay after the shit she's been through in the wastes being so obvious to others and not her just kinda fits this to a T. She goes through stages of grief when she's temporarily suspended, and how it causes her to think on everything she's learned so far only makes things get worse. Honestly I'm surprised that nopony's asking if she has some small amount of Wartime Stress Disorder yet, but maybe that'll come up when she ACTUALLY gets to see the shrink.
Overall an interesting chapter that both gives us all a break from the adventures in the wasteland, while also showing that even though she's home, it doesn't mean that things are going to be any easier in her life that outside the stable door.