Years before Littlepip stepped from Stable 2, the Wasteland greeted all ponies with it's usual contempt. Tome Tale and his silent partner, Stranger, live day to day on their next bag of caps, until they stumble into something bigger than themselves.
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6837349 If we're lucky? You under-estimate me good sir.
6836085 If you see it, please point it out. I'm the editor, so if something slips by I'd really like to know so that it can be fixed.
6890535 yay thank you so much for the great review. I sincerely hope you read more and continue to review the chapters as you do. :) I agree with all your points, and in fact you'll find said interruption to his internal monologues based on real world experiences in later chapters quite often. ^-^ So I hope you'll be pleased with that. keep reading, and I hope you enjoy the chapters as they unfold.
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Yeah, that did come out disjointed. I meant it to be slightly disjointed, but not nearly as much as it came out to be. I wanted it slightly disjointed because Tome is actually slightly racist against pegasus. He doesn't like to show it much and will often hide it because he's aware that such prejudice does not prove conducive to most situations, but such irrational ideals as that (though he believes they are perfectly rational) are often punctuated with a knee-jerk mental reaction to being exposed to them. I tried to convey that reaction in his thought process about the pegasus.
She's very young. The inflection and curiosity in which she said the simple words "what's going on?" was not like a child. Children prefer to say things quickly. "Wha?" or "What's that?" For any situation. The manner in which she approached the sentence and the way she said it was spoken more like a well educated teenager than a child. Now I'm not saying children can't say that simple sentence. But to someone that reads body language and understands the basics of psychology, there is a level of inflection within sentences that can bely someones intelligent use of them. Not just what they say, but how they say it. This is however, difficult to describe in a book, so I simply had Tome pick up on it quickly, and let the reader have faith in him. ^^
Tomes personal habit and instinctual reaction to piss off other ponies often overcomes his intelligence. While he is smart and learned, yes, he often talks his way out of situations. But if he can't, and if he might actually die, he'd rather do it with a grin on his face and the guy pulling the trigger having fury in their eyes. So if he cant talk his way out of a situation, he'll piss them off. But it does have a habit of getting him hit a lot.
That may be me projecting. ^^ I actually have ADHD, and I've been in situations during fights before when my focus has been more on my surroundings and internal thoughts that the fighting. I'd notice the pebble. I'd be annoyed at the pebble. I'd be thinking how much better this would be without the bloody pebble. XD So yeah, that's probably entirely me projecting a bit too much on Tome there. lol.
Entirely intentional. ^^
This was actually 100% intentional. You see, there is a history with Buckshot and slavers. Lets just say the very concept of 'slaving' is one that buckshot cannot stand. It doesnt make him upset, it makes him fucking angry. which is why he really doesnt like tome throughout all of this. When he see's his childhood hero hanging out with a slaver, he feels betrayed. but his hurt doesnt translate into just being upset, he's got a lit fuse, and his emotions are always 'angry'. I have a big backstory for him, so its all well within character. ^^ But lets just say you dont want to piss him off. lol
Thank you so much for your comments. and I look forward to more. ^^ I have a new chapter coming out this month. :) And I'm glad. I dont plan on tome and strangers relationship to be entertaining, they were never meant to be the entertainment drive of the story. I have roles for everyone when it comes to driving the story either through comedy or interaction. and tome and strangers interaction wasn't ever going to be the centre. Stranger is tomes anchor. he keeps tome in line. with looks, with expectations. He is the one that stops tome from going too far, and becoming a bad pony. Right now, tome is a good pony, an asshole, but he's a good pony. He wont go out of his way to save you, but he certainly wont hurt you, which in the wasteland, makes him a good pony. Stranger keeps him that way. The comedic value will come from other areas. ^-^ (and yes, tome and sonnet is one of them. hehehehe )
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Glad you're enjoying it and thanks for the feedback! It's nice to have the raw reactions of a reader. Almanac tries to get my reactions on scenes, but I tend to get too sucked into reading and forget to provide the said reactions as they happen. :P
Kinda curious. Do you read the notes at the end of each story?
6920947 Not really. I do take the binary code at the end and put it into a translator, however.
Out of the way. Barely contributive to anyone's defense. Yet he executes perfectly. Interesting use of action for characterization.
Aero was exactly the core member this party was missing. Everyone shows a level of complaisance after some resistance to Tome Tale's demands. And said resistance has been shown to be only one instance of not going along with what Tome wants. Suddenly, the relationship is set in stone, and a bit of tension and intrigue is lost. Aero, however, consistently goes against Tome's wishes and strikes out as youths should. He presents a lasting challenge to Tome Tale's interests and creates the most character conflict among this cast in the past couple of chapters.
Tome, I love your commentary at times, but please stop ruining the subtler moments! It starts to grow tired the more you do it.
...that was easy. I enjoyed the one-liner though.
The increased banter between the two is a positive development. I am really glad you are changing up their interactions.
Whoa. Whoa. That entire sequence was paced way too quickly. In two lines, the mine explodes, Tome reacts with relief, Tome gets proven wrong, Tome concludes correctly he was proven wrong, and then he is reacting. Way too many things occur within that small space. Everything gets compressed, and the action loses its significance.
The action suffers some pacing issues and starts losing some coherence as sentences focus more on establishing hits and explosions, rather than establishing location. In addition, Tome Tale's added commentary to paragraphs that are frankly better off without it has become a distracting trend. I understand Tome has an issue with loving his own narration and losing focus at times, but it proves grating when that characteristic starts taking the spotlight away from subtle moments of character interactions.
Otherwise, the chapter benefits from a new take on said character interactions. Sonnet and Tome grow closer; Lucky and Tome exchange more dialogue; Aero and Tome struggle through their partnership; Stranger's absence plays heavily on Tome's conscience. It is actually action that changes their bonds, and the execution is stunning. I would love to see the cast form distinct bonds with each other, so that Tome does not appear to be just the only one receiving this kind of development.
As an action-oriented chapter, this installment slips up here and there, and the conflict with the traditional narration style is unfortunately very noticeable. Yet the action blends in story as well as the scenes and actions before have managed. The chapter is at its best, when the action is subdued and slower paced, letting the weight of those actions sink in for the reader. Well done!