'I hear the best thing to do is to chop the body up into six pieces, pile it all up together. But what're you gonna do then? You don't wanna chuck the pieces in the freezer for your Mum to find out, so you dispose of it...'

--------------------

Death.

A slight hissing sound filled my ears as I lay there, somewhat peaceful in the black abyss of death, before turning into an almighty torrent of noise and alarms. I tried to open my eyes, but found that I was completely paralyzed. And cold. Really goddamn cold. All I could do was lay there and listen to the cacophony of wailing alarms and… gurgling? I swear I could hear gurgling.

I tried once again to open my eyes as I felt a warmth blanket my body, now a little successful in my attempts, an ice white wall inches from my face, and filling my vision.

If this was the place ponies go after their life has ended, the almighty Afterlife, the passive place of heaven, the one true place of redemption for ponies…

Then I was pretty fucking disappointed. I was expecting clouds softer than the foundations of Cloudsdale itself, cheery ponies of all genders, sizes, colours and races walking around, greeting each other; a place where war was not existent. Instead I was greeted with a wall. A goddamn wall. Then I began to think; maybe I was in limbo? If so, that would really suck. I didn’t want to be staring at this ice white nothingness for eternity. It’s boring.

My assumptions were all wrong, however, as the ice white wall turned into a pane of glass in a patchy manner. Then it hit me; I was in a cryogenics chamber! I’d worked with these for so long in the Enclave, it wasn’t even funny that I’d forgotten what they’d looked like on the inside. I was mainly disappointed in myself for not realizing.

I started to regain movement in my forelegs, slowly lifting them up and stretching them. I swear, the cracks could have been audible from outside the pod as my forelegs touched the pane of glass in front of me. I must have been out for a week or two, for my body to be this stiff. My thoughts wondered as I lay there, working at the clasps and deadlocks that held the cryo pod closed from the inside until I suddenly thought; maybe Valentine and Ginger survived! If they – whoever they were –retrieved me and put me in cryo-state, then surely they would have been able to get Valentine and Ginger. Surely…

I got a boost in my excitement as I undid the last deadlock, before slamming the red button beside me with my hoof. Defrosting agent sprayed over me in the form of smoke, similar to being sprayed by a fire extinguisher, as the lid to the pod lifted up. I finally regained my vision fully, quickly sitting up and taking a peak around my pod.

Which was nothing but complete black.

Huh. Either it was nightfall or the electrician wasn’t doing their job. Either way, I swung out of the pod, heading towards what I thought was a wall. Hopefully there was a light switch of some kind I could activate in order to see. Otherwise, knowing my luck, I was going to stumble and break my leg. Or neck. Because every drop of my luck would have run out, surviving that megaspell shockwave. I finally made it to the wall, which was actually a rather high railing, and inched right for a couple of meters before finding a large switch, which looked like a throttle lever for a Raptor class Enclave battleship. I pulled it down, greeted with a somewhat quiet but loud whining sound; the lights were heating up.

I took the time to look for any indication as to where I was, and whether there were any other cryo pods that could be opened. As I was walking to the other side of the room, I was blinded by a massive onslaught of white. I stepped back a meter or so, shielding my eyeballs from the assault the lights were giving them. I slowly regained my vision –again –and finally saw the room clearly.

It was a cryogenics room, no doubt about that. The walls, instead of being a pristine pure white, were instead covered in moss and vines, damaged in more ways than one and now an off-yellow. The cryo pod I’d crawled out of was in a pretty bad way, now that I could see it properly. It surprised me that I was able to awake from that thing; usually, anypony waking up from a cryo pod that was in bad condition would suffer some disastrous side effects, not excluding death.

I walked among the several cryo pods in the room, wiping dust and other crap to see through the glass hatches. I checked every single one, and not a pony was contained in one. Well, it’s one step better than finding my wife and child dead in a pod, I thought.

Along the ruined wall to my right was a row of consoles and terminals, accompanied by numerous lockers. I trotted over to the lockers, hoping to find some sort of indication to where I was, or at least how I got here. I opened them, and found nothing but a rather deadly looking iron pipe. I grabbed it in my mouth, the metallic taste hitting my tongue.

I spun around and walked to what looked like the exit, and waited for the door to open. But, considering the condition it was in, I wasn’t surprised when it opened only a crack before sparking and dropping down. But not before I jammed my iron pipe under it, using the leverage to pull the door up. It wasn’t long before the mechanism in control of the door snapped, allowing me to lift it with ease. All the lights of the building were on, yet it was just so… empty. Not a pony in sight. I retrieved my iron pipe, and stumbled through the hallway.

“…tery. If we don’t, then we’re fucked. And you know what the boss is like when we come back empty hoofed…”

I overheard voices not too far ahead of me. I trotted forward, pipe in mouth as I scanned everywhere. Finally, I reached a big doorway leading to what looked to be an atrium. And over the other side of the atrium were two earth ponies. Perfect, I thought; I can find out where I am.

“Hey, you two,” I shouted, “I’m Captain Citrus Spark of the Enclave. I was wondering if you could tell me where I am?”

Their ears perked up as soon as I said ‘Enclave’. Good, ponies still respect us. “Is that right, lad? You’re Enclave?” asked one of the ponies, stepping forward. I could see what he was wearing more clearly now; a mish-mash of what looked to be metal plates, leather straps and a green mouth-mask, complete with a rather large revolver resting in a holster attached to the side of his improvised ‘armor’.

“That’s right, sir. Are you aware that you revolver is a prohib-“ I was interrupted suddenly as I felt chunks of concrete wall hit the back of my head. The stallion on the other side of the room had his revolver grasped in his mouth, quicker than any other average gun-slinger. I quickly turned my head, to see a small chunk of the wall gouged out by the bullet. I slowly turned my head back around, staring at the pony, “That wasn’t very kind…”

“Shut up, Pegasi cunt!”

“Wow,” I mused, “Racist AND bad language. You’re the classy type, aren’t you?”

We simply stared each other off. This guy had the upper advantage over me. And I mean way over me. Like, revolver-vs-iron-pipe over me. I made the first move, galloping to a near-by doorway as fast as I could. There was no door, so I used all of the power in my hind legs to jump, spreading my wings at the last second to give me that extra air time.

My wings hadn’t regained their strength yet, after being stuck in that cryo pod, so I couldn’t fly at the time. I landed in the room, knocking over a couple of chairs before crashing into the wall. I regained my footing, quickly scanning the room for anything useful, but to no avail. I ducked, a bullet coming through one of the many windows that faced out into the atrium.

“Slugga, for fuck’s sake, get back here!”

Before long, I was looking at the legs of a yellow coated unicorn, with a bright purple mane – or what was left of it, anyway. She seemed to be female, because for that split second of staring at ther legs, I saw absolutely no bollocks on her. Or maybe she was really a he but had lost his nuts – who knows?

She was levitating a sawn-off shotgun, level with my head, as I stayed in a crouching position. She smiled before pulling the trigger, and the buckshot whizzed past my head. Straight into the wall behind me.

She’d missed, but that really hurt my ear. Wait, how did she miss?

I saw that the other stallion had come in, knocking the shotgun away and standing in between the mare and I.

“Slugga, since he’s Enclave, he’d fetch a big price on the slave market, don’t you reckon? Boss would be very happy to see that we’ve taken our very own Pegasus.”

“Not gonna happen,” I said as I picked up a length of wood off the floor, hitting the stallion fair in his hind knees as I snatched his revolver out of his holster with my mouth, quickly shooting the mare named Slugga in the chest. She dropped like a sack of bricks, blood pooling beneath her, as I twisted around and aimed the gun at the stallion.

“Right, I asked nicely before, but you rudely tried to shoot me. Now, you’re going to tell me where I am, or I’m going to decorate the floor with your brains,” I said in the most menacing tone I could manage. I’d killed before. I’d slaughtered countless Zebra during the war, you didn’t reach the rank of Captain by giving out free hugs and lollipops. But I didn’t sound very intimidating at the best of times.

“S-Stable 124. You’re at Stable 124. Please, don’t kill m-me…” the stallion pleaded with what sounded like real fear. I nodded towards his holster, hoping he got what I meant. He obviously did as he unsnapped the buckle and pulled the holster off, throwing it towards me. I picked it up and equipped it, sticking the revolver in there before nodding to the device on his foreleg.

“And how did you happen to get your hooves onto this PipBuck, eh? Been killing innocent Stable residents, have we?” I lowered my head to his level, still keeping a safe distance. “What, this old thing? Y-You want it? Have it. The fucking thing doesn’t work anyway,” and as he started to undo the PipBuck, I slowly trotted over to the dead mare and closed her eyes. Just because I killed didn’t mean I was disrespectful.

The stallion had finally undone his PipBuck, holding it out on his hoof to me, “Here. You can probably get it working. Are you gonna let me go…?” I thought about it for a few seconds, attaching the PipBuck to my own foreleg, before making my decision.

“No. No, I won’t. I need to get out of the Stable, and you obviously know your way around. So until then, you’re with me,” I stated as I tightened to clasp of the PipBuck to my preference before activating it. And I could see why it wasn’t working;

*ERROR – {PBOS4463745] OPERATING SYSTEM NOT FOUND

RUNNING CHCKDSK

ERROR – CHCKDSK NOT FOUND

ERROR – CORE SYSTEM OVERHEAT; PLEASE CONSULT YOUR NEAREST PIPBUCK TECHNICIAN

“Alright, if this is a Stable, then it should have a PipBuck maintenance office. We’ll go there first before getting out. I sug-“

“No way. You’re not getting me anywhere near that office. You can face the ghouls by yourself.” I raised an eyebrow in confusion, “You’re scared of... ghouls? Ghosts from the books of colts and fillies? Are you dead serious?”

The stallion’s eyes seem to light up with frustration as he took a step towards me, “Are you fucking stupid? You wanna joke around with me? Fine, don’t take me seriously, but I’m not fucking following you into that deathtrap. You can die by yourself.”

I drew the stallion’s – my – revolver, aiming directly in between his eyes. He shrugged, closed his eyes and said, “Fine, shoot me. Better than getting killed by them things. I’ve seen them. It’s horrible…”

I holstered my gun, surprised with his conviction with staying here. “Okay then, but don’t move. We have an agreement. I’ll be back soon.”

And off I went, trotting towards the ‘ghouls’ of Stable 124.

*-*-*-*-*

I found it.

It took me forever, but I found it.

‘Elevator: Maintenance Level.’

I was actually really surprised that it worked, considering that nearly everything else didn’t. The rattling and shaking of the elevator spooked me a little, but I reached the bottom in one piece. I was going to take the stairs on the way up.

But once the elevator door opened, I drooped my ears and sighed in dismay.

It was completely black.

I decided then and there that the electricians of Stable-Tec were nothing more than useless donkeys, incapable of even putting in lasting lights. I mean, for Celestia’s sake, the lights that the Enclave used lasted for decades. Even longer if you looked after them well. Well, I thought, there’s no time to mope about it any longer. I used the non-working PipBuck as a lamp. It only shone two or three meters ahead of me, but it was better than nothing.

Trotting along, I found a few useful items; a couple of health potions, some magical bandages, and even a small knife I could use when I had no ammo. But the best find was a fully packed lunchbox, full of food that practically had no expiry date. I stuffed my face with half of the lunchbox, not noticing how hungry I was until then. Then something else occurred to me; that gurgling sound was back. And it was so much louder, so much more clear than before. It was almost like somepony was choking on blood.

“Gggguuurrghh”

I spun around, hearing it behind me,

“Aaaauuurggghh”

I did another one eighty, my revolver now drawn.

“Whoth tfhere!?” I tried to ask. I was answered with yet another guuurgh sound. I backed up, planting my rump against the wall. And all was fine for a few seconds, until I felt breath on my neck.

“Thuck you!” I shouted as I planted the revolver against the whatever-it-was’ forehead and pulled the trigger, blowing half its head clean off. It dropped instantly, leaving a bloody mess on the floor. I crouched down to see what it was, and found that its skin was extremely burned, melted even. Its body was full of holes. Big ones, little ones, it was even missing an entire half of its ribcage. It looked kind of ghoulish to me.

Ghouls. These were ghouls. I can see why that stallion stayed up there. Minimum light, these things running around; it was a recipe for a you’re-fucked-and-you-know-it buffet. I kept the revolver in my mouth, not knowing how many of these things could be running around. I pointed my PipBuck upwards, looking for signs or directions when I heard hoof steps, at a galloping pace, accompanied by a “Gguuuuurghh”.

I shot in that general direction, hearing the impact of a body against the floor. I knew these gunshots were going to attract more of them, so I sprinted forward, finally finding a sign that read ‘PipBuck Maintenance’. I followed it all the way to a small door that appeared to be jammed. Wow, Stable-Tec, I really hope this was just a botched job of a Stable. I used the butt of my gun to smash open the access panel, showing a jungle of red, blue, green, yellow and orange wires.

Alright, Citrus, remember; Enclave training – dealing with resistant doors. I grabbed the blue wire, which was meant to control the hydraulic pumps that raised and lowered the door, and the orange wire, the deadlock wire – meaning that the door would be sealed shut until otherwise if it was activated. I used the knife I’d found to cut through both, and heard a faint click and hiss, finishing off with a slight whine as the door was unsealed.

“Alright,” I said to myself, “Get the software, grab the tools, and leave.”

Of course, it never worked out the way you wanted it to. As soon as I stepped hoof inside the PipBuck maintenance room, I was tackled from the side. I landed on the ground, winded, as what I suspected was another ghoul tried to bite my neck, my legs, my everything. I turned my head, gasping for air as I spotted the knife. I craned my neck over, picking it up with my mouth and slashing at the ghoul.

But this was one strong bastard.

I slashed again and again, but to no effect. I finally got my breath back, and thrust the knife upwards, going through the ghoul’s windpipe and through its spine. It went limp for a second before twitching. I heaved the lump off me, grabbing my revolver and slamming it in the head multiple times with the butt. Once I was sure it was dead, I went to a glowing terminal located in the corner of the room, the green aura illuminating nearby tools and equipment. I sat down at the terminal, and the password box came up.

Shit, I thought, I was going to have to hack this. I entered the debugging menu, before tapping ‘Alternative Login’. After running certain security protocols and system start-ups, it displayed lines upon lines of code. I felt lost before my tech training kicked in. But this was my weakness; I always failed technology class, and those rare tests that I passed were always copied answers.

But now I needed that knowledge, and it was nowhere to be found.

So, I just clicked random words. I needed to back out then log back in many times, in order not to be locked out of the terminal. My frustration was starting to get the better of me when a delightful, relieving message was displayed:

*SUCCESS – PASSWORD CORRECT. PLEASE WAIT…

I sighed in relief, even laughed a little, before doing what I was here to do – hook the PipBuck up to the terminal and upload the software. I undid the PipBuck’s repair panel, showing an array of wires and chips. One chip in particular stood out, and that was the chip I needed to plug into the terminal. I did so, and as if the timing couldn’t be more perfect, the terminal was finally logged on.

There were three options:

[1] PURGE CURRENT PIPBUCK DEVICE AND INSTALL DEFUALT FACTORY SOFTWARE

[2] OPEN MAINTENANCE SAFE

[3] (CORRUPT DATA, CONSULT YOUR ADMINISTRATOR)

I selected the first option straight away, and it did so instantaneously, leaving me to decide whether I should spend precious seconds opening the safe and taking what’s inside, or if I should just leave it for some other unlucky pony to find. In the end, I decided to open it and take a peek at what was inside.

There was a fair bit in the safe, but most of it was useless junk that I’d never use, so I decided to take what seemed useful; a thick book named ‘The Basics of Hacking Technology’, two boxes of rifle rounds and – to complete the set – a Pegasus-friendly battlesaddle fitted with a single rifle. And thank Luna I found it. Holding the pistol in the mouth and firing it was for Earth ponies. I slipped the battlesaddle on straight away, struggling to push my still-weak wings through the gaps. The rest was easy enough, clasping the two buckles underneath the underbelly and adjusting the ‘bit’ trigger mechanism so that it was easily reachable. The battlesaddle even had a small pouch, which came in handy for the book and ammo.

I trotted back over to the terminal, taking out the chip and replacing back into the PipBuck, before clipping the repair panel back into place. I spotted the tools for the PipBuck in an open draw over at the other side of the room. I grabbed them quickly, stuffing them into my pouch before sprinting to the elevator, where a door beside it led to the stairway. I hurried up the stairs, almost tripping over myself before reaching the door to the level I’d come from.

*-*-*-*-*

“What took you so long, Pegasus?” the stallion asked once I’d reached him, “Did the ‘ghosts’ try to stop you?”

“Don’t be fucking funny. Those abominations shouldn’t even exist.” I coughed and spluttered all over the floor, wiping blood and bits of brain off my face, from the first ghoul I’d shot dead.

“Well, they do, miss Prissy. I see you found battle saddle. And a rifle. Good find. Does this mean I can have my pistol back?” As much as two armed ponies were more useful than one, I didn’t trust him. Not one bit. I wasn’t going to chance catching a few rounds from that guy.

“No. We get out, then I’ll see what to do with you.” The stallion’s ears instantly drooped, and as he started to walk forward, I followed him and asked, “So, what’s your name?”

“Why do you care, Pegasus? You’re gonna kill me as soon as we leave anyway.” I was astonished. Why would he think that? I mean, I was pretty upset that he first tried to shoot me, and then was going to sell me at some slave market. But kill him? He posed no severe threat at the moment.

“What makes you think that?” I asked, lowering my guard a little in order to seem less threatening.

“Because you Enclave are all the same; kill the Wastelanders, take our food, our weapons, everything. All you care about is the power of the Enclave. You’re worse than the Steel Rangers.”

Okay, so now he was trash talking both the Enclave AND the Steel Rangers?

“What do you mean, worse than the Steel Rangers? From what I know, Applejack has them under control, and the Enclave are peacekeepers in Equestria.”

“Applejack?” the stallion asked, “You’re bringing up the Ministries? What are you, fucking ancient? You can’t just bring up shit that’s two centuries past. You se-“

“Wait, wait, wait,” I interrupted, “Two centuries? You expect me to believe that I’ve been out for two hundred years?”

“I don’t expect anything out of you, it’s the truth.”

I continued to follow him, a not-so-convinced look on my face. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to see for myself.”

*-*-*-*-*

The journey to the Stable door really was quite uneventful. I’d found some more ammo for my rifle along the way, plus some healing potions and a very, very aged jewel of some sort. It was oval-shaped, coloured sapphire blue from what I could tell through the dust and muck on it. I’d also found a neckbrace-looking contraption sitting next to it, within which the jewel fitted perfectly. I’d chucked it all into the pouch on my battlesaddle.

“Citrus. Citrus Spark.”

The stallion stopped in his tracks, slightly confused. “What?”

“That’s my name. Citrus Spark. Now, what’s yours?”

The stallion seemed like he was going to say something, but thought otherwise and mumbled instead.

“What was that?” I asked, “I couldn’t hear you.”

The stallion glared at me a while, before saying, “Stud Muffin.”

I stood there, my grin widening into a smile, before bursting out into laughter. I don’t get it; I was so much more disciplined than this. “Stud Muffin? Are you joking?” I laughed a little more, earning the ultimate stare of death from the stallion, his cheeks as red as roses.

“Well, yours isn’t so goddamn normal either. Citrus Spark sounds pretty weird.”

“Sounds better than Stud Muffin.” I continued laughing hard, my ribs beginning to hurt. I began to calm down as I felt a slight breeze, bristling over my coat. “Alright, Stud Muffin, is that the exit?”

“Yup,” he confirmed, “it most definitely is. But that wouldn’t be fresh air, that’d be the vents blowing out recycled air again. Thank Celestia, too. I hate Stables. They give me the heebie-jeebies.”

Well, so much for the big bad pony-slaver.

I was unable to reply in time as I heard a loud gunshot ring out, almost instantly before something exploded next to my head, deafening me as I hit the ground hard. I heard muffled shouting and hoof steps coming closer, I felt a sharp stinging in the side of my head, making me squeeze my eyes in pain. The muffled shouting was definitely closer, though I couldn’t hear anymore hoof steps.

It seemed the hoof steps were replaced with loud, explosive gunshots.

It took me a couple of seconds to regain my bearings, but when I finally did, I pushed myself up. The weariness of cryo-sleep was catching up with me. I’d been running on the little energy I had pent up from being awakened, though it was now running out. I felt dizzy, everything around me beginning to spin. My legs were heavy as my eyelids began to close. I could feel myself falling – or at least I thought I could.

Suddenly, I was alive; full of energy. My legs were lighter than a feather, my surroundings now acute – my hearing felt sharper than that of a dog’s. I was… angry. A slight stinging sensation blanketed my flank, but I didn’t care. I was strong, I was fast; I was fucking unstoppable.

I spotted the pony that’d been shooting at us – a bulky pony, with an even bulkier rifle attached to a scrappy battlesaddle. His coat seemed to be a darker shade of crimson, complete with a black mane and tail.

I moved faster than I thought possible, finding myself in front of the sniper pony. He only had time to blink as my right foreleg reached up and wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling the stallion down to my level. Once I had him in the correct spot, I pushed myself forward, the barrel of my rifle entering his eye and out the back of his skull. I pulled back, spinning around and bucking him in the face using both of my hind legs with all my force. The impact was jarring as he flew backwards three metres.

And somehow, through all of that, this bulky bastard was getting back up. I could have sworn that I hit his brain with my gun barrel. As I prepared to charge again, the large pony in front of me clenched his mouth around the bit, letting of a lethal dose of led towards me. Thankfully, it missed as I continued my charge, and before he could bite the bit again, I jumped up, with my knife drawn, and impaled him in the other eye to the hilt. He stood there for a second before slumping to the ground in a dead heap.

And suddenly, I didn’t feel angry anymore. My energy dissipated into nothingness, my hearing returning to normal. I could have slumped to the floor right then and fallen to sleep, had it not been for the fact that we weren’t out of the Stable yet. I spun around slowly to see Stud staring at me, his jaw open wide.

“What?” I asked, confused as to why he seem so shocked.

“You… You were…” He stuttered, confusion turning somewhat into fear-induced curiosity.

“I what?”

“You were surrounded by some sort of cloak… An aura… You aren’t a freaking alicorn, are you?” I looked at him in confusion.

“Do I look like an alicorn? No. Besides, royalty isn’t really my thing.”

“Royalty?” He spluttered, “The fuck are you on about?”

Okay, I had a feeling that this conversation was going to hurt my head in ways that I didn’t want it to, so I simply finalized the conversation with, “Okay, whatever. Let’s just get out of here. I’m sick of this place.”

*-*-*-*-*

The Stable door wasn’t what I thought it would be.

You see, in most Stables, the door is vertical, and it looks quite like a vault door. Except, you know, this is meant to survive a Megaspell attack. And behind that door lies the control panel to open it, accompanied by maybe a few turrets here and there.

Well, instead, Stud had led me to a rather large elevator, surrounded by lights, terminal controls and the controller for the elevator – a simple box with two buttons, coloured red and green. Stud pressed the green button, seemingly doing nothing for a few seconds before an almighty groaning sound of rusted metal against rusted metal vibrated through my skull.

“And up we go,” Stud said, “This was a different Stable than the others, which is interesting.”

I ignored him as I spotted a big, thick hatch up above us, slowly sliding open and letting in the blinding daylight. I looked back at the dark metal of the elevator floor, my eyes begging for darkness. The screeching sounds of metal still filled my ears, unable to hear my own thoughts. I thought I could hear Stud’s voice, but I couldn’t concentrate on it.

A bleeping sound on my PipBuck signalled that the software was finally done installing. Right when we were about to head outside. How convenient was that?

I looked upwards again, the hatch now mere metres away. The daylight wasn’t as piercing, and the cool air – not Stable-recycled air – hit my coat anew. I could smell the air. I could even taste it. It didn’t taste very nice.

The bright of the day flooded us both as the elevator reached the hatch, stopping with a sudden jerk.

Boy, this place was definitely a shithole.

-----

Footnote: Level Up (Lvl 2)

Perk: Balefire Battler – You survived a Megaspell bomb, how lucky! You gain an additional 10% in rad-resistance as well as a 20% damage bonus to Ghouls – both feral and tame.

===/\===

New Quest: Up Shits Creek Without A Paddle

[o] Find out how to get out of Shits Creek.

[o] (Optional) Get a paddle.