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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)
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That is most excellent, thank you!
Stable Scout is not dead, simply resting. The latest chapter is almost finished and baring unforseen problems, should be out in the next week.
The moments leading up to the hug were well crafted. More than at any point prior, the two characters really seem like they have genuine feelings for one another.
Strange. You would usually see double-barrels used for shotgun traps. One barrel loaded to deny the survivors any ammunition. And the sacrifice of a semi shotgun perfectly suitable for urban combat. These Crimson fellas must have stockpiles of high-end weapons.
Jerk doctor makes a good point. I am glad you are revisiting that particular incident. It seems way too momentous to be cast aside with a single character's explanation.
I can understand that the crew would be rather shocked at Mend's sudden attack, but Firefly nearly got all of them killed. A clear failure of leadership and an obvious warning about Firefly's terrible impulse. Surely, the crew should actually be angrier at Firefly; they seem to be taking the whole incident in stride instead.
A bit difficult to tell who is speaking here. Might be useful to add an indicator, since there are more than two characters in this scene.
The word is getting a little overused in Wings's narration. The lack of clarity in what it is trying to convey is starting to bug me.
...wait, what's the difference?
You should separate those two pieces of dialogue. Wings is saying one; Firefly is saying the other. Best not to confuse anybody.
Well, now it is going to be a problem. Good job showing the addiction as a habit formed out of necessity. It works a lot better this way, when the addiction comes naturally.
It was hard to find any glaring issues with this chapter. Well done with this one.
Traps. Traps EVERYWHERE. You know, I never really got that about Fallout 3, NV, and 4. There were always SO MANY traps! Most of them set up in places that were commonly traveled and used by the occupants in the structures. I can't count how the times the traps killed the raiders who owned the place I'd busted into. I think the only times a trap gets me is if it's either one of those nukemines in Fallout 4, or a mine that happens to blow up a car.
DNFWSTIR. Eeyup, I'll never forget DNFWSTIR. Just rolls RIGHT off your tongue!
'They sounded like a mare, but it could just be a colt with a voice modifying talisman.' Colt must have done something pretty heroic to have been allowed to wear that armor! Just saying!
'Two skeletons lay on the bed, a unicorn and an earth pony. "They're mares." I noticed a pair of revolvers on the the bed. One lay between the two; the other rested in one's jaws.' Reminds me of a bed I came across in the hotel in Far Harbor, and if this is a reference to that, then woo! If not, double-woo for doing it on your own!
Anyway, sorry getting around to reading this took forever. I've been swamped with stuff, and while I've been itching to read it for a while, I just now found the time to get through it. I'm still loving the story, and I can't wait to see what happens next!
No seriously, what the fuck, Firefly?