Page generated in 0.019 seconds
Total duration
798 users online
1,001,209 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
*the
This sentenced felt a little forced to me and I think rephrasing it like this might make it flow more properly.
Compared to the liveliness of Canterlot and my lab I had only experienced a few days ago, it was really unsettling.
northside I think this is what you meant, but I could be wrong...
This is another one of those sentences that didn't seem to flow well. If you rephrase it like this it might flow better.
*I decide to push it* to the back of my mind and **focus more on** my surroundings instead, ***as*** I continue down the road.
* , * firing
Hello PlagenShiki! It's that time again! Time for a review. So to start off, I want to say that this story is starting to get interesting. First off, we have mutated bats, a new gang in fallout equestria reminiscent to the powder gangers from fallout new vegas, and mysterious saviors yet to be revealed. This is something that makes me really enjoy your fan fic. There is just so many unique and new ideas culminating already! The second thing I want to bring up is the lack of editing. Now before you get disgruntled with me, yes i noticed your comment about your editor being away and that you wanted to get this out to us as quickly as possible. I like that you want to get us updates quickly but, there is something to be said about quality over quantity. This is an easily remedied situation though. I would highly suggest making sure to have a backup editor in case of unexpected situations such as your main editor being absent. Third and lastly, is my take on C.O.R.A. I think that you have set yourself up brilliantly for some majorly unique dialogue options, character development options, and special quest choices involving CORA. Overall, your story is progressing quite nicely and i think that it has a substantial amount of potential should you keep things as interesting as you have without falling back onto cliches as some unfortunate fan fic authors have done before you. Well that's all i've got for you this update! keep working hard and doing your best. I'll be with you every step of the way wether you like it or not!
P.S Sorry I can't get all of the errors marked for you as i would like to do but can't as I have very limited free time.
6238990 Bah, thanks as always for informing me of the errors. I tried to skim over it myself before posting it, but being the one who originally wrote it, it's not surprising i missed things. D:
As for character development and keeping out of cliches, I don't think i've read enough FO:E fics to know what exactly is cliche. However, something that always bothered me about the Fallout games, at least Fallout 3, is that you are this sheltered vault dweller and once you exit you are basically god. My plan for Ratchet is to be unlike the Lone Wanderers from Fallout and slowly but surely adapt to the wasteland though her experiences.
And in regards to CORA, she is like a less emotional Ratchet, since she only recently began to develop emotions. Other than that, they are basically the same pony. In a way, it is kind of like she is talking to herself. However, since CORA was awake the 35 years Ratchet was asleep, she has had a lot of time to think.