A young colt has aspirations of heroism, but swiftly learns that such a dream may not be realistic within the confines of the Marejave Wasteland. Can he overcome the world's callousness, or will he fall prey to it like so many before him?
Oh boy, this is a shame. If the 21,000 words are anything to judge by, you worked hard on this, only for it to be rejected because of two words and a colon. Listen, there's no easy way to say this, but there's a stigma against Fallout Equestria "sequels" or side-stories, purely because there's so many of them. Any story that claims to be one of these will be almost immediately downvoted.
Now, I can't give this story a read, because I'm rather busy and am currently working through the original. However, if the long description says anything, it's that "This is a quality work!" This makes it all the more sad that its source material destroyed it's potential.
5866707 Eloquently put, haha. Thanks for the heads up, and you're right, I did put quite a bit of time and effort into this. Though Fimfiction is only one of the places that I'll be trying to distribute, so I won't let a few downward thumbs and an affiliation with The Badfic Bin get me down. I've got quite a tale planned out here, so I'll certainly still be moving forward with this. Enjoy the original, and hopefully I can get your feedback one day.
5866802 To be honest, skimming through the chapter, I see something great, much better than the other stories that claim to be in affiliation with it. That's really all I can give you for feedback, as I'm more of a "badfic" reviewer than a "goodfic" reviewer.
I haven't given this a read yet either, and I myself am working through the main fic, but seeing as you made a 21K+ word chapter, I can only assume it is good. So, I will read this later. The description is rather intriguing as well. My only pet-peeve with this is there's way too many tags.
5866944 I suppose some of them are a bit redundant. It's probably hard to say without reading it, but any suggestions on which ones should go? And thank you as well, hopefully this lives up to expectations.
5866969 I would personally suggest removing the 'Tragedy' and 'Sad' tags, as the Dark tag makes up for the both of them. After that, the decision is pretty hard.
6009855 Thank you, and worry not, even after starting from scratch three times, chapter two is well on the way. Now that my finals are over, I'm going to have a lot more time to devote to this, just have to get through a couple cons first. I'm hoping to have the next chapter out before June. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story.
Time to break hole on another one! Rare that I do two chapters in a row, like to treat good stories like good chocolate, letting them slowly fill my whole body with their taste before going to the next one… Ehhh chocolate orgy it is today!
Seeing a "War, war never changes" prologue in the second chapter is a very bold move, and as said before, with your long chapters would cutting this out and pasting it as the prologue, even if it would be a bit short then, be more inviting than what we have right now. Beside, "atomic desolation", while perfect for Fo does this have an E on the end, so no atomic radiation, only necromatical fallout that twist and turn the land and can be cured by very very old rancid orange juice.
So I am a pretty Jared guy… but seeing how loving Change can be… Ewww just ewww! I read PH and felt that the warning was overplayed, but damn… Never have I been so taken back and surprised by a story ever. First learning that the cute Mister Best Pony was a slaver, and then that… I hope that they soon invent some kind of brain bleach because I will need it. Normally when others goes into subjects like this do i sigh and groan over how they do it to create reactions, looking at you PH, but this… With how… well casually it describe it as if it was the most natural thing ever... Yea… Just yea…
Damn, Best Pony Ever sure have some bad luck with the people that want to huggle and snuggle him... Better luck in the future little one!
Nitpick: "Fifteen Years Before The Destruction of The Cloud Layer" While written in bold letters does it kinda get lost in the rest of the text, so I would say center it. " the scleras both the vibrant yellow that resulted from radiation poisoning" I feel like this part needs the words mixed around "The gaze bore into me with what seemed like a mixture of contempt and…need. " Welp this have a need for a space. Wait… you call the guard Amber one moment and Ambrosia the next… which one is it? ". Just needed the right amount strength." feels as if there are missing a word "Eventually, I couldn’t concentrate on anything aside from trying to find a way to breath without a mini-nuke going off in my chest." Balefire-egg
Oh boy, this is a shame. If the 21,000 words are anything to judge by, you worked hard on this, only for it to be rejected because of two words and a colon. Listen, there's no easy way to say this, but there's a stigma against Fallout Equestria "sequels" or side-stories, purely because there's so many of them. Any story that claims to be one of these will be almost immediately downvoted.
Now, I can't give this story a read, because I'm rather busy and am currently working through the original. However, if the long description says anything, it's that "This is a quality work!" This makes it all the more sad that its source material destroyed it's potential.
5866707 Eloquently put, haha. Thanks for the heads up, and you're right, I did put quite a bit of time and effort into this. Though Fimfiction is only one of the places that I'll be trying to distribute, so I won't let a few downward thumbs and an affiliation with The Badfic Bin get me down. I've got quite a tale planned out here, so I'll certainly still be moving forward with this. Enjoy the original, and hopefully I can get your feedback one day.
Cheers
5866802 To be honest, skimming through the chapter, I see something great, much better than the other stories that claim to be in affiliation with it. That's really all I can give you for feedback, as I'm more of a "badfic" reviewer than a "goodfic" reviewer.
5866834 That sounds like a great piece of feedback right there, thanks.
I haven't given this a read yet either, and I myself am working through the main fic, but seeing as you made a 21K+ word chapter, I can only assume it is good. So, I will read this later. The description is rather intriguing as well. My only pet-peeve with this is there's way too many tags.
5866944 I suppose some of them are a bit redundant. It's probably hard to say without reading it, but any suggestions on which ones should go? And thank you as well, hopefully this lives up to expectations.
5866969 I would personally suggest removing the 'Tragedy' and 'Sad' tags, as the Dark tag makes up for the both of them. After that, the decision is pretty hard.
6009855 Thank you, and worry not, even after starting from scratch three times, chapter two is well on the way. Now that my finals are over, I'm going to have a lot more time to devote to this, just have to get through a couple cons first. I'm hoping to have the next chapter out before June. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story.
Time to break hole on another one! Rare that I do two chapters in a row, like to treat good stories like good chocolate, letting them slowly fill my whole body with their taste before going to the next one… Ehhh chocolate orgy it is today!
Seeing a "War, war never changes" prologue in the second chapter is a very bold move, and as said before, with your long chapters would cutting this out and pasting it as the prologue, even if it would be a bit short then, be more inviting than what we have right now. Beside, "atomic desolation", while perfect for Fo does this have an E on the end, so no atomic radiation, only necromatical fallout that twist and turn the land and can be cured by very very old rancid orange juice.
So I am a pretty Jared guy… but seeing how loving Change can be… Ewww just ewww! I read PH and felt that the warning was overplayed, but damn… Never have I been so taken back and surprised by a story ever. First learning that the cute Mister Best Pony was a slaver, and then that… I hope that they soon invent some kind of brain bleach because I will need it. Normally when others goes into subjects like this do i sigh and groan over how they do it to create reactions, looking at you PH, but this… With how… well casually it describe it as if it was the most natural thing ever... Yea… Just yea…
Damn, Best Pony Ever sure have some bad luck with the people that want to huggle and snuggle him... Better luck in the future little one!
Nitpick:
"Fifteen Years Before The Destruction of The Cloud Layer" While written in bold letters does it kinda get lost in the rest of the text, so I would say center it.
" the scleras both the vibrant yellow that resulted from radiation poisoning" I feel like this part needs the words mixed around
"The gaze bore into me with what seemed like a mixture of contempt and…need. " Welp this have a need for a space.
Wait… you call the guard Amber one moment and Ambrosia the next… which one is it?
". Just needed the right amount strength." feels as if there are missing a word
"Eventually, I couldn’t concentrate on anything aside from trying to find a way to breath without a mini-nuke going off in my chest." Balefire-egg