From the personal desk of Commander Sleet Rock of the Iron Legion:

As of this moment, I am recovering at our base from an emergency surgery performed when I experienced a violent reaction to a can of spoiled baked beans and honey. The spell that was supposed to keep the food fresh for a millennia had failed, and had caused my unfortunate allergy to be worsened by my body trying to deal with both the allergen AND the artificial magic sensitivity.

The situation that led to this is rather comical once I thought about it.

As per my troops usual route to maintain our search routes for our retrievers, we came across the ruins of the town of Redwood, a town that was named for the once mighty tree that fell during Princess Luna’s revolt, which homes and town stand upon the still strong stump. The town was newly occupied, and we could tell that the ponies there where either insane or extraordinarily clever. They had created berries of three kinds. The first was a minefield filled to the brim with explosive mines, and a few plasma mines, to my calculations. It almost forced one to go through the town in the more proper and foolhardy manner, a long, open corridor that went up the main street, making me vulnerable to any attack (as shown by the body of a Night Stallion goon who was shot in the forehead, and had been relieved of it’s usual Stealth Boy). The last was a series of curses laid upon the back doorway. If I was not gifted with the common sense my mother and teachers had instilled, and in some cases beaten into me, I could have ended up dead by my own hubris.

I digress.

I managed to follow the rather recent scorch marks made by some unfortunate soul who had tried to run through the field. If I did not know any better, I would have sworn that the last victim of the gauntlet rolled straight through the minefield with a large cement pillar, from the look of the grass and the way that several of the remains of the mines under it was unarmed without it exploding. With the lack of a body… or at least pieces of a body… present, I am only to assume that the one who did such an act was the late Night Stallion thug, considering the trail ends at an embankment that looks over the main street, where I found his body.

I managed to find other cover as I used the reflection on my knife to look at the area, and while I could see a sniper located at the bell tower attached to the library, I could tell that said sniper was occupied in what I could assume was self-gratification of the sensual manner. She suddenly shifted and left her spot as I watched two others approach the front door. I used the oppurtunity to get closer to the building, and made certain not to approach the building proper till I felt assured that I could do so safely. I heard a series of scuffles and shots fired, and used it as the cover to sneak to the side of the building, where I noticed the first of many charms to keep the windows locked from the outside. It would take a very strong mage to make such a charm, one that had the capability to study.

I heard several voices arguing with one another as I made my way to the only open window I could see, and that is when I saw him.

Standing just shy of six feet, large build, overweight, and wearing a black coat was a human male. He reminded me of our Brotherhood friends, but he was well fed. Wherever he came from, I could say that he had a lot of access to food. Could even be a leader, by his lack of muscle tone that I noticed. I wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t worked a hard day in his life. The human was looking at a Mark 9 Mini-gun as a very talkative stallion spoke with him about it.

At the time, I thought that this was an arms deal with a human group from another corner of the wastelands, but after his talk with the subject designated as “D.A.” by the human, his attention went directly to an assortment of cans and began to rummage through them.

I thought that he was simply looking for food, and decided that if this creature was truly trying to take technology, even something as mundane (at least within my own eyes) as a mini-gun, then he was not to be left alive. I made my way to the back and found the back barred with debris and hexes. I did not feel like I could do an adequate breach in that situation by myself, and decided to try to go through the window after taking care of the human.

I looked in the window sill with my weapon at the ready when a large, bloated can was thrown and exploded mere inches from my face, covering me with the contents. I realized what I was covered in, but did not know the scope of the problem till I saw a pair of mares, one of which was in the middle of yelling at the human for something till she noticed me, where looking right at me.

I began to feel the swelling in my face when the human reached out and grabbed hold of me by the shoulders. I was pretty impressed that he managed to drag me through the window, considering that I am a good three hundred pounds with gear on. He brought me to the floor and I attempted to throw him off of me as my windpipe began to close up.

I was so panicked that I didn’t even hear what anyone was saying. For the most part, my fears where split up between my lack of air and being killed by the human.

I felt a needle go into my throat, as well as the warming numbness that Med-X gives, then the numb feeling of something slicing into my now numb throat. However, it wasn’t the wide, gruesome slash that I knew about in the past, one that killed or scared many in the wastes. It was small, and when I felt air slip through the hole, some of my fear died in my place.

Something was put in the hole, and I could feel air enter and exit my lungs easier.

My life was saved by the man I was no more than a few minutes ago was willing to kill.

Before I could give any signs of thanks, I heard the human give a shout of joy as he fell backwards. “I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE!” I could have gone the rest of my life not knowing that the pony… Person who saved me was unskilled. However, the fact that he was happy that it worked brought a lot more ease to my heart, till I felt somepony else kneel beside me.

She asked questions about the rest of my group and our intentions. The mare was worried. I could tell. But I reassured her that if I was not harmed, that they would not try and kill the inhabitants. Granted, I could only answer her questions with yes or no answers, but I did what I could to help calm them.

However, they did ask what my intentions where before I was afflicted. I told them the truth. They didn’t like it, but they did not have the gumption to try and attack me. I heard the human sigh heavily when he heard that I would have killed him. He couldn’t be a vault or stable dweller, but he acted so disconnected to the world since I got there, and I seemed to have caused him to crash right to the side of reality.

I was glad that I couldn’t see the look on his face, but I could tell that he was experiencing a lot of inner turmoil. Regretfully, said turmoil only got worse when the leader of the group appeared.

The first act she did was attack the human, resting my hypothesis of him being an arms dealer to rest. A loud scuffle was all I could make out as a the young mare begged for leniency from the leader. After a few seconds, the only clue that she had spared the young human was a reluctant sigh, and heavy breathing. She, presumably, took the human away.

I was afraid for a moment. I had no idea what she would do to me in the state I was in. However, when I heard the voice of Private Evergreen demanding my return, I tried to sit up, only for me to feel the warmth of magic lift me up.

“Damn Iron Legion, can’t tell when a mare wants to be left alone.” Was all I could hear from who I deduced was the leader. At the same time, I felt the tube in my throat being pulled out as the wound slowly healed. The swelling around my air ways was reduced, but my eyes and lips are still an issue. As my medical status changed, I was dropped unceremoniously out the front door, sans two laser riffles, three plasma mines, and my entire bandolier of plasma grenades. I’m more than willing to give them their “Doctor’s fee” for what they have done, but I still wished that I could have stayed around to speak with the human and the leader.

I will attempt to go back as soon as I have recovered. The medics say I will be on my hooves in a week and a half.

(This entry has been transcribed by Scribe Ear Shot.)

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Oh, boy did I have a weird dream.

I was stuck in a library filled with ponies with guns, knives and several kinds of anti-social disorders. One was even a half zebra, half human sex addict. If I actually believed in anything Fraud came up with, I’d have SO many questions about what she represented in my subconscious.

Oh, hello four red eyes looking over the edge of my bed.

Oh, crap…

My eyes shot open as I realized that I was, in fact, still in said Library. Despite the suddenness of my eyes opening, the rest of me was still as the grave as I looked at the two Pegasus… pegasi… winged horses. For now on, the plural of Pegasus is going to be winged horses. Case settled, Grammar Nazis. You can stop arguing about it now.

“Hello, Rip. Tear. Is it alright if I get out of bed?”

They looked at each other, then back at me as they stepped away from the bed. I slowly sat up and took the blanket off myself, only to reveal that I was in my boxers.

“YIPES!” I covered myself back up as I looked at the two Pegasi…. Wait, I said flying horses, didn’t I? Damn it, it’s a lot harder to make grammatical precedence than I thought it would be.

Back on topic, I covered myself up as I looked at the two sisters. It took a while before I could actually form a proper sentence. “S-so… where are my clothes?”

“Boss has new clothes for you.” They said in unison.

Oh, Steven King would LOVE these two (Note: this is a Shining Reference. Not the bad mini-series with that guy from Wings. It’s the good one with Jack Nicholson in it. Yeah, I mean the guy who played The Joker in the Eighties movie. Don’t believe me? IMbD it. I double dog dare you.)

I looked around the room and didn’t see a thing. “Where are they?”

Tear pointed at a nearby shelf where I saw a metal storage box. I turned back to them with a smile. “Thanks. Uh… I’m going to get dressed now…” The two continued to stare at me. “That means that I might get naked.” Still nothing. “Could I get some privacy?”

The two twins looked at one another , then turned their backs to me. I suppose that is going to be as good as it gets at the moment. I stand up and after slipping my shoes on, make my way over to the shelf. It was a lot warmer than it was yesterday, but far from what I would call “Bathing suit weather”. I grabbed hold of the box and moved it over to my bed. Opening it slowly, I looked in to see a brown work shirt. I looked it over and noticed that it had several patches and stitches on it. Pretty neat that it was still in one piece. I laid it on the table as I pulled out a white undershirt. Again, older, didn’t have the same give mine had on it, but putting it on felt very comforting.

I pulled out a pair of blue jeans. They are a nice, strong pair of pants if I say so myself. A quick flick of the wrist and I pulled my new pair up. A nice bit of give around the waist made it easier to pull them up over my belly. Sure, it made me look fat(er) without anything over it, but I thought that having my shirt unstuffed will make it unnoticeable.

As I put on my brown shirt, I noticed something else in the box. Once the last button was buttoned, I reached in and pulled out a gun holster with a strange looking pistol in it. I put it back into the box as I looked over at the sisters.

“Uh… I’m dressed. You can look now.”

The two turned back to me and looked up at me. Rip looked me over and looked unhappy. “You didn’t put on all your clothes.”

“Huh? Yes, I did.”

“Where’s your light thing, then?”

Light thing…? A flashlight?

“Uh, I didn’t see a light thing in there.”

Tear looked into the box, then back at me. “Then you don’t have good eyes. Light thing is in there in belt.”

Wait… belt? The Holster has a light- The gears in my mind where working on overtime for a solid half a minute till it dawned on me. That was a laser pistol.

I reached into the box and looked at it again, then back at the sisters. “Okay, this thing, right?”

The two nodded as I held onto the holster like I was holding onto a time bomb. Now, let me explain why I have such trepidation in all this. It’s not because they gave me a weapon. It’s the KIND of weapon they gave me. I remember several times where I would shoot a bandit in the leg ONCE, and their whole body disintegrated on impact. IN THE LEG! Granted, you could make the case that “It was only a game”, that “Developers wanted to make it look cool”. Of course, those same people would have told me two days ago that “Equestria is only a made up land from a children’s TV show”. I am NOT putting myself into a situation where I could accidently melt/burn up myself.

I walked out and saw Ragdoll walking the dirty, debris filled hallway. “Hey there, Jerry boy, sleep well?”

I nodded as I kept my eyes on my laser pistol. “I slept well. I just had a bit of a startle when I woke up to the Olson Twins looking at me over the bed.”

Ragdoll looked at me with a confused smile. “Olson Twins… let me guess, Pop culture reference from your world?”

I realized how stupid that sentence sounded as it left my mouth. Ragdoll’s comment did not help me feel any better. “Yeah… expect more of the same. It’ll probably be the only thing that’ll keep me sane.”

“That’s all well and good, but it might drive the rest of us crazy if you do it too much.” She said in a teasing manner.

I grinned a bit as I felt the two pair of hooves grabbing hold to my shoulder and drape themselves over my back. The Twins weren’t nearly as heavy as I thought them to be till I realized why. They were hovering ever so slightly behind me as I walked down the hallway after Ragdoll.

I could make a Treasure Island reference here, but it would seem kind of misplaced. Maybe I should do a nod to Pirates of the Caribbean. Nah, the less I think of Jack Sparrow at the moment the better (Don’t hate Johnny Depp, but after four films, you kind of get Sparrowed out.)

Bah, it’s too early in the morning for this.

I looked out the window and noticed the light shining down like it was mid-day.

Alright, I’m rephrasing that last comment. It’s too early in the afternoon for this.

I walk back to the library proper and see Flure sitting at the front desk faceing the door, talking with Sunday. After a few seconds, I could make out a few bits of their conversation, and I did not like the way it sounded. Neither did Rip nor Tear, who quickly flew away, leaving me wishing that I was with the two psychotic bloodletting sisters.

“He’s going to be a burden on us if he comes, Boss. There is no reason to put me and Dumbass in a situation where we’d be bogged down by stupid jokes and having to explain what a gun is and which end to point it towards the nasty things that go boo. Maybe in a day or two, but not today.”

“Sunday, it wasn’t a request. It was an order. He’s going with you, and he’s going to help you retrieve the gear at Sight 101.” For a split second, Flure had a slight, red glow in her cybernetic eye. If you weren’t looking at them, it would be way too easy to overlook it. By the look on Sunday’s face, she didn’t overlook it.

She gave a heavy sigh as she nodded. “Alright, alright… I just hope to the Sisters that we can bring him back in one piece. Maybe his skull could go for some quick caps if it isn’t split open.” She said as she rolled her eyes, right into my gaze. She blushed a bit, probably wishing she hadn’t said anything, but she shook her head and walked away.

Flure didn’t bother looking back to me as she pulled out some paper with her magic and began writing. “How long where you there for?”

“Something about Sight 101… I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you want me to go into a stable or vault to retrieve something with Miss Sunday and DA.”

“No, you’re just going to go shopping.” Her normally monotone voice dripped with a chipper sarcasm as she finally looked back at me. “We’re out of eggs and milk. Just so happens to be double coupon day at the local grocery store, and we all know how nasty bargain hunters can be on Double Coupon day.”

“Very nice follow through, Ma’am. If we were back at home, I’m sure that you’d have a sit-com on NBC that’ll probably last more than half a season.” I said with a fake smile.

She did not return it.

“First rule of comedy, Jerry.” She raised her hoof to my chest and gave me a gentle poke. “ Know your audience. You know what a store is, I know what a store is. The fucking Deathclaws in the Everfree Forest know what a store is. My joke is funny. You know what NBC is, but I don’t know what NBC is. Pop culture references are only good when the audience knows what the hell your talking about.” Her voice had returned to the cold, monotone I was used to.

“If you have to explain the punchline, then the joke’s no good?” I answered with a very manly squeak.

“Very good. You learn very quickly. That is one reason why I’m pairing you off with Sunday and Dumbass. You need to get experience fast, and this is the best way to do it. You get the items from the Sight, bring them back, and I’ll give you first dibs on the good stuff. Sound good?” Her eye turned to a soft green as she smiled at me. I nodded, not wanting to incur her wrath with any instinctual quip I might have brought up.

My stomach growled as I looked at the food just a few feet away from me. A box of sugar bombs. I reached for it as it slowly raised away from my grasp. I looked at the silver aura as it flew to the owner of the magic…. Sunburn.

“Hey! I was going to eat that for breakfast!”

“You don’t get breakfast, pink boy. You need to actually do work to get food.” He opened the packaging and popped a few of the crispy delicious looking, most likely stail as hell pastries into his good for nothing, jack ass mouth.

Yeah, did I mention I don’t like this son of a –

“Hey, Jerry, take my other Fancy Lad. I don’t like them as much as the Corn Nibblers.” I heard the wonderful voice of DA as I turned to see said Fancy Lad flying to my face. I tried to catch hold of the pastry, only for it to slip past my fingers and smack me on the forehead. Interesting note on Fancy lads and, most likely Twinkies as well. They may be edible for long stretches of time, but they can still be hard as a rock. Especially when thrown at your face.

The Twinkie wannabe ricocheted off my forehead and bounced out of sight. My hands went straight to covering the spot where it hit as I hissed the pain away. DA, bless his heart, came over and patted me on the shoulder while Sunburn busted out laughing.

“Son of a- you alright, big guy?” DA asked as I finally found the ability to say words that made sense.

“God bless you for meaning well, DA, but next time, just hand me the Fancy Lad.” I moaned as I stopped rubbing my forehead. Thankfully, the smack to the head reminded me of something pretty important. I turned to DA with a worried look on my face. “How is the guy from yesterday doing? I haven’t seen hide or hair of him since I woke up.”

He looked worried. Not like he knew something bad and needed to tell me a cover story worried. Just worried worried. “No idea. The Boss healed him up a bit after choking you out and tossed him to his friends. Last I saw of him, he was being carried away, but it seemed like he was moving on his own.”

I wasn’t mad. Flure didn’t kill the guy. Probably shouldn’t be too worried about it. DA said he was healed, so as long as she didn’t act like a grumpy old man, things should be alright.

Right?

Sunday returned, throwing a large backpack at me with her magic. I could feel a good amount of weight in it already as I put it on my back. “Alright, Jerry. Your going with Dumbass and me. I’m guessing the Boss told you what your doing, right?”

“Helping you out and bringing in a lot of stuff.” I surmised as I faked a smile.

“Good to know that your little ears can hear all that.” She muttered as she opened the door. “And don’t forget to put on your weapon. I might be helping you stay safe, but I want you to at least shoot at something if it tries to eat you.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I muttered back as I slipped the belt around me and buckled it. I wasn’t surprised that it was a bit tight around the waist. As it clipped on, I followed Sunday as DA followed close behind me.

“Any ideas what we’re going to get?” I asked as we walked down the main street.

“Old World Tech. Stuff the Brotherhood of Steel and Enclave love to find.” Sunday said as we continued forward. “And before you ask, I don’t know what, exactly, it is. Just that it’s good enough to peak the Bosses interest.”

I nodded along, again pretending that I understood. The fact that she had to say that it was important to Flure meant that it was hard to impress her. Well, that is both good and bad news. It means that if I stay on her good side, I’m doing something right, and if not, then I could either find myself with a bullet in the head or left to fend for myself. Neither of those suit me at the moment.

I kept my hands on the straps of the backpack as I kept my eyes open for… well… anything that was moving, really. Considering the landscape was various shades of grey, brown and more brown, it was kind of hard to make out a rock from rubble or a mutant bear. The sky was still cloudy, but I could deffinatly make out sunlight coming down. The wind blowing about was warmish, but I could feel a slight chill. Can’t really explain it more than to repeat the ever popular meme “Winter is coming”.

I suppose I said that last part out loud, since I heard an exasperated sigh from Sunday. She didn’t say anything more as we started going up a ridge. I didn’t realize how far away we had made it from “home” till I looked back and could only make out the feint shape of the bell tower in the distance. I continued walking backwards, looking at the full area now.

Even with the post apocalyptic vibe, I could see the beauty in it. I made out a nearby farm house with what I could make out as trees. They, surprisingly, had a healthy look to them. Not like the burnt wooded trees that where now behind me. Their leaves where a brown and red color, but where sparce. I guessed that it meant life WAS returning to the land. I guessed that was good. Doesn’t mean that food is suddenly going to be abundant, but it’s a good start.

“So, you guys actually have trees?” I said, pointing to the farm.

“Don’t bother with them. For what I can tell, the damn things are just for show.” Sunday said with a defeated tone to her voice.

“What do you mean? The trees are alive. Not like their going to walk up and kill you, right?”

I could feel my sleeve being tugged at. I looked back and saw DA with a worried look on his face, motioning with his hoof to lean over. “Look, it’s kind of a sore subject, Jerry. Just drop it before Sunday gets mad.”

I didn’t respond save for silence. I know that I don’t have tact, and I’m glad that at least with DA and Ragdoll around, I won’t step on anyone’s toes.. hooves… whatever. I just want to find out what is going on. I’ll just put the whole farm deal in my “ask again later” bin.

I finally looked towards our path, a nice gravel road, and I realized how different things really where.

Mountain ranges far off in the distance, with what was most likely Canterlot on top of one of the peaks. I couldn’t make out any sign of Ponyville, which is more than likely since I always pictured it being “accessible, yet out of the way”. You know, a good fifty to sixty miles away (if you have a car, I mean) or maybe half that distance if you lived in the late 1800’s. You’d have to plan out a whole day around going there, maybe even spend the night if it’s a long enough event, but if you truly wanted to, going home is more than an option.

Enough of my head cannons.

Closer to the foreground was a very disturbingly familiar site. A small town that looked like it was taken from 1950’s USA. Again, could have seen better days, but near the center of it was a factory. Large, tall smoke stacks rose into the air with no signs of life coming from them. The streets connected with black top concrete as roads, both concrete and gravel, sprang from the city. I looked at the area around the town, and I could make out figures walking about, circling the area.

“NightStallions.” Sunday hissed as she got on her stomach. DA followed her lead, and for some reason, it took me a solid five seconds after that to realize that it would be a good idea to follow in their hoof-steps. I looked forward , and my entire world was gray and purple. I slowly brought my face down to the ground as my face burned red. Thank you, God, for making sure her tail was down when I looked up.

I also thanked Him for not letting DA be in front of me. THAT thought bled the red from my face quickly. Would have lost my breakfast if I had any.

I slowly crawled blindly to Sunday’s side as I looked at her. “I’m guessing they’re raiders?”

“Yes. The Night Stallions are the male members of the Bad Dreams. You’ll have three Night Mares and ten Night Stallions in each group.” She kept her eyes on the figures down at the town. “The Stallions are tough sons of bitches. Tend to use Stealth Boys to get the jump on camps. They are always Pegasi or Earth Ponies. Mares are all unicorns and don’t need Stealth Boys. They pass invisibility spells from mother to daughter, as well as a leaching spell.”

“What if the mother has a unicorn colt?” I asked randomly. I mean, spells are nice to know about, but sometimes your interests are more on how people think.

“They kill ‘em.”

I wished I didn’t know how they thought now.

“Wh-what?” I tried to ask as I looked down at the stallions moving away. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Doesn’t have to make any sense to us. If you were a unicorn, the stallions would probably rape you and kill you, not necessarily in that order. Call it pent up aggression against their “betters”, or just them being assholes.”

“What do you think they would do to me?” I asked as I looked back to Sunday. I wished that I would just shut up with the questions. I should know that “Raiders” usually mean bad things, and bad things entail death and other nasty things. Why can’t I just let it be?

“Either Kill you or rape you. Not both. They’re “nice” that way. Considering you’re a human, the possibilities of you being killed outright does go down quite a bit.” Sunday said in an unnervingly non-chelate way. “Good thing for you that we aren’t going there.” She pointed to the left, to the side of the mountain where a gas station stood. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it. Considering I hadn’t seen a motorcycle, much less a car till I came over the hill, I was , frankly, pleasantly surprised.

Cars can have that effect on humans when they are in other universes.

Is it weird that I’m suddenly thinking about running over those Bad Dream raiders in a Semi Truck? I shook my head as Sunday and DA began to crawl towards the gas station. I was not used to crawling around like this, but I kept my mouth shut as the two ponies left me in their perverbial dust.

It was at that time I realized how ridiculous I looked at that moment. A large, olive green lump slowly making it’s way across the field? That would certainly get some sort of attention. Apparently, the thought crossed DA’s mind as he looked back at me.

“Stop moving, Jerry.” DA whispered as he and Sunday laid flat on the ground.

I froze in place and covered my face with one arm as my other hand reached down to my laser pistol. I had no idea what it was that DA saw, but I wanted to be ready for it.

“ … and the damn rock is fucking moving “ The voice was raspy, like a smokers.

I heard hoof steps get closer to me. A few seconds later, I heard a gasp.

“Luna damn it… it’s a human!”

“Wow, now that’s something you don’t see every day. Think it’s dead?”

I was holding my breath as soon as he said that.

“Yeah. Can’t smell it, but you can see the body bloating up.”

The smoker hummed a bit as I heard him walk around me. “I would have thought they’d smell a bit ripe when they die.”

“I know, right? Well, apparently, humans don’t smell bad when they rot.”

“Your shitting me!”

“Nope. Heard it from Mango. She said she’d seen a few humans in her time, and whenever they died, they never smelled bad when they rotted.” The hoof steps died down as it slowly disappeared into the background.

I slowly looked up and couldn’t see where DA and Sunday where at. My eyes went wide as I realized that I was reliving the same thing that happened yesterday. I was trapped laying on my stomach. If they came back to loot me… if they found out I was still alive…

Oh, God, I don’t want to think about that. I’d hope they would just kill me on the spot. I felt cold and scared as my eyes scanned the grassy hill in front of me. I still couldn’t see them.

I was alone again.

I don’t want to be alone here. Please, God, tell me I’m not alone.

Hoof steps started to come towards me from behind. My hand was shaking as my fingers wrapped around the trigger.

“See? Dead human. I didn’t want to get any of its pink rot on me, Ma’am. “

“Oh, shut up, you mud pony.” A feminine voice, vaguely feminine voice, creaked through the air as I felt something tug at my backpack.

I had to do something. God forgive me, I need to protect myself.

“Hold on…” The female’s voice cut off as she stopped tugging at the backpack. I couldn’t tell what was going on. I heard a click… two… no, three clicks. “Deathclaws in the area. We’re going back to town. Tell the others to fall back to the factory.” She whispered harshly as I heard her gallop at full speed away. The other two stopped for a moment, but did as they were told.

“Doubt they’ll eat any of the good stuff on it. We’ll just wait till tomorrow.” The smoker said as he and his compatriot ran with a frustrated laugh.

Seconds passed, and I was still shaking. I looked back up and saw DA and Sunday, both wearing gas masks as DA closed a jar filled with a redish-yellow liquid.

I slowly crawled over to them till I saw Sunday wave me up. I stood up as I felt something wet run down my cheek. I didn’t realize what it was till I heard Sunday clench her jaw, pulling out a handkerchief with her magic and hand it to me. “You… got some dirt on your cheek.” She said as I guessed what she was trying to do.

I quickly wiped my cheek and eyes, returning it to her as I cleared my throat.

I did not cry. It was just excessive courage dripping out of my eyes.

“Thanks, Sunday.”

“Don’t mention it…” she gritted the phrase through her teeth. She was angry, and I’m more than sure it wasn’t at me.

We made good time as we came to the gas station. Looking down the road to town, I saw several figures heading back to the factory. It was kind of amazing, watching all the little figures running about. The best way to describe it is like watching a colony of army ants running into their hole. I was tugged by DA to follow him and Sunday into the gas station as DA began piling up furniture at the front door.

“What are you doing?”

“Deathclaws are going to be in the area. Don’t want to be caught off guard if they manage to follow us here.” DA said as he moved an entire ten foot long shelf up to the door on his own.

“Wait, I thought you just used pee to make it seem like Deathclaws where coming.”

Sunday took a deep breath as she looked at me. “No… we opened up the attractant to do two things. First, get that bitch away from you. Second, to keep those Bad Dreams at bay. Unless we got the attention of an Alpha, those Bad Dreams can take care of any kind of Deathclaw that comes their way.”

I did not like the sound of that, mainly because I was certain that if I did try and shoot at them, I’d be dead. Very, unbelievably, ridiculously dead.

Before the panic swept over my eyes, I felt a tug on my backpack, and was sent walking backwards towards Sunday to the back of the convenience store. Without even noticing it, I grabbed hold of a box of Sugar Bombs and opened it up. I didn’t even notice what I grabbed at till I chewed on the stale, yet oddly filling cereal.

Suck it, Sunburn.

I turned around as I felt something pull itself out of the bag. It was a… well, I guess blackberry would be the easiest thing to associate it with. A retro blackberry. Sunday was holding it up to a poster of a human and pony dressed in combat armor, the human holding the equestrian flag. Propoganda posters from two hundred years back can really raise the cackles of people, I can tell ya that much.

I didn’t have the heart to look at the fine print of the poster, and was soon robbed of the chance as I saw the wall disappear to the floor. DA walked back to us, humming a familiar tune as Sunday led us through the metal staircase leading down. Following close behind, small lights flickered on as a generator in the distance hummed to life.

Metal walls, ceilings and stairs as far as the eye could see… which was just less than twenty feet at the moment. I took the last step down and was met with a very familiar sight.

“Vault tech… Vault 101.” I read on the gear shaped door. My jaw almost dropped as I walked towards the vault door, my hand slowly touching the cold metal. I turned to DA with a twinge of worry. “Don’t you need to have the code from the other side to open it?”

DA smiles as he pointed to the Retro Blackberry. “Not with the Skeleton Key. It finds a way to enter input remotely to the Vaults computer. Nice little beauty, if I say so myself.” He beamed as he looked at the little bundle of circuts, like it was a little baby.

It didn’t take long for me to realize why. “You invented it, didn’t you?”

The only answer I needed was DA’s cheese eating grin.

Sunday put in a series of commands, and cursed at herself. “Fuck… I hate these stupid games they make you play to hack the damn things.”

I leaned over and saw that she was on a familiar screen to discover the password to the vault. She had guessed wrong twice already, and only had one more guess to go, and no leads on what the word was.

“Just cancel out of it and retry. It’ll reset everything, but it’ll give you back the tries.”

Sunday glared up at me. “What the hell are you talking about?”

She didn’t have the chance to hear my explanation as I reached forward and pressed the back button. Before she could curse me out, I reentered the password reset command (Labeled on the control as the ever so wonderful “Password reset” button on the upper left hand corner) and was brought to the screen, waiting for the first guess. “Go for the words with “ing” suffix first. If it says three words or more right, you’ll be on the right track.”

“And if it’s wrong?” DA asked inquisitively.

“Then it means we can cross out anything with “ing” in the end. Win-win.” I smiled as me and DA looked over Bloody’s shoulder as she grumbled to herself. She did as she was told, and was given a clue.

“Alright… four letter word with –ing in the end…” I looked over the list. Kind of found it funny how a vault was so easy to get into.. till I heard two simultaneous buzzing sounds. “What did you press? What did you press?”

“I hit Ring… I think… and did it twice on accident.” Sunday said as her eyes went wide with frustration.

“Oh, dang it… we’ll have to restart! What if the next time, it’s more than five words?” DA said as his eyes went wide.

“No, it won’t. It never does something like-“I began to say till Sunday looked up at me.

“The last time I did it, there were three letter words.” She explained.

Shoot me in the toe… that’s the failsafe. Every time we restart it, the computer would make it harder, till you either had the original password or you got the right reset word that got, potentially, infinitely bigger. “Brilliant.” I said with a grin. We had to do it now. I looked at the words to choose from. King, and Ding. “I’m going to guess it.”

“Don’t!” They both almost yelled as I managed to pull the Skeleton Key from Sunday’s magical grasp. They didn’t dare jump at me as I looked at the screen. A fifty percent chance at locking up the system. A fifty percent chance of ruining this day. A fifty percent chance of being punched to paste by Sunday. I like those odds.

“Hail to the King, baby!” I pressed the button, and for a split second of tension, I heard the wonderful pop-ding of the right answer. The vault door began to creak as it was slowly pushed out. I handed the key back to a bewildered unicorn mare as I smiled at her.

She wanted to be angry. I could see it in her eyes. My grin, however, seemed to be very infectious today as she smiled back at me. “Alright. Congrats. You got the right word. Next time you take something from me, I’ll break a finger.”

My smile disappeared immediately as she took the key and stuffed it back into my backpack.

The room was now filled with stale, yet breathable air as we walked in. Lights flickered as I looked at the long abandoned vault. “Why aren’t there people… or ponies… here? I would have thought that there would be some life here.”

DA looked around the room as he made his way to the guard station. “According to the logs, at the end of the war, key areas with human populations where targeted with a very powerful spell. It caused mass confusion and increased violent action in their victims; as opposed to taint related attack spells. Most who were affected by it simply… killed off each other. Main reason why the town down there is still intact. This vault is unoccupied because the humans that were supposed to be here died, most likely at the hands of their neighbors, friends and/or family. “DA opened the locker and saw a pristine combat shotgun. He gave a whistle as he called me over. “Look at this beauty, Jerry. Drum fed, automatic shotgun. Can hold twenty four rounds of shotgun shells, and has two modes of fire; single shot and full auto. An automatic shotgun. Fucking shame it was never augmented for ponies.”

My mind was thrown from the story that was, frankly more depressing as and Edger Allen Poe stand-up routine, to admiring the work of the gun that rested in DA’s hooves. He handed it to me, and I looked it over. I popped the drum-like contraption off where the ammo fed into the death machine, and watched as a few shells popped out of the slot, smacking me in the face. The shells that flew out landed on the floor with barely any resistance till they were picked up by Sunday, who put them in her saddle bag.

“Stop fucking around, you two. Get ammo and weapons and stuff them in the bag.”

DA and I rolled our eyes as we did as we were told, finding more shotgun ammo as well as energy cells for laser weapons. However the most unexpected discovery was a skin magazine that put a smile on DA’s face that almost reached his ears. I, as a gentleman, only gave an approving nod as I saw the very beautiful young woman in nigh but a swimsuit. Apparently it was something that was done by famed photographer Photo Finish. The cover was tastefully done, paying close attention to the subjects curves, and the outfit enhancing her assets.

Well, DA enjoyed it for the same reasons, but put it in the more direct manner. “Look at them boobies…”

Dear Lord, I know I’m a heterosexual man. That means I know my weaknesses. I find the female form enticing and, quite simple, almost intoxicating. Lord, tell me why I have to share my gender and orientation with a guy, an intelligent fellow, by the way, that has such a limited vocabulary when it came to such beauty?

“Hold onto that for me, Jerry.” He stuffed the magazine into my backpack as we went to catch up with Sunday. As we stepped down, I got a chill up my spine. My hand reached down to my pistol as I pulled it out, aiming up at the ceiling.

“Guys… I don’t know why, but I feel like something’s off.”

Sunday kept her eyes fixed ahead of us. “Ever been in a Vault before?”

“No.” I answered.

“Ever been in an ambush?” She continued.

“No.” I answered again.

“Then don’t worry about feeling anything.” Sunday said in a condescending tone. She was about to step out to the hallway when she came to a sudden stop. Her gaze was focused around the corner, as though as if she was looking at something in the distance. She looked back at me, looking a bit more agitated. “Forget what I said before. There’s a turret on the ceiling at the end of the hallway. The other end leads to another security room, but I don’t know if we can all sneak past it at once. I’ll go first, clear out any traps there might be. Dumbass, see if you can hack the turret from here, or if we’ll have to find the computer controlling it. Jerry, you’ll follow me as soon as I give you the signal. Understood?”

I nodded without a word as she peeked around the corner, then raced down the left side of the opening. I heard something like the whirring of a machine, but no shots fired. She must have gotten out of range of the turret. I looked at DA, who was busily at work with the Skeleton Key, but was cussing under his breath as he lifted it up to the air. “Damn it… no signal. Should have guessed that this would happen in a vault.”

I bit my lip as I sneaked past him, and looked down the hallway to see the turret. Essentially, it looked like a regular security camera with a gun bolted under it. Deffinatly didn’t look like the turrets from Fallout. Granted, I’ve only been to one Vault. For all I know, this could be an irregular model.

“Yo, Jerry! Make a break for it!” Sunday shouted at me.

I froze for a second as I looked down both sides of the hallway. Besides a few dust and grime filled parts of the wall, no signs of debris.

“I said now, Pink Boy!”

I almost jumped out onto the hallway, and stopped long enough to hear the whirling of the turret. I sprinted down the hallway as I heard a burst of gunfire. I quickly started to curve back and forth. “SERPINTINE!” I began to shout at the top of my lungs as I heard the bullets miss me by a bodylength. I felt the sparks from lead hitting metal till I saw the door to the security room open. I ran quickly to it and dived for it as I felt heat glance over my butt. I slid across the floor for a good few feet till I felt a hoof stop me by gently pressing down on my back. I looked up at Sunday, who wore a grin on her face.

“Quite the battle cry you got there.”

“I think I got shot in the butt.” I said in a rather matter of fact way.

She looked over me and shook her head. “Nah. Barely a graze.” She looked at the wall near the door where a first aid box opened up. Out came a large pad-like bandage that she coated with, what I guessed was peroxide or rubbing alcohol. Well, she’s putting it on my butt, so I’ll find out if it’s alcohol if it…

“STINGS LIKE A MOTHERFLUFFER!” I screamed… no, shrieked, as the bandage was put on.

“What the hell happened?” DA’s voice carried over the dieing whirring of the turret.

“Jerry got a kiss from a bullet. Right on the ass.”

Loud, rauchous laughter rang through the hallway as I looked up at Sunday with a smirk on my face. “Don’t tell Sunburn about this. Please.”

“The fact you dodged a hail of bullets? Why WOULDN’T I tell him that?” She said as I was helped to my feet. I looked back and saw a rather large hole in my pants, with the bandage covering most of the hole. “Now, the pants we’ll change. There is probably a few pairs in the private quarters. The worse case scenario is that we have to put a patch on the pants.”

“As long as there is a thread and needle, there won’t be any problems with that.” I added as I looked at the gaurds station. There was a desk in the corner looking out the window looking at the staircase kind of surprised me that I didn’t notice it before. I waved at DA who was still recovering from the laughing fit he had. “Hey, DA! Can you see me?”

He looked at my direction, but looked rather confused. “What are you talking about?”

I flipped him off out of curiosity, but aside from getting a hoof to the bandaged buttock from Sunday, I didn’t receive any kind of stimulous that anyone saw it. “Ow…” I recovered quickly as I called out to him. “You don’t see any windows ahead of you?”

He shook his head as he looked ahead of him. “Wow… camo enchanted glass. These things are like two way mirrors with attitude. Probablly reinforced so it won’t shatter.” His eyes where filled with awe for a full ten seconds till I saw a figure behind him.

“DA! RUN!” The words rang out of my mouth with barely a moments hesitation.

DA didn’t bother looking behind him, and simply bolted down the hallway. The figure finally made it’s way to the light as I saw what it was. A creature a good five feet tall with long claws at the end of it’s arms. It’s head, looking like a demonic skull covered with green, scally skin was adorned with small horns. As DA entered the room, it looked like it crawled around the corner as I saw bullets enter the side of the creatures body. It roared as it turned it’s attention to the turret, barreling towards it, only to reel back with half it’s head missing.

DA closed the door behind him as a second Deathclaw ran out, larger than the last, and went to the turret. A sudden crack and sizzle could be heard as I imagined the hellish creature ripping the security turret from the wall and ripping it to shreds. It limped back to the stairway, it’s torso riddled with bullet wounds as it’s claw gripped at the wound. It stopped for a moment, looking at the younger creature, and let out a sad cry as it petted what I guessed was a younger sibling before it ripped a claw off it’s kin’s arm and began to make it’s way up the stairs.

“Their pack hunters.” I muttered under my breath as I watched it leave. “I always wondered if they where social animals or loners. I mean, in the games, they were barely seen in pairs. I only saw a single pack in one game, but the way that it acted seemed a lot more like it was…” I blinked back into the here and now as DA and Sunday looked at me. “What?”

“You know what they were, don’t you?” DA asked.

I nodded. “Deathclaws. Juveniles, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Yeah… but how do you know that?” He asked. He looked completely lost as I looked at him.

“I… well, I told Ragdoll about the Video Games. Sort of thought you where told about it, too.”

Sunday’s blank stare turned to a worry filled glare as she looked behind me. “So, you know them from those games of yours?”

I nodded as I looked over the room. The unnatural howl rang through the vault, slowly ebbing away. I couldn’t help but uncomfortably sway as I fought back my sympathy. “Kind of sad… don’t you think?” I managed to say it with a chuckle as I heard the two ponies agree with a simple “yes”.

I saw the computer once more and decided to look over it. No need for a password, as I saw the words “Turret offline” written across the top of it. I looked through the desk and found a small bundle of caps as well as a few other bits. Not the money Bits, I mean pieces of junk and the like.

Wait, there was a few Bits in there. Nevermind.

In the pocket the Bits went as I saw DA and Sunday turn to the door leading to another room. I followed them as I heard them talking with each other.

“He’s doing pretty good for his first bit of wet work, don’t you think?”

“Dumbass, I’m not talking about this right now.”

“Come on, Sunday. You’ve got to admit that-“

She turned to DA, almost on the cusp of hysterics. “I’ll admit something. The Boss tossed a kid. A KID. Into our little world. You didn’t see his eyes, Dumbass. I’ve only seen that kind of fear from foals. Celestia, Luna, and God damn her for what she had me do.”

“Don’t say that, Sunday. She gave him a week to get settled in. This is actually the easiest thing on the list for him to do.” DA rationalized. “What would happen if we did just use him for cleaning up the HQ, and then a month from now we had to fight off the Bad Dreams, or the Fiends, or Sisters Forbid, Enclave? He’d be deader than your electric cooler after Daisy has a go at it.”

“So we have him die now? That’s a comfort!”

“Stop talking about me like I’m not here.” I interrupted as I stepped between the two ponies, only for them to push me back out of the way.

“Just stay right there while we get this straightened out.” Sunday ordered.

“Hold on, you flat breasted butch idiot!” DA added as it devolved into a series of insults and angry epitats. I huffed as I snuck around the two and looked at a map of the area. Three floors, and I could already tell where I was going to head to.

The next floor had the labs. I may not be a genius, but it was pretty obvious that whatever it was that we were sent here for was there. I need to do this. I need to see if I can do this little part on my own. Besides, it won’t be that hard, will it?

Guys?

Crap…