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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The idea of Fallout's 'grab and hold' system being a levitation system is pretty genius. I know Pink Eyes had the levitation assist, but you have no idea how many NPC's I've hit with bottles and the like while holding them and turning around. So far so good for Slowtrot, but I feel that tomorrow's program removal probably won't go as well as they hope it will.
well the basic idea came from having the V.I. from the suit in Pink Eyes, it can hold items, so natruly that can be added to the Pipbuck with the same V.I. Bonking Emerald was just a natural evolution of the idea. as for what happens in the next check up, you will see, his luck dose not mean things are more likely to go his way, just that things are more likely to happen.
Party Detected. Adding to reading queue.
5454034 good to hear you like it, Candy Pop ended up more fun to wright then I though she was going to be, having her be the one to give Slowtrot a hard time. I also find it funny that you had it on text to speak in your car, good thing I don't do clop fic's.
This looks a little awkward. I'm not ENTIRELY sure but I think it would probably still be better to end the sentence at the comma, put the quote on a new paragraph with a capital letter, then continue with the exposition.
Also, this is the part where I flush my first-impression of Pop down the drain. The name and initial behavior seems like a character I'd click with, but most of what she does in this chapter takes solid steps away from my mental imagery. Though rambling about diseases and whatever other stuff one's used to dealing with does sound a bit like what I'd normally do.
Anyway, this fic's entertaining me and I look forward to future updates. : )
RETLCESSMENT DISCLAIMER: Retl is not a strong representative of the average Fallout: Equestria audience and as a result feedback should be taken with a grain of salt.
Things I like:
* The setting puts it at a time and place where violence isn't the standard.
* It's a little silly. It hasn't made me laugh yet, but eventually it probably will.
* Mane Six style archetypes are represented in some of these characters, probably by design with their ties to the Ministries.
* It's about technology and computers and stuff. I like those.
* There are MoM ponies in it and parties and confetti. YAY!
* Butts
Things I don't like so much:
* Protagonist is kinda whiny. Which I suppose is appropriate given his confusion and lack of knowledge with which to cope with the things around him, but eh. At least he's kinda relatable.
* I know there were some other things, but I forgot between the time I heard it in Text to Speech today and the time I got back home from work. So it must not have been that bad.
Finally got around to this. Like I say, I was away and I've come back knackered. I still like this story a lot, and will edit the last chapters ASAP. I'm not too sure about all the characters, it's a bit of an overload for me and I'm not sure all of them will be important. For now, however, I can see why they're there - this is Stable-Tec, they have lots of ponies.
I loved the Pink Eyes reference. I also noticed how June says 'the M.O.M'. This is interestign for me because it shows that there's a discrepancy among how ponies use the term. Some say 'the M.O.M', which is technically correct, wheras others omit the 'the'. It's good, because it shows June has a little more intellect than the regular pony. Also, I'm still not sure what acronym for Ministry of Morale is correct. This link would indicate just 'MoM', which is what I use in my fic. Should I change that when I edit or do you want to keep it how it is?
http://falloutequestria.wikia.com/wiki/Ministries
Good lord the spelling and the grammer... good lord the spelling and grammer!!!!!
Okey the story still good, but by the comments i am afraid it has been abandoned.
It need som serious editing. Here are some typos i got. I didnt get all because it ia hard to do it on the cellphone and I dunno if anyone is going to read it
Main,mane
carfuly,carefully
befor,before
so get getĀ
thees
I'd by you a drinkĀ
what to talk
So gonna be blunt... You seriously need a good pre-reader to go over all of your work. Its clear that you can write, but it is also clear that you have some troubles doing it, and while your story is a joy to read, was it multiple times beginning to feel like a bit of a chore to sit trough
Honest question, are the rest of the chapters as bad as this? Because one chapter is something that I can live trough, but multiple like this would just suck the joy for the story out of me.
Nitpicks:
Imagine 97 lines of nitpick. For spams sake have they been sent to the writer in a note.
8994470
Sorry, most of this was don without an editor, and I'm on the dyslexic side, I did improve quit a bit over the time I wrought this, and the rest of my story's are a lot cleaner.
Are you sure that he isn't black with white stripes?
i like candy pop