Oh boy this will be interesting.

Definitely looking forward to seeing where this is headed.

5039371 Thank you for the critiques, I've gone through and added the commas where you'd said, I changed the tag to mature, this is one of the 1st stories I've written since about grade 6, so I may be a little rusty, this is also the 1st time I've used FimFiction, so I missed the tag entirely, I will definitely keep pacing in mind for the rest of the story

This concept is quite ambitious. None of these characters would react well to the wasteland. Both Lyra and Rose are likely to die for different reasons, with Lyra's curiosity and Rose's cowardice both likely to put them in deadly situations.

Also... you do know that the Doctor has visted the Equestrian Wasteland in the original story's canon, right? Actually playing out a scene that was only obliquely referenced a couple times is likely to get people upset if they feel it's been done poorly. But it'll probably be even worse if you try and skip it entirely...

There's not nearly enough here to really judge the story, and I'm certainly intrigued or I wouldn't have come looking, but you've bitten off a lot here and I'm worried about you being able to chew it. Especially as your first writing project in so long...

I wish you luck, and I'll be watching.