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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I feel bad for her that he thinks her armor is overpriced and that her swords aren't real. Anyways good chapter again
That guy isn't much of a tactician. Guns are good for when you know where the threat is. But in a swamp land surprise attacks from poisonous animals can happen anywhere anytime, thats when you need some heavy protection to deflect the first attack and then neutralize the threat. Also, blades are great for when the guns jam in the muddy and humid swamp.
Sweet, a new chapter!
It's good to see Alloy and Grit teaming up to hit the road. Not only do we get to see a bit more character development through Alloy's dialogue and hesitation to leave her things in somepony else's care, but I mean come on... That chapter title... And the very first place these two go is Shipper. I think you know where I'm going with this.
Alloy continues to be a fun character with whom it is surprisingly easy to relate. Her desire to be near her forge and simply create, and her frustration when she is unable to do so, really strikes a chord with me. Grit, on the other hand, seems relatively simple. And now I find myself wondering if I've already got him completely figured out, or if something big is gonna happen to change my perspective of him.
The "Fisher" in the river is a wonderfully ominous threat that I'm dying to learn more of. Mutated angler fish? Reference to a Will O' The Wisp? Something crazier? Who knows, but I bet that reveal is gonna be a fun one.
And lastly, even though I'm probably in the minority here, I liked the longer chapter length on this one. More time to get into the character's head is always fun.
Keep up the good work, Doctor!
Thanks to every single one of you for your comments, all of them make me smile.
4541003
Yea, those Stable ponies are real jerks, aren't they?
4541653
Guy probably does go through more guns than he should. That said, he does have a PipBuck to deter those surprise attacks. Damn cheating magic computer.
4542011
I'm glad you're still enjoying the story! Malice was a ton of fun to write for. I have corrected that mistake on clip/magazine, and thanks for pointing it out.
4543435
Hey, I know you! You're that guy with the thing! Nah, but I have no idea what you could be implying about Alloy and Grit, going to Shipper togeth- ohhhhhh. And I've been looking forward to this part of the story since it began, promoting Grit from background character. I can promise that you'll see more of him, but whether he's as simple as you initially feel... I'll leave that to your judgement. I will also say I'm glad you liked the Fisher scene.
My only real thought on this chapter is how much I enjoyed Alloy's awkwardness when it came to interpersonal relationships. So, yeah. Good stuff.
4617927
Gotta love that awkward moment when you try to roll Barter for a Speech check, eh? Hehe. Glad you liked it.
4707629
Thank you! I'm sorry again about the delay for chapter 5, but I'm really glad you're enjoying the story so far, or at least the perspective it offers.
4677576
Tis indeed. The life of a Wasteland shopkeep is always busy.
Hello,
I really liked the story so far, my best moment being the bantering(s) and the "fisher" (this concept of river monster is quite appealing). It is well written and I do am interested in Alloy's future adventures.
My only remark would be your T chart system at the end of the concerned chapter. Being a grad student in a related field, I'd like to point out that if you really want to go by the book you should have, at each accounting operation, debit and credit equal due to the rule of assets = liabilities + equity. Thus, if you want to respect the rules established by some Italian Jewish businessman from the XVth century, I would rather recommend to add a "cash in sack" or "capstack" entry to your T-chart each time you want to input an accounting operation. Otherwise, I'll make sure that some evil Tax and Business-versed Enclave Lawyers are going to prosecute your little Alloy for tax-avoiding in Sweetzerland, Lyrechtenstein or in the Neighmirates
It's well written and I'm hoping to see more of it
4841226
Thank you for the comment! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far.
And dammit! I was hoping I wouldn't find a reader who understood T-charts and the accounting equation. To be honest, I know they are inaccurate. It was something I debated over before I started writing the story, and I settled for this bastardized T-chart. I didn't want to be confusing, and just wanted to keep a simplified record to track the flow of caps in each chapter. I probably should include a line to keep track of the total caps she has, and I worry about running into problems later, but for now I'm okay with the compromised view.
4850015
I understand.
Moooooooom DoctorHam don't want to comply to the Jewish masters!!! Moooooooooooooooooooooooooom, he's mean with finance and stuff!
I'm waiting for the next chapter.
Haha! Some adventure on the horizon?
My usual nitpicks:
Should be "my and Grit's."
(My saddlebag. Grit's saddlebag. My and Grit's saddlebags.)
Compound possessives are always awkward. Maybe just change it to "our?"
Should be "Grit and me."
(He left Grit alone. He left me alone. He left Grit and me alone.)
I thought Spark was Grit's father.
Sides -> orbit
Well, that was neat. A bit of fleshing out / illustrating / demonstrating the difference in abilities and knowledge and whatnot between the two present focal characters. I don't remember much about it in particular except that I found it entirely unoffensive and entertaining.
Yay for adventureduo of makestuffsmare and pipbuckbuck!
This is something I can relate to so very much.
It's understandable to be proud of your work and feel sore when someone insults it, but I'm not sure it's worth tears. I'm not even sure he insulted it. Did I miss something?
It's clear Alloy's not good in a fight, but even though we haven't seen a S.P.E.C.I.A.L. for her (Like in nearly every single other FoE story) I know she's got some high Strength and Endurance to back her up. Those are exactly what a blacksmith needs to swing a hammer by a hot forge all day. Or was it Endurance and Perception? Bah, it's been too long since I played Fantasy Life.
Yea... No review time this time around. Why? Because its 3.45AM my time, that should speak a bit about how high I am holding this story by now.
i.imgur.com/M1ljSZk.jpg
Poor Alloy as much as she tries to deny it to herself she's more of an artist than a salespony.
7890041
I'm thinking she loves to create, but she puts her business before her art. She may embellish and have great pride in created something, but it plays second fiddle to making a sale