I woke up in the morning feeling more energized then I had in a while. I got up out of my makeshift bed and stretched. My stuff was still in the corner where I had left them, I always have had worries that if I sleep, somepony will end up taking my stuff.
I grabbed my bag, put my sleeping bag into it and strapped it onto my back with my battle saddle. Stepping though the door, I could see that Bait was still sleeping. He was rolling around a little and mumbling words I couldn't understand.
I walked over to the sleeping pony. I nudged him slightly, he didn't seem to notice. I nudged him harder a second time, all I got was a few loud snores. I don't know if I should wake him or not. I'll wait a couple more minutes for him to wake up on his own.
I decided to eat the food that I saved from the day before and opened my bag to find the pieces of meat, I saw the few that I had and took them out and started eating. I sat near bait as he slept as I ate the remaining food, and after I was done I laid next to a nearby dumpster and rested for a little bit. The metal wasn't hot and the air was a cool temperature while the sun wasn't completely shining though the clouds.
As I rested, I heard movement to where Bait was, I opened my eyes to him waking up and starting to stand.
"Good morning." I said to him as he jumped.
"Agh, don scare me, I don like to be scared." he said as he gave me an angry look.
"Sorry. So are you still in the mood to come with me?" When I said that his ears perked up.
"Oh ya, I wan to come." He said with excitement in his voice.
"Okay then, we should start as soon as possible, and start early, I don't like to travel at night." Traveling at night was something I don't do, too many things could happen. Raiders, slavers, wasteland creatures, rain, any thing could end up finding us and I didn't have any sources of light so it would be hard to see. Its best to travel at day, preferably during morning till noon.
"May I see your pip-buck for a sec?" I asked him while pointing at his pip-buck.
"Wha? why?" he asked while raising an eyebrow.
"I want to see if your map function works, it would be easier to find out where we are with it."
"Oooooh, kay you may look, don break it." He extended his arm towards me to get a better look at it.
It had been a while since I had used one, the last one I had got fried by a run in with a hellhound. Saved my arm though, I was able to get away while the pip-boy had somehow melted against its spear, I don't think I want to know.
The pip-buck seemed to be in working order, I set it to its map function.
I was able to see a trail of locations that had seemed to be unlocked. I'm going to guess that is where he had come from, and would eventually lead to where he had gotten the pip-buck, and if my location skills are still working, it would seem that I would need to go that way to deliver my package as well.
"Okay... I'm done with it." I let him stand onto all of his hoofs to regain his balance.
"Okey." he said as he gave a smile.
"Well, we should get going. Do you have everything with you before we go?"
"Yus, though I didin have anythin to begin wit."
"Kay, there doesn't seem to be anything left to do." I said.
On this trip I should really think of getting his addiction removed, his speech is horrible and somewhat hard to understand half the time.
We made our way towards the old asphalt road, it had crumbled away due to the bombs and wear without getting repaired. We had to it and started walking.
*** *** *** ***
"So." I said
"What?" He asked while looking towards me.
"I kinda wanted to start a conversation, or something."
"Oh."
"What do you normally do everyday? Do you have a job somewhere?"
"Well... no. Ah never had a job, an every time I trah, they don't hire me due to my, habits..." He looked at the ground as he walked.
"Your addictions?" I asked. He nodded in reply while continuing to look at the road.
"Well, what do you do to pass your time though the day without a job? Other than stay at the bar."
He was silent.
"Oh, have you tried to quit using Mint-als or whatever else you are using?"
"Yes, ah have tried many times, when ah try, ah always end up with another box and I eat. I know it mit be much to osk, but... can you help, please?" He asked with sadness in his voice.
"I can try, sure." I said while putting a hoof onto his shoulder.
"Thank you." he said as he gave a warm smile.
There were multiple gunshots in the distance. They sounded like anti-machine and magical energy weapons.
"You hear that?" I asked to make sure it wasn't just me.
"Ya, ah ded".
"Those didn't sound to far away. I wonder whats going on over there."
We started to trot in the direction of the gunfire, though that probably would be a stupid Idea.
The sounds were coming from a small ravine like area to the left of the road. we went into it and found burn marks and cracked dirt from bullets on the ground and sides of it. The area was completely enclosed other than the opening to the sky and the way we came in.
"What do you think happened here and where are the ones that were firing? They couldn't have just varnished into thin air..."
"Dey could if dey have stealth-bucks."
That worried me.
"I have a bad feeling about this."
We both turned around as four familiar ponies with pistols and battle saddles appeared as their stealth-bucks worn off.
"Well well well, look who we have here." One of the ponies said with a grin.
"You are the raiders from the bar aren't you?" I said.
"Very observant, and you are the pony that thought he could bribe our boss so we couldn't have a little fun. So now if we cant have a little fun with them, we are going to have a little fun with you."
If they were looking for a fight they were going to get one.
"So, what kind of fun are we talking about?" I asked jokingly.
"The kinda fun where we put a bullet though yours and your friend's head there, and see how many creatures we can lure with them during the night."
Bait started to get worried and backed up a few feet.
"Really?" I said not being serious.
"You think we're joking?" He said with anger in his voice.
"No, but I know that I can take you all out if I wanted to, just because you outnumber us four to two, doesn't mean you have enough skills to kill me." I activated my battle saddle and quickly loaded my explosive rounds into the clip using a quick mechanism I created so I could change the type of ammo without grabbing a new clip..
"Or the firepower to do it. I could probably take all of you out with two shots in about three seconds." I aimed my gun at the pony in the front.
The ponies stood there, and started whispering to each other.
"We think you are bluffing." He said as they started to walk closer to us, raising their weapons.
I thought that now i guess I had no choice to fire at them, I put the firing trigger into my mouth and aimed. But just before I fired, I heard somepony clearing their throat, looked up towards the sound. What I saw upon a rock above us out of the ravine, what looked like a dark grey earth pony that had a light blue mane. He had a dual sniper battle saddle, some packs on his back and a leathery coat that probably had armor plating embedded into the material.
"Ya need any help?" I guessed he was talking to me.
"Ah heard the gunfire from a ways and though t' check it out."
"Um, I don't know maybe? I probably could handle them but it would be helpful." I said while looking at the raiders.
"Well then." He said as he jumped and dropped down into the ravine with us.
"Ill be glad t' be of help." He then loaded and aimed his twin riffles at them and fired to shots, one at the heads of the two raiders on the side and behind them.
"Wow, you don't hesitate do you?" I said while raising an eyebrow at him.
"Ah'm sort of a shoot first ask questions later kind' a pony." He said while aiming his guns at the next two raiders.
"Wait wait wait wait, can't we work something out? Please?"
I looked over to the new pony next to me and he looked back. I looked back to the raider.
"Okay, here's how this is going to work, I want you to leave and I don't want to see you again. If you come anywhere near us, I will kill you. This is your only warning."
He and the other raider looked to each other and backed away and walked off.
I looked over to the pony next to me.
"Um, thanks for the help, it was appreciated. Would it be to much to ask for your name?"
He smiled
"Mah name's Charcoal Darkwood, but you can just call me Coal."
"Well, it was nice to meet you Coal."
I looked over to Bait, now laying on the ground with his hooves over his eyes. I walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He slowly moved a hoof away from his eye and looked at me.
"Its over, you can get up now."
"Okey..." he said as he hesitantly got up.
I turned back to Coal.
"So, you're a shoot first ask questions later kinda pony huh?
"Yep." He said simply
"So do you mind If I ask a few questions? Cause I think you are done shooting for now."
"Sure, what do you want to know?"
I thought for a few seconds on what I wanted to ask.
"Why did you shoot the two raiders like that? I mean you didn't really hesitate, you just shot them." I said raising an eyebrow.
"Well, for one, ah ne'er liked raiders to begin with, If they aren't doing anything immediate, ah won't mess with them, but as soon as ah see one doing anything ah find to be threatening to anypony, I'll kill em, or violently cripple them. Though if they are doing something or not, ah still hate 'em more than any other pony, the same goes for slavers, though ah hate them the most."
"Hmm, interesting. Second question, how far away were you went you heard the gunshots and what were you doing there? if you don't mind me asking."
"That would be two questions, and ah was maybe 5 mins away. As to what ah was doing, ah was heading somewhere 'ta sell some things."
"Ah, okay. Do you have anything you are willing to sell to us? I have caps that i'm willing to give up, heh." I said with a light chuckle.
"Sure ah do." He then pulled off one of the four bags that were attached to the back of his coat and opened it for me to see.
"These you can buy, the rest are off limits, but." He then pulled out a battle worn Cutler series pistol.
"Ah'm willing to sell this if ya got the caps." He said as he showed me the gun in his hoof.
"I have caps but I don't know If I have enough to buy that!"
"I'll tell you what, Ill give it to you for 100 caps. The next time we meet, you can give me another 100 caps, deal?"
That is probably one of the best offers I could get from one of them. The cutler series were very rare sets of weapons, only 3 sets have been made, each set consisted of a A15 - Cutler Pistol, A15 - Cutler Plasma riffle and a A15- Cutler Blade. This pistol looked like the C15 Variant, wasn't worth as much as the A15's mainly due to being made last and being weaker. The gun was still worth at least 1000 caps used and 5000 caps brand new.
"Really!? Sure yeah I can do that." I said as I took the caps from my bag.
"No catch or anything?" I asked, this deal sounded a little too good.
"No catch, ah have a feeling 'bout ya, so ah'm going to give ya it for this price."
I paid the caps and he gave me the pistol. The cutler's didn't use ammunition, they used radiation, to charge them, they would need to be set into radiated water for about 12 hours.
"So, what else are you selling?"
"Ah have some Varmint riffle ammo, some 9mm, 10mm and 20mm ammo, a Flamer fuel tank, um, a silencer and a grip for a riffle that ah don't remember what and a rainbow dash statuette that ah found a while ago."
"Rainbow dash statuette? How much is it?".
"Eh, ah don't know much about it, other than there were 7 made or something. I'll sell it to you for, 50 caps?"
"Sure." I picked the caps out of my bag and put them into his hoof. He gave me the statuette and I looked at some words that were inscribed into it. "Be Awesome!" That's Interesting.
"Well ah've got 'ta get going, trying to get to West Ironworks. Ah plan to sell the rest of the items ah've collected to a few merchants I know there. Cya you two, hope we meet again. And try not 'ta get into any more trouble?" He said as he walked off.
"Later. We won't, or at least I hope we wont." I said as I waved.
I looked over to my companion.
"Well Bait, we should probably get going, Id say we have had some good luck today overall."
"Yep..." he said as he started to walk with me out.
*** *** *** ***
We were now back onto the cracked road, It would be better to not take any detours from it if we don't want to run into any more trouble. One occurrence of trouble a day is enough for me.
As we walked, I had the statuette levitated using my telekinesis and was looking at all of the details on it.
"Be Awesome!"
I already had one other statuette, it was of Fluttershy. I opened my bag as we walked and pulled out the Fluttershy statuette and read the description "Be Pleasant." They were interesting objects, though I found a lot of things interesting, Interesting should be my catchphrase or something.
As we walked down the road, I noticed Bait's pip-buck Geiger had been reacting to something. I assumed it was the new gun I had just gotten. It must have still had some rads in it.
I put the statuettes away and pulled out the pistol. What I didn't notice before was that it also had some words engraved into it. It was small but readable, "Lock". I wondered that that meant. it also had a number above the trigger, "5." I wondered what the meanig of them were, but it would probably be best to think of it another time. I put the gun into my bag with the rest of my items. We should get some Rad-away If we were going to keep the gun.
I turned towards the road ahead and continued to walk with my companion.
This looks highly interesting!
Please tell me how you got a cover image, please?
Spacing is good, it pleases my eyes. At least at the start. Later on it gets a bit... fragmented, but its a dialogue section, its always difficult for it not to seem fragmented. But I've seen worse, yours is still pretty good.
There are a few issues with capitalisation, e.g. the equestria (names of locations and of ponies should always be capitalized. That's important for the reader to know if a character is doing something. Stupid ponies names1) in the first paragraph and a few missing spaces later on, combined with the missing capitalisation after a full stop. If you use your browser's spellchecker in your edit-screen, most of these mistakes will be marked. Since I don't see grammar errors that compromise the readability, that's the only thing you have to worry about.
There are also a few time shifts, usually when your character is telling us what he's thinking. You should stick to the past tense until you're quoting your characters thoughts (uh, I'm not sure if that's clear.) If you do so, make them italic, just for the future.
It's a good and interesting story. I'll definitely follow it's progress. Have a like and a fav and keep on writing. There're never enough FoE stories.
In case our harbingers haven't done this yet, I welcome you to the world of Fallout Equestria. If you want your story to become more known, I would recommend you to join the FoE groups and post your story into the story folders.
Here are the links:
Fallout Equestria Group
Fallout Equestria related fics
There're many nice and kind people who will be at hand with help and advice.
4250081 I'm glad you are interested in it. :D
4250147 Are you asking me how I added a cover image? Or are you asking me where I got it? I made it myself.
4250252 I was trying harder in the first chapters... I kinda got carried away in trying to put more detail into the later ones and I guess I started to get worse with capitalization and grammar as time went on. For the thoughts thing, I don't completely know what you are talking about with the italics. Still, thanks for pointing these out to me and thank you for welcoming me. :D
4250340 How do you make it?
4250252 Fancy meeting you here, Tetra.
4250340
I'll be using a piece of my own story as a example: (I hope that's not too arrogant)
The crucial points are bold
The first one is a thought that is told by the character, so it's basicly like a piece of the narration. It's too detailed to be a real thought, the character tells the readers what she thinks. Therefor it is written like a normal piece of text.
The second one is a thought the character could've had this very moment. So it's like a piece of dialogue, like quoting what the character said to herself. But since I don't like the use of inverted commas in my text, I made them italic.
Just: Telling what your character thinks <-> your character's exact thoughts
Basicly it's just a personal preference, to point out those differences. You don't have to do that (to be honest I haven't seen anyone doing this ever.)
You may just ignore this comment, just me being a bit silly. I'm not even sure if what I told you makes sense to anyone but me.
4250361
I have my eyes everywhere, just like the government or those nine-eyed leeches...
4250447 New chapter of my story is out. Also, you`re like the government?
*Quickly starts deleting all porn on hard drive*
4250438 That makes sense to me :D
I'll try to use that.
4250469 Idk if others are suppose to comment here like this is a chat or something, but I would prefer if comments were somewhat related to the story or talking to others about the story (not trying to sound rude...)
I fixed a bit in the first chapter, I hope it looks better now.
4253528 Chapter 2 now edited a little bit as well.
4253570 and now chapter 3 is done. if anyone sees anything, in any chapter, please feel free to tell me.