I give you 10 hooves up sir

3532759

Thanks for the comment! (As always) Anyway, I agree with you about revealing Wester's story. However, looking ahead at my notes and how the chapters would progress I didn't see many places to fit it in. I am all about the sturdy climb to a reveal, as one of my favorite characters in animation is exactly like that.

I hope you enjoy the side story. And I'm currently working on Silvermane as we speak, so it should be out soon! (Hopefully, the large amounts of snow have been making the power fluctuate.)

I look forward to hearing your review on the side story!

3661646

Thank you for the wonderful comment Big Mac! Or should I say, your highness.

X3

Double chapter comment time! Well, chapter/side story comment time! Alright, so the side story first:

I enjoyed seeing Wester and Lucky's interactions here, since it showed me just how much these two have lost in the present time. A part of me still thinks this kind of background stuff should be somehow interlaced in the main story, but I can accept it in this format. I did feel for Wester here, as the adult struggling to keep a younger kid's spirits up in a bleak situation. The conversations between him and Lucky (Okay, I'm assuming she changed her name to Lucy, later on or something?) all sounded natural. If I have any criticism, its that the section towards the end did feel a tad clunky, if mainly because for the purpose of driving Wester to keep using his magic, you really only needed the one threat; either the ghouls or the raiders. Having both show up sort of felt unneeded, as one threat takes away from another threat. I probably would've kept the enemy at just the raiders, and expanded their role as a threat. But overall, enjoyed the side story.

Now for the Silverman chapter:

You probably never heard of it, but your initial description of the towers made me think of the Limitless Fortress from the Get Backers anime. Not a bad thing, just something that popped into my head during that initial description. The interior reminds me of the Sierra Madre. Man, those freelancers really are a lazy sounding bunch; they do realize that being freelancers implies they take on freelance work, right? Well, protecting the tower and its radio is pretty important. I like that the 'Cool Blue' show actually goes out of it's way to gather as much information as possible, though I wonder if they've got some kind of well connected communications network set up to get so much up to date info so fast. I like the little twist of the Cool Blue thing being a wife and husband pair; kind of fits the idea of a DJ that runs 'his' show near twenty four/seven.

So, the brothers finally have a potential final destination for finding their mother, and of course she's in the most remote difficult to get to location possible. Well, what they could really use is Lucy's wagon, though with their new numbers that might be a bit much weight for her to carry. Neo and Ally sharing a room went about as adorable/awkward as could be expected.

Hmm, so the dissonance between Vladimir/Little Red and Shadow Red is getting even more prevalent. Guy's not going to have a functioning liver before long if he keeps up that kind of drinking. Now the mysterious Iron Hammer is revealed as a missile of some kind. Drat, and here I was hoping for something akin to Metal Gear. Missile is cool though. Just wondering if its literally just another balefire equipped missile, or if its got something special going on it with it. Time shall tell. Oh, and creepy Warden is creepy.

And we leave off with our party getting into trouble with slavers. We'll see how well that goes. 'Till next time, looking forward to it!

3723642

I always look forward to your reviews. I'm glad you covered both the chapter, and the side-story. I agree that the ending is a little clanky. That is my fault. (For future preference that's going in the memory vault. I have a problem with endings sometimes happing like that. Though besides this time, and one other it hasn't been a big issue thankfully.)

As for Lucy's name. It was stated earlier in the story that her name was Lucy Luck. And when Wester found her he called her Lucky. Even now, he still refers to her as Lucky. Which is almost a first response thing for him despite his loss of memories. Also, the Warden is creepy, and we'll see much more of him later.

As for the whole set up for the radio towers, I just thought that it made the most sense. When I had created Cool Blue and his wife, I figured that was the best way to go about it. Which in the end turned out to be the best choice. Anyway, thank you for the review! As always I work on the next chapter tirelessly so that you, the readers, can enjoy it as soon as possible.

3812322

Oh, I am. In fact, right as we speak I'm working on chapter 27. (I sometimes stop in-between writings to update pages and so on.)

3935411

Thanks for the delightful comment!

I find it amusing to see how many words big this story is but how very very few views it has.

4001899

That is the tragic part isn't it?

4001903

I don't understand why you put so much effort into something that doesn't get alot of attention

4002145

Because at the end of the day I can say I did it. No one else. I made this story with my mind, and my time. Not only that but I made a promise to myself that I would finish what I started. If I thought only for fame, then I would get nowhere with none of the work I do here, or outside of the fandom. Nothing would get done.

It is the pure, wild urge to write that keeps me going. That, and the few people who do read this read it, and care. And it is through those simple reads that I am compelled to continue. Because that is what's wrong with many people, they stop because it's too hard, because they think no one cares. There are people who do, and it is hard. While not many, you still have readers. And you shouldn't disappoint just because you don't have a thousand likes, and favs.

I had an email saying this got updated... maybe my email is just slow

4002527

No, it was a mistake. The new chapter that I'm working on got published for some reason. It's not done yet. I've correct the issue though, so rest assure that you're not going insane.

Ok just checking

wow you have improved since chapter one the story keeps getting better chapter by chapter.
damn shame there is only one chapter left for me to read before I have to wait, but I look forwarded to reading it!
Keep up this great story.

4285939

Thanks for the review! I enjoy some of the things you covered, because they are some sections and places I really wanted to focus on. I plan for a whole bunch to be in the next chapter! So stay tuned!

- Noakwolf

4448167

Glad you liked it! There will be some interesting stuff in store for our two captured ponies. So stay tuned!

- Noakwolf

4459772

Strange, I didn't realize I was doing that. Kkat did something similar with the Pipbuck name, and even Little Pip's name. Though, you are right. I'm a little embarrassed now.

When the story is done and I go through the whole thing I'll fix it. Thanks for pointing this out!

- Noakwolf

4638341

Thanks again for another wonderful review of the chapter! I too felt the swimming scene would drag on, so I tried to make it fairly brief but keep it going. I just got done with the next chapter, and over the next week/days I'll be prepping it for release.

4803317

Indeed, she's not entirely stable emotionally. I enjoy writing her specifically because she's a child. They have an entirely different way of thinking.

Right now I'm bout 35% done with the next chapter. Hopefully I can make that 45% by tonight. We'll have to see.

Anyway, thanks for another great review!

This chapter is not required to read?

5045962

The Side-Story Special?

If so no, not entirely. It doesn't contribute to the overall main story. I wrote it as a piece to the ABC's Fo:E collaboration. Alas, I could not put it into a separate story... (I have trouble with the admins and they won't let me post stuff.)

Since that's the case I put it here. It does, however, provide some backstory on Lucy and Wester's friendship. I've been told on numerous occasions that it is a wonderful read -- so I couldn't tell you to or not to read it. If you just want to follow the main story though, you can just pass it by. If you want a nice little one-shot set with characters from Brotherhood you can take a gander.

If you are referring to the chapter: Into the Mines, that is a chapter you have to read to know more about the continuing story.

Hope that clarifies everything!

- Noakwolf

5046314

Thanks Noak.

5046468

No problem, and thanks for reading!

5046635

Hey Noak, what is the chapter who is in the tower that has a different name TenPony Tower? Because I try to remember the moments that I forget of history.

And what is the color of mane Cool Blue?

And perhaps also the chapter where they enter the base of freelancers

If this does not bother you?

5214263

Silvermane tower would be the one your thinking about. In the province I made for this story, the broadcast signals at Tenpony only reach a certain region of the province. So, to broadcast music/news in their region Cool Blue (and his wife Amour) took it upon themselves to bring information to the land. (He also has a black mane if I'm not mistaken.) It's like how the Mojave wasteland has a broadcasting network of its own.

The Freelancers hang out at Silvermane tower. You can see this in the chapter: Silvermane.

I think that should answer all of your questions. I can understand how after a while some of the history can get a little foggy. I've had to do quite the job of remembering a lot of it myself. If you have any other comments, questions, or concerns regarding the story please let me know! Thanks again for reading!

- Noakwolf

5297503

Thatch is an Earth pony. I described his features in an earlier chapter. (Chapter 27 or 28 if I'm not mistaken.)

And no, sadly the animatronics are not a reference to Five Nights at Freddy's.

I'm very glad you enjoyed the chapter! Thank you for reading, and leaving a comment!

- Noakwolf

Wow, this story really picked up! I'm glad to see it doing as well as it is. I would write a review, but it seems like Thatguyvex has me beat! I can provide overview reviews, but he took it to the next level. A review per chapter? Whew, I can't top that. I mean I could if I tried.

Keep up the good work, Noak!

5552531

I will! :3

5693182

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for commenting!

5708536

I deleted my old reply, as I imagined I should give you a proper, but late response.

While writing the initial draft I felt like there wasn't enough conflict, nor was the motivation to stop him that great. Additionally, in the story's province, she worked with him before. This opened, at least to me, a whole range of possibilities to expand their mother's personality and character.

One thing I love about this site is the ability to practice these things. Though, judging by your reaction I can tell you're a little indifferent about the choices I made. That's fair.

However, what I've put down is what I've put down. The lack of frequent editors (they come and go which is very sad) has made deciding which way to turn very difficult.

Even after looking back on the story I can see the mistakes a younger, less experienced me, has made. Some of which are common among inexperienced writers. Over time I've been able to hone my skills, and of course I am no where near perfect as is this story.

If I was writing this as a novel I'd send to a publishing company (in a hypothetical sense) I would defiantly say this is a first -- incredibly rough -- draft. There are so many things I would have kept/re-written. Plot elements I would have changes, or twisted. Mostly for the betterment of the story.

A less-experience me did not know these things. And, should the time come I create another completed work (when this is done) I'll highly consider the mistakes I made here. To improve that story, or all other future stories, as a whole.

Thank you for leaving a comment! And thank you for reading!

- Noakwolf

I will never forget this story FoE. BH, never!

.......... why Vladimir why?!

6353592

I'm glad you enjoyed it! And thanks for leaving a comment!

-Noakwolf

Noakwolf

I just wanted to give you a thumbs up on Brotherhood... I love the story so far (I'm only up to Road to Freedom Part 2).

Neo and Adam do play well off each other but I like to myriad of minor characters they meet interesting as well.

Great job!

6713279

While I'm not regularly on the website anymore, I'm glad you took the time to leave a comment! It's always nice to hear from the readers!

=)

Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)

7110999

Oh my gosh! Thanks for letting me know! =)

7117251 come join us. ^-^ we welcome self advertising. come and gush about your story.

7117338

I left the fandom some time ago, so I keep to myself mostly. The only exception I make is a few times I'll pop on and off to check for comments with the hopes of answering questions people might have if they happen to ask.

Yet, despite leaving, I'm continually surprised by the amount of traffic this story gets. Even people (much like yourself) are sharing it on various media outlets. It's really heartwarming, but as I work on my first original novel I don't give this much attention. (Aside from the teensy bit mentioned previously.) Though, eventually, I plan to come by and make a full printed version of this story to keep for myself.

If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?

8724149

That's an interesting question. I'd honestly have to hold auditions to find a suitable voice actor for either. The big brother's got a younger, 20 something voice that never quite completely developed past 17. There's still hints of that scrappy teenager in his tone, in the back of the throat. Little brother's got a much younger voice. He's about 15, so I imagined it's either pretty high for a teenager, or just lapsing into that adolescent phase.

When I started writing the story I had this almost child-like voice in mind for him, and I wrote his dialogue thinking like that. The older brother's voice has, since the beginning, been pretty much the same in my head.

Hope that answers your questions. Thanks for leaving a comment!

-- Noak

Really loving this story. Just reached halfway at Silvermane chapter.

10199042

Thank you for the comment! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

Still going strong... The Coming Storm... an excellent story despite the editing fluffs.

Just finished. Excellent story. Well worth the read.

10227029

Thank you! Despite the wonderful help with proofreading here and there - even now I still find errors that somehow snuck past us. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and for leaving a comment!