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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Looks good. I can't wait for more.
Hey man, just got done reading the first chapter, and I enjoyed what I was reading, despite not really being into Fallout and having not read Fallout Equestria. As you asked for my opinion on what I thought about it, I find that Slashwing's character really is fine as it is thus far, but most of my thoughts were about Boom. My only real critique (as I want to avoid being nit-picky if I can help it) is that we do not know that much about Boom, except that she is female, there is no mention of her coat/mane colors, whether or not she is carrying a weapon (though we find out later, I personally feel that would have been better if mentioned earlier on when they first met) or if she is wearing some kind of armor or suit. In regards to the ending, I am curious as to why Boom was upset, it does not mention it here, and there are many things you can do with that which could be either good or bad, but I will withhold my judgement as I continue reading.
Hope this was helpful in some way.
Not bad. Continue.
Before I begin, you should know that I’ve never played any of the Fallout games. Don’t consider myself much of a gamer in general. The Elder Scrolls, Knight of the Old Republic, Mass Effect… that’s about it for me. But I figure I don’t need to know about post-apocalyptic games in order to understand what’s going on.
Anyway, this is certainly an interesting way to open up a story. It's peculiar that Slashwing is a rock farmer turned soldier/mercenary. I suppose that in a world ridden with disarray and anarchy, one has very limited options to make a living. I'm guessing he's the new guy in the stable. However, if the Overmare was confident in his capabilities, he must have done something worthy of the recognition. I'm left wondering what it may have been.
At first, I was perplexed by the existence of firearms in your story. I mean, since ponies have no opposable digits on their hooves, I was wondering how they could possibly pull the trigger. But my confusion went away when you clarified that ponies use their mouths to hold and discharge their guns. It would make much more sense if they used their teeth. Aiming and stabilizing their weapons would be a hell of a lot easier. Still, Reloading and arming must be a bitch!
I can tell that Slashwing is not going to have a good day. He's been shot twice, regurgitated his last meal, gotten separated from his stable, and has woken up in uncharted territory. Unless this is what constitutes everyday living in Fallout: Equestria, he's in for some deep trouble. But you've given him a realistic ability to cope with those types of unforeseen complications.
Overall, this chapter was a fine start. There were some notable grammatical and syntactical errors that even the editor overlooked, and the pacing seemed a little quick at times. Other than that, I'd say you're off to a decent beginning. I'll check out the next chapter soon.