Rivet Turner is a maintenance pony living in Stable 12. One day while working he finds a strange message on a terminal and is thrust into the unforgiving wasteland of Equestria.
“You're not half bad at this.” the grey pony said, watching me tear apart the pistols and reassemble them with my magic. It was a tedious process. I would examine each piece before deciding on which was better. One would might be slightly rustier than the other or look more worn and used. First, losing the highlighted would makes the sentence sound better. Second just worn sounds better than worn and used. In my opinion.
“Hmm, that could be kinda useful out here. Oh! almost forgot.” He grabbed his saddle bag and started rifling through it. “A little gift, figured you might need it” He laid out three pairs of rough, brown clothing. “Leather, its not the best, but it’ll protect you a bit more than that stable barding. Found it on the caravan when we went back to clear out those nasties in the cave.” The a in almost should be capitalized. Leather. It is not the best, but it'll protect you more than that stable barding. That sounds better.
The guard shrugged. “Alright, if you think you can handle yourselves i'm not gonna try and stop you. But Daisy will, and you know it.” I'm, not i'm.
He leaned back again. “Theres a trader settlement up in Trottingham, you should make a stop there while you're in the city. Its called Junction 26. Its a bit farther into the City than the Stable-Tech building, just follow the main road and you can’t miss it.” Punctuation on the theres and its highlighted. It should be there's and it's
“Are you sure theres nothing I can do to convince you to stay?” The yellow pony asked as we approached the gates. There's instead of theres. You've seen this before
“Its nothing, lets get going.” Another its instead of it's.
I shot him a confused look, but he didn’t bother to look back at me. Instead he took my silence as a hint to continue. “We haven't seen or heard anything from the organization in almost a week. I wonder what they’re up to. If they do show up again, we’re not equipped to handle those suits.” The organization you refer to should be capitalized.
Deadbolt sighed. “Why? Its just an old building. We need to keep moving.” Another its/it's
“Engineering log, Chief Engineer Ratchet reporting. Due to recent cutbacks I had to let go half of the maintenance staff. I don’t see why we don’t get rid of some of the paper pushers, we’re the ones who actually make the money here. In addition to that, one of the Gutzy bots had a bit of an incident. It went crazy and buzz sawed the main conveyor belt, thankfully we shut it down before it had a chance to actually hurt anyone. Now corporate wants us to run diagnostics on all of the robots, which means I just lost my weekend We’ll also have to replace the belt before we can start production back up.” First, you have a double space between Engineer and Ratchet. Second You need a period between weekend and We'll Third, I think We instead of We'll will work better there.
You've been missing punctuation and capitalization in several places. Too many to highlight individually. However, I will say that the mistakes are repeated. You find one highlighted, it is a good chance you might see it again.
3061637
Thank you. Also thank you for pointing that out.
3061741
Well then, I guess I should thank you again for the help. I'll have to go back through and fix those.
3064064
Yeah that was a bit of an accident and a bit of ignorance of how the site works on my part. Also plenty of panic.
Surprise!
“You're not half bad at this.” the grey pony said, watching me tear apart the pistols and reassemble them with my magic. It was a tedious process. I would examine each piece before deciding on which was better. One would might be slightly rustier than the other or look more worn and used.
First, losing the highlighted would makes the sentence sound better.
Second just worn sounds better than worn and used. In my opinion.
“Hmm, that could be kinda useful out here. Oh! almost forgot.” He grabbed his saddle bag and started rifling through it. “A little gift, figured you might need it” He laid out three pairs of rough, brown clothing. “Leather, its not the best, but it’ll protect you a bit more than that stable barding. Found it on the caravan when we went back to clear out those nasties in the cave.”
The a in almost should be capitalized.
Leather. It is not the best, but it'll protect you more than that stable barding. That sounds better.
The guard shrugged. “Alright, if you think you can handle yourselves i'm not gonna try and stop you. But Daisy will, and you know it.”
I'm, not i'm.
He leaned back again. “Theres a trader settlement up in Trottingham, you should make a stop there while you're in the city. Its called Junction 26. Its a bit farther into the City than the Stable-Tech building, just follow the main road and you can’t miss it.”
Punctuation on the theres and its highlighted. It should be there's and it's
“Are you sure theres nothing I can do to convince you to stay?” The yellow pony asked as we approached the gates.
There's instead of theres. You've seen this before
“Its nothing, lets get going.”
Another its instead of it's.
I shot him a confused look, but he didn’t bother to look back at me. Instead he took my silence as a hint to continue. “We haven't seen or heard anything from the organization in almost a week. I wonder what they’re up to. If they do show up again, we’re not equipped to handle those suits.”
The organization you refer to should be capitalized.
Deadbolt sighed. “Why? Its just an old building. We need to keep moving.”
Another its/it's
“Engineering log, Chief Engineer Ratchet reporting. Due to recent cutbacks I had to let go half of the maintenance staff. I don’t see why we don’t get rid of some of the paper pushers, we’re the ones who actually make the money here. In addition to that, one of the Gutzy bots had a bit of an incident. It went crazy and buzz sawed the main conveyor belt, thankfully we shut it down before it had a chance to actually hurt anyone. Now corporate wants us to run diagnostics on all of the robots, which means I just lost my weekend We’ll also have to replace the belt before we can start production back up.”
First, you have a double space between Engineer and Ratchet.
Second You need a period between weekend and We'll
Third, I think We instead of We'll will work better there.
You've been missing punctuation and capitalization in several places. Too many to highlight individually. However, I will say that the mistakes are repeated. You find one highlighted, it is a good chance you might see it again.
The story is going strong! Keep up the good work!
well it looks good so far