His name is Free, and he was a slave. But when he found his opening and escaped his owners, he finds that the wasteland holds its own horrors. Will he remain uncorrupted? Or will the wasteland wittle away all that he holds dear until he breaks?
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So, let me get this straight. The overmare (or overstallion) of Stable 121 was basically a sacrificial victim for some kind of horrible Stable-Tech experiment, right? And the pony elected for such role was chosen out of antipathy, right?
... hmm, you know, I half-expected a cliche situation where the protagonists end up being involved in the sacrificial chamber as part of the experiment and then had to escape by fighting through hordes of robots and automated defenses, or at least they would investigate the horrors behind the Stable. Having them simply walk through the exit is... somehow refreshing, if not even more realistic. We're talking of ponies that have spent their entire lives as slaves, their vision of the world is rather incomplete if not a bit simplistic. Their primary goal is to survive and have back the lives they were stolen when they were captured, it makes sense they wouldn't investigate what is basically an underground mass grave. I can understand their decision (and yours as author): some secrets are better if left unraveled.
7999292
See, you get it!
EDIT:
Exploring something fully is conditioning brought on by gaming. We KNOW the exit is that way, but what's down this corridor here? What if I miss something? I better go check!
That line of thinking is bat-shit crazy when it comes to a structure full of corpses. Survival instinct just screams "GTFO!!!"
7999486 Yay! I'm a detective!
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/a/a1/Pinkie_Pie_blowing_bubbles_with_her_pipe_S2E24.png/revision/latest?cb=20120409091406
EDIT: I know. I mean, the gaming logic is "screw danger, let's loot all this free s**t and gain XP in the creepy bunker!"
While any sane person would say "let's get the hell out of here and leave these poor bastards rest in peace".
7999510
You certainly are.
8001440
I will!
I'm currently 9 pages into chapter 5
Good chapter WeaponPrime!
I think you need to go back in and change back from italics after the second recording (the entire end of the chapter is italicized as if it is a recording and not realtime actions).Keep it up!EDIT - WeaponPrime addressed the concern.
8002574
Thanks! And double thanks! I went back and found the issue!
8003476
That's great! Stick around, I have a lot planned!
Here's my review of chapter 1.
Review
8085209
Ohh silly bot, the answer to all of your questions is quite simple... 42!
Don't know what I think about the experiment, its clearly based on the voting Vault, but since there are all of those bots that does all of the work does it ad something new, and is clearly meant to be "Would the leader sacrifice themselves for their people?" place instead of "How will people act when one have to die for the rest to live". That they didn't even think "Welp, maybe someone beside the leader should offer themselves" is lovely pony.
Nitpick:
"“How long have we got?”" You need a line before this sentence.
"[/hr]" You should remove the /, and this happens multiple times.
"Please proceed to the next room where you will be given your barding and a pip-buck" Capital letters
"Nothing appeared to be falling in on itself or ramshackle and aside from the corpses and a layer of dirt or dust, " Pretty sure that it should be ramshackled, even if it have a red line in my end
"The stable was worlds different than both The Dig and the museum." Capital
"Corpses lay across the floor" Pretty sure it should be laid
"Each body was clad in the same blue barding and bore pip-bucks." Capital letters
"“Easy now. No. Sudden. Movements,”" Need a line of spacing before this
"Everypony in the stable knows it." Capital
"“What did you do?”" Need a line of spacing before this
8881038
Wow... I completely dropped the ball on those stupid line break codes. Thank you very much. I see you suggesting I capitalize pip-buck and stable, but I can't bring myself to do it. Mainly for the same reason one wouldn't capitalize computer or building. If I call it the Pip-Buck 3001 or Stable 121, then its different, then it feels like a proper noun to me.
Just, giving some insight into my madness (there's definitely madness in there).
The Stable is heavily based on the voting Vault from Fallout... New Vegas?... But the idea of robots doing all the labor was a personal twist. As for a more devious experiment underneath it all, I couldn't think of one and didn't want to rip off the vault entirely, so I didn't have Jerry and Free investigate further to learn more. As Dragon Hunter pointed out, they're not too keen to explore the depths of a vault. Particularly after the nonsense they went through at the museum.
Glad to see you're enjoying everything.
You are enjoying it, right?