Alright, first piece of writing. Well, as someone who reads alot of this stuff, I must say that it is pretty well written and can go pretty far. Though this is a very over used plot, being a new writer just means you are getting the hang of it. Hopefully you can get your own style of writing and kind of break away from the cliché.

Not bad. Scene changes are inconsistent.

Arrive by 17:00 hours, and you will receive your reward.

Should be '1700 hours'.