Background Pony 2: The Re-Backgrounding (no, of course not) · 7:11am Nov 29th, 2012
We zero in on the Town Hall of Ponyville, covered in a layer of frost. Cold currents of gray water lap against the edges of the wooden finish, saturating the balconies under the haunting cadence of rattling chains.
=Last time we saw her, she had just found existential meaning in spite of the constant pestilence of soul-shattering ennui.=
We close in on a window, through which the pale image of Aria can be seen pacing intimidatingly upon a broad, torchlit stage. There is a flash of lightning which reveals the trembling image of Twilight Sparkle, Ambrosia, and Morning Dew seated below her, fettered by metal hoofcuffs.
=We thought she was dead; we thought that she was gone to the poni poni poni afterlife.=
Princess Aria glares down at the three captured ponies. She tilts her head to the ceiling of the Town Hall interior, letting loose a loud, bellowing note. Responding in the same ghostly melody, a company of sword-bearing undead ponies crawl out of hiding, dragging chains and hissing in cadence to her unholy song.
There is another flash of lightning, this time casting the silhouette of a figure in a hoodie across the torchlit scene. Aria gasps, gazing up at a stain glass window.
=But this summer, she has come back to sing of those forgotten... in 3D=
CRASSSSSH!!!!!1111
With the thunderous sound of a throttling engine, Lyra rides in through the stained glass window atop a motorcycle. Multicolored shards splash all around her as she takes her hooves off the handles, reaches into her hoodie, and whips out a pair of rain-slicked uzis. Another flash of lightning, and she fires at the multitude of shrieking undead ponies while descending in slow motion.
Bullets bounce all across the floor and walls of the place, shattering wood, shredding banners, and reducing torches to ashen splashes of flame. The floor catches fire just as Lyra’s motorcylce lands, skidding sideways and rendering several bullet-riddled corpses to giblets.
A close up reveals Twilight gasping in surprise, Ambrosia twitching in shock, and Morning Dew smiling in orgasmic joy. Princess Aria sneers, her violet eyes flashing.
Lyra reloads her uzis, lowers her hood, and sexily tosses her cyan mane loose as she hisses, “Time for an encore.”
“My faithful chorus!” Aria shouts, pointing a skeletal forelimb. “Strip that bitch of her melody!”
With a joint warcry, the multitude of rattling abominations charge at her.
Lyra shouts in return, backflips, and kicks the motorcycle into them. While spinning in slow motion, she pivots about through mid-air and takes a single pot-shot at the vehicle’s fuel tank. The resulting explosion sends limbs and bits of chains flying in every direction. Landing in a heroic slide, Lyra strips of her hoodie, revealing a sword sheath and a scarlet bikini top. With a metallic ring, she unleashes her katana and charges murderously into the phalanx of shrieking monsters.
=She’s badder...=
Flash frame of Lyra slicing the skulls off two undead ponies.
=Meaner...=
Another flash of Lyra sticking an uzi down one zombie pony’s throat and pulling the trigger. Blam!.
=And greener than ever...
Lyra slices one monster down the center and kicks its entrails into the flames.
=She’s come back to make the world remember her song...=
Lyra yanks a grenade pin loose with her teeth and tosses the explosive into a pile of bodies and chains.
=...her song of JUSTICE=
Close up shot of Lyra’s glaring face as she slowly trots away from the huge fiery explosion without looking back at it.
=And you’re damn sure its gonna be another four hundred thousand more words of pure, unadulterated badflankery=
“Get back, impudent mortal!” Aria shouts, backtrotting with a fearful tremble as Lyra alights the stage. “I was only doing the Matriarch’s holy will!”
“Then allow me to say a prayer,” Lyra sneers as she shoves the katana deep into Aria’s gasping bosom. She leans in under the dancing kaleidoscope of firelight and murmurs into the alicorn’s twitching ears. “‘Give us this day our daily blood!’”
With a grunt, Lyra yanks the sword up and out, turns around, and kneels. Two seconds pass by, and suddenly Aria spurts out red life juice from every orifice. With a melting scream, she collapses dead to the stage, after which Lyra tilts her head high and bellows to the ceiling.
“MUSICCCCCCC!!!”
=FLASH!=
“Totally awesome, in a completely unbiased, nonpartisan way.” ~Ponky
=FLASH!=
“Could use some editing, but face it, Skirts gets featured no matter what crap he does.” ~Warden
=FLASH!=
“Goddammit, I need a drink.” ~Vimbert
=FLASH!=
“My ovaries approve of this.” ~Csquared
=FLASH!=
“Almost as sexy as Skirts’ voice!” ~ArtInspired
=FLASH!=
“Finally, something that isn’t clop or Lyra sitting on a goddam bench... and having sex with it.” ~DPV111
=FLASH!=
“Stop putting words in my mouth.” ~Spotlight
=FLASH!=
“It brings to forefront the essential conflict of the inner psyche as juxtaposed with social psychological contrivances and the philosophical frame of the world as a whole, making us seek truth within ourselves while Lyra seeks truth from other ponies... through bullets.” ~Pilate
=FLASH!=
“I want to make a blog about it! A badass blog!” ~Wanderer D
=FLASH!=
“Why would I care?” ~Chromosome
=FLASH!=
“I didn’t read it, but I’m pretty sure it’s a lot less smelly than my fans.” ~Lauren Faust
=FLASSSSH!=
We roll in behind Lyra’s back as she trots over to the three ponies. Twilight looks up with sparkling eyes. Lyra gives the lavender unicorn the pleasure of being stroked by her tail, and Twilight faints, swooning pleasurably. Lyra next approaches the other two. Ambrosia stands up, smiling and drawling excitedly, “Land’s sakes! We’re sure glad you came back here to save us, Missy!”
Lyra shoves Ambrosia harshly to the side. She lifts Morning Dew up with telekinesis.
Morning Dew gulps, his cheeks flaming. “Angel...”
“Hello, sexy,” Lyra slurs, her eyes narrow. “Do you like horns?”
“Erm...” He stammers. “Do I have a choice?”
“Hell no.” And Lyra frenches him heavily on the face, tilting him over and smothering him with her muzzle. Ambrosia tries to get back up, but is bucked into a flaming pile of entrails by one of Lyra’s rear hooves.
=This Summer, take a deep breath and prepare to sing for...=
A series of bulletholes spread thoughout the screen from behind, forming the title
BACKGROUND PONY 2: THE RE-BACKGROUNDING
The letters fall away, and Lyra appears, covered in bruises, burns, and hickeys. She smokes a cigar while a deliriously happy Morning Dew lies draped over her back.
“Sing my song and become enlightened, mother(BLEEP)ers!”
The sound of a gunshot overwhelms us, followed by the text: Yeah... uh, no.
F’naaa. I had nothing legitimate to blog about. It was either this or more gratuitous Disney Princess pics.
I'm about 5,000 words into the trivia winner’s story after a single day of writing, hoping that Christmas will decide to skip itself this year.
Have a happy existence marsupials, especially those of you who will unsubscribe from me because of that.
Also Ponky draws sexy shoulders
-SS&E
Aw hell. Who am I kidding? F'naaa:
th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2012/326/a/a/skirts___nightmare_by_pianoponky-d5lveif.jpg
I will direct that movie someday. Mark my words.
..... er....mah....gerd.....
This is amazing...
I wonder if Equestria has the expendables?
Lyra, as played by Christopher Walken!
So this was a pointless blog? Seems legit, though I probably read the last part wrong.
551304Why aren't her thighs as big as my head?(jk funny picture)
In the words of Photofinish: Vats haz just happened?
What I'd give to see that...
Sounds better AND more action-y than a Micheal Bay movie.
What the hell is this?
I haven't read the end of Background Pony yet, saving that for some other time.
This blog doesn't in anyway spoil the ending does it? I was only skimming through this
and by the looks of it, it doesn't look even remotely serious.
I have always wondered...
how do you pronounce F'naaaaaaaaaa
I came.
Chun Li's thighs not thick enough.
I have never read a more awesome preview than that...
I only have one important question.
A VERY important question. A question that is crucial to my understanding of your writting, nay the UNIVERSE!
One that I think only a master of the written word and extentialist rambling like yourself can answer...
How the hay can Lyra fire an uzi with hooves?
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Because you didn't use protection Lyra. Because you didn't know where that bench had been...
Or who it hurt...
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120511163641/mlp/images/8/8f/S2E03_Twilight_on_the_bench.png
Made finals look a little less bleak.
This kind of reminds me of 'The White Room."
At least I think it's called that. The first story was all serious and sad, where this colt was locked up because Celestia feared his magical ability to make anything he paints become real, Twilight gets him some paint, and the story ends with him about to paint himself a noose...
Then the second fic comes out where he's like, "Ha! Fuck this noise," and he C4's his way out of the cell he was in, frees the other inmates, rides a nuke into the throne room, and carries Twilight away on a jetpack before the nuke explodes.
And then they fuck the end.
I'd pay to watch this.
Hey look, Shortskirts is writing gratuitous action.
It's almost like he has a fic where he does that really well and without irony that he hasn't updated in a year now.
Ah well, even if he did it's not like everyone is waiting for it.
551325 Brace yourself for the mobs of people who actually look into this stuff.
Yeoman, out
Heh.
551304
Don't forget to honor the source material and make it a 10 hour long epic.
551361 Each chapter will get its own film.
God damnit Snow White what did I tell you about trigger discipline?
Skirts, why does that quote sound like something I'd say!? How could you possibly know me well enough for that?
I could totally see you writing a 400,000 word action scene though. That is, if Kaizo Petra v1 is any indication...
551304 Take my money damn it! This must be made!!!
Oh god, the quotes from everyone... they all fit, even if they're entirely fabricated and are just horrible pastiches of their online personalities.
In short, my sides have been flung out into space, orbited, sung her song, and become nothing.
Good job.
Unsubscribe? I wish I could subscribe twice after reading that.
collectiondx.com/gallery2/gallery/d/500384-5/225-+_film+directed+by+Michael+Bay_.jpg
<_<
>_>
Meh, I will post it here:
When I was reading the last two chapters of BP I thought Aria would become Chrysalis somehow to return to the world of the living without the Matriach knowing. The changelings would be the unsung, and they feed on love because it's what they desired the most, Lyra and the other two hypnotized mares would be the most recent cursed ones, who turn into that instead of changelings because reasons. The only things that don't fit right is why Aria would decide to try to take over Canterlot, but it could be to either release Discord or because the change into Chrysalis affects her mind, and what the heck is Cadance.
Disney Princesses?
So awsome!!!
How did music begin? It was with an explosion.
What I would give to see you actually attempt to make a story out of this.
Someone animate the living explosions out of this.
New headcanonical ending to Background Pony.
is that gonna be real? if so, I believe every Brony in the world would read that if it was an actual fiction (le referral to the story in the blog)
dl.dropbox.com/u/85255656/Reactions/Cool_guys_explosions.gif
HEADCANON
LOL I'm laughing so hard I can't breath, better call 911
Remijnds me of White Box: True Colors
I'm throwing my wallet at the screen but nothing's happening!
Ok, I'll admit that tickled me.
How much would it cost to make this into a feature-length film?
fund it
FUND IT
So she's Hulk now?
Snow White's gonna cut you down to size.
I'd read that. C'mon. Parody your own fic. Double the word count by copypasting
BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM
for every single gunshot.
Especially machine guns. You'd more than double your word count then.
WHY CAN'T I FAVORITE BLOGS!?
This sequel is the reason why 3D movie technology was invented.
Am I the only one hearing Don LaFontaine's voice doing the narration? This was awesome.
I'd read it
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the greatest movie ever made.
i'd watch the f**k out of it.