• Member Since 22nd Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 10th, 2018

Friendly Uncle


I like ponies.

More Blog Posts22

  • 565 weeks
    State of the Uncle

    Is there a stated rule anywhere, or even a suggestion for what we're supposed to blog about on this site? That's not a serious question. I'm pretty sure there isn't beyond the mandate that content not be illegal or otherwise upsetting, and if you're gonna talk about dirty stuff you gotta put it behind a nsfw cut? I try to keep my blogging to fanfic, or at least ponies, but I have to fight the

    Read More

    8 comments · 1,469 views
  • 567 weeks
    The Most Appropriate Euphamism I Could Think of

    Six ponies sat around the table in Rarity's den, each of them concentrating on the playing cards in their hooves. Fluttershy's ear twitched a bit as she tapped her hoof on a pile of chips.

    "... you know," she said carefully, "he's been in there an awfully long time."

    Read More

    24 comments · 1,122 views
  • 579 weeks
    Reports of my demise, etc.

    Bleah, it's been a while since I've touched this thing. Look at all the dust!

    Read More

    20 comments · 1,217 views
  • 590 weeks
    Hearthswarming Eve Contest

    Your friend and mine, fellow pony fanfic author Andrew Joshua Talon, is holding a contest this holiday season. Simply read one of his fanfics and find a scene you feel deserves artistic representation in a visual medium, and then represent it artistically. We want to see some fanart, basically. And for your contribution AJT will be rewarding prizes

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    7 comments · 682 views
  • 593 weeks
    So, how about that season premier?

    Without spoiling anything I think I can safely say... I liked it. I thought it was pretty good. Not spectacular. Doesn't hold a candle to season 1 and 2, or even season 2's finale, but still really nice. I laughed a bit, and I was actually really nervous towards the end, so the dramatic tension is there. I saw that last twist coming from a mile away, but it was still nice. Celestia is best

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    58 comments · 762 views
Oct
22nd
2012

Pony Porn · 3:26am Oct 22nd, 2012

... I wonder how surprised anyone would actually be if I actually wrote My Little Pony erotica.

Not to say I haven't done any. There's a short story out there on the interbutts about a nameless second person protagonist porking Pinkie Pie that I probably penned, but it's humanized so it doesn't really count. Humans doing the sideways mambo (or sort of diagonal, in Pinkie's case) is easy. I'm talking actual horse sex. I haven't written that yet, despite having a handful of ideas for character studies that involved sex. I also have some vague idea that I should do something nice for Spike after what happened to him in Beating the Heat. It just felt like a line I wasn't sure if I was interested in crossing.

Then a couple of my friends did a bunch of porn, and I casually mentioned that I wanted to write some dirty stuff of my own again, but as I've kind of had MLP on the brain lately it's made things difficult in that area. At which point a friend of mine said well hell if you have a mind to write about ponies doing it then go for it, ain't nobody here gonna judge you. Which wasn't exactly what I'd meant, but if that's what they want... So I got them to promise to read it and now I have to write some horse smut.

And you know, I've been thinking. I'm a huge fan of Sleepless Brony, and one of the reasons I loved Romance Reports was that the story didn't shy away from what happened in a relationship after it hit the bedroom. The story faced that particular problem and took it head on with breathless gusto. And you have to admire that in a piece of fiction (well okay no you don't have to I guess, but I do). And now here I am writing a lengthy story about the inherent problems in Celestia and Twilight's relationship, and I'm not even planning on touching on the possibly pertinent problem of how the two of them bumping uglies is supposed to work. It's not like that won't present challenges. Celestia is seriously like twice Twilight's size, they're going to have to deal with that.

I'm not sure how I would do that. I don't really want Distance to be rated Mature, there are a lot of people who would just feel like they couldn't read it anymore at that point and that kind of feels like a dick move on my part. Alternate dirty and non-dirty chapters? Link to a google doc with the naughty parts in the blog? Hell, if it's long enough I might just do a standalone short. Or maybe a couple of standalone shorts. Once I actually do this there's no telling if I'll be able to stop or not. I'm just warning everyone right now, my brain does things sometimes and I can't always control it.

I've probably got a reputation for having a dirty mind already, Luna Vs the Threesome and probably Estrus are practically porn as it is. I just crept as closely as I could to that line and kind of cackled maniacally without ever actually crossing it. But it makes me wonder what will happen if I actually upload actual pony smut. I wonder if a world where friendly Uncle has written pony sex is actually a world I want to live in.

(The answer is yes, by the way. I just have to angst about it first. It's kind of how I do things.)

Report Friendly Uncle · 1,155 views ·
Comments ( 48 )

Hah. Well, just go about doing whatever you feel like writing.

I stopped reading fully once you started ranting. I'll go back over it in a sec.

Anyways, as a clopper, I say write some smut. Because, y'know. Smut.

*Reads title*

Oh, this is gonna be GOOD. :rainbowlaugh:

You know, I had the same fears once.

However, rather than be brave about it, I posted my cloppy story on a separate account, to test the waters. Well, the waters were pretty comfortable, so now it's going up on my main account.

There's really not a lesson here, I realize. Be bold, perhaps? I think anyone who was going to judge you has already done so, after stories like "Luna vs. Threesome."

lol
Edit: here is a good judge.

How do you feel about people smiling, intimately, at what you write.

And all that dirty, dirty, laundry.

I'd give it a shot :moustache:

I say if you're gonna do clop, then do it when it really counts. Don't just go off and make a clop one-shot.

It carries effect when it's used as a tool, instead of a plot. If you've got a Romance story, and the relationship has reached that point, then all the more support to you.

Don't just do it cause you can, do it when the story calls for it as a natural progression point.

So let me get this straight. YOU...

are gonna write PONY PORN?

:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Write it. Write all of it.

Well, my advice is... if you go that route, write it as you actually envision it happening. Then take that chapter and post it as a new story. Provide a link to the unedited version in your author's note. Then, for your chapter on the teen rated story, you edit it down so that anything explicit is removed. In this way you provide content for your readers who will not read mature, while satisfying your own inclination to actually write it out as it progresses.

Ummmm... well, I love pony porn... :rainbowwild:

In terms of friendly advice, if I were you I guess I would keep a) the story how it is, b)finish it without the explicit details, and then c) share explicit scenes in a later fanfic to be published either here or maybe elsewhere [like Google Docs].

Either that, or just keep going and show all of the details that you want...

Sex is an amazing aspect of characterization and a very useful plot tool.
Fapfics tend to forget that.
I would rather see you write a story and then write sex scenes for it than write clop and try to justify it with a story.
Unless it;s just a pornographic sex scene. Than that's just what it is.

The biggest problem I had with Beating the Heat was how everything about the story revolved around the sex rather than the sex being saturated into the story.

crept as closely as I could to that line and kind of cackled maniacally without ever actually crossing it.

More of "No, I'm not over the line; it curved a little where I'm standing. I just looks like I crossed it from a distance."

The world is about to be changed. Permanently.

Well this should be good if you chose to write porn.

I say go for it. If you do have clop in Distance, maybe you should have an alternate link to another website as you said. Either way, ill be happy with whatever you do

You could always write 'Distance' the way it is and then just put like references to a separate page where you could add all of the clop scenes, like as a separate story but just for those particular scenes that would make 'Distance' into a mature story. Not that I specifically would mind if you made 'Distance' a mature story. :pinkiehappy:

439621
I've had people tell me they got off to my (non pony) erotica before. I'm strangely comfortable with it.

439631>>439634

Taking this into consideration.

439637

Oh, absolutely. If I were going to write porn for the sake of doing porn it would be its own thing and clearly labelled as such. The thing with Distance is that there is a scene that I'm planning that could very easily progress into something explicit, and I was originally going to just end it with a romantic discretion shot. Lately though, I've been thinking that's kind of a shame, and there are some aspects of the characters' private life I think could stand to be explored a little. It wouldn't be the focal point of the story, though now that I'm thinking about it I can't help but wonder if the inclusion of such a scene in any capacity wouldn't draw too much attention to itself...

Beating the Heat had problems. :applejackunsure: I still like it a lot and I had a hell of a time helping AJT write it, but there were definitely some issues with the way the sex was handled. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy's parts in particular didn't really come out the way they were meant to. On the other hoof, the story was never really supposed to be taken seriously, and there are times when you have to pick your battles in the great war of character development versus making jokes about Fluttershy being damn scary. As the intended purpose of the fic was to make people laugh and ask themselves what the hell was going on, I think we more or less succeeded (perhaps a little too well).

Be warned.

Once you got down this road, there is no turning back.

I won't say it will be a pretty road to travel, but its defiantly interesting.

I would know. I follow that road now.

And I don't have any regrets. :ajsmug:

If you choose to follow this path, I wish you luck in your clop writing.

Considering how good of a writer you are, I'll probably be reading them.

439681

Hmm. Could always do a side post called "Distance: Closeups" or something where the more explicit intimacy can be posted without needing to change the rating of the main fic.

Steel Resolve did this with "Red" his erotic side chapters for his fic "Green".

I'd read it....
while wearing a pinkie pie hat
:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

A Romance-Reports style serious look at the emotional consequences of Twilestial interactions? I approve! Romance Reports is my favorite clopfic ponyfic book work of literature. It handled sex well, and that is rare in this world.

Also, Celestia is seriously like twice Twilight's size. They're going to have to deal with that.

I want you to write an Erotic Standalone about a summer fling and call it a "One Night Standalone".

439734
When you capitalize it, Erotic Standalone sounds like an in-universe porn model. :derpytongue2:

I'd say to do one of two things: Make a "Distance, Going the" sidestory for the clop, or make a very, VERY clear marking at the start of the chapter like this
"THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEXUAL THEMES. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED", then one more warning right before and after the scene begins and ends, if the scene would involve, as DPV stated, character development that may be necessary during the story.

439681
Then you have your answer. You might not find it engaging, but you likely wont react negatively to writing smut.

I'm jealous! I have tried writing porn before, and it came out ok I guess, but I cannot write porn of the quality I desire

439743

The phrase CONTAINS MATURE CONTENT tends to raise more interest than saying SEXUALLY EXPLICIT. The reason they say sexually explicit is because they are required to. They use to say contains mature content specifically to get more ratings.

439743

This will now be the main character of the soon-to-be acclaimed, smash hit "One Night Standalone".

Keep going, this is gold.

If it involves Rarity it'll give a whole new meaning to "Riding the white pony"...OK not really, but still. :raritywink:

Well, two things. One, I wouldn't care if you do start writing clopfics.
For the other question, you can do something similar to what Green for example does (RariShy story Steel Resolve, in case you wanna look it up), the main story is Teen for all intents and purposes. But he has a side-story called Red: The Color of Passion that includes all the juicy stuff happening in Green.
Yeah, it's a cop-out, I guess, but hey, it keeps people happy I would imagine.

As many an author who has felt the same before you: Release a second story containing all the cloppy bits.

I liked Luna v. Threesome.
Not to trample on your perfectly justifiable angst, but I think that line's real fuzzy and you may have already wandered over it a few times. I enjoy your stories, and I am happy to follow you into the proverbial dark.
...I think I just ruined that song for myself.

439627 I can completely agree with you brother, do it for the love and passion not for the action itself but for the emotion behind the action, to be honest I'm not a fan of Twilight/Celstria romance but I won't shy away from anything with Luna (or Derpy) for that matter, I read and love a lot of clop, but don't just do it because you want to be naughty bro.

439768 2 words... bechdel's law. read it

Why not do clop chapters for your TwiLestia, but publish them seperately here with the proper tags? All the non-clop in as one story, and all the clop as another "story". Then you could put a note in the main fic's description. :twistnerd:

Unorthodox? Sure, but if you explained your reasoning to the mods I bet they'd roll with it; you have a positive reputation. :twilightsmile:

440098 nah, not unorthodox, thats pretty commonly done

just write what ever you want to write, if people dont like the clop fics they havnt got to read them have they.

Awww, but sticking close to the edge of the line is so much fun!
It's wonderfully uncomfortable for all parties involved. :twilightsmile:

Sex isn't porn.

Now, to qualify that... It seems to me like a lot of people/ponies do subscribe to that line you talk about, where as soon as something goes into the bedroom it turns into a Pay-per-view Vivid Video smutfest, when, at least in my opinion, this is not at all the case. (I've run into this directly, in a recent rom-com where I went into the bedroom for sloppy makeouts and light caressing, and people said it needed dialing back...)

To me, sex ought to be romantic as all hell, and is a critical piece of any serious relationship, equine or otherwise. All it takes is approaching it as such, and keeping enough of a critical writer's eye that it doesn't up and jump the shark into trope-ridden clop. There are stories that exemplify the deeper, romantic side of physical intimacy well: Romance Reports, as you mentioned. Also Desire and Deep Water, by Crowley, conveyed it rather tastefully (I thought). But finally, the piece that absolutely nails pitch-perfect physical intimacy, in my estimation, is Salvation, by the above-commenting 439616 (find the original 'abridged' version here if desired).

I hold those pieces up as examples of my point: it's not dirty unless you make it such. A work of literature can have sex in it and still be just as valid - for some subjects, more valid, rather than just fading-to-black and pretending it's off to the side and unimportant.

The final takeaway, I suppose, is write what you want to, and to hell with the angst. Good writing is good writing regardless.

So you're unsure about writing sex? Then you better don't. Don't get me wrong, I'd like to see that in "Distance" but I'd rather have a non-smut version than you, going all biologic orthodoxy on us. Please make up your mind and be sure about it first.
And nobody will judge you if you decide either way. Well maybe some people will, but I won't.

Now for the practical part, I'd suggest a side-story (or multiple, if you like) with the clop, and a clean version of that chapter in the main story.

Speaking just for me, I follow your stories for the filthy humour, rather than filth in and of itself. I'd advise against crossing that line, but I know you probably will anyway.

But the REAL question is: Is a world where friendly Uncle has written pony sex is actually a world I want to live in? And the answer is: yes, very yes.

Dis shit's fawked up.

440264

Agree with you 100%, I just wasn't very clear in the original post. Huge difference between writing a sex scene for feels and character development and writing it for clopping to. Anything I do in Distance would definitely be the former, though that doesn't mean I won't do the latter at some point in time in a different story...

440287

I think I may have overstated how hard I was thinking about this. I'm not going to write a sex scene and then freak out and I'm not actually really very upset about the possibility. I'm just... thinkin' real hard on it. Mostly worried about offending people. But I suppose I've already crossed that line plenty of times, so I should probably quit whining.

It's your writing, and it isn't like we're paying you for it. If you want to write interhorse intercourse, no one's stopping you.

I just crept as closely as I could to that line and kind of cackled maniacally without ever actually crossing it.

Not gonna lie, I laughed hard at that line. As for writing horse smut, i say why the buck not? Lotsa other folks do and I'd be interested to see how you take it(Pun only noticed after I typed that). For making adult stuff in it why not put it as a standalone or side story and mention it in the story itself? In between the chapters it would go in it's easy enough to put a comment at the end of a chapter mentioning if you want the adult stuff go here. That way you can keep a cleaner rating and still write pony porn. Everybody wins!:derpytongue2:

439638 Funny, I always feel like I'm standing on the very cliff of decency whenever I'm on the internet, anywhere on it really.

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