Story Reviews » SA Reviews #98 · 11:23pm Feb 13th, 2017
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
Plum sat back in his plush office chair, legs on top of his desk and a smoking cigar clenched between two fingers. He idly tapped the end of the cigar against an ashtray as he stared across his desk with bored interest at the only other occupant of the room. “So, we had Meta-Ferret last time with some type of insane bent to her going on. What have you got to top that this week?”
Intern fidgeted in the creaky wooden chair he sat in, trying and failing to meet Plum’s gaze. “Well, um, I was thinking we could… dial it back a bit. I mean, not every week has to have us doing something crazy and impractical. For Seattle’s sake, we just write reviews.”
“Just write reviews?!” Plum, moving faster than his slouched position would indicate, reached across the desk and grabbed intern by the collar of his office shirt. “You think that’s all we’re doing here? That we play around in our treehouses, our space stations, and our vehicles straight from a Bat Cave?” Plum pushed intern back into his creaky chair in disgust then turned around to stare out a wall-sized window, his arms crossed behind his back. With his form properly and dramatically silhouetted against the light streaming in, he said, “Well, you’re not wrong.”
It was a testament to Intern’s shock that he didn’t facefalt.
“Now look,” Plum continued. “We’re here to give the masses something they never thought they wanted. To create a need that grows so large that all reason is cast aside and the populous rushes out to read the story at the drop of a cigar. Kinda like Apple, but with less money, influence, and world domination.”
Intern remained silent for a time, processing all that he had heard. At last, he asked, “So would that make Seattle Steve Jobs or Steve Wozniak?”
“Just get the reviews out, would you?”
ROUND 98
Imagine an apple.
A golden-brown apple, dappled with red. Its skin is paper-thin, its flesh yielding and sweet. The texture smooth, not sandy. Not a single trace of tough, bitter rind.
You've eaten an apple like this before, and every apple you've eaten since has been a juicy prayer for another. Or, perhaps you have not. In that case, you wouldn't understand why the fruit of Eden is so oft represented by this tantalizing fruit. It is a symbol of hunger. It is temptation.
There is a certain kind of day, late in the autumn when all the leaves have turned to purple and red and gold, that is not very different from that apple. Days when the sky is blue and gray, like water rolling blue over steel. Fields of brown grass burn gold in the sunlight. The north wind pricks your skin, and reminds you of how alive you are.
On a day like that, well. It's not hard to see what she saw in the apple.
I haven’t read a good adventure story in a while. And after reading this story, I can cross off that box of ‘things I really need to do more often’ from said ever-growing list. Though, to say it truly fits the genre of ‘adventure’ would be a bit of a mislabel, and, for what it’s worth, a disservice to this story.
Monster Hunting is a little gem of an adventure not so much in the ‘grand journey to the ends of the non-canon earth’ that many people get all starry eyed over and have wet dreams to the tune of Dangerous Business, but rather in the expansion of an already established object within the show proper. It’s unfortunate that I have to end that thought there, as said object is actually the twist that the whole story revolves around. Now’s also probably a good time to mention that this story should also have the [Mystery] tag. But seeing as it’s from 2013, that’s simply an oversight.
To the note of ‘this is from 2013,’ when fanfiction was coming to the end of its haydays and true, objective narrative quality was still well on the rise, this story is an excellent example of the early bird getting the worm. Those irked by stilted, bland, or otherwise boring narration will find this pleasantly to their liking, along with the trappings of a well-rounded story and thought-out characters. The OC protagonist, who I initially worried would simply be nothing more than a blank stand-in, actually stands out here—something refreshing and doubly important for gryphons, I think, as they’re often the go-to for foot-in-the-door edginess.
This is a good one. Don’t pass this up.
That story intro up there? Beautiful.
The story itself? Pretty darn good.
This one caught my eye due to the title. I love a good monster and hunter story, so going in I was hoping to see a badass hunter take down an even more badass monster. In a way, I got both, and then some.
Despite the cover picture, the hunter in question is a griffon called Ritter. He’s commissioned to help Ponyville with a recent spat of disappearing ponies. He teams up with Twilight and together the duo work to solve the mystery of why ponies are entering the Everfree Forest and not coming back, along with the increase in wild weather.
I had one fear going into this and that was that Ritter would be a douche who is dark, brooding and doesn’t accept help from anypony. A bullet dodged! Ritter, while having some secrets he keeps to himself, is a professional who truly wants to help those that hire him. I liked that he doesn’t go rushing in without all the facts and comes prepared for any eventuality. Kinda like Batman, but without the dead parents angst.
Also, lots of allusions to classical mythology, which I like.
What I also also liked is how Ritter and Twilight slowly piece together the bigger picture of what’s going on. They are tracking down a monster, and it’s satisfying to see them move closer to their goal.
A little editing would help this piece, as there are some missed punctuation and capitalization, but nothing that detracts from the experience.
And that’s all I’m telling you! It’s a great piece with lots of tension building and very well done descriptions. Have at it!
STORY 2
Cold Case, by Bachiavellian
When a special birthday cake goes missing, it's up to Private Eye Pinkie Pie to figure out which of her friends is the culprit!
Who didn’t love Mystery on the Friendship Express? If you are one of the rare few who didn’t, then stop reading right now and go sit in a corner and rethink your life. You can come back when you start thinking properly. Back? Good, cause this one’s gonna knock your socks off.
To be more exact, this story takes the sleuthing style Pinkie Pie develops in Mystery on the Friendship Express? and her vocal monologues from the yak episode Party Pooped and mashes them together in an astoundingly fitting take on the noir PI style. Best part about it all: the entire story is from Pinkie Pie’s perspective as she’s monologuing the whole thing, in noir PI style, as she searches for the missing birthday cake.
This here is what makes this story work so flawlessly. This is absurdity played straight, the best kind of absurdity. Everything makes sense in context—from the noir silliness to simply why she’s out looking for a birthday cake of all things—and almost every sentence is a joke waiting have you rolling on the floor.
Honestly, I could see this one being a real episode. Extra honestly, I would love to see this as an episode.
Cold Case sounds like the name of a pony detective, doesn’t it? I’m half convinced that’s what Pinkie calls herself during this story and just didn’t think to narrate it.
Did I say narration? Because that’s exactly what we get here. Pinkie, donning her investigator persona, goes on a noir style mystery romp to find out who stole a birthday cake for a certain drake. And it’s just as silly as you would expect it to be coming from Pinkie Pie. The style of the noir is rather straightforward, with your standard detective dialogue and whatnot, but there’s a twist that makes her interactions with the rest of the cast very amusing.
To say anymore would spoil the surprise. Suffice to say, if you’re looking for some harmless but funny Pinkie Pie shenanigans, this story is for you. And a little for the ShyPie shippers out there as well!
STORY 3
Doing Well by Doing Good
As far as Fashionably Late is concerned, the Azdariz Diamond is just another jewel her husband Filthy Rich has bought for her. So when she loses it, she confides in Rarity that she'll be putting an announcement in the paper: whoever finds the diamond can keep it. To Rarity, however, the Azdariz is the finest gemstone ever produced in Equestria, and she's determined to keep it from falling into less appreciative hoofs. Donning the Mare-Do-Well suit, Rarity slips into Ponyville's midnight shadows to track the diamond down before the announcement gets published.
Then Rainbow Dash gets involved. Then things get complicated.
One of the other matters about which Rarity was rarely mistaken, she'd found, was her life-long adherence to that simple piece of business advice: the customer is never to be hit over the head with a table.
It’s always the stories that lack the comedy tag that have the best lines. Here we have an oldie-but-goodie from one of our oldest (and by that I mean longest active on the sight, though I’m sure he wouldn’t be remiss had I not clarified) writers here on Fimfiction, Augie Dog (I don’t see the point in beating around bushes, so I’ll be using his main account’s name. That name also, by virtue of being older than Baal Bunny, will probably convince those reading this that yes it will be an awesome story).
So, in short: Rarity finds out that the one jewel she’s loved more than pretty much any other has gone missing, and woe unto her if anyone incapable of appreciating its beauty gets their grubby hooves on it, so she sets out to find it herself. Things, naturally, get complicated.
Like the opening quote, what really drew me in is the narrative. The asides and trains of thought that go so well in hand with the Rarity we know and love—that prissy yet moderately rational yet over-reacting yet still with some modicum of decency despite all that. I can really see these sorts of snippets running through her head in the show at times.
Impeccable narration aside, we catch a glimpse of the Rarity we actually know and love, [spoilers] what, did you actually think I was going to spoil something for you? As if![/spoilers], and along the way get a whole lot of Rainbow Dash being Rainbow Dash. Their personalities mesh in perfect true-to-show form, and from it we get the ending most deserved to put a neat little bow on this wonderful story.
Despite how top-tier all four stories are this round, this one ended up being my top pick. It just has too much going for it and absolutely nothing going against it not to give it that slot. If you ever happen to be in a life-or-death situation where you had to pick the best story of Seattle’s Angels’ review round 98, this is your life saver.
This story. Is. ADORABLE.
Seriously, there’s nothing in this that doesn’t work and so much that does work. Rarity is voiced stupendously, displaying traits of both greed and generosity, and her knack for wanting to beautify the world around her. Rainbow Dash is Super Special Awesome, coming in like a whirlwind and providing the heart of the whole fic.
It’s… I… That’s… I mean…
… Look, what I’m trying to say is:
IT’S SO CUTE!
Let me put it this way. If you liked the interactions between Rarity and Rainbow Dash in “Rarity Investigates!”, and needed more dosage of Wonderbolt and fashionista, you’re going to love this story.
Ambergris is a pony of few pleasures, and being called out for meaningless social events is not one of them. When he bows to duty and attends, however, he barely reaches the home of his host before he is faced with something worse than tedious conversation. Something far worse.
The dreaded cockatrice, a creature capable of turning others to stone with a simple glance, has just entered the home of his host. Now a mere nuisance of an evening has become a monstrous nightmare, but as Ambergris struggles to save the occupants of the house, he must also struggle against the pressures mounting in his own mind.
I think what I enjoyed the most about this one is the narration. Set aside the happenings, the characters—the story itself—and you have yourself a picture-perfect example of how horror, and any other story, really, should be written.
Impossible Numbers sets the bar high with this wonderful addition to our story collection, with deep, intuitive narration abound. It’s easy to get lost in Ambergris’ head when this fic opens to instant characterization and what some would probably consider karmic justice. It has an almost Riverdream at Sunset (a fic we previously reviewed and one of my top favorites read for the Angels) feel in the tightly-knitted, yet sprawling language when the narrator is left to his monologues, though, those monologues appear more interspersed, which I found really helped keep this story going at a reasonable pace.
But on to the story proper. Here is the story of a pony named Ambergris, who hails from what is described as more of an upper class area of pre-banishment equestria. (There’s plenty of little snippets of implied sociological stuffs in this story, which alone make it worth the read.) He scoffs at the concept of the cockatrice, a monster he believes is the stuff of fairy tales and well-behaved children. But by the grace of storytelling, when arriving at an acquaintance's house for lunch, there one of the beasts slithers in to claim yet another victim. The rest I cannot spoil other than to assure you it is filled with tension and no small helping of trying and failing to not read ahead of myself.
It’s a simple setup, but the execution, along with the narrative strength throughout, peg this one high on my list.
Remember that scene in Jurassic Park where the kids are hiding in the kitchen from the raptors?
Take that scene, ponify it, and you’ve got this story.
Not that things play out the same way, of course. Different monster with different abilities, but the sense of building dread, the overwhelming fear, and rising tension are things to look forward to in this story.
Not that a monster in the house is all this story has going for it. The main character we follow has some baggage of his own to work through as he deals with the situations he’s confronted with. It gives a neat overlay to a story that could have been just your standard thriller, leaving you with more to think about. If anyone is familiar with the short story Poison, this fic will tackle some familiar concepts, just in pony form.
By the way, I’m quite aware that this entry was also featured by the Royal Canterlot Library, but its view count is still abysmally low. Go out and fix that, right now!
“By the way, where is my cigar?”
“When did you even start smoking?”
“I don’t, I just wanted it for the evil editor effect.” Plum began searching around his desk area.
Intern pointed a finger at a smoking trash can. “I think it’s over there, sir.”
“Oh, good. Hmm, given how much of the cigar was left before the reviews started, I say we have about five minutes before this whole building goes down in flames.”
Intern held up a fire extinguisher. “Or we could just use this.”
Sighing, Plum said, “Didn’t I ask earlier how you were going to top the last post? This is obviously the way to do it. So good job! You’ll make Jr. Trash Can Executive in no time!”
It was Intern’s turn to sigh. “I’ve quit better jobs than this.”
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
The only one I've read here is Lapidify, and it is indeed great. If you think the potential of cockatrice lore was exhausted by "Stare Master", go and read this fic. It's under 12,000 words and is well worth the time.
Aw damn, Sisters' Coronet is some top-tier shit! :D
I am literally shocked that it took so long for that comparison to be made. I had that exact scene in mind when writing the "hiding behind the sofa" portion of the fic, up to and including the impatient talon tap.
Iiiiiiinteresting.
Thanks for the feature! Also, it's kinda funny how one of you guys didn't want to spoil the gimmick and the other just went and talked about it anyway.
Glad ya'll enjoyed it!
Wasn't there a "borderline pulp action of the highest quality" posted last review?
And I don't need to rethink a damn thing, Corejo. I never enjoy stories where the mane six take off without Spike.
Make a Jurassic Park comparison and I'm sold. Jurassic Park was my Star Wars.
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I haven't done a review in quite some time, and I haven't read any of the stories from last review.
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Unfortunately:
Despite what it says up there, it isn't "The Sisters' Coronet" that they're featuring here...
Still, I'm glad folks enjoyed the story. I've been considering going back in and changing Fashionably Late into Spolied Rich to conform with the actual show, but then I figured, "Why bother? No one'll ever take any notice of an old story like this one..."
Mike
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My fault. Intern blunder. Sorry about that.
I've sent a message to WandererD.
At least I got the link right, right?
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This explains my slight confusion at the author's identity.
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Got it fixed. Again, apologies for my dumb ass Intern.
By your reviews combined, this is Seattle's Angels. Go Angels.