Commissions, or How to Own Aragón (Ever So Slightly) · 6:40pm Sep 23rd, 2016
That's right. The title of this blog is not lying.
You can buy a little Aragón now.
...With that, of course, I mean that you can buy a little piece of me, because I POUR MY SOULD AND BLOOD IN EVERY STORY I WRITE. I don't mean you can purchase a miniature spaniard that talks really fast. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I know that's been your dream for decades, but science hasn't got that far yet. Give it time.
So anyway! Have you ever really wanted to see a particular story on the site? Have you thought of something I could -- or should -- write, and for some reason I'm too stupid to think about it myself? Do you enjoy the idea of forcing a handsome person like me to sit down and write, instead of frolicking in the fields alongside a beautiful shepherd who only speaks Old German?
Then boy, do I have good news for you. You can turn those dreams into a reality now!
Price for stories is going to be 15$ per 1,000 words. The price might vary a little depending on the story -- for example, really mature stuff like explicit sex scenes, gore, or whatever might be more expensive, while long stuff might end up being cheaper 'cause you're buying by the bulk -- but that's as temptative a guideline as any. Just assume it'll be 15$ per 1,000 words and call it a day, yo.
I specialize in comedy, as you might know -- in case you had no idea, have some examples -- and I'm confident that I can write pretty much any kind of humor, from slapstick to satire to dark humor. However, I can also write romance, adventure, drama, and weird experimental stuff.
So I can write whatever genre you want me to, is what I mean. Mature stuff is eeeeeh. No porn, that's for sure. The kind of dark comedy that asks for an 'M' rating for propriety's sake is... possible, I suppose. I reserve the right to chicken out of something if it's too extreme.
I can also write blog posts. It's come to my attention that some people seem to enjoy my blog posts more than they enjoy my stories (here you have some more examples), so you can commission those too. They are short, entertaining, and easy to read.
The price for blogs is also going to be 10$ per 1,000 words, 'cause why fix what ain't broken, I guess. Again, I'm perfectly willing to negotiate the price here. I'm a real gentleman. I also have little knowledge on the field of arithmetics.
I'm aware that it's hard to categorize what kind of blog you can commission. Really, they rangue from story analysis, to reviews, to funny stories -- and there's also writing advice or tutorials, too. You can ask whatever you want, and I'll find an angle. I personally think the most obvious thing to ask for would be a commentary on a particular genre -- take my Romance blog series, for example -- but in all honesty, anything goes. You can ask for the story of why I'm not allowed at the Buddhist Temple, or why I can't sleep unless I have two pillows and an Italian lady caressing my hair. Take a look at the blog backlog, and you'll see what I mean. I might create a list of possible blogs you want me to write in the future, but this is a huge hypothetical. WE'LL SEE.
Nothing much to add! Send me a PM with what I want to write and how many words you're expecting, and then we'll start TALKING BUSINESS in a way that will convey MATURITY AND PROFESSIONALITY. I'll also probably DO SOMETHING SILLY, but THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW.
NO WAY.
TO KNOW.
Hm. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. A very tempting deal, my man. I mean, who wouldn't want to own you?
Um, you're saying prize instead of price.
4222881
WHOOPS. Thanks for the tip. Call that a freudian slip I suppose.
4222880
You clearly haven't talked to my wife! Hahah! I'm lonely!
4222885 can you write me a fic where poop poops on poop and photo finish takes pictures while pooping
I think I'd really like a Human in Equestria harem fic. With tsundere and everything. And 2nd person please
4222890
4222922
What an amazing coincidence! You both asked for the exact same story!
PM incoming. Just remember; you asked for it!
AHAHAHAHA
Ooooh. I think I'm going to go consult my list of one shot starters that I never got around to.
(Besides, you're so good at comedy it'd be a crime not to pass the funny stuff off to you)
Hey~
4223045
I like to think you didn't even make it past the title. You just saw that I'm available for sale, and you immediately went into flirting mode.
I mean, it's working, don't get me wrong, but it's still sort of funny how out of loop you seemingly are. Silly Pickleless, I'm not selling my love yet. I wanna make sure I get some more muscle mass before anything like that, to maximize my assets.
4223032
Hey, be my guest. HIlarious how everybody seems to have a version of that list, though. Fucking one-shot starters. I hate them so much for that very reason.
("Celestia turns into a clam" has been in the back burner for ages, man).
Man, you, me and Ghost still need to write our OCs hanging out in a comedy bar at some point...
I will pay you to write my dick
4223853
I don't think they make out checks for such a short amount
I just recently watched the D&D episode, so my first thought was getting you to write a story where Spike and Big Mac visit Shining Armor for game night, but there is like two dozen bored Cadances in the palace that keep interrupting.
...wait, wait, wait. Starfish alicorns. The horror of starfish alicorns. Flurry Heart accidentally gets dropped into a blender or run over by a mower (no gore, cartoon physics) and every bit pops into a new Flurry Heart. The crystal palace is flooded with infant alicorns! That part wasn't a story idea. Just had to share the image that burst inside my head.
4224614 Jesus christ, you demolished him.
4475809
It's a gift :-P