A little something that came to be · 9:50am May 18th, 2016
I wrote a short story for a comment and thought I should share. Enjoy.
"Ah- *Belch* Ah tell ya, Mar. I knew she was trouble the moment that sssssssstupid pony walked inta mah life." Salted Comma rambled drunkenly, waving his mug of in the air before tipping its contents down his gullet. Meanwhile 'Mar' simply nodded along with Comma's undignified slurs, offering a quiet 'mm hmm' when appropriate. "She always finds sssssoOOME OTHER STALLION AHN SAY'S 'we gotta take a break'," Salt threw up the best air quotes hooves would allow while his voice adopted a mocking falsetto. "Then a week later she gets bored of the dumb schmuck and comes slinking back LIKE NUTHIN happened. With them big ol' puppy dog eyes and all that sweet talk. 'I was just confused, you're the only one for me!" He pantomimed, with the high pitch making a return appearance before he laid his head down, as if the cold table would whisper the answer to his lady troubles. "How many times has she pulled this stunt? Ah, ah don't even remember anymer." He mumbled in to the pine.
"Eight times," answered Mar, "nine if you count that one night with Hay Roll."
"Hey that don't count," Salt's head shooting up off the table glaring at his friend, "she was reeeally drunk. Side's, she said she was sorry." His baleful gaze dropped from his friend to his drink, the sixth one tonight. "She said she was sorry." He mumbled.
Mar apparently didn't feel the need to comment and simply sat.
Salt seemed like he was trying to say something, he was working his mouth like he had to chew the words before he could speak them. "I'm going to give her one more chance. This is it, the last time."
"Are you sure? You've said that before too."
Comma shook his head "No, I-" Unfortunately his head shaking shook him a little more than he anticipated and sent him to the floor. After a few attempts to get up on his own failed, a mane filled with gentle golden curls suddenly filled his sight as he was lifted into a standing position. "Thanks, Mar." He said as his eyelids became harder to keep open. "Yur a good friend."
Had his eyes been open at the time, he would have seen the look of hurt flash across Marigold's face at the word 'friend'. It was brief, but it was there. She worked Salt onto her slender back as he dropped into a unsteady slumber. She looked at his sleeping face hanging from her shoulder and gently nuzzled his cheek. The embrace was almost chaste. Almost. And with heavy hooves she slowly made her way towards the door with Salt in tow. She had to get him home, even if in her heart of hearts she didn't want to.
I'm curious to hear the story behind this story.
Damn.
Got me trying to advise Marigold to give him some kinda prompting.
At least I wasn't yelling at the screen
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I was reading a decent enough fic, but with a bad case of PPD Ping Pong Dialogue. wrote this up more or less on the spot as an example of how to avoid such pitfalls.