MLP Episode review: Ponyville Confidential · 11:18pm Dec 2nd, 2015
Extra, extra, read all about it! Diamond Tiara's a scheming jackass who wants pictures of Spider-Man! Read all about it in...
Ponyville Confidential
We zoom in on the schoolhouse. Most of the foals pile out happily, but the CMC are dejected. turns out new character Featherweight got his cutie mark. He'll be boxing Glass Joe tomorrow at the Sportatorium. We see a tiny colt with a big head-literally-and the cutie mark of a single feather. Wow. :p Apple Bloom comes up and says she's got the answer to their problems in the Foal Free Press! Before she can clarify, Granny Smith calls for her offscreen and she dashes off. They decide to try it out. And we cut to a montage of Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle doing EPIC MISSING OF THE POINT! They use it for packing material for Rarity, to help a bird with a nest, and they made a boat with it. Unfortunately, it's not pykrete, so no-go. The pair confront her about it, and she clarifies. Write for the paper. Ah!
After the credits, Cheerilee has a meeting for those who want to join the newspaper. The editor graduated last year, and Sweetie Belle asks what that is. Cheerilee likes those reporter's instincts, and Sweetie Belle looks so cute when proud of herself! Cheerilee tells them the Foal Free Press is student-run, she's only an adviser, and we learn what the editor does. Clever bit of learning inserted into there, organic and logical. The new editor is... Diamond Tiara. Cheerilee walks off. NO, DON'T LEAVE THEM WITH HER!
Okay. How do I handle Diamond Tiara in lieu of Crusaders of the Lost Mark? *Sigh* I gotta be honest. As much as I love that episode...
1. I'm a Doylist. Spoiled Rich does not exist here.
2. I still think Diamond Tiara got off too easily at the end.
3. Spoiled Rich honestly seems like a 'hate sink' or a badly-done excuse for Diamond Tiara's assholish behavior. "Oh, look! This is why she's such an asshole!" Yeah... no. Just no.
4. Excuse or not. I'm still gonna call her out on her crap. The ones she tormented deserve it.
5. I... don't like bullies all that much. Not gonna lie/sugarcoat it. Diamond Tiara was/is a bully and I simply do NOT like her.
So, she kicks the wall and a big picture of her unfurls. Thanks, J Jonah. She will lead them to NEW HEIGHTS of glory! We learn the staff photographer is actually Featherweight. She tells him to go out and document everything. Then the rest, she wants "Hard-hitting news and interesting think pieces." This is a school newspaper, mind. Thanks, Charles Foster Kane. "No more namby-pamby stories like last year's editor."
"But Namby-Pamby was a great editor." Episode, for that alone you win all the points. That was legit brilliant. Diamond Tiara wants juicy stories, pictures of Spider-Man and an interview with Superman! She then kicks the wall and her picture rolls up again. Scootaloo wants to bail, and to be honest, I would too. Sweetie Belle says this might be their last chance at cutie marks. No... I don't think so, and convinces Scootaloo to stay.
Sweetie Belle interviews Rarity, who spruces up her reporter's hat while also apparently doing work on something for Sapphire Shores. Rarity then launches feathers at her. K... Scootaloo does a nature piece on a bird's nest. The same one they helped to build. Apple Bloom tries for a history piece with Granny Smith. Instead we get an embarrassing foalhood shot of Apple Bloom. D'aww...
Back in the schoolhouse, and the room for the paper's a mid-level disaster area. the CMC walk in with their stories, but no go. She tosses them away, marches up to their face and says it isn't news. For an elementary school paper, it IS! She says to get something by the end of the day, and it better be juicy. She also has crazy/nutsy "I'mma gonna eat you!" faces going on, and she tosses them out of the basement. Outside, the three are sad, while Featherweight zips about, being a funny background event.
We suddenly hear the Double-Dumb twins, Snips and Snails. Sweetie Belle walks around the schoolhouse and sees the two, stuck together by chewing gum on their flanks. Trixie, come back, please! Snails tries to kick Snips off, but he rebounds and it's like the Blob. Sweetie Belle has Featherweight take a pic of them, then meet her at lunch. Ho, boy. We get a spinny newspaper and the headline, "Snips and Snails and bubblegum fails." We also see their written language is... decipherable, for the most part. A lot different, too, since in earlier episodes we've seen it as standard English. Hmm.
We cut to the students reading the paper. Snips and Snails are actually proud, and partially bald. We also see their butts, and learn that cutie marks appear only on their coat. Their bare skin is blank. Featherweight takes another pic of them, and Diamond Tiara wants more columns like this! They're her new gossip columnists! And they look... happy about it, too. Diamond Tiara is complimentary about their pen name, 'Gabby Gums'. Hold onto that goodwill, CMC. It's gonna turn on you later. "I want MORE Gabby Gums!" And pictures of-you get the idea. :p They high-hoof each other...
And cut to them on a picnic table, with no ideas. Very nice jump cut, there. We also see in the background, the morons stuck themselves together again. After the break, in Carousel Boutique, Rarity trips over Sweetie Belle's bag. She does a short Gollum/Smeagol impression and snoops, reading the Press. She is amused, and has an amusing face. Sweetie Belle walks down due to the noise and is not amused by the invasion of privacy. She smacks Rarity's horn, which wobbles and gives off a 'SPROING!' sound effect. I'm gonna go with gag on that. Rarity loves Gabby Gums' column. "It's so much juicier than anything in the boring old 'Ponyville Express'." Two colts stuck together is better than the town paper. I got nothing for that, folks.
Rarity wants to borrow the paper to show her friends. They all love it. Sweetie Belle gallops back to the school and tells the other two they need to expand! Hmm, I believe that's called DLC in video games. ;) We see the Cake Twins bawling and shaking a building to the rafters! "Pound and Pumpkin Cake Trip Ends in Tears." Then a colt whose name I don't know gallops up and says the Ponyville newsstand wants to carry the Press. And Diamond Tiara is... legit praising the CMC. Just feels odd, to be honest. Albeit it's for muckraking. :p We get a montage of the staff in action. We cut to outside and pretty much everyone reading the paper. At the spa, several of the Mane Cast are getting a treatment done. We even see Spike there, which for me is VERY nice. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash comes by with the latest edition. "The Great and Powerful Trixie's Secrets Revealed!"
Yeah, sorry, but I gotta do this. *Takes a deep breath* Trixie is a legit interesting, underrated and horribly underutilized character with some vastly unexplored hidden depths. There have been MANY times she could've shown up, even for a cameo, but didn't, which is a damned shame. She was the victim of protagonist-centered morality, disproportionate retribution and got screwed over. She's my favorite character of G4 and one of my favorites of all-time. And it should have been her or Sunset Shimmer or Moondancer and not Starlight Glimmer who became Twilight's student in friendship. A massively-wasted opportunity and it angers me. Bring her back!
Rarity tells Dash to have a hooficure, but no go for Dash. The day she has one is the day she turns in her daredevil badge. Twilight is concerned about Gabby and how mean she can be. We see a pic of Celestia engulfing cakes like Unicron. She doesn't value anyone's privacy, but both Rarity and Applejack are dismissive, calling it harmless gossip and a hoot, respectively. Pinkie even pulls out a paper from the bath that is somehow not soggy and disintegrating. Mayor Mare's not naturally gray, but dyes it from her natural pink! Wait, what? Twilight still feels sorry for the targets, and I'm right there with her.
Dash finally tries for a hooficure, but nope. She doesn't like anyone touching her hooves. Fair enough. She wants Gabby to do a story on her, but turns out Spike beat her to the tagline! And we cut to the schoolhouse and the CMC presenting their story on him. He opens up on Canterlot! Turns out with three exceptions, they're all nice ponies. What a tweest! Diamond Tiara hates it, though. Wait, what?! Apple Bloom points out it's softer than their usual stuff, and Sweetie Belle wonders if they're hurting other pony's feelings. Turns out the others felt the same way. Sweetie Belle says they have to go hard again, and we get a rather halfhearted hoof-five. Aww. :(
The next story, Applejack asleep on the job! She's a silly pony, you see. Or related to Dagwood Bumstead. Next page, Big Mac and Mister Smarty Pants. Horseshoe is on the other hoof, Applejack. Is it a 'hoot', now? Twilight also has an article, calling her a 'Canterlot snob'. Oh, what I could say here. :D She confronts Spike, the 'scaly source', but it turns out he didn't say anything like that!
Rarity reiterates it's just a little idle gossip. At least it's not Bridle Gossip. Twilight counters that it destroys reputations. Fluttershy has tail extensions! "Pinkie Pie is an out-of-control party animal!" Wait, you needed a newspaper to tell you that?! The Cakes are breaking up! And then Dash flies in, overburdened with newspapers. Somehow a Ponyville school newspaper has made it to Cloudsdale. And there goes my suspension of disbelief. "Rainbow Dash: speed demon or Super-Softie?" Wait, didn't you want an article on you, Dashie? :p
Rarity is nonplussed, then on cue sees an image of her on her fainting couch. "I'll DESTROY HER!" Again, horseshoe on the other hoof. However, it goes too far when it's her diary that was printed. Yeah, that crosses some lines, CMC. Twilight suggests Sweetie Belle find out who Gabby is. Rarity protests Sweetie Belle even associating with someone like Gabby... then we cut to the inside of Sweetie Belle's saddlebags being opened and Rarity realizing who Gabby Gums is. Again, excellent editing.
Rarity goes upstairs. "Et tu, Gabby Gums?" You know what this means, folks? Right! The writers put in a Shakespeare reference! :D Sorry, sorry. Rarity says gossip can be hurtful and an invasion of privacy. Here, Rarity, the first stone. Now go cast it in this glass house. Sweetie Belle says they've felt bad, but they want their cutie marks so badly. "Do you really think that writing nasty things and making everypony fell horrible is your destiny?" Okay, that is a good line.
And back at the schoolhouse, Diamond Tiara won't let them quit. "Feelings? I don't care about feelings!" Straight from the pony's mouth. And then she brings out the blackmail. Some embarrassing pictures of them. Yeah.. urge to kill rising. Outside, the CMC go looking for some stories. Unfortunately it turns out them being Gabby has spread. And... this is where the episode loses me. Dash kicks a raincloud over them and douses them. At Fluttershy's cottage, she is... crying so hard her living room is flooded. Twilight has a fucking force field over Golden Oaks. Applejack is two-words and Big Mac rips their heads off and tells them to shove off. Yeah, this is way too harsh and WAY too hypocritical.
The CMC are despondent. The next morning, Diamond Tiara is about to publish the blackmail. The CMC burst in. "Stop the presses!" "Ah, we haven't started them, yet." HAH! They've got a column at the last possible moment. "You're lucky I'm nice." Pull the other one! It turns out the column was an open letter, apologizing for their actions and trying to explain why they did what they did. Diamond Tiara decides to publish the blackmail. Because she's a petty, spiteful one. We get another montage of them not being messed with.
Back at the schoolhouse, Diamond Tiara is stripped of her title. Thank god! Featherweight's made the new editor-in-chief. Let's hope he takes after Perry White. Diamond Tiara is made printing manager and gets inked.
Thoughts
This... had a good beginning, middle, but not the best end. The citizens of Ponyville came off as really hypocritical and spiteful towards the CMC. Yes, what they did was wrong, but their punishments went way over the top and soured what was actually a rather fine episode overall.
Diamond Tiara was kinda nice... when the CMC was delivering vapid gossip columns, and quickly became drunk on power. Par for the course with her...
The moral was good. Respect privacy, okay. But like I said, the ending wasn't all that good. Also, for god's sake, Cheerilee, why the hell didn't you step in?! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No review until Monday. Christmas shopping tomorrow, and the weekend, where I work in retail. Joy. :p I do hope you all have a good weekend, too. :)
The pony written language is weird. It seems to have at least three alphabets, as shown in this collage. It's probably a matter of context and relative formality.
And yeah, it would've been nice if they'd addressed the hypocrisy of the readers more in this episode.
I think the main problem with a lot of S5 issues is a lack of setup. Starlight Glimmer's freudian excuse, which we see in effect only once yet she based her life's philosophy on it. (Would it have hurt to include a couple more scenes where "a cutie mark ruins a friendship" just to give it a little more justification?) And Spoiled Rich being established as the source of DT's issues in the same episode she's introduced, instead of establishing her properly first. And so on.
Why don't we see more pony names like that? Whimsical and playful like "Scootaloo", "Cheerilee" and "Sassaflash"? Instead we get boring exact-name ponies whose name exactly describes their job, interest and purpose. What does that say about their parents, anyway? ("Dear, our newborn foal looks like he'll become a good lumberjack. Let's name him 'Steel Axe'. I'll arrange for an apprenticeship at the mill.")
Hear, hear!
Celestia leaked that story herself, actually. It's all part of her "Stop venerating me like a goddess and treat me like an ordinary pony already, I want to get invited to parties and sleepovers and fun stuff too" campaign.
She's deliberately trying to look older, so ponies will take her more seriously. The glasses and cravat serves the same purpose.
Also, if worst comes to worst and ponies find out she's been embezzling from the Ponyville treasury, she can just ditch the disguise, wash out the dye, and disappear without a trace. Nopony would recognize her.
If you think that's bad, get this:
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Leg extensions! Disgraceful! "Has no damn", indeed.
*envisions Featherweight with a cigar*
Of course, in Slice Of Life he's back to the badly-functioning printing press. So either he was a pretty poor editor after all, or working the press is his secret passion. Or he enjoys getting soaked in ink. We're not judging.
What? It's an "excuse" that fits with real-world patterns of bullying. Bullies aren't usually self-motivated, so it could always be inferred that Tiara had some kind of stressor that led her to become a bully. Spoiled Rich was just a face for that unidentified offscreen conflict.
THIS.
Ah yes, Ponyville Confidential.......I gotta say, I'm not a big CMC fan. I can only think of two CMC episodes 'Hearts and Hooves Day' 'Crusaders of the Lost Mark' that I find to be good overall. This episode was really too mean spirited in my opinion. It was unpleasant and the only things I liked in it were Rarity's confrontation of Sweetie Belle, which was nice and heartwarming, and Diamond Tiara. She was a blast in this episode with her 'manager' ways, which was a nice throwback to how she adores her father, so it's only natural she wants to be on top and in charge.
However, everything else was too much, with mean spirited character actions, hypocrisy, and general CMC 'we have to get our cutie marks' thing. Ugh.
Honestly, Spoiled Rich explains a lot to me and I find believable. Also, while Trixie is a good character, I think she's kind of overrated, at least in how the fandom adores her. She's good, but not that great. {Also, Starlight Glimmer is a good choice in my opinion.}
You know, it just occurred to me... a true Doylist perspective wouldn't be "Diamond Tiara is a bully for no reason because her mother hasn't been introduced yet". A Doylist perspective would be "Diamond Tiara is a poorly written character because she hasn't been given a real motivation for her actions".