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Joined May 2012
On Grimdark · 2:49pm
I just read 'Cupcakes' and 'Rainbow Factory.' Call me behind the times or whatever, but I felt like I had to just to say that I have. For the past five months I've used this Universe as a medium to learn the craft of writing, and you don't get good at anything without exposing yourself to all sides of the spectrum, even if they're, well...
DEAR GOD FUCKING DISGUSTING HOW THE FUCK COULD ANYONE WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD DURING THAT CREATIVE PROCESS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU TWISTED FOUL SICK PIECES OF SH--
Ahem... sorry, I lost my composure there for a second.
I will not claim anything in terms of literary expertise. The important thing I feel, like just about anything else in life, is that you experience something for yourself so that you can formulate your own opinion.
I can now safely say I am not a fan of Grimdark, nor any form of portrayal of insanity or murder involving the main characters of this Universe, whom I have invested considerable time and effort into developing for my own fiction.
With that in mind, I will give my opinion:
Cupcakes:
I'll admit I only read one version of the story. I saw that there are over a dozen alternate endings and sequels on EqD. I don't care; I could barely stomach through one version. I LITERALLY had to walk away from my computer because I was shuddering so much.
Needless to say, it's bad.
Now let's examine WHY it's bad.
Poorly Written- Even with the 'typos and grammar fixes' version I read, I still spotted some, as well as some amateur writing mistakes, such as passive voice and Lavender Unicorn Syndrome (LUS).
Illogical- I haven't seen ANY movie regarding to Hannibal Lecter, although the general consensus seems to be that this was something like a 'Silence of the Lambs' ripoff. I have no idea, feel free to correct me. However, the point here is that I don't care WHAT kind of Universe you're building: No individual gets away with serial murder for long. The excuses Pinkie gives up are unconvincing and shallow, and shows that the author didn't give any form of thought into this, electing to simply dive into the torture and gore.
Nonsensical Portrayal of Characters (OOC)- At one point In 'Powers of Harmony,' I was seriously considering drawing some kind of inspiration from the idea that Pinkie has some kind of personality schism as portrayed in 'Party of One,' and that she goes from super happy and wanting to help others to... well, the exact opposite. I spent days on this idea, fleshing it out, thinking out how it could be rationalized. Chapter 5 suffered because of it. Why? Because I was curious to see if it could work.
Short Version: It doesn't.
Longer Version: Pinkie is the Element of Laughter. No matter what kind of interpretation you pull from that, the common consensus is that the Elements of Harmony are some form of magical artifact, (usually a Macguffin) that are the embodiment of good. There is no way you can rationalize how such a thing could be wielded by someone who has such a darkness within them. Such a thing would be contradictory to it's nature, no matter how you spin it. You'd have to throw out the little, teeny-tiny 'Elements of Harmony' thing for it to work, and at that point you might as well reinvent every single other character while you're at it, because THAT'S WHAT THE ENTIRE GODAMN FUCKING SERIES IS BASED OFF OF.
'Good' Points- I'm not a fan of gore or horror. I'm not condemning anyone who is, so long as you don't practice it irl. However, this story is all about the extreme level of torture and gore, for which it definitely delivers. So if that's your thing... I guess this is your holy grail? Don't know, don't want to know. I personally was sickened and disturbed.
The only things I can say is that Pinkie's character isn't ruined for me, because when I start to think about it, I remember that little thing I'm writing, you know... that 100k novel I'm in the middle of... I look at how I've portrayed her, feel better, and move on.
Rainbow Factory:
I only skimmed it. Why? I read what the plot was on a wiki, so I figured I'd just get to the important parts, aka the gore and the reason all this shit is happening in the first place.
My overall opinion of the story is that in regards to the literary rules I'm aware of, it's well done. Also, the basic idea behind the story, while disturbing, is unique and sustains the suspension of disbelief. This is basically a government-sanctioned slaughterhouse to extract a resource, and such a thing has been portrayed in other pieces of fiction.
Translation: The author put some thought into it, he didn't just slap up a cardboard backstory and jumped to the splattery bits.
However, there is still a flaw, and it is the same flaw that plagues almost all Grimdark in this universe:
MASSIVELY OOC- The story not only portrays Pegasi as basically the Spartans from 300, but then goes to show Rainbow as a emotionally deadened, morally corrupted psychotic serial child killer. Yeah... I only have one thing to say to that:
YOU CAN'T MAKE THAT KIND OF CHANGE IN A ONESHOT.
There is another thing as well, and this might have been a consequence of only skimming the story, (or from reading Cupcakes) but the story is not quite as gory as one would expect. Is there death? Yes. Does it go into detail of these deaths? Not really. Is that a good thing? Depends on why you're reading the damn thing. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume people read snuff-fics/grimdark stories for the same reason they read other kinds of genres that elicit strong, powerful emotions. For Tragedy, it's to cry. For Romance, it's for pleasure. For Grimdark, I assume it's for the adrenaline. I have to say that I didn't feel as much as I could have, however as I said, that could've been from reading Cupcakes, or from only skimming it.
I did like the ending, though.
Summary: Overall, I 'liked' Rainbow Factory more. Cupcakes is about one thing: To elicit a reaction. What that reaction is will vary from person to person, and in that regard it is better than Rainbow Factory. However, that's all it does, and that's all it was written for. Rainbow Factory had at least some form of rationale behind its sick, twisted actions, and from a writer's perspective, I have more respect for that.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have nightmares for the next two weeks.
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Comments ( 12 )
This is going to worry you, I don't even mind Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory that much. I have reasons for this. First, Wooden Toaster's song, off which the story was based, is absolutely awesome. Second, Factory isn't about the blood and guts, as other grimdarks are, it's more about the horror that 'this is how they do things.' Third, the first time I read Cupcakes, I was just quickly skimming over it, and just shut down my emotional reaction. My only reaction was when Silver Spoon became a 'Blank Flank'. Fourth, I've read worse. I don't know if the MST'ing made it better by including jokes and the basic story was still just too bad, or if the MST'ing made it worse by making me pay close attention, but I should tell you, if you want to see a grimdark story, Sweet Apple Massacre.
So. I completely agree, and that is why I will never read Rainbow Factory, or EVER reread Cupcakes again. I think I twitched every time I saw read the name Pinkie Pie for a bout a week after that. Anyway, hope you don't have nightmares. I managed to escape them, but mainly because I didn't sleep much for about a week after that.
Either I applaud your courage in trying things so far out of your comfort zone, or feel sorry for the results of an exploration of morbid curiosity.
Personally, I have never (and will never) read cupcakes. This is partially because I am not fond of exposing myself to things that disgust me, but mostly because what I read invariably becomes incorporated into my impression of the characters.
>>269054
As I said, I have no objection to anyone's preferences towards this type of entertainment so long as it doesn't, shall we say, 'inspire' you.
Thank you for the recommendation, but I don't think I need to get a further sampling of the genre to formulate my opinion.
Funny you should mention those two stories, as I much prefer the Rainbow Dash Presents versions! That said, I agree with you more or less hook, line and sinker. Both stories take some pretty serious liberties with the characters, not just "oh, I'm writing a story so I need to introduce more complexity and sadness" but extreme levels of "I'm basically just borrowing the physical description here."
That in mind, I get the distinct impression both of those stories were written as more tounge-in-cheeck than anything else. Factory for sure was written to adhere to the song, and Cupcakes is nearly a parody of its self.
the only cupcakes i saw was on youtube animated to ready to die from adrew wk.I personaly dont mind grimdark,in some figth scene to get the point across it needs to be gory.But there is a limit.To each his or her own.Good luck with those nightmares maybe the sandmare will be benevolant and spare you.
>>269069
I don't prefer it, really. Not a great fan of horror, and Grimdark's pretty much the fanfic version of that. Just saying, there's worse out there.
>>269070 Well, I see you also like Rainbow Dash Presents, so I'll tell you one thing: I am the dos macarena!
I found that the easiest way to deal with Cupcakes is to look at it really hard and find all of its flaws, which you did, and then fix it. For me it was as easy as turning it into a Doctor Who episode. At the last minute the Doctor comes in and saves the day.
Basically what I'm saying istake all of the feeling it gave you and then beat it to death with them. It worked for me cause I created a hell of a show in my head with it. Hopefully this helps with the nightmares.
Never read the other one though.
Cupcakes is not at all representative of what can be done when one takes happy ponies and puts them in very dark situations. I know you're not asking for recommendations, but if I may, I've found The Immortal Game to be one of my favorite stories here on FIMFiction. It's very dark and at times the things going on are downright evil, but the story and characters are really quite amazing, the author adds some amazing new ideas to the MLP universe (which would never fit in the real universe, but suit his story's universe), and in almost every chapter there's a scene where it makes you suddenly sit up and read a lot closer because something absolutely amazing just happened in the story's universe.
It takes a few chapters before things start settling down and we get to start seeing the characters really start developing (the author's explanations and implementations of both Pegasus and Earth Pony magic is absolutely wonderful, and bladecasting is just absolutely bad-ass), but it's so worth it. It's grimdark for the storyline, not just to shock like Cupcakes and its ilk.. It drew me in almost immediately, to the point where I wasn't sure I'd be able to go to sleep at the end of chapter two without knowing a certain character would be okay later on in the story. It's one of those stories that stays in your mind and keeps your thoughts busy with all the new ideas it brings to the MLP universe (I blasted through the entire story minus the last four chapters in about a day because I just couldn't put it down). There are many other Grimdark fics that do well in the MLP universe if you're willing to stretch the possibility of things either going quite wrong or simply placing the characters, their powers, and their interactions into a whole different universe that's similar to Equestria, but not as colorful or innocent.
For something less evil and warfare-like, but still dark and slightly insidious, try Pony Psychology Series, another amazing one that I couldn't put down until almost 3:00am on a work night.
The reason I love the show so much is because I love the characters and I love how authors expand and develop the characters beyond what the show does, but in a believable way. Authors who can do that while expanding and even creating new aspects of the MLP universe are even more awesome. As long as the characters do things I can believe they'd do (grimdark or not), I'll enjoy reading the story, especially if there's a ton of worldbuilding going on at the same time. It's certainly a major reason I'm enjoying reading The Powers of Harmony. What you have the characters doing and how they speak to each other and their associates is very enjoyable to read. After all, I blasted through your story in a day or two, like the two I mentioned above. I just couldn't put it down, and that's the mark of a fantastic world being created.
i'd rather read shipping, alicorn, and stuff like that. my little pony rarely works well with violence, and an author needs to capture the depth of the original character.
i already read "cupcakes", so i can agree it didn't work well. pinkie just can't be a murderer.
and i read rainbow factory after this, and i think that they could have at least made things more clearer for the change in the point of view.
you win for realizing the truth of gory fanfics.
Having read both grimdark fics (much to my regret, at least in the case of Cupcakes), I can only express complete and utter agreement. Rainbow Factory is indeed the stronger, better-written story, but there's still not nearly enough basis for the terrifying changes in character - that sort of thing needs to be a full chaptered story. Cupcakes...that's not even a fic. It's just pure torture porn, badly written, badly conceived, and in no way true to the characters - the author should be ashamed for making it, plain and simple.
With that out of the way, I'm not a fan of gore, but I can take a certain level of horror - psychological more so than physical. I do think it can be as good as a happier and brighter tale if it's done right. That's the key - neither overplaying it nor underplaying it and not betraying the source material.
So, in conclusion, I must say that your story is amazing and I can't wait to see what happens next - though I suppose I must - and I really enjoy how the main canon characters, while true to what we know of them, come off as better-rounded and more mature. That feels a tad disloyal to say, but it's the truth nonetheless. Keep up the excellent work!
Cures for grimdark on this site:
Your own story The Powers of Harmony
Widening the Lens, by Harry Leferts (MLP:FiM meets the best of the North American military on a rescue mission. (I wish we could have an Iron Will emoticon... that seems the only character worthy of this story. For now, have a
as a placeholder. 
)
RealityCheck's stories The Audience (a Slice-of-Life Human in Equestria fic that actually makes sense) and Fanfic Is Crapsack (an exploration of what freeing Equestria from the consequences of bad fanfic will take. Very funny in spots, and almost like the movie The Hunger Games in its quick-cut shifts during any sight of violence. However, Chapter 3 is a bit graphic sexually toward the beginning, so for some I'd recommend skimming the front part.)
God bless and I wish you health and a speedy recovery.