Story Reviews » Reviews! Round 69 · 6:00am Jul 17th, 2015
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CSquared yawned like a beluga whale. She smacked her lips, the final Simmering traces of a beautiful Sunset dream dissipating as she stretched her arms and legs.
Or tried to.
She opened her eyes, a brow peaking at the complete darkness that had swallowed her sometime during her beauty sleep.
“Huh. I must be dead.” She shrugged. “I wonder how the other Angels are doing.”
ROUND 69
STORY 1
The Sunset Room, by Foxy E
Before she left, Twilight told Applejack not to open the door. But when leaving the door shut means compromising her values, how long can Applejack hold out?
I love dark fics. That is because I am a sadistic bastard. Not in the sense that I like seeing characters get hurt. (I abhor violence, both physical and mental.) It’s just that I love seeing how the characters react—how they pick up the pieces, or simply how they cope with a given struggle, whether internal or external.
Breaking a character reveals their true strengths and weaknesses. What they’re truly made of, their most fundamental values. What the are at the core.
Thus enters The Sunset Room.
I don’t recall how I stumbled upon this one, but I distinctly remember the story description catching my eye, specifically:
...means compromising her values...
Compromising values is a recipe for disaster. To open the door and do what she knows best, or trust Twilight? Both are correct answers as far as values are concerned, yet they are like oil and water. How can she appease both?
To be blunt, it’s a horror/suspense fic. We all know what she’s going to do. But it’s the journey, not the climb—or descent, if you really want to pin this one down.
It’s predictable, yes—as the central question only has one answer—and the writing got pretty ‘was-y’ at times, but that aside it’s an excellent example of character breaking, and the concurrent/resultant horror is very much rewarding.
More than anything, Fimfiction needs a Horror tag. Why doesn’t it already? I mean, come on! I’m not sure if I’m a sadist, but I love me some good ol’ dread creeping up and tightening its grip around my heart. The Sunset Room made me its punching bag and I loved every bit of it.
We begin with Sweet Apple Acres slipping with its harvesting. Big Mac’s been made ill and is left quarantined in his room by Twilight, so it’s up to Applejack to gather the crop by herself. She begins the blame herself for his sickness, throws doubts around and asks what-ifs, and generally throws herself into a depression. Apples are supposed to stick together, yet she can’t open the door to Big Mac’s room, no matter what. And this tests her and her pride to the breaking point.
I loved the way the Apple family is written. In fact, it’s one of the better written portrayals of the family I’ve seen in recent memory. Their voices feel authentic in a way few others have touched, and I also loved seeing them interact with one another. For her part, Applejack feels very mature but at the same time so very much like a little kid. It’s an interesting dynamic for her calculating mind to be odds with her more juvenile impulses and thoughts, especially when everything starts collapsing around her.
My only real complaint is that some paragraphs feel too short for the overall experience to stay firm, but I think that’s nitpicking. Anyone who’s looking for a good horror story should check this one out.
Pinkie Pie has a spare of everything. Even emergencies. You know, in case of emergency emergencies.
I accidentally deleted my review of this fic while writing it. Good thing I was able to hop on down to the Department of Redundancy Department and grab another one! Somehow, it was considered unique enough...
A big shift in tone from The Sunset Room here for you. This one borders on crackfic territory. Oh, who am I kidding, this is crackfic territory.
So, basically, Twilight has a really really irreplaceable book that’s destroyed by Pinkie Pie shenanigans. Luckily for her, Pinkie Pie knows where to get another of these one-of-a-kind books. This silly story borrows a lot from the whole ‘balls stashed all over Ponyville, in case of ball emergencies’ joke a ways back. It’s a great joke, and I’m glad to say this fic built off it as a concept rather than devolving into one of those ‘beat the joke like a dead horse’ fics. The humor, while requiring a decent amount of leeway for entry, is quick with its wit and never lingers long enough for any specific joke to turn sour.
And that ending earned its laugh. Eliot Kane definitely gets bonus points there. There’s plenty of fun, quick humor here. Enjoy!
I’m not too sure if I would call this a crackfic, but it’s one of those one-note silly stories that doesn’t stick around for anymore than it needs to. Considering the story centers around Pinkie Pie and her ability to be prepared for any emergency whatsoever, along with Twilight’s dumbfoundedness towards learning exactly how Pinkie Pie so prepared for any emergency whatsoever, it’s great to see the story not take so long to do what it wants.
Department of Redundancy Department starts off with Twilight and Spike accidentally ruining a very old and certainly irreplaceable tome by accident. Pinkie Pie happens to have just the solution and Twilight remains forever baffled as she gets dragged along and unleashes doom upon Ponyville.
For what this story is, it handles itself well. Perhaps it’s a little too dialogue heavy, but that isn’t much of an issue considering how silly the story is. That the story is aware of this only helps in that regard. For what it is, it handles itself well.
I’d just recommend to anyone who likes silly stories, wants some light reading, or likes silly stories. This fic does nothing more than waste time and I couldn’t be happier with it.
Five years ago, Dr. Natalie Sydney was contacted by an enigmatic extraterrestrial. Now, it's happening again.
Speaking of fun, quick humor, this story has exactly none! (Except for the one part. You’ll know it when you read it.) What this story has instead is a special talent in suspense.
And holy hell does it have a special talent. On a related note, mine is apparently hanging off the edge of my seat.
Truth be told, I wasn’t hanging on the edge all that long. Not for any hiccup in the story, but because it floored me.
This. Story. Floored me.
I have never read anything this gripping in my life. This story pushed the boundaries of suspense to new, almost-Horror limits. I’ve never felt so completely like a horse after a carrot on a string as I did while reading this. The intentional information gaps and ever-present fear of the imminent unknown will keep you clawing at the screen every waking second. And for that, we have the brilliant perspective to thank.
It’s the biggest draw of this story, I’m sure you’ll agree once you check it out. We as the reader are limited to that of Dr. Natalie Sydney, a biologist at the University of Michigan (boo Blue, go Bucks!), who details the story via a narrative that blurs the lines between diary entry and active observer via FaceTime in a Cloverfield-esque manner. It’s a brilliant yet daring choice, as this sort of perspective is difficult to balance in writing, but sweet Celestia does Myriad Kay nail it like a practiced tightrope walker.
A beautiful non-spoiler example of both the perspective and subtle characterization present in this story (in the context of the CMC overcoming what they perceive to be a dangerous obstacle):
Also, after insisting that the phone-carrier go through first, my camera had once again found its way back to Scootaloo.
Sure, the humans ultimately came across rather flat, but each still had enough unique quirks that breathed life into their limited screen time that it didn’t matter. Their roundedness was trimmed for the sake of pacing, and it’s all the better for it, as this story relies more on that almost-horror mentioned earlier. And the fact that they’re actual, reasonable people is a big subversion of the trope I had feared this story would use.
A motto of mine on this site has always been that a good story isn’t measured by how long it is, but by rather by how long it stays with you. And by God is this one of those stories that will stay with me long, long after reading.
To you, readers, if there is one fic of this bunch you must read, it is this one. This is all-time top-five material.
And to you, Myriad Kay. If you’re reading this: don’t you ever stop writing. This story stands testament to your talent for storycrafting, and it would break my heart to see it go to waste.
I’m not sure if the diary format is an easy way of writing a story anymore. But the examples I can grab off the top of my head all tend to have one thing in common: I keep forgetting they’re written the way they are. Oftentimes, they read less like detailed entries and more like, well, stories. Not that this bad, but I’m starting to derail myself right now oh my god let’s get back on track here. But oh, where to begin...
The story starts off with Dr. Natalie Sydney detailing her experience with an alien creature called “Preponderance” who decided to contact her by cell phone every now and again, until the calls inexplicably stopped coming. Fast forward a few years where she’s snowed in at an airport, and suddenly Natalie is getting another call from Preponderance’s cell phone. This time it’s the Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom, and after accidentally winding up on Earth they had found a journal written by Preponderance, who wrote for them to call Natalie.
The narrative then expands from here to an exciting first-encounter story, rich with some homey science-fiction and tense action and suspense. Natalie is a passenger in many respects just like the reader is, where in addition to helping the Crusaders survive, she’s watching them through their video call.
An Ally Called Preponderance is just so exciting to read. Its opening may not be the strongest, but it quickly grabs at the reader and refuses to let go. It’s really a shame this hadn’t gotten more recognition sooner, but now’s as good a time as any.
Really, I think this is one of those stories everyone should look at, as it’s got a little bit of everything going on. This is a really good example of incorporating humans into a story about ponies, as well as a superb example of a first-encounter done right. The pacing is excellent, the characters are rich, and aside from some minor technical errors there is absolutely nothing about this story that makes it not worth reading.
STORY 4
Have At Thee, by Tramper
Derpy participates in a tourney.
Derpy! Hey, guys, it’s a Derpy fic!
Yeah, I normally don’t go for these types of fics. Derpy Hooves, for me, has and always should be a background character. The reason being mostly due to the early-fandom one-dimensionalities attributed to her (ZOMG MUFFINS). Stuff like that (at least, to such extremes) bothers me.
But this story avoids that, thankfully. Here, we actually see a reasonable presentation of the ditzy character we all love, and this particular portrayal stands out, even from the pack of others that also avoid that pitfall. Granted, this portrayal only really reaches two dimensions, Derpy, while being the central character, is used more to frame the story’s moral than anything else.
As the story description implies, Derpy participates in a medieval tournament. The only problem is the big gryphon with more war-related titles than feathers in his wings she has to go up against. This becomes the major conflict, I felt, moreso than the sparring match itself. Amethyst Star’s narration as the disinterested-turned-fearful observer pairs well with the moral to give it a better leg to stand on once the action starts.
I found Derpy’s sudden aboutface odd, given her already established characterization (including within the fic itself), but for the sake of the ultimate story being told, it’s forgivable. Especially since it’s done in such a good lead-by-example method. She doesn’t just fight some gryphon. She fights what he represents, fights for what she believes. That in and of itself makes this short piece worthwhile for even the staunchest of Derpy haters, if there are any.
If you like fanon Derpy and/or ‘secretly-awesome-Derpy,’ give this a go. To everyone else, the moral is worthwhile, so crack open a tab.
Equating the world of Equestria to a specific era of time is difficult to think about. I mean, they’ve obviously reached the industrial age, but their technology (or at least what we’ve seen in the show) still lags behind in many respects. Ponies have like this sort of anomalous grab-bag of technology from across history. It’s weird to try and establish a set benchmark for how advanced ponies are because there frankly isn’t one. So it was with some hesitation that I first read this, but it made for an enjoyable light read.
This is a short, earnest little story with a very simple lesson and it teaches it wonderfully and I totally didn’t pick this up for Amethyst Star. It begins with Derpy looking to participate in a Medieval-style tourney up against a bunch of gryphons, with Amethyst Star in tow. The latter is wearing her big “I really wish I weren’t here right now” button, and it slowly becomes apparent that Derpy brought her here with intent.
My only real complaint with the story is that it kind of overuses the daughter/mother relationship. While it only gets in the way at times, it doesn’t detract from the fight Derpy participates in and it only serves to uphold the way Derpy commits her leading-by-example way of teaching.
In all, Have At Thee is a nice and well contained story. Really, anyone who just wants something light to read will have no problems with this one.
Corejo squinted his eyes to the police cars’ blaring lights. The other Angels gathered beside him, staring in silence as the policemen struggled to carry off a Pav Feira foaming at the mouth.
“You can’t silence me! I have waited for this moment for three years! Three years!!!” He kicked and flailed as the policemen shoved him in the back of their cruiser. “You can’t take this from me!”
RedSquirrel scampered up onto Corejo’s shoulder, the scent of fresh earth hanging from him like cologne. “What’s he on about?”
“I think it’s something to do with making a joke about this round.”
“Why? What’s so special about it?”
“No idea.”
The angels watched the cruiser speed off down the street, its siren fading away to let birdsong and the rustling of leaves in the wind regain hold of their element on the empty street.
“Huh,” Raz said, strutting up to the scene and gazing off down the street. “Well, in other news, we finally found CSquared, but we’re gonna need a lot more shovels to get there.”
“I wonder how she ended up there,” Corejo said as Professor Plum started handing out shovels of various build quality.
Red twiddled his adorable little dirt-stained paws from atop his perch on Corejo’s shoulder. “I uh, I have no idea.”
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
And God said, "Let there be Comments," and there were Comments.
3245086 And three days later he created comments sections...
3245105
And God said, “Let the Comment Sections under the Blogs and Stories be gathered to one place, and let Pregnant Pauses appear.” And it was so.
I've been dead before. This is nothing.
Two stories I liked, two I'm definitely going to read. I'm a sucker for competent Derpy and logically extended Pinkie.
Heh, 69...
3245272 Competent Derpy is best Derpy.
3245310
God dammit. I was hoping I'd be the one to point out that no one had made that joke.
3245390
Technically, we already made the joke in the outro.
Have you guys ever considered doing an Angel version of a contest? Something like "Who can make the current review sound the tastiest?" or so?
So let me get this straight. You had Pav on a round to review a fic called Popping Twilight's Cherry. You had Pav to review for Round 34 (Oh wait, you didn't. Wait, you didn't? I thought for sure...). You have Pav reviewing for this group, period! And yet you stop him from making a 69 joke! Since when do you guys have standards?!
3245149
Yes, but this time you're
buried alivedead and buried. I doubt you've gotten out of anything like that, unless maybe you've spent a number of years fossilized before.3246637
I am an extinct, prehistoric fish.
3246702
So... that's a yes. Does that mean you're a Pokémon?
3245849
Now I feel kinda bad because I usually read everything in these reviews. But this time, I didn't. Oh well.
3246968
You did at least read Ally, though, yes? That one really is beyond the phrase 'must read.' It's become my second-favorite story in this fandom.
3246991
Hmm . . . once I get off work, I'll read it. That's a pretty high recommendation there.
Also, poor Pav.
Who has observed a beluga whale yawning?
Nice