Nothing remains · 2:05pm Jul 14th, 2015
I have nothing left. The spark that kept me fueled and writing is not even a wisp of smoke anymore. Every time I try to put words to paper, my brain screeches and twists around itself until I am forced to walk away. What kind of author is it that can't write without feeling agony for just doing so? I haven't had a good night's sleep in months, and I've passed out at work at least twice in the last two weeks - and that's when I'm not drifting in and out of consciousness or undergoing hallucinations.
I wish I could bring myself to actually hate others, because then I could fit in with the other pony communities. Then I wouldn't have to bother anyone here with my idiocy.
Sorry. Maybe I'll finish the review backlog soon. It's all I'm good for, anyway.
Hey- I don't know what's wrong, but if you want to talk about it, feel free to message me.
For writing- that's a pretty common feeling I think. Its not pleasent, and it sucks when it happens, but...well, I remember a quote I heard about James Joyce, when he was writing Ulysses. A friend if his arrived to see Joyce slumped in despair over his writing- because he'd only managed to write six words all day.
The friend pointed out that that was great progress for Joyce...who replied "But I dobtbknow what order they go in!"
Lots of writers have blocks, or moments of apathy. It doesn't reflect anything on you or your credentials as a "real" writer...
And as for reviews? I like reading your reviews. Your Lunaverse stories were part of what got me to sign up for FiMFiction in the first place. I'd love to see more of your reviews- because your reviews are great.
But... Maybe you should take a break? You say you haven't been sleeping and are having hallucinations and passing out...
I don't want you to leave this community. I love checking your page and your reviews.
But...again; if you don't want a break, or if you want to talk about things.. feel free to message me. I hope things get better for you...
Here I say: I don't think you should care about the backlog. I think you should just... chill, take it easy, okay?
Any idea what the problem might be?
Are you eating properly?
Are you sleeping properly?
Do you exercise?
Or maybe you simply have overdose on internet. It happens to all of us sooner or later we start to feel the side effects of so many hours in front of the computer screen. It can be mentally physically and emotionally harmful. One common problem is the overdose of dopamines, you basically become so overwhelmed with satisfaction from all that the internet provides that you become desensitized to further joy and pleasure overtime. To fix that all you have to do is take a reasonable break from the computer to take time to recover and awaken your senses. It might also help you to think more clearly.
I hope you're able to figure out how to feel better.
Best of luck,
~Leonzilla
Your author skills are still there. But, they're inactive due to all the stress that's keeping you awake. If only we could figure out what that is so we could help you.:( *hugs*
I feel like I should get my two cents in since you sound very unsatisfied and borderline depressed in your post.
People loving reading what you do because it's a way to share a passion and joy we all have in watching this show. If things are a bit down, then others suggestions to just take a temporary break are well-warranted. But please, for the sake of your own enjoyment, don't give up on what you've done for so long that's become such an integral part of your day-to-day life.
You have a crowd of fans that find amusement and joy in everything you do here, so hearing you sound so down leaves us all worried about your well-being. After all, even if we all enjoy what you do, you're own well being and livelihood are FAR more important.
And like others have said, if you need someone to talk to, to vent to, or even to just hangout with in some way.
We are here. And we can help.
Why don't you take a break from MLP related stuff, I mean its kinda obvious from the way you say it that you are getting kinda tired from dealing with unreasonable people.
So, take a break, pls. Afterwards, think long and hard and If you feel like you wanna continue writing, than write, if you wanna leave the fandom (but not necessarily the show itself), than leave. You can always return if you feel like it and its not like others can stop you or anything. Do whatever you feel necessary,
MLP is suppose to be enjoyable, you should be enjoying yourself, and if you can't feel it, than maybe you should just stop. Continuing to be miserable in something you are suppose to be enjoying kinda defeat the purpose of MLP in the first place.
Also, talk with someone, not texting or writing or emailing or any sort of communication through the Internet, just talk, it will feel better.
Dude, have you seen a doctor? Passing out and hallucinating and insomnia are pretty clear signs that something is dragging you down, and that's no Bueno. If you look at [muffled psychology noises]'s hierarchy of needs, you see that sleep and security comes before and below creative expression. It's no wonder you're struggling to write right now; you have bigger fish to fry.
I really don't know where you go that has these horrible people, unless you're still going to The Round Stable for reasons unknown, but I'm going to make the same suggestion that I always do, which is to stay away from those places.
Also, yeah, what 3237141 said. Hallucinations + passing out = time to see a doctor.
If you're not feeling like writing or it's making you miserable to do so, then take a break from it. Hell, like some others said, you can take a full-on break from fandom or the computer if neither are doing anything good for you.
I agree with the folks saying you've got bigger problems if you're hallucinating and passing out. Really, dude, it's not worth all that.
3237242
I've pretty much stopped going to TRS, outside of the very occasional visit. They had enough of my shit and I had enough of their shit.
Doctor's appointment today. By phone only, because they don't have a physical opening. Hallucinations, passing out, slapping myself in the face over and over, all will be sorted out. Also, I'll be out of a job.
3237392
Really?
3237398
This shit has caused me to miss quite a bit of work. I've burned through most of my sick time going to seminars and trying to get some sleep, just so I can find out what the fuck is wrong with me. So I'm going to be out of a job.
3237416
That kind of really sucks...
On the subject of missing sleep, have you tried any sleep-aid pills or medicines?
3237435
They don't work. Neither does caffeine during the day.
3237464
Well...doctor's appointment it is, then. You need help and I don't know what else to do on my end.
Take yout time and recover, rest and do something you like, Or write something bad as a way to get the juices flowing. Either way, take time to get your head together.
We're all going to be here for you; whenever you decide you need to go, whenever you decide you may want to return - we'll be welcoming you with open arms. A break sounds like the best thing to do... maybe try to change up habits and relaxing with a cup of hot tea (or cocoa).
I am also here if you'd like to talk. Please take this love and do whatever you need.
You're having hallucinations and are passing out, and you have to do your appointment by phone? Who the hell is your doctor??
3238107
It was the only way to be seen today.
3238159
And yet, your avatar was derived from Philomena the Phoenix. Perhaps you're just in the low point of a cycle? I'd still stay away from matches, though.
(Get well soon!)
I don't know how to really help you, but if you need someone to talk at you can talk at me. I'll be praying for you.
I think you should just give up. Be anhero to us all.
and what's preventing you from being able to sleep?.....
I rarely, if ever, comment
But dude, you are good for so much more than review backlogs. Your writing is great, your reviews are really fun to read.
Your writing is what got me into writing and reading fanfics in the first place. My Little Alicorn was the very first pony fanfic I ever read. I loved it...and Bringing up Blueblood...so much that I printed them and bound them. They're sitting on my shelves right now, not three feet from me. I reread them at least once a year, and it's always a joy.
As for your reviews, you do a wonderful job of dissecting each episode, pointing out its flaws and what makes it really good. It comes through that you still love the show, despite everything.
Going on the health issues, and what I've read above, I'm glad you managed to call a doctor at least. What you're describing is very unhealthy, and I wish you the best of luck in recovering from it. Take a good long break from MLP if you need one. Take a permanenet one, if that's what it takes. But take care of yourself before you feel obligated to us.
And never feel ashamed because you don't hate someone. Never. Those who spread hate like that could really do to rewatch the show a bit.
tl;dr: You're a really talented writer, don't beat yourself up. But if you need to take a break to get healthy, do it.