Critique Review (With Guest Reviewer IowaForever): My Little Avengers

The Critique began to put together his metallic outfit. It was only a matter of seconds since Computer put out the call for the other heroes. Soon, they would be assembled to create the greatest team of reviewers the world had ever seen. The mechanical arms of Computer placed each piece of green and purple armor expertly together against his body. The armor secured itself to his body.

His body began to tremble as a cheerful grin appeared on his face. He lifted his hooves. The gauntlets were slid onto him. As they locked into place, a long purple plate emerge from the gauntlet, connecting it to the torso piece. It allowed him more maneuverability.

The same with his hind legs. Finally, a helmet was placed on his head. With a slight click, the rest of the headgear slammed into place.

The Critique placed his hooves over where his ears would be. “God damnit!” The metallic click still ringing in his ears. “Jesus, that’s loud!”

”’Oh, do not worry about that, Computer. I am sure it will work itself out.’” Computer attempted to imitate the Critique’s voice. While it was far from good, the point had been made.

The Critique recalled the conversation about Computer warning him about sound protection from the helmet, but he choose that it was far from important. All that mattered was looking good in his new suit.

He ripped the helmet from his head and tossed it to the ground. “Shut up!” He moved over to his usual spot on the ground. “So, where the hell is everypony?”

They should be arriving any minute, sir.

***

Hello all, and welcome to Fanfic Masochism.

I know I’ve been a bit idle, but I’ll make up for it in due time... maybe... someday... Eh.

Anyway, I’ve said in previous reviews, writing superhero stories is hard, as is writing crossovers. For one, you need to make sure that your hero’s powers and vulnerabilities make sense, the villain is threatening, and their love interest isn’t some needy jerk. For the other, you need to make sure the universe meshes well, that each character’s powers and abilities don’t always eclipse the others, and that everyone maintains their base personality.

Of course, those stories were shit, because their characters were flat and Queen Annalese Black Hole warped everyone’s personality beyond recognition.

So today, I’m going after a “double threat” as it were; a superhero crossover, like “Queen Annalese” but better. Today’s review is My Little Avengers by koolerkid.

Now, I have some fond memories of this story; it was one of the first fanfics I ever read, and it inspired some of my own superhero stories once I got to writing. But does it still hold up through all the nostalgia filters? Well, let’s find out-

A mysterious note appears nearby.

... Well, that’s odd. No one ever sends me notes during reviews. (opens note) “To whom it may concern. In light of the deluge of bad fanfics, I am assembling a team of the greatest reviewers to show that, once and for all, the internet will not stand against such mediocrity and sloppy writing.”

... Huh, a man out of my own heart.

“So if you think you have what it takes to join our team, please visit the following address and we’ll explain everything.”... Okay, that’s a bit vague, but hey, it sounds like fun.

Maybe they can see this review I got here.

***

The Critique sat at his usual spot on the ground, grumbling under his breath. “Where the hell is everypony?! I thought they’d be here by now.”

Suddenly, the front door opened to reveal... a green, cube shaped, mustachioed cat dressed in a black cape, monocle and hat.

The Critique’s eyes widened as a large frown appeared across his face. “What the hell is that?!”

“Well, it just felt like one of those days when cats were needed,” the cat said. “You can call me Watson. I heard there was a need for reviewers?”

Oh, my god! It is Iowaforever! Mr. Watson, I am such a huge, huge fan of your work!

“Really? Well, thank you.” the cat adjusted his cape before continuing. “I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus, but it’s nice to hear I’ve got fans. Any review in particular you liked?”

Oh, all of them sir. Your review on Queen Annalese was most spectacular! You are one of the most witty reviewers I know.

“Witty reviewer… pfft. You never say I’m a witty reviewer.”

“Who’s the killjoy over there?”

“Killjoy?! This coming from the plush toy! I am the Critique, the greatest fan fiction critic of all time.”

“Oh right, you.” there was a long pause. “... You swear a lot, right?”

“Like a boss.” The Critique smiled with pride. “So, furface, let’s get this review rolling, shall we? Not that you’ll be much help.”

“Well, there’s no need to be racist about it.” the cat said with a huff. “And you’d be surprised as to what kind of help I can give... and I mean that in the least dirty way possible. Some of us have to have standards, after all.”

“I have plenty of standards! And racist?! Pfft, I’ve never been racist my whole life!”

“Yeah, and I’m the God Emperor of Mankind,” the cat’s eyes narrowed. “No wonder nobody likes you.”

“Shut your fucking face!”

“Anyway, let’s get the review done, and then we can trade some insults, ‘kay?”

Sigh. “Fine. But I was totally winning.”

“Believe me when I say I’ve only begun to fight.”

“Sure... Welcome everypony, I am the Critique. And this is… the other guy… and welcome to the review of… What are we reviewing?

“Koolerkid’s My Little Avengers. I explained it to them on my way over.”

“Sure it wasn’t as good as I could do it, but let’s not waste anymore time.”

“Spoilers ahead, everyone.”

We start our story off with Big MacIntosh waking up at the farm house.

Celestia’s sun was just breaching the horizon as Macintosh Apple, more commonly known as Big Macintosh or Big Mac, current head of the Apple Family and owner of Sweet Apple Acres, awoke from a peaceful night’s sleep.

Meh… Just a fancy way of saying “The sun was bright over Ponyville.” … But it is a break from the monotony, so I’ll let it slide. … This time.

Big Macintosh went about his morning routine, as he did every morning.

As opposed to the times he did his routine in the afternoon.

He brushed his teeth quickly and efficiently, his hooves gripping the toothbrush with a surety born of long practice.

Oh, a great load off my mind to be sure. I was afraid that our biggest concern in this story would be the spread of gingivitis.

Hey now, gum disease is a big problem in many species...

In a superhero story?

What, never heard of PlaqueMan?

Please tell me you’re making that up.

It’s a big world; someone must have thought of it. I mean, Lactose Man is a thing, after all...

… Computer, I need a bigger gun.

He reentered his room and gave the mane of his Smarty Pants doll a quick brushing - a relatively new addition to his routine.

Why do I see this scene being really creepy?

... I’m a stuffed cat, so I won’t answer that question. But anyway, after brushing Smarty Pants, he spies his calendar...

Calendar Girl confirmed for MCU Phase 3!

His calendar had a great many marks upon it in red ink, marking days of importance to the running of the farm. The end of Applebuck Season was always busy; this month of the calendar was practically covered in ink. But today’s date, right near the very bottom of the calendar, was different, because instead of the usual detailed note, it was bare but for the words “The Day” written upon it and circled.

The day?! The day?! Oh, the day is finally here! I can’t believe it!

It’s his apprenticeship day! Oh boy!

So he goes on about ‘the day’ and how he always loses track of it thanks to Apple Buck season. Apparently, it’s so important that Applejack once threatened him because he nearly ruined it.

Hey, don’t knock apprenticeship days. StarPaw found out about that the hard way.

I loved that review.

… I … never read it...

It had magical Christian cats who were closet lesbians. It’d probably go over your head.

Hey, nothing goes over my head! My reflexes are too quick!

As a cat, I find that laughable. Getting back to the review, it’s finally revealed that “the day” is actually Big Mac’s birthday... after a really long stretch about speculation and pancakes.

Was it really necessary to draw that out as much as it did? I know it drives interest, but the payoff was kind of weak.

Speaking of things paying off, Big Mac decides to go on a little trip to the mountains for a hike.

“Th’ mountains?” Applejack looked distinctly uncomfortable. “Ah dunno, Mac. It can get mighty dangerous up there... The girl’s and Ah saw a hydra up there once. Well, ran from a hydra. Same thing. Not ta mention there used to be a dragon up there; who knows what coulda moved in after it left.”

Damn those squatters! Living in our caves and driving down our property values! We should just kill all of them and feast on their corpses!

… And they say I’m dark…

But Big Mac says he’ll be fine and Applejack shouldn’t worry about him. Instead she should worry more about Apple Bloom, who has just slipped and splattered pancakes all over the floor.

Several universes away, Mykan is crying because his beloved pancakes have been slain... Go ‘Bloom!

Hey, stop stealing my jokes! You… stuffed… Joke stealer!

And yet that’s still a better punchline than Skye Dumbass Avatar baking Sokka’s Seal Jerky...

… Okay, point you.

:3

As Big Mac travels up the mountain he begins to admire the scenery. And while it’s not quite as descriptive as I would like, I personally think it does a decent job of giving us a little bit of the view-

Bored now! Big Mac gets attacked by an Ursa Minor.

They call me the killjoy...

Big Mac retreats from the Ursa with the great grammar and spelling that is…

BIg Macintosh was a pony of incredible strength and stalwart courage, but when faced with this immense beast, the only recourse was to do something he was very much unaccustomed to: turn tail and run.

BIg Macintosh

BIg

Well... that’s unfortunate. Next time ya might want to check your grammar a bit.

But hey, you want to see something worse?

Nope!

“I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!”

OH, GOD! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Heh heh heh…

So, after Big MacIntosh makes his escape, he finds himself in a dark cave.

He’s attacked by Darth Vader. Actually, after trying and failing to wait out the Ursa he goes deeper and finds a stick (hopefully not the one that Jayfeather dated before meeting StarKit’s mother) sitting on a pedestal.

As he looks around for an escape route, he discovers the exit being blocked. Desperate, he uses the seeming worthless stick to help him out. However, when he strikes with the staff, something wondrous happens.

Water pours out of the rock. Moses confirmed for MCU Phase 3!

Will you stop doing that?!

Nope.

Actually, this is based of the Silver Age Thor’s secret identity. Mjolnir takes the form of a stick when not in use, but when danger’s about John Blake just has to tap it on the ground and *Poof!* Instant Thunder God. I applaud koolerkid for using a more obscure origin for our hero.

It’s definitely a quick and clever nod to a simpler time in comic history. Unlike recent comic book history.

And Superhero fanfics as well. Looking at you, Jupiter Williams!

Miles away, in Ponyville, one pony was in the library, busily studying “A History of Sexuality in the Griffin Tribes”. Twilight found the subject endlessly engrossing, and rather enlightening.

Wow Twilight, I know you were into some weird stuff, but that’s just plain bizarre... although does this confirm Gilded Sparkles?

Hey, if you think that’s weird, you should be reading Gainbow Dash.

Please, my mind has taken enough abuse from the likes of Tara Gillespie.

I’d trade you for Prince Martin Willis anyday of the week.

At least he didn’t have an evil voice in his head and yet told NO ONE, NOT EVEN THE GODDAMN AVATAR about his problem... I think we’re getting sidetracked.

Fine… So, all around Equestria, they start to notice something going on. Pinkie Pie’s Pinkie Sense starts tingling, Celestia begins to get worried, even other deities feel the arrival of the new Thunder God.

And the Ursa certainly feels it when Thor comes out and smashes him upside the head with Mjolnir.

With the Ursa defeated, Thor starts to think about who he was. However, there is one slight problem. He can’t remember who he was.

Oh dear, an amnesiac hero. This can go bad in so many ways.

Finally, in his own voice, he spoke the only words that he felt could accurately convey his feelings.

“What the hay?”

“Since when did I get turned into a Mary Sue? I thought that was only for February!”

Flying! Flying was fun!

Sure, rub it in, asshole.

And why does he go so quickly from “What the hell” to “OMG I CAN FLY!!!1!111”?

Yeah, wouldn’t he take a little more time figuring all this stuff out?

Jupiter Williams didn’t. Dear author, please don’t make Thor like Jupiter Williams.

He didn’t want to be an Alicorn forever. What if ponies started worshipping him, like the Princesses? Oh no, what if the Princess found out and got angry that another pony was pretending to be an Alicorn?

Oh no! Not being worshiped like some great being who totally deserved it! That would be the worst thing that can possibly come from me gaining superpowers!

Um... he’s got a point, though.

Oh, please, they make princesses by the dozen in Equestria.

But Big Mac’s pretty much just a farm boy. All he really seems focused on is taking care of Sweet Apple Acres and making sure his sisters don’t get into too much trouble. All the sudden he gets superpowers and then people will start asking him to do crazier things like battle dragons and stop meteors. Sure, that would help his continued survival as a non-super, but can you imagine all the stress he’d be going through with all that weight on his shoulders?

… *puts his hoof on his chin*... Nope.

Thought not.

Anyway, Big Mac gets worried about his transformation and tries to figure out how to change back into his normal self.

Just pour some water on his head. It worked for Captain Underpants.

Aha! Big Mac uncovered a memory of tapping the hammer against the ground to take on a mortal form. That was how the staff had begun the change in the first place, wasn’t it? So just repeat the process; that made sense.

... Or you could do that.

After flying around some more, Big Mac heads back to Sugar Cube Corner for Pinkie’s party for him.

“EEEEEEEE YOU’RE HERE!” She squealed excitedly. “We were all super-duper worried that you weren’t coming or that you got lost or hurt or eaten or fell into an inter-dimensional wormhole or something while you were out on your hike but now you’re here so you must be fine!” Pinkie was bouncing excitedly the whole time she was talking, but when she finished she suddenly stopped and looked at him expectantly, as if waiting for him to say something.

Nah, I just found an old staff that transforms me into a god that can shoot lightning and create tornados. Nothing big.

So Pinkie is Pinkie and everyone else is happy that Big Mac is back.

“Big Mac!” Came a familiar yell, and the farmpony barely had time to brace himself before Applebloom tackled him, hugging him tight. “We were so worried!” Then she blinked, as if realizing what she said, and let go. “Ah mean, Applejack was worried. Ah wasn’t worried at all.”

Your Toph impersonation needs some work, Applebloom. Either that, or you’re an asshole, take your pick.

I pick the latter.

“Have a cupcake! I made them special for you; they’re super-special BIG MAC BIRTHDAY MUFFINS!”

Just so everyone is aware, CUPCAKES AND MUFFINS ARE NOT THE SAME THING!

As Derpy says…

So the party goes on, and everyone has a good time. Save Pinkie, who senses something’s wrong...

She looked at Big Macintosh, strangely. Itchy Right Ear meant somepony was lying... but why would Big Mac lie?

Everyone lies, Pinkie. I mean, didn’t we already go over this in Season 1?

I’ll be good...

Also, I don’t remember that being part of the canon.

Big Mac was walking back to Sweet Apple Acres alone, tired but happy. His sisters had remained behind to help clean up, but Applejack had insisted her go home and rest after his long hike and afternoon of partying.

Wait… Applejack insisted on her going home after his hike? Wait… Is this some inception level stuff where it turns out that Applejack and Big Mac… are the same pony?!

Or maybe it’s a Hilarious in Hindsight moment because Thor’s a woman now.

Or maybe it’s a typo… But… no. That would just be stupid.

Obviously.

So Big Mac goes home to play with his magic stick some more.

Pfft… Sorry, it was funny.

But Pinkie breaks in and eats his pancakes before stealing the magic stick. Because Pinkie is a bitch like that.

Now, to be fair she did say she was hungry, and wouldn’t the neighborly thing to do be to steal food from a friend? Get used to that she does that a lot in this story.

... Well, friends are the reason you have no food... so... Alright, but she still loses points for stealing Big Mac’s stick.

Pfft… I’m sorry. I’ll be more mature…

“So talk.” He said finally. “What was so important that you had to steal from me?”

So, Pinkie confesses her love...I mean, the knowledge that she felt something very powerful within Big Mac. Big Mac admits the stick is more than it seems and that it turns him into an alicorn.

And if you push the right buttons, it extends!

Oh, another dick innuendo.

Hey, you started it by laughing at my other comments.

You make it so easy, though.

Not my fault that summing up what happens sounds dirty. Wait until we get to Blueblood as Iron Pony... oops, spoilers.

Anyway, Pinkie asks him to transform.

Hey, that’s not right! Applebloom’s the Transformer, not Big Mac!

And they call me one to jump to conclusions.

“Really?” Pinkie asked, looking excited. “That’s perfect! That’ll make this sooooo much easier to explain! Here!” She kicked the staff over to him. “Transform! Transform! Henshin!”

Henshin? What the hell is that?

It’s Japanese for ‘transform’.

… What the fuck is it doing in this story?!

Damned if I know, but then again some badfics like to throw in Japanese words to make themselves sound cooler.

I knew the Japanese were corrupting the minds of our youth, but… I had no idea.

Of course. But anyway, Big Mac transforms into Thor and after noting that he’s now speaking in Ye Olde Butchered Equestrianne the hammer proceeds to Mind Rape him... actually, all his memories as Thor come back and we learn there was a big war in the past, Ragnarok and all that fancy stuff.

It turns out he can’t remember anything because of a villain named Loki. Name sounds familiar… Takes away his history and erased his memory.

But that’s okay, because we have Pinkie here to do the only thing she’s useful for in the story: provide exposition!

Yeah, that’s one thing that’s always bothered me in this story. Pinkie’s always the know all character, but when it all comes down to it, has a very minor role in the story. Why can’t she have superpowers?!

Logic: Because then the story would be a bit cluttered?

SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

… Looks like we finally agree on something.

Indeed.

Anyway, long ago there was a place called Asgard, where Odin was king. He had a son named Thor who was a bit of a hothead and another son named Loki who was a bit of an asshole. Loki decided to go full asshole and instigated a war that resulted in Asgard’s destruction. The resulting surge of power created what is now known as Equestria, and gave all the ponies some access to magic.

And how does Pinkie Pie know all this?

Well, I was not actually there, but I heard that somebody played a card game… And then BOOM… End of the world… It totally happened. …Just like I said. Just card game BOOM… everyone dead.

... Works for me.

Pinkie explains that she actually knows all this because Loki is actually … in her words…

Wellllll... technically, he’s my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandpa.”

Does this mean he married Yzma?

Actually, I’d read that fic… It’s probably make more sense than her having memories she shouldn’t have.

But Big Mac isn’t so enthused about being Thor.

“No!” Big Mac shouted, swinging the hammer into the ground, transforming back into his Earth Pony form. The wooden stick, Mjolnir’s disguise, clattered to the ground. “Ah can’t deal with this. S’all... s’all too much. I’m just a farmpony, Pinkie. Ah’m not an Alicorn, and Ah’m def’natly no god!”

Give it a few days. You might like it. Worst case scenario, you’ll go crazy like Critique here.

Yeah… … … … Hey!

So, Pinkie explains that Loki wants access to Big Mac’s stick… Pfft…

Oh, so now we’re bringing incest in to this? And you say I’m the immature one…

Technically, it’s not incest. He’s adopted.

And that’s supposed to make it better? He’s still some part of the family, blood related or not.

Hey, if that can be used for bad fanfiction writers, why can’t I use it?!

Because I thought you were better than that, but then again I’ve had my expectations violated enough times already.

After Pinkie explains everything, Big Mac just kind of accepts the fact that he’s Thor and he’s going to have to fight Loki someday.

... Well, that was quick. Not even Aang had a turn around like that.

Though if he did, that would make for a much shorter movie.

Our next chapter sees Trixie wandering through Everfree. Should have stayed on the rock farm.

The pounding, rhythmic thud of magic thudded almost painfully in her head, as it had ever since the massive wave of magical energy the day before yesterday.

“Can you hear them, Doctor? Can you hear the drums?”

Trixie makes her way to a clearing where she comes face to face with a big mass of magical energy. The magic mass greets her as she appears and Trixie explains her blight.

“I... Trixie was humiliated. That two-bit, small-town bumpkin mage Twilight Sparkle embarrassed Trixie in front of all of Ponyville! Now nopony will take Trixie seriously anymore;

And yet, you are more popular with the fan base than her. … Why are you upset again?

So Loki introduces himself and says that he needs an apprentice. Meanwhile, Pinkie’s helping Big Mac/Thor relearn his powers, because it’s not like she has a job or anything that she needs to get back to.

And again, why is Pinkie Pie all of the sudden Yoda? Why can’t she have superpowers and fight alongside Thor?

They decide to break for lunch:

Big Mac just smiled and pointed up at the sun directly overhead. “Lunchtime.” He replied simply. “How about you come over fer lunch, Pinkie? Least Ah can do for helpin’ me with all of this.” He stowed Mjolnir in his saddlebag - one of the staff’s more useful features he’d discovered was its’ ability to change it’s size, regardless of it’s current shape. It made carrying it about a great deal easier.

IT’S IS A CONTRACTION, NOT A POSSESSIVE! YOU WOULD NOT USE “IT’S” LIKE THAT!

That’s not the only thing that’s contracting… Pff...

...

...

...

I’m not even going to comment on that.

Anyway, they get to Sugar Cube Corner where Applejack asks them about them spending a lot of time together. Oh, so I wasn’t far off on the romantic feelings tease.

*eye twitch*

You okay?

... Peachy. I’ll let you know when we get to it.

Dandy...

Meanwhile in Cloudsdale, we are introduced to Heavy Weight, one of the Jerkass Bullies from “Sonic Rainboom”. He’s in the process of losing a race against a Super Saiyan.

Don’t feel so bad Dead Weight, I mean, Heavy Weight, Brolly’s the legendary saiyan. I’m just … saiyan…

... Okay, that pun almost made me chuckle. Almost.

“That’s another win for me, Dumb Bell.” Brolley gloated, using Weight’s hated nickname. Just because his Cutie Mark was a dumbbell... “I dunno why you even keep racing; you’re too bulky to fly like a real pegasus.”

Doesn’t stop Bulk Biceps. I mean, it’s in his name, for crying out loud.

To be fair, he’s as good a flier as Fluttershy.

Anyway, Trixie appears after Heavy Weight is finished being humiliated by Brolly and Trixie gives a speech that I think is supposed to understand him, but comes off as kind of a bitch...

“For a unicorn of my talents, a simple cloud-walking spell is but a trivial matter. As for you... I know a great many things about you. How at an early age, you discovered your Cutie Mark for unusual strength in a pegasus. How you used your greater strength in flight school to bully others, to be the top of the pack. How everypony else grew up, and you learned all that muscle is just useless dead weight in a race, making you the slowest flier in your class. How your two favorite victims - Brolly and Rainbow Dash - have reversed the roles of tormenter and tormented.” The mare smiled,

I also know what you masterbate to when nopony is watching. How you pick your nose in public! How you secretly like Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series, unironically.

That’s a bit low... but then again, Trixie does admit to all but stalking the guy…

And of course, this doesn’t raise any red flags as Trixie tells him of how he can get even.

But we cut to Pinkie, who’s finished eating more of the Apple family’s food when she gets a twitch that bad things are about to happen. So Mac armors up and goes off to fight the bad guys.

Oh my god! My plot senses are tingling! The plot is over there!

Aren’t you going to help me?

Nope. I’m basically the Navi of this story, so I’ll just stay over here while you fight the bad guys, ‘kay?

We cut to Rainbow Dash, who is being attacked by Heavy Weight. Rainbow Dash tries her best to outrun ‘Dead Weight’, but he manages to outmaneuver her at every turn. Dead Weight catches Rainbow Dash and declares himself the Wrecker.

So, what happened to the rest of the Wrecking Crew?

You know that’s interesting… In the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes TV Show, the Wrecking Crew was the first villains that Thor fought in that cartoon… Could it be that…?

Well, the Wrecking Crew are the punching bags of the Marvel Universe. Want a quick way to show your Special Snowflake is badass? Have them beat up the Wrecking Crew. Hell, they did the same thing in reverse to show that Juggernaut was losing power by having the Wrecking Crew kick the stuffing out of him.

I’m just questioning why there’s only one of them here. I mean, it’s called the Wrecking Crew, as in plural. Besides, Dumb Weight wasn’t the only one of Rainbow’s bullies, so wouldn’t it be more economical in the whole “CRUSH KILL DESTROY” department to get a couple supervillains out smashing stuff?

Yeah, I can’t help but feel this is a missed opportunity on the story’s part. Four villains would definitely give Thor a run for his money and would fit more into the Marvel Mythology.

Speaking of our winged hero, he’s not far away and comes to save the day.

“I SAY THEE NAY!” The air suddenly whooshed from the self-proclaimed Wrecker’s lungs as a sudden impact sent him sprawling. “What kind of coward would attack a defenseless mare, while she lies stricken on the ground no less!”

This is starting to sound like Myakn’s dream world... women are powerless and need men to come save them... Okay, maybe that was a bit of a stretch.

FUCKING DICKS!... OW!

So... saying bad stuff about women makes people hit you in the head with shovels?

It’s a stupid running gag I never should have invented.

... (scribbles down notes for later)

So, our hero finally introduces himself to our villain.

The Alicorn merely glared at him. “I am the God of Thunder, one of the last of the Old Gods. I am the son of the God-King Odin and master of the skies. I am Thor!”

Master of the overly long introductions! I swear Sailor Moon could transform faster than you could talk!

But the Wrecker doesn’t like that, so the two have a massive slugfest in Ponyville. As far as fight scenes go, it isn’t half bad. Sure, it’s mostly Thor tossing Dumbbell around like a ragdoll, but it does what an introductory fight scene should: showcase the character’s power and fighting style.

“You are still a mortal. And I am STILL A GOD!”

...

Darkseid confirmed for MCU Phase 3!

I think we need a Justice League movie first.

Well, Ol’ Stoneface was going to be a Thor villain until Kirby jumped ship and took the New Gods with him.

But that’s okay, because Marvel just copied Darkseid and renamed him Thanos.

See? I was right.

So, after our big battle with the Wrecker, Thor vows to spare him. Pfft… weak.

Thor asks Twilight to remove the enchantment and Twilight says she can, but that the magical energy has to be sent somewhere or it could be harmful.

Is that how magic works? Not a unicorn here, so I wouldn’t know.

This story has a magical stick that turns people into gods. I think it’s safe to say that we should just roll with it for now.

Point taken.

“It... it worked!” Twilight said, grinning happily. “That weird magic sure took a toll on his body, though - I’d say he aged at least a couple of years. Now, maybe you can explain what’s... going... on?” Twilight turned to face the god who’d been there mere moments ago, only to find he’d already vanished.

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen! Doesn’t even stick around to clean up his messes.

Man of Steel. … Just saying.

Don’t look at me, I didn’t write that. But anyway, Big Mac goes back to the Exposition Fairy and says that he thinks he did too good.

Ah hurt another pony. That ain’t somethin’ to be proud of. It was almost like Ah wasn’t me, like Ah was Thor an’ not Big Mac anymore. Ah wanted to hurt him. Ah don’t think I’d’ve cared much if Ah killed him. Hay, I think Ah was tryin’ to kill him, or at least hurt ‘im real bad. What kinda pony does something like that? What kinda pony wants ta hurt another pony?

...Fair enough, but hey, no one died, right?

Yeah, Mac. Why you gotta be down on yourself like that? You saved the day, you stopped the bad guy, no one died. What do you have to be sad about? Hell, even Superman has moments where he’d like to go over the edge, but that doesn’t make him a bad person. It’s the restraint and the choice that makes the hero, not the temptation. Even Batman has had the problem.

Wow... that was surprisingly inspirational. Kudos.

*Belches loudly* I’m sorry, were you saying something?

Pinkie tells Big Mac that he shouldn’t feel down, because he’s got lots of friends to back him up... right?

Ah... Ah don’t have a lotta friends, Pinkie.

... Then again, Season 2 did say he was shy…

So, Pinkie decides that she will visit as often as she can for Big Mac, promising to be his friend. Technically, isn’t Pinkie Pie friends with him since he lives in Ponyville?

... Now that you mention it, that really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. But we can’t have more of Pinkie and Mac’s developing friendship, plot needs to happen!

We cut to Canterlot where Luna and Celestia start to discuss the mysterious appearance of Thor.

“You and I both appeared fully grown from nowhere, sister.” Celestia reminded her. “It’s not implausible that this stallion did the same.”

Yeah, I’m going to stick that in the bullshit pile. Unless… The sky did give birth to them! OH, MY GOD! IT’S SPREADING! AHHHHH!

Um... is it too late to tell you that I did something similar in one of my own fics?

GOD, HELP US ALL! WE’VE ALREADY LOST!

Hey calm down, I had a rational explanation at least.

Apologies, Mr. Watson. He tends to get like this.

Eh, Skye Dumbass Avatar’s been chasing me around all over the place. It happens.

“Proper Etiquette, be a dear and contact the editor of Equestria Daily, would you? I believe his name is Seth. Tell him I wish to put an advertisement in his paper for a formal celebration to be held here in Canterlot, and have him contact me for details.”

‘Scuse me a moment as I whore myself out to Equestria Daily. This’ll get us featured for sure!

The shame… scribbles on a notepad

Chapter 4 ends with Loki going “Just as planned”... we probably don’t need to go into details.

“All shall bow before LOKI THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF ALL EQUESTRIA!”

SEE HOW I USE THESE TO EMPHASIZE MY THOUGHTS! TRUELY, I AM AN ARTIST!

...

Whatever.

So, the party is announced, but Big Mac doesn’t want to go.

“Ah just don’t see why Ah should.” Big Mac said with a shrug as he rolled out some dough. “Skippin’ a few hours work to visit you is one thing, but Ah’d have to miss a whole day to go to the Princess’ party. Ah can’t do that to Applejack. ‘Sides, how could Ah explain why I needed to leave?”

Hasn’t stopped Applejack before... also, shouldn’t that “I” be an “Ah”, since you’re speaking with an accent?

See, this is why when I write the characters, I don’t bother. The audience already knows they have an accent and if they don’t, just add a small description. “They spoke with a twang in their voice.” Boom, no, “AH’s” required.

Dash arrives and wants Twilight to get her an invite. This is rather pointless since the party is for everypony and no invitation is necessary.

It’s Rainbow Dash. She’s a bit dumb at times.

Yeah, but this is kind of pushing it for me. I mean, is she really stupid enough that she wouldn’t know about a free party when freaking Big Mac knew, and he doesn’t even care?

... Maybe she doesn’t read the paper?

It’s more believable than her being stupid. For that, we have Pinkie Pie.

“See, Mac?” Pinkie said. “You gotta go! Or Dash’ll be sad, and so will everypony else who wants to meet you! You don’t want to make everypony sad, do you?”

See, Mac? You’ve got to go to a party with hundreds of innocent ponies while you’re evil stepbrother is on the loose and will do everything in his power to destroy you. You’ll make Rainbow Dash sad if you don’t go.

So, the day of the party comes and Thor flies off to meet with everyone. As he makes his grand entrance, Celestia’s mind regresses to that of a schoolgirl and she comments on how much she wants to ride Thor’s Thunderstick.

Don’t remind me of that fic. I’m still recovering.

Celestia chuckled at her sister. “Oh, come on. You think he’s got a nice flank too.”

“I do not!” Luna protested, her blush growing more pronounced. “I-I would never entertain such... vulgar thoughts!”

“Oh really?” Celestia teased. “So it’s fine with you if I seduce him for myself?”

That’s it! I’m killing them!

Even though I find Celestia and Luna work better when written without romantic relationships, I think killing them is a bit much.

Have you ever read Molestia?!

I know enough about it to know what it is, but-

BUT SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU KNOW MY PAIN!

Hey look, Thor’s talking with Rainbow!

“Indeed, I recall the incident.” Thor said calmly. “Thou should be proud. The Wrecker’s speed nearly matched my own; few mortals would have lasted quite so long against him alone. You have a special gift, a talent for flying few pegasai possess. Be proud of it, hone it well, and cherish it always. I shall follow your career with great interest.”

More or less... But what the hell is a ‘pegasai’?

I think it’s what Derpy is.

Oh.

So Thor leaves the party briefly to talk with Celestia and Luna about Loki. They continue on until Pinkie interrupts, as she is wont to do.

Pinkie didn’t let the guard finish, running up to Big Mac. “Thor! I had that twitch again! Something’s coming, and it’s BIG!”

So, Trixie shows up to crash the party... where’s the old pony who says “There are always mares like you”? Wait, this was written before Avengers came out.

Celestia tries to attack Trixie, but is easily overpowered. Thor doesn’t take kindly to this and rushes at her. However, Trixie vanishes before Thor can catch her, but not before leaving another playmate for our God of Thunder to deal with.

“I AM THE FIRST AND LAST OF ALL DRAGONS. I WAS HERE WHEN EQUESTRIA WAS BORN, AND I WILL BE HERE TO SEE IT DIE. I AM THE GREATEST OF ALL CREATURES TO WALK THIS WORLD, AND I HAVE COME AT THE BEHEST OF MY GREATEST ALLY, LOKI OF ASGARD.”

“MY NAME IS FIN FANG FOOM. I BRING YOUR DESTRUCTION.”

I AM USING ALL OF IT! OVERLY LONG INTROS, BOLDS, ITALICS, UNDERLINES! TRULY I AM A FORMIDABLE OPPONENT!

Granted, I myself have used bold inflation for some characters (Beings of the Warp and the Avatar in the Avatar State, for example), but this just seems excessive.

Also, there is really no indication and differentiation of the characters who do this. Foom does it, Thor does it, Loki does it, hell Trixie did it in the same chapter! I can’t think of a single character in this story who doesn’t do it. And it is everywhere in this story. Was a description of how loud and powerful their speech was really too much to ask for?

So, they fight, and though his powers and taunts Foom begins to break Thor’s will... Wow, given how many other heroes have held up to worse, Thor’s looking a bit weak here.

But Thor rallies when thoughts of all the people he’s helped or impacted in his brief stint as a hero come rushing into his mind.

And Pinkie Pie playing the role of annoying fairy that no one likes.

Oh, go cry to somepony who cares.

So Thor rallies and bashes Foom’s head in... Wait.

Ah don’t think I’d’ve cared much if Ah killed him. Hay, I think Ah was tryin’ to kill him, or at least hurt ‘im real bad. What kinda pony does something like that? What kinda pony wants ta hurt another pony?

... Um... Big Mac... you just killed him, you know that?

Oh, come on. It’s just a dragon. No one cares about them…

And you say you’re not racist…

I’m not! ...Unless, it’s Diamond Dogs… Or Dragons… Or Unicorns… Or Griffins… Or Timberwolves.

And Manticores?

A MANTICORE SLAYING CUTIE MARK! A MANTICORE SLAYING CUTIE MARK!

While he’s busy flipping out over nothing Thor goes to Luna, who reveals that something is going wrong with Celestia.

Her mane had returned to it’s rainbow coloration, but rather than flow gently it thrashed wildly, like a nest of angry snakes. Her eyes glowed with unfathomable power, and light spilled forth from her horn like a waterfall of magic. The aura of power was so bright it hurt Thor’s eyes, but he could just barely make out the dark shape of Princess Luna standing beside her sister, frantically trying to shield herself from the out-of-control magic.

My God, Celestia is evolving into... whatever it is alicorns evolve into. Never actually played Pokemon.

According to my master, they evolve into “Mary-Sues”.

... Well that’s no good.

Fortunately, Celestia is saved from Sueness because her magic is released and she de-ages into a filly... Okay...

Oh, and a few poor schmucks get turned into the Thing and a few other heroes I can’t recall. Fun stuff.

Meanwhile, Trixie and Loki plot their next scheme. And then it ends. … I am no expert in storytelling, but that scene was rather brief.

Eh, villains only need some time to explain vague stuff before we have to focus on the heroes.

Yeah, Computer, get with the program!

Meanwhile, our heroes take Celestia to the infirmary where they discover that Trixie had hit Celestia with a spell to kill normal ponies and not alicorns. … So, why didn’t she hit Celestia with a spell to kill her?

Story: I can’t tell you that, because EVIL SCHEME!!!

But, wouldn’t it be easier to get rid of a major threat to your operations, especially one as powerful as Celestia? I mean, she’s no Thor, but she’s still an alicorn.

Story: EVIL SCHEME!!!

Okay...

Since Luna’s now de-facto leader of Equestria, she calls Thor into her office to talk.

“Look at these files.” Luna said, spreading out a sheet of papers on the desk between her and Thor. They were in her sister’s office, though the golden sun plaque on the desk had already been replaced with a silver one depicted the moon.

Well, that was suspiciously quick... almost like Luna was working with Loki to get Celestia ousted this whole time…

Yeah, that is a bit odd, Luna. How did she come up with those files in less than a day? For that matter, how do they even know of so many cases?! Did everypony just instantly write letters to Princess Celestia about what was going on?! Spike must be having letters come out of his ass!

“We have reports of over three hundred mutated ponies here, and that’s only in Canterlot. Tia’s - sorry, Celestia’s explosion also reached several nearby towns, including Ponyville and Manehattan. Reports are still coming in from those cities.”

Again, needlessly quick. You could’ve just waited a day or two.

So Luna explains she can’t do anything about the mutations, but she does plan to use what she has to fight Loki. She then commissions Thor to lead a specially selected team of these new mutants to be the front line of the coming fight.

“No, there is not.” Luna said heavily. “Thor... there has not been a serious conflict in all Equestria since my... altercation with my sister, one thousand years ago.

Yep. Not a single bad thing has ever happened in Equestria in a thousand years! Not a single conflict! No wars! No digressions! Nothing! Um… Bull fucking shit!

It’s Equestria. Bad things only happen there in fanfics.

You mean to tell me that in the show they need a military and a royal guard because of nothing?

It’s standard fantasy operating procedure #1: you have an army even if there’s no one to fight.

The start of every Fire Emblem game ever.

So, Pinkie Pie is ecstatic about Big Mac’s new team that he needs to put together, but Mac Attack is less than thrilled.

“If Ah led the team, Ah’d have to stay here. In Canterlot. What’m Ah gonna tell mah family? Ya’ll know Ah can’t lie ta Applejack, and Ah doubt even you could come up with a convincin’ excuse for me tah stay in Canterlot for... weeks? Months? Forever? Ah don’t even know.” He began pacing the small room anxiously. “‘Sides, Ah can’t just abandon them like that. They need me on the farm. Granny’s too old and Applebloom’s too young, and Applejack can’t do it alone.”

Um… here’s a stupid question. Why not tell them the truth? I mean, why keep this a secret from them? Foom already knows your pony identity. It’s likely that Loki does too. So, keeping a secret from them isn’t going to help them much.

Fortunately, he does decide to spill the beans to AJ.

Applejack of course is willing to listen to them, but is surprised when it turns out that it’s not about... You know what, can we skip this part? I don’t really want to get too angry at things.

That depends… are we coming back to this later?

Well, I suppose we might, but then again I could just be doing this to stall for time so you get distracted by the rest of the story and then we’ll never have to speak of this-

Pinkie’s a lesbian.

...

Pinkie was still giggling a bit, but she was able to speak now. “If we were dating, I wouldn’t keep it secret, silly! I’d throw a big party to celebrate! But Mac-alack-apack isn’t really my type, though he is REALLY big and strong and awesome and has a really fun name to say. I prefer fillies, anyway.”

And a pedophile.

...

...

...

Why?

Because, I love the misery of others.

No, I mean, why do we have to know that Pinkie’s into mares? I mean, given everything that happens in the story, everything we know about Pinkie, is it really that important for us to know that she’s a lesbian?

If you’re going to include a relationship of some sort, it has to actually make sense within the context of the story. You can’t just throw in romance, romantic relations, or sexual orientations in because “Hey, this story needs romance!” Will we ever see one of Pinkie’s lovers? Will one be threatened by Loki or Trixie? Maybe one’s been turned evil, that’d be a cool twist! But you can’t just pull these things out of your ass with absolutely no buildup whatsoever and expect us to enjoy it for what it is.

And-

You could make a point that you were being subtle, but come on, when has subtly ever worked in anyone’s favor when it comes to romance? They had practicallyno romantic chemistry whatsoever until you suddenly said “Whoopsie! They’re a couple now!”

And-

And hey, you stopped being subtle when YOU FREAKING MURDERED SEVERAL PEOPLE ON SCREEN! YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID “DAMN THE CENSORS, FULL STEAM AHEAD”! WHY DIDN’T YOU? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CRUSH MY JOY AND EXCITEMENT WITH YOUR HORRIBLY PACED SHIPPING?!?!

… You forgot the bold and underlines there...

WE GET IT! THEY’RE A COUPLE! IT WAS SURPRISING THE FIRST TIME, BUT NOW IT’S JUST GETTING OLWILL EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP ABOUT IT AND LET US ALL MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES?!?!?!?!?!?

… You done?

... Yeah... I’m fine now...

So, after Pinkie Pie confesses why she should probably be in jail, Big Mac confesses to his sister that he’s Thor in about the most badass way you can.

Big Mac took a deep breath, and nodded. “Alright. Here goes. Try not ta freak out.” He rapped the stick against the floor.

There was a bright light.

Applejack’s eyes nearly bulged from their sockets. “Holy Celestia...”

“Not quite.” said Thor.

For the record, that is how I would tell my brother. And then rub it in his face.

Big Mac and Pinkie Pie then explain what is going on and their involvement with Loki.

Applejack nodded and turned to Pinkie. “And you’re... what, part goddess?”

“Only a teeny tiny itty bitty bit.” Pinkie assured her. “That’s why I’m an earth pony! I do have a bit more magic than everypony else, and it lets me do weird stuff sometimes, but that’s it. I’m still my Pinkie-licious self!”

Not according to Ink Rose’s head canon, but that’s an argument for another day.

Big Mac convinces Applejack to tell the rest of the family and that what he’s doing is right. And Thor tells Luna that he will lead this new team of heroes.

So our next chapter sees the captain of the Wonderbolts, Spitfire, hanging out in her... apartment/hotel/place of living? Not clear where they are.

She’s also living with Soarin’... expect no development from that.

They discuss what’s going on in Equestria with all the mutations.

Soarin’ scuffed a hoof on the floor. “It’s just... you were taking so long, I thought something was wrong. You know, I heard some ponies got some really... you know, weird mutations. This one colt I saw looks like he turned into solid rock!”

It was a big rock...

It turns out that Spitfire’s got her own mutation from getting hit by Celestia’s power surge. Soarin’ asks her to demonstrate:

Soarin’ obediently watched her flame-colored mane carefully, waiting for... something. Several awkwardly silent moments passed before he saw something. Her mane began to move and shimmer as though alive... and then, suddenly, it burst into flame.

“Oh yes, let me use this dangerous power of setting myself on fire inside, where many flammable things reside! That sounds perfectly safe!”

Also, the story loses points for giving fire powers to a character already named Spitfire. How much time did the story take when thinking of that character’s powers?

Just wait until the end, it gets better.

Oh… Goodie...

Soarin’ grinned with her. “It really does suit you, too.” He gave a small sigh. “Aw, colt... now I wish I got a cool mutation, too.”

Given how mutants are treated in the main Marvel Universe, you should be jumping for joy.

Especially since this next part doesn’t help the argument of “Mutants are awesome”.

Soarin’ grimaced as he remembered that blue earth pony that had been teleporting around the testing room when he’d gone to see the doctors to check for mutations. Teleporting might be cool, but the poor pony had looked like something out of a nightmare. He hadn’t seemed terribly bothered by it, though.

What? Did he have bat wings or something?! Last I checked, Equestria isn’t exactly short on odd looking creatures! So, what was ‘nightmare’-ish about it?! Or was it Nightmare Moon’s son or something?!

Can’t speculate on that. Interrupting premonition of something bad!

She could see the rubble of Pony Joe’s, with the bodies of ponies lying scattered around on the floor. Right in front of her was Soarin’, his back bent in a way backs shouldn’t bend. Just beyond Soarin’ was a massive earth pony, larger even than an Alicorn, with bulging muscles and a green coat. With a furious roar, the enormous green pony reared up, and brought his hooves down on Soarin’s skull.

HULK SMASH PUNY PIE PONY!

Spitfire wakes up from her vision and plays it off as just exhaustion.

God dammit, she’s doing the same thing Kalani did with the evil voice in her head. THIS ISN’T GOING TO END WELL FOR ANYONE, SPITFIRE!

Especially not when Spitfire sends Soarin’ to the exact spot where he’s going to die. Pony Joe’s doughnut shop. … You know, I’m going to take a wild guess and say that after seeing something like that, somepony immediately going to that place where you saw them die in a vision, would not be something that you’d be okay with!

I said the same thing about a girl being flogged and raped by her caretakers, but nobody listened to me then so I doubt they’re going to listen to you now.

Is everypony just stupid except me?!

You have your moments.

Hey! I do not!

Sure you do, you’re just too scared to admit them. Me, I’ve admitted enough times that I’ve made the same mistakes bad writers have. Maybe that’s why you’re so angry all the time.

Oh, look who’s the big psychoanalyst, next you’ll be telling me that my hatred for my father is a deep rooted hatred for myself.

Nah, that’s last year’s psychoanalysis. Evil stepmothers are all the rage nowadays.

Anyway, Spitfire wakes up with this image…

SHIT!!! KILL IT!!!

A bit excessive, but… effective.

Be thankful I didn’t break out the Exterminatus, but seriously why does Pinkie need to keep breaking into rooms and violating people’s privacy like that? Is it just a hobby she has when she’s not espousing long bits of exposition?

Again, for all the character Pinkie Pie has, she doesn’t seem to have much to do with anything. Hell, at least Nick Fury did something in the Avengers! What the fuck does Pinkie Pie do?! Nothing, but explain the plot! That’s all she is! A translator!

And food thief. She eats all of Soarin’s pies.

Unacceptable! Burn her at the stake!

So Pinkie is actually there to help Spitfire with her precognition, which she describes as being similar to her Pinkie Sense. It’s more boring exposition, at which point Pinkie leaves because “I better get going now, before Rainbow Dash misses me! She gets kinda lonely at night, you know!”

Oh, so that’s where you were going with that! So Rainbow’s a lesbian as well? How original…

Yeah, I admit, the story is not made any better with Pinkie Pie lesbian thing. It doesn’t further the plot, it doesn’t improve Pinkie Pie’s arc, and it’s just so damn forced. So, why do it? Were you just afraid that this story might not be as cool if you didn’t include it, so you decided to do it simply because that’s what other popular stories are doing. Hell, if that was the case, I would just write every story where Princess Celestia sexually assaults every character in the story. Just because something is popular doesn’t make it good or even the right choice for that story.

But we’re getting sidetracked. Spitfire races to Pony Joe’s to find... absolutely nothing has gone wrong.

She decides to join Soarin’, when suddenly they are attacked by the Hulk.

HULK WANTED CHOCOLATE CREAM FILLING! HULK GOT STRAWBERRY!

It was just like in her vision. Soarin’ back was bent in a way a pony’s back was not meant to bend. Bruises and cuts covered his body and her wings were splayed out, one clearly broken

Hey look! Soarin’ did get a mutation: Gender Changing!

Best superpower ever!

So, Spitfire and the Hulk have a little battle and Spitfire shows the first signs of psychoticness.

“BURN!” She screamed, not caring that her own fiery aura was dying, that her wings felt like they were made of lead. “Burn burn burn BURN!”

Princess Azula confirmed for MCU Phase 3!

Also, wouldn’t that just make Hulk angrier and thus stronger?

Well, some contrivances had to be made, like how the Human Fucking Torch is able to beat the Hulk when not even the whole Fantastic Four could do that.

***

Fan fics… The bane of this world. Measures must be taken to ensure the quality of literature. Measures that only I can perform. But two stand in my way. Perhaps… with a little push… they can be turned against one another… Watson has more restraint and control. Despite his … earlier breakdown. But the other one has a temper… and is vain, easily prone to jealousy. Could play on that. Yes… That will work. And the new age will begin...

***

Spitfire passes out and wakes up in the hospital to see Soarin’. Well, I’ll give this story some credit, the relationship between those two is better than the relationship between Pinkie and Rainbow Dash.

And a few other relationships canon or otherwise which I won’t mention…

Okay, then I will. Spike and Rarity.

Hey now, they have their moments!

Spike is a child! That makes Rarity a pedophile as much as Pinkie Pie.

So, Big Mac comes to visit Spitfire in the hospital and he discusses with her about a team he’s putting together called the Avengers Initiative.

*End Credits*

Well, that was a good time. Gotta say, there were some problems-

There are nine more chapters.

… Oh, joy...

Our next chapter opens with Rarity going to visit Pretentious Jerk #1, Prince Blueblood himself.

“I... did not think I would, either.” Rarity confessed. “But my dear friend Twilight Sparkle convinced me I should, if only to... receive an apology.” she nearly said “tell you off” but she couldn’t bring herself to say it.

DO IT!

YEAH, GIRL! TELL THAT PRICK OFF!

But it turns out that our Prince Blueblood is actually dying from a wound in his chest and that a device is the only thing keeping him alive.

Of course, like anyone who’s on their deathbed, this gives Prick a chance to rethink his life and conclude that yes, he’s just been an asshole that no one will remember when he dies.

God, can you imagine somepony like that?! Somepony who cares about no one but himself, is self-centered, a dickwad, and a racist asshole. Glad I don’t know anypony like that.

I know I sure am...

Right.

He tells Rarity that Celestia’s magical explosion of goodness gave him superhuman intellect and that with his new found smarts he designs something that can save his life.

... Is it the Golden Throne?

I’m going to pretend I know what that is and say no.

Aw...

“What you hold there is my master plan. A suit of armor combining methods of both magic and science designed not only to prolong my life, but to allow me to begin making amends for a life full of waste and reprehensible behavior. My dear aunt, Princess Luna, is constructing a team of extraordinary ponies to defend Equestria from Loki and others like him, and with this suit of armor I intend to join that team.”

I don’t know. I mean, a suit of Powered Armor is very nice and gives you a lot of nifty powers, but given what’s already been presented in the story (Silver Age Origins and power sets for Hulk and Thor, Flamebird as a founding Avenger), wouldn’t it be more interesting to explore some lesser known Marvel Heroes than Iron Man?

Now to the story’s credit, it is going out of the way to focus on lesser known characters from My Little Pony, which is actually a bold choice. Not to mention, a good one.

... Okay, fair enough.

So, Blueblood admits that he brought Rarity to him because of how compassionate she is and how he knows he needs to better himself. And that Rarity can use gemstones to power the armor and save his life.

“And you can have them all delivered to Ponyville? I can’t stay away from home very long, I have to look after my younger sister.”

Yeah, because I don’t have parents. They died.

Their last vacation was to Albuquerque.

Should have taken that left turn.

So a little while later Blueblood decides he fit enough with a terminal chest wound to stop by Ponyville and see how work on his armor is coming along. Upon arriving he runs into Sweetie Belle.

Sweetie opened the door a bit more, narrowing her eyes at the Prince. “Yeah, she’s here. She said you used to be mean but you’re really nice now.” She gave Prince Blueblood the closest she could approximate to a glare, which Blueblood found frankly adorable. “You’re not gonna make her cry again like you did at the Gala, are you?”

“Nah, I only make girls cry on weekends. Tuesdays are my off days.”

“And on Mondays, don’t forget to … KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!”

So they try out the armor and all seems to be well until Rarity goes into the kitchen.

Blueblood was just about to go see about those targets and test his suit’s primary weapons when a shrill scream - Rarity’s scream - came from the kitchen. “Blueblood, HELP!”

“I’m capable of defending myself in most circumstances, but now I need a man to save my life!”

SON OF A BITCH… that fucking hurt… You made that joke on purpose?!

:3

So, a villain named Whiplash breaks into Rarity's home… How the hell did he know that Blueblood was going to be there? … and wants revenge on Blueblood.

You’d think that, if he wanted revenge, he’d just kill Blueblood when he was lying helpless in the hospital... eh, sometimes villains can be stupid.

So, another fight scene that, compared to some I’ve read, is still pretty good. At least the fight scenes have remained consistent. Blueblood and Whiplash are more or less evenly matched until Whiplash decides to pull a Green Goblin and attacks Rarity.

“I may be a worthless excuse for a pony, but Rarity saved my life. And Prince Blueblood pays his debts.”

So... Lannisters, then?

Wouldn’t surprise me actually.

“I am impressed.” Spoke Whiplash. “Never did I expect the selfish prince to protect the life of another.” Whiplash raised a hoof, preparing to strike. “Unfortunately, one good deed cannot defuse a lifetime of sin. Die, Prince Blueblood.”

“You first.” Blueblood ground out as he righted himself and turned towards Whiplash.

Our hero. Maybe you are a worthless excuse for a pony.

So Blueblood Lannister unleashes his ultimate weapon: the Uni-Beam!

Which since we have no sign of Whiplash and seeing that Blueblood had no qualms about killing him, it safe to assume that Blueblood vaporized him. Gotta admit… Cool way to kill someone.

But it actually turns out that the pony was actually Celestia and Sweetie Belle in disguise and at the whole thing was a ploy to get Blueblood to try out.

Ha, ha, ha! Celestia and Sweetie Belle almost died and so did many others in an completely untested armor! Ha, ha, ha. You’re all stupid...

“Sure thing!” Celestia chirped. “A prank’s no fun if you pull it twice anyway.” She shrugged. “I gotta go back to the castle before Lulu misses me. I’ll tell her to put you on the team. We can call you Iron Pony!”

... Well when you put it that way... Nah, still stupid.

Blueblood likes the name and christens himself the Iron Pony. Cue music:

But now we must move on to our next Avenger:

Oh, come on! Going back to Watson’s comment about sticking with lesser known Marvel characters, why would you pick Firebird and then suddenly go for two of the biggest heroes Marvel has?! Was Falcon too mainstream?!

Also, what ever happened to Ant-Man and Wasp? They were founding members of the Avengers while Cap was still a popsicle in the arctic. Hell, Hulk was an Avenger before Captain America, and here he’s a bad guy.

And don’t get me wrong, I like Cap as much as the next guy, but… Really? Firebird? Then Iron Man and Cap. Where did that logic come from?

So, we get to a military base where we meet with Caramel. A weak pony trying to be a soldier, but seems to be too unfit for duty.

“REJECTED.” Below, in more red ink, was written “Physically unfit for duty.”

Ha, you were rejected. Hurts don’t it?

The story exposits that Caramel has had a long history of failing at life. It’s only through the generosity of the Apples and his own stubbornness that he hasn’t totally broken down yet.

Thank god this story takes place in Contrivance Land as a single stallion comes up to him and tells him he has the superpower of never giving up. Please, next you’ll tell me I’m a mutant because I play a mean game of tennis.

... You know, I always knew there was something off about athletes.

The soldier agrees to give Caramel another chance to serve his country by signing his up for the Mary Sue program… I mean… Super Mare program… I mean, the drug performance enhancement program...

So, basically what every professional athlete goes through to make it big? I thought this was about superheroes.

“‘Super-pony’ might be an over-simplified way of stating the concept, but it’s essentially correct. I’ve long theorized the possibility of magical mutation, altering both the physical body and the inner magic of a pony to result in unique abilities. Sadly, my project rarely garnered much interest among my colleagues, and I never obtained much funding for experiments. Until recently, that is.”

Why? The army’s whole goal is to find new ways to kill people, and if they think you can give them an army of magically enhanced super soldiers you’d probably be drowning in cash before you finished your proposal. Even if it totally flops, it’s still valuable research that can be used to make sure it works right the next time you try.

No offense, Mr. Scientist, but did you propose your idea like this?

Scientist: OMG, guys! I have this AMAZING idea! It’s going to be awesome! Just wait til you hear it! I’m going to inject ponies with drugs! Not just any drugs! Magical drugs! Then I’ll put them in my chamber and give them more drugs! And then they’ll come out feeling like a new man and I made them into a new man!

Scientific Board: Uh... *casually pushes proposal towards “Reject” pile*

The scientist warns Caramel that it could be dangerous, but the test could prove valuable if successfully pulled off. Caramel, not willing to back down from a challenge, agrees.

Until everything is ready, Caramel has to go to boot camp.

Well, I’m glad that scene served a lot of purpose. I really wish we had more of this, giving it more of a point of why it’s even here.

A month passes, and it’s finally time for Caramel to get his fix.

A much bigger change, though, was less visible. Caramel stood up straight, looked ponies in the eyes when he talked, and didn’t stutter any more. He was still naturally shy, polite, and apologetic, but at least he didn’t give the impression of a kicked puppy.

Thank you for telling us that instead of, you know, SHOWING US! I know pacing is a problem, but this is one of those times where I feel like this chapter needed a lot more fleshing out.

Yeah, this chapter feels so ungodly rushed. Like the story wanted Caramel to get Captainized as quickly as possible. The reason why it worked with Steve Rogers is because we got to know him. He knew what he was like. This… we barely know anything about Caramel!

That’s not true! We know... um... well, there’s... he’s got bad luck?

That’s not a personality! We know he doesn’t give up. Okay, fair enough. What else? Nothing else. Even Blueblood, fucking BLUEBLOOD had a more developed character than this guy.

So, they start the experiment to turn Caramel into a superhero. He takes his superhero steroids and comes out with a body that says “I’m sexy and I know it.”

And then the Professor is disintegrated by a servant of Loki.

More or less.

Caramel chases after the bad guy, getting a chance to get used to his new powers: enhanced strength, speed, stamina, Tremor Sense... Wait, what?

See, along with enhancing his physical strength, the project also increased his natural Earth Pony Magic so that now he can detect vibrations through the ground and command plants to grow faster. I’m not kidding on that last one:

The green unicorn was trapped in a tangle of vines and brambles that hadn’t been there before. “H-how?” The unicorn stuttered, struggling madly to escape.

Poison Ivy confirmed for MCU Phase 3!

Would you stop that!?!

Yeah; it was all building up for that one last joke, anyway.

So… Our Captain Equestria/Poison Ivy/Toph chases our villain and corners him.

The guy tries to use his disintegration beam again, but Cap’s Mighty Shield reflects it back and fries him.

Caramel wasn’t sure how long he stood there, staring at the corpse. The corpse he’d caused. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go! He wanted to help ponies, not... not kill them! His entire body was overcome with shakes, and he collapsed to the ground as tears leaked from eyes. “No...” He whispered. “No no no no nononono...”

“Son? You alright?” Caramel dimly recognized Bulwark’s voice. He turned to look at the concerned captain.

“I killed him,” Caramel whispered.

Wow, these heroes seemed to do a lot more killing than they do actual saving.

Agreed, even Jupiter Williams didn’t have as high a body count, and she was an awful superhero.

After killing a man, Caramel meets up with Luna and that gets him promoted. Oh, yeah, because violently beating someone to death is perfect cause for a promotion. I should call Celestia up right now and get the rank of general.

In Caramel’s favor, it was in self defense... sort of. Anyway, Chapter 10 opens with Big Mac (yes, he’s still in this fic) talking with Luna about the new Avengers Mansion Blueblood bought for them... and while Big Mac knows everyone’s secret identities, no one other than Luna knows he’s Thor.

No way that’ll come back to bite him in the flank, now will it?

Trust?.. Pfff… That’s for stupid people!

Spitfire arrives at the mansion and starts to mingle with Caramel, who develops a crush on her. Uh oh… I think Soarin’s got some competition. Oh, does this mean we have a superhero dick measuring contest?! All we need now is Vicky Vale from ASBAR!

No, what we need is Batman! Because he’s a detective! And hard. Hard! Because Frank Miller has a hard on for Batman!

But, that’s okay, because Spitfire has a it HARD for Caramel. And not Chocolate.

Caramel continues to tour the mansion when he suddenly runs into Iron Pony, who confuses him for a servant. Here’s where we get our first squabble between the team.

... Seriously? They just argue over this instead of explaining who they are and what they’re doing there?

Oh, yeah. And we get some ‘great’ callbacks to Caramel’s character.

Caramel felt his face flush red, but with anger rather than embarrassment this time. He fought to keep his voice under control as he told the absentminded pony “I am not a servant.”

“Pardon?” The unicorn turned and actually focused on Caramel for the first time.

“I’m not a servant,” Caramel repeated, forcing himself to calm down. Why was he so angry? He never used to get angry.

Gee, really wish we had SEEN THAT!

Also, Earth pony bigotry… My favorite kind…

“Ah!” The stallion’s mind finally seemed to snap into focus. “Yes, yes of course. This is my mansion, you see. I donated it to the Princess to use with the team, but I’m not used to having other ponies here besides myself and the servants. Not to mention... well, you rarely see earth ponies in Canterlot unless they’re servants. So you’re a mutant, then?”

Hey Blueblood, I thought you turned over a new leaf. I’m not surprised to see that leaf was TINY!

“I am Prince Blueblood, the highest-ranking mortal member of the Royal Family,” the stallion said, his eyes narrowing. Caramel suddenly felt all his old nervousness return at the realization that he was speaking to royalty. “So if you’re not a mutant, why are you here? What use is an unpowered earth pony?”

That’s it! I’m a show him what use an “unpowered earth pony” is, when I shove my gun down his throat and pull the trigger several times!

Uh... do you need another moment?

What I need is to kill something or someone! Or at the very least another alcoholic beverage!

Well, I can’t help you with that last one.

Then maybe you can help me with the first one… *grabs an axe* Here’s Critique!

Help! I’m being assaulted by a crazy pony with an axe! Someone get me a door to hide behind!

This maybe over quicker than I thought...

What was that, Computer?

Nothing.

Can we finish the review first? I’m still too cute to die!

Oh, fine…

Blast.

What was that?

Nothing, Mr. Watson.

So, before Blueblood can show what a prick he is, he is ratted on by Rarity to make himself presentable. After a week of him not taking care of himself… Well, good to know Rarity’s doing such a good job of making him a modeled citizen.

Also, this whole sequence is told out of order: Luna and Big Mac’s sequence happens last, then Caramel and Blueblood’s argument, Caramel and Spitfire hitting it off, and then Blueblood and Rarity’s moment happened first. It’s... incredibly confusing, to say the least.

Now, this can work if it’s done well, building up to something, or hell, even putting a different spin on it that ties in everything. But here, I don’t think that it does. Yeah, it goes from one character to the next, but it never goes in a flowing manner. At least, to me it doesn’t.

Blueblood and Caramel continue their spout, until Rarity berates Blueblood like a puppy who just peed on your carpet and makes Blueblood apologize. You know, instead of Blueblood taking responsibility for his actions.

So once again, it seems like a man is exploiting a woman for his own gain. Good job, story!

God… damnit… This joke is getting old...

But you totally deserve that for trying to kill me earlier.

Oh, piss off.

So, Luna and Big Mac walk into the room to see our heroes playing… charades?

Ooh, I can do that! “Everyone sucks except me because I’m the most awesomest person in the world! Love Me!”

… Mykan?

I was trying for you, but I’ll accept Mykan.

Damn, I was my second guess.

And for those of you who are keeping score at home, let’s give another point to Blueblood being a dick.

“Thank you!” Blueblood said with an exhausted sigh. “I was starting to get worried these dimwits would never catch on!” Though the insult itself was pure Blueblood arrogance, the tone was light and joking. It was more akin to the lighthearted jabs amongst good friends than an actual insult.

Think he might get a world record in this fic...

Now on to business: Luna explains everything that will be going down, how they’ll need to work as a team to defeat Loki and his minions.

“We shall right the wrongs that Loki has wrought upon our nation; we shall stand for justice and truth for all Equestria. I propose we be called the Avengers, for together we shall take vengeance for the crimes committed by Loki and all those like him. United, we shall be the most powerful team of heroes Equestria has ever known!”

Eh, the meanings a bit weak. Name’s nice, though.

And on a day unlike any other, Equestria’s heroes found themselves united against a common threat. On that day, the became the Avengers! Cue Movie soundtrack.

…

…

Computer? … Computer? … Huh? Must be doing those… girly things she does.

Probably.

So, there’s a Pinkie Pie party (because who needs to go out and fight Supervillains these days), and the next chapter has Rarity finishing up with a new suit for Spitfire.

Spitfire winged her way to the full-body mirror and examined herself. She was wearing a brand-new bodysuit, colored in shades of orange and red to match her fiery mane (hah!).

Ha! I’m so meta!

Maybe it’s in her thoughts?

When has that ever been shown in the rest of the story? Chapter 8 had italics for Blueblood’s thoughts. Why change it?

I don’t know, different characters? Really wish the story would explain things better.

Even if that was the case, why change it like that? You don’t use different symbols when different characters use dialogue.

Anyway, after her fitting, Spitfire runs off to hang out with Big Mac. God, Big Mac has more love interests than Peter Parker.

Let’s hope he’s not like Enoby or StarGleamStar and goes through love interests like a hungry person at an All You Can Eat Buffet.

So, Spitfire talks to Big Mac about what’s going on with the Avengers.

Spitfire talks about Thor and it gets Big Mac thinking if he should make friends as Thor or not. Now, I actually do like this idea. Not only giving Thor more a ‘human’ personality, but also Big Mac coming to terms with the idea that he is the larger than life god.

It almost makes me sad that we don’t see more of this, and instead have to go back to whatever new contraption Blueblood has set up for the day.

“Welcome to the Danger Field!”

I thought it was the Danger Zone. TOM CRUISE LIED TO ME!!!

The Danger Field is an automated training ground that simulates various enemies and other metas that the Avengers have encountered or have on file... which begs the question of how many they already have available considering that Celestia's meltdown was like, what, two months ago?

Whatever, there are various programs available for the team to train with, save for a few that are-

Bored now, lame fight sequence!

But there’s important stuff here! You’re not supposed to use any program with “P” in it.

… Is this going to come back to the story later?

... Yeah, actually, it does show up again.

Don’t care, lame fight sequence!

Oh, and I do mean, lame. They go through this training thing and we get this…

-----------------

“Watch those flames, you madmare!”

“Stop jumping in my way, you spoiled foal!”

-----------------

“Come on, I left that wide open for you, Cap!”

“I can’t read your mind, Firebird!”

-----------------

“Captain, now would be an opportune time!”

“Sorry, Thor!”

-----------------

Are you fucking kidding me?!

Have you ever written a training scene before?

Princess Celestia: Sorceress Supreme!

... Oh... Well, it’s still rather hard to pull off, when you think about it. And it could be worse; koolerkid could have gone full Mykan and have his training sequence not achieve anything whatsoever besides making his special little snowflakes look “badass”.

Yeah, but this way doesn’t give us anything either. It’s just dialogue with little context. If you wanted to go the route of just ending the training scenario, fine. But why add these bits of dialogue here? It doesn’t tell us how the fight goes, it doesn’t give us insight to the characters, and it feels ungodly rushed.

And yet we still get a better appraisal of their skills than “the first darkness war”. They actually do follow up and show what everyone got wrong: Blueblood being gung-ho, Caramel not being gung-ho enough, Spitfire still thinking that everyone will follow her lead with some unspoken plan, and so on. I think it ties into their personalities somewhat, but... I’m not sure about that.

Yeah, but only after Thor explains it after they get their asses handed to them.

Point.

So, after explaining all this, they’re going to go for another spin when INTERRUPTING HALLUCINATIONS OF PLOT!

Spitfire gets a premonition of Manehattan going up in smoke:

“Flames. I saw all of Downtown Manehatten in ruins and flame. I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but I know it’s going to happen soon unless we go and stop it right bucking now!”

I didn’t know my Ghost Rider character was in this story…

... Wait for it...

Our next chapter starts with Gilda in Manehatten feeling pretty pissed off at everypony.

She wanted to destroy them. All of them.

Even Rainbow Dash.

Especially Rainbow Dash, that traitorous, dorky, flip-flopping dweeb.

“How dare she have a life and friends beyond me! I’ll break her for this!”

I think Gilda might be Mykan’s favorite character.

That honestly wouldn’t surprise me.

Gilda wanders back to her apartment, noting how the big magical blast made her feel different. Inside her apartment is a big suit of bulky armor, and when she puts it on her headaches go away and she decides to just smash everything in sight. Why, you might ask?

Yes, Gilda is now the Juggernaut… Kind of odd…

Also, didn’t Juggernaut get his powers from a different god of evil in the comics?

Ignoring the comic canon, our heroes arrive to investigate the devastation of the city. They decide to look around seeing that the damage is still fresh.They find the Juggernaut and attack her, trying to keep her from harming innocents.

Although, another super had gotten on the scene earlier. Their role in this grand scheme? Cannon Fodder, mostly.

Obviously, taking lessons for DC Comics. Killing minor heroes to increase a threat for no reason.

To be fair, this new pony does get away and allows the Avengers to face Juggernaut properly. We get a better fight scene than last chapter and the Avengers are smacked around for awhile due to still having trust issues.

See, why did there have to be a training thing, if this would have done the job that the training thing was supposed to do? It’s a more tight fight scene, it’s dramatic, intense. Why couldn’t this be the scene that introduces this?

Padding.

Now, the Avengers need to regroup and pick out a new strategy. They come up with... some kind of plan, but we don’t get to hear it.

... I’m okay with that.

The plan goes down like this: Firebird lures Gilda away from town, then Captain Equestria jumps on her back and goes for weak spots.

He was Captain Equestria, the brave and powerful hero of Equestria, and it was time he got off his flank and proved it!

EQUESTRIA! BUCK YEAH! HERE TO SAVE THE MOTHER BUCKING DAY NOW!

Freedom is the only way now!

Trying to impress Spitfire may have factored into his decision slightly.

Caramel, I know you’re a superhero and all, but do you know how many people have died because they said “Hey y’all, watch this!” and tried to look cool?

Yeah, what a dick.

So, after that, Iron Pony traps Gilda in a field that prevents her from gaining momentum. Which is one of the Juggernauts greatest strengths. And then finally, Thor gives her the “Hammer to the Face” Tactic. A highly advanced strategy that only a few can master.

And thus the Juggernaut is defeated, and the Avengers go off to celebrate. Meanwhile Trixie and Loki are busy plotting their next move.

They discuss using others to create a new “Masters of Evil” and Loki mentions an artifact that he can use to hold Equestria in his grasp. He goes to the Everfree Forest to retrieve… The Tree of Harmony!

Oh, Mr. Waston! You are so witty! You are my favorite reviewer!

Uh... thanks. Really, it means a lot, but... well, sometimes I don’t think I’m very funny.

But truly you are. You are the wittiest reviewer I know.

Now, Computer, there’s being nice to our… guest… and there is brown nosing.

And besides, Critique has his moments, Right? I mean, you still work for him, right?

Just because I work for him, does not mean I admire him.

That’s it! You! Plush toy! Out of my house!

But I’m trying to defend you here…

Defend this! *Raises hoof and hits Watson*

Now that was uncalled for!

Critique’s armor starts to glow. “No, this is!” His gauntlet unleashes a wave of energy, soaring at Watson.

“... meep.” Watson scurried away, narrowly dodging the blast from Critique. “This is totally unnecessary, and could probably get everyone killed!”

Critique grinned. “There’s only one I’m hoping to get killed!” Thrusters on his hind legs ignite as the Critique takes to the air. Like a bullet from a gun, he launches towards Watson.

“Oh? All your fancy technology and you can’t even hit one little stuffed cat? Wow, you really are lame.” the cat danced about as Critique continued to unleash blast after blast of energy.

Watson dodged out of the Critique’s path. The Critique growled as he passed overhead of Watson. Distracted, he continued on until running into a wall, smashing through it. “Ow..” he moans as he pulls himself from the rubble. “Note to self. Work on navigation.”

“Oh what, you don’t even have navigation on that thing?” Watson called. “Did you build that thing in an IKEA scrapheap?”

A growl slipped from the Critique’s lips as he fired another blast from his gauntlet. He roared to the sky as several blast came from each of his hooves.

With each passing attack, Watson bolted left and right, keeping out of range of the blasts Watson, avoiding the blasts, continued to move forward towards his opponent. Building up tremendous speed, he slammed his body into the Critique, sending them both through the wall of the library.

The Critique rolled off his back and steady himself on his feet. “Look, buster! I’ve handled terrible OC alicorns that walk on two feet! I can handle a stuffed animal!”

Watson grinned, almost boasting with confidence. “So you can beat a few pieces of cardboard? If I had feet I would be positively shaking in my boots right now.”

“Alright, Puss, that’s it!” Critique’s thrusters ignited as he flew towards the stuffed cat. As he approached, he swung his hoof, aiming for the cat’s face.

Watson ducked under the Critique’s hoof. With the speed of a cat, Watson propelled his body upward and used it as a battering ram, knocking into Critique’s jaw. As Critique staggered back, Watson jumped around again, landing square in the middle of the armor-clad pony’s back

Critique glared back at Watson, who sat on his back giving a grin. “Did I say this was some kind of pony ride?!” The thrusters ignite once more, sending the two soaring wildly through the sky. The Critique bucked his hind legs like a bronco.

“Hey look at that.” Watson called over the wind. “I found someone even more useless than Applejack.”

“Useless this!” A surge of electricity scattered throughout the exterior of the armor, traveling into Watson’s body.

Watson’s body squirmed as the electricity traveled through his body, causing him to lose his grip on the Critique. He plummet to the ground in a batch of bushes. As he looked up, the Critique started laughing.

“Look who’s useless now!” he mocked. “What are you going to do if you can’t catch me while I’m in the air?!” Watson looked up at the Critique, and it was then that Critique saw that the cat had lost the small hat he had been wearing. Serves him right.

“You... You made me lose my hat...” Watson said

The Critique cackled. His voice changed to a mocking motherly tone. “Ooh, did the poor wittle kitty cat wose his hatty-watty?”

“You. Made me. Lose. My hat.” Watson’s glare narrowed. “Do you know how much I loved that hat? It was a gift from a very special friend of mine.”

Critique scoffed. “And that’s my issue because?” He chortled, waiting for an answer.

“Because... you have just made me very angry. Do you know what happens to universes that make me angry?”

“Ooo, do they get their drapes cut up by your ‘angry claws’.” He started to howl in laughter when suddenly, a dark shadow fell over the two. Critique turned around to see a large spaceship hovering overhead.

“Tell me Critique,” Watson said, a manic grin forming on his face. “Have you ever heard of ‘Exterminatus’?”

Critique felt his jaw drop as he watched the massive ship darken the sky around them. His heart felt like it was trying to escape through his chest and ditch him. “Mother…” he squeaked.

“Computer knows what I’m talking about, doesn’t she? Why don’t you ask her to show you what we’ve got going here?”

A highly advanced warship that is said to bring universes into ruin. A very impressive piece of technology. Much better than the toy armor you are wearing, sir.

The Critique shallows as he looks upon the giant machine. “Meep…”

“So this is it, Critique; you made me lose my hat, and now I’m going to roast every single life form on this planet with nuclear fire. However, because I’m a nice person, unlike certain destructive hat thieves, I’m going to give you a chance to call it off. I have one condition.”

“Oh, yeah and what’s that?” The Critique glared at Watson.

“Finish the review.”

A frown came across his face and his eyes narrowed. He shrugged. “That’s it?”

“We’re professionals, aren’t we? When faced with bad to mediocre fics we press on, even if it means the end of the world and we’re all going to die in nuclear fire. But this one, I’ll hold off slagging a fic’s universe, we’ll finish the review, and then we never have to speak to each other again.” a pause. “Also, if I can’t find my hat I’d like a new one.”

The Critique’s eyes widened. “Are you crazy?! Do you know how much hats cost?!

A strange stallion appeared. “Not as much as the world is going to cost you if you don’t finish this review.”

The Critique slapped his forehead. “Oh, no. Not you again.”

The stallion walked up to the bushes standing next to Watson as Critique set himself on the ground. “Well, who else can explain the plot?”

“... Who’s this guy?” Watson asked.

The Critique leaned to Watson’s ear. “To be honest… I’m not sure. He just comes around and explains the plot to me.”

The stallion smileed. “This has nothing to do with who I am or who is the better reviewer.” He glared at the two of them. “The world is in great danger…”

The Critique hinted towards Watson. “Tell that to the guy who threatened to blow us all to hell.”

“I’m with you there. You’re a little late to the party considering we’ve got a battleship right above us that’ll destroy us all.”

The stallion shook his head. “No… It’s worse. There is someone who is threatening to destroy both of you and everypony in Equestria.”

“Who is it?”

The stallion shrugged. “No idea.”

“... Fat lot of good that does us.” Watson rolled his eyes. “Can we get back to the review?”

The stallion chuckled. “Of course. Just be on your toes.” He looked down to Watson’s lack of legs. “Or whatever you have.” He reached into his saddlebag and pulled out two necklaces with an apple gemstone in the middle. “Here, have an Element of Honesty.” He hooved them to the two reviewers and trotted away.

… I really hate that guy…

He just randomly gives out Elements of Harmony?... Are we certain he’s not farming Mane 6 clones in a secret lab?

… Hmm… I’m not sure… He is a stallion of many mysteries…

Anyway… Back to the review.

So the group splits up for awhile after their victory over the Juggernaut... instead of waiting to see what other tricks Loki has up his sleeve. Granted, the team probably needs some downtime, but they should still be worrying about the threat of Evil Overlord.

Of course not. Flying for fun takes precedence!

“WHEEEEEEEEEEE!” Pinkie cheered excitedly, waving her hooves in the air enthusiastically.

“Pinkie, please. Flying is most difficult with an unruly passenger,” Thor grumbled.

Thor’s greatest weakness! Flying with a woman! Superman did it better! That’s why DC sucks!

… Just so we’re clear, DC is the one with the guy who swings on webs, right?

...

Please tell me you’re joking.

…

…

…

Okay, so he’s not. But the guy with the claws that come from his hands, he’s DC right?

...

Before we offend any comic nerds who can’t get jokes, we cut to Spitfire visiting Soarin’ in the hospital.

“I’m glad you’re doing better, Soarin’,” Spitfire said, giving her friend a hug.

Soarin’ laughed, hugging her back before laying back down on his hospital bed. “Me too! The nurses here are nice, but I haven’t had a decent slice of pie in weeks! I’ll be glad to get outta here.”

Oh no! No pie? What a nightmare!

In all seriousness, though, it’s nice that we have some continuity in Spitfire and Soarin’s friendship, which is more than we can say of any of the other relationships in this fic that aren’t Big Mac and his family, and even that is a very large stretch. Spitfire hasn’t forgotten about Soarin’ after she became a superhero, and she’s showing support for him as he continues to heal from getting a Bat-Breaker from Hulk. If we could get a few more friendship moments like this, that would be great.

Unfortunately, their meeting has to be broken up... wow, that was fast.

Soarin’ just laughed. “Aw, get outta here, Chief. Your coltfriend is waiting for you, and I’ve held you here too long already.”

“Caramel’s not my coltfriend, goofball,” Spitfire said as she got up to leave. “Yet,” she added with a wink before trotting out the door.

“Yes, the colt I’ve shared less than two scenes of interaction with is now my boyfriend. If it worked for Korra and Asami, I’m sure it’ll work here!”

However, before our scene can actually get interesting a dark figure appears and threatens Spitfire.

“Blaze? Sunny Blaze, is that you?” she asked, stunned. “I haven’t seen you in years... not since...”

Blaze? Sunny Blaze? That’s a mare’s name! Not a colt’s name! This kid’s parents must be some pretty big douche bags.

Blaze reveals that he was kicked out of the Wonderbolts for the stunts he pulled and that he blamed Spitfire. So, since Blaze thinks Spitfire is guilty, he transforms into the Ghost Flyer.

… Hmm… Why do I get uncomfortable urge to write something that I’ve been neglecting for about 8 months?

Spitfire tries to fight back, but since Ghost Flyer’s got a lot to do with flames it’s like throwing chum into the ocean to stop a shark attack.

Ghost Flyer finally knocks Spitfire down and hits her with his Penance Stare.

*Shivers* And here I thought she was the cute one…

So, the Penance stare, for those of you unfamiliar with Ghost Rider lore, is an ability that forces the victim to face all the sins they’ve committed in their life.

And the sins Spitfire has committed are!

Something not unlike her visions came over Spitfire, her real sight fading away as a nightmarish montage of memories began. She remembered allowing Soarin to get hurt... getting Sunny kicked from the team... that time she left Rainbow Dash in the cold to take interviews at the Gala... that one filly whose dreams she accidentally crushed, telling her she was a weak flier... that time she stole a piece of candy as a filly…

… An accident? Common sense? Paparazzi? An honest review? And stealing candy as a little kid?

Those are kind of weak sins…

Are you kidding?! Those are pathetic sins! Why would you pick the most uninteresting character to explore the darker secrets of?! Would the more interesting character to see the darker sins of be Blueblood, since he was a dickhead before being a hero!?

... Actually, it would. Why isn’t he being attacked by Ghost Rider... wait, Ghost FLYER, since motorcycles don’t exist in Equestria... Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose?

Speaking of Grand High Prick, he’s working in his lab when an old business rival barges in.

“Obsidian Shade.” Blueblood said, his tone polite but distaste on his face. He never liked the pony, and not just due to his arrogant distaste of ‘commoners’. Shade was a pony who had built himself one of the largest manufacturing companies in Equestria from the ground up. While Blueblood could respect the amount of effort put into the endeavor, especially now, Shade used tactics that even the most backstabbing, treacherous members of the Canterlot nobility considered dirty. He was a ‘disreputable pony’, the kind no respectable pony would willingly associate with.

He published his fanfiction as if they were legitimate novels. He is of the devil!

I know we’re trying to make it so we know that this guy is the bad guy, but the way it’s presented is beyond clunky. It’s just one giant block of text and exposition, when we could have gotten some comments throughout Blueblood’s time reforming about how much of a dick this guy was. Sure, it wouldn’t be great, but it would be SOMETHING!

And this character is suppose to be the big opposite to Blueblood, but when have we ever seen him? A good story would have woven the villain throughout the story. This villain, the Ghost Flyer and the villain for Cap are not woven into the story at all. It feels like the story needed a quick arch villain to equal out Thor/Loki, so here’s some quick villains! Why not use villains you’ve already established?!

Logic: Because they’re all in jail/knocked out/missing?

SHUT UP! THEY COULD HAVE HAD A BREAK-OUT OR A REUNION OR SOMETHING!

For once, you and I are on the same page.

Well, there was that other time logic tried butting in...

But anyway, Obsidian Idon’tgiveashit reveals he has a suit of armor of his own, which he then proceeds to take Blueblood to the cleaners with. Again, can’t really fault the fight scenes here because hey, they’re better than some of the fics I’ve read.

Also, giant metal suits of armor that can fire laser beams, but no motorcycles. … Yeah, makes sense.

There was a bright flash, and then darkness.

...

I had to...

Okay, I’ll let that one slide. But only because Batman is my favorite Marvel hero.

So, our fearless Captain gets ready for his date with Spitfire. Well, I’m glad their relationship was well established. I really want to see those two get together… By the way, that was sarcasm.

He goes to get some flowers when Unestablished Villain #3: Red Skull Edition shows up.

The stereotypical German attacks Caramel and gives a speech that would make Hitler blush.

“You see, I haf alvays believed in the power ov destiny. Some ponies are destined for greatness, some for failure. Some are simply naturally superior, others fit only to be their servants.”

Okay, but I have one quick question for you. … Why are you an Earth Pony? Yeah, this kind of bothers me a bit. The whole build up for the ‘unicorn/earth pony bigotry’ crap, and you don’t even go the distance?! Come on, you had such a great opportunity here to build up that hatred for unicorns! Why didn’t you take it?! It would have led to mistrust with the team, in unicorns in general! There was a great build up here!

You could make an argument that he’s going for “diversity”, with one of each race of ponies represented (Cap and Red Skull for Earth Ponies, Blueblood and Iron Monger for unicorns, Spitfire and Ghost Flyer for pegasi, and then Thor and Loki as alicorns), but that still falls a bit flat. Also, where is Trixie in this grand scheme of things? She seemed pretty damn important, so why are you sidelining her for these losers?

So anyway, Hannibal Hitler reveals he also has special powers like Caramel, except his drain life instead of fostering it. He kicks Caramel’s ass.

Meanwhile, Thor and Pinkie are enjoying their date-

And yet the author felt it necessary to make her a lesbian. They have such good chemistry, why did you have to break them up?

-when Thor senses a powerful magic nearby. Pinkie wonders to herself why she wasn’t able to sense Loki’s appearance if it is him at all. I’m still wondering how you sense him in the first place, Navi.

He finds his team captured by the bad guys and we finally have a face to face confrontation between our main hero and our lead villain.

What truly drew Thor’s attention, however, was Loki, lounging in the ornate throne at the foot of the stairs. Trixie lurked by his side, smirking broadly. “Hello, Thor.” Loki said casually. “So nice of you to stop by. I’ve been waiting a long time to speak to you again, brother.”

Oh, there’s Trixie! She’s become the Princess Leia to Loki’s Jabba the Hut.

How the mighty have fallen.

Our next chapter sees Thor attacking Loki, trying to end this, but Trixie is able to block Mjolnir with her magic which was enhanced by the magical weapon, Gungnir

Isn’t that the disease people used to get where their limbs rotted after surgery?

I thought it was a tactical based video game that wasn’t very good.

Well, regardless, the powers of Gungnir are too much for Thor to handle, so Thor and Trixie spend a few moments... shouting at each other?

You’re fat!

You’re too thin!

You’re ugly!

You’re a bitch!

Meet at my house?

Eeyup.

But Trixie tires of this game and decides to do us all a favor and exterminate a troublesome bug/fairy grab Pinkie and threaten to rip her soul out over the course of a few days if Thor doesn’t back down.

Why couldn’t she just do it right then and there? It takes days for her to follow through with her threat?

Thor, of course, not wanting his girlfriend, … I mean… his dear friend to get hurt, surrenders. Loki then tells Thor about how he planned everything from the start.

“Oh, dear, dear brother.” Loki said, walking slowly towards his rival. “You didn’t think this meeting happened by chance, did you? You thought your brother Loki didn’t plan every step of our contest, since the day your little farmpony host first found Mjolnir? I drove him to that cave, controlling a mighty beast to force him there, to uncover Mjolnir and awaken its’ power. I chose a pony from Ponyville, to ensure they’d meet my descendent, giving me an unwitting spy in your midst.” Pinkie gave a startled cry. “Oh, yes, Pinkamina. You were quite helpful, my granddaughter. You made keeping tabs on my brother much easier, and you gave me an easy way to tell him when I sent him enemies to fight.” He turned his attention back to Thor.

Being as this is Loki, I can almost forgive him for pulling new powers out of his ass... almost.

… So… you allowed your brother to be reincarnated? … Why?

If you are so damn powerful, why do you need Thor to be alive? What does that do for you? I guess it could be about getting the better of him, but the story never gives us that explanation. And if that is the explanation, why would you want to give Thor allies?!

Because Loki can’t wield Mjolnir yet... I think. That was like ten chapters ago, so I could be wrong.

So, Loki explains that a powerful magic lies within Alicorns that can change the world like s/he’s Scarlet Witch or something, and that friendship creates a powerful magic that grants them their strengths … I think…

Is it just me or does this plot seem really confusing?

I agree with you, it is a bit convoluted. I’d make some excuse for Loki, but then again it’s still rather difficult to read otherwise.

Okay, here’s what I can determine from this. Basically, Loki’s plan was to enhance the power of the soul in one of the alicorn princesses, causing something of a backlash, which would enhance the soul of other ponies. To which Thor would use them to create a harmonic magical effect through the power of friendship to strengthen his own soul with theirs. And that he would absorb that magical power to be able to wield Mjolnir and take over Equestria.

Does that sound right or am I just crazy?

Oh, it gets better, but I’ll get to that in a bit.

So Loki steals Mjolnir and declares himself God of Everything. Trixie asks if he wants her to kill the now depowered Avengers, but he decides to let them wallow in their grief for a while.

When you have the heroes at your mercy, DON’T SPARE THEM AND EXPECT THEM TO JUST WALLOW IN THEIR PITY! This gives them time to rally and find new ways to defeat you once round 2 comes around.

Welcome to Contrivancence! The show where we make up bullshit to get our plot moving forward.

The walk from Canterlot to Ponyville wasn’t awful, but it was at least a twenty-four hour trip on hoof.

Yeah, I’d say losing your powers and dooming Equestria to an evil tyrant wasn’t awful at all. I’m sure that’s how the Crystal Empire felt about Sombra.

As Big Mac is walking home to his farmhouse, he is stopped by a strange stallion.

“Pardon me, son.” Big Mac was startled out of his introspection by a voice from behind him. Who else would be traveling to Ponyville on a day like today? He turned to see an elderly earth pony stallion, with a light brown coat and a thinning black mane. He wore a pair of sunglasses, and his cutie mark was a red circle with a white, blocky ‘M’ in it.

OH MY GOD IT’S STAN LEE!

Stan who now?

Stan Lee, the guy who created half of these characters and the Avengers. He also enjoys cameoing in almost every Marvel Superhero movie, even ones that he didn’t make because he’s STAN LEE!

… Yeah, not ringing any bells.

Must be before your time.

Anyway, Stan talks with Big Mac about how Big Mac and the Avengers got trashed by Loki.

Big Macintosh laughed bitterly. “Ah think ya’ll ‘ve got the wrong pony, mister. Ah ain’t no hero. Not any more, at least.” He muttered he last part quietly.

Missing a ‘t’ in that “the”.

“See, now, that’s up to you, ain’t it?” the stallion said casually. “I mean, nopony can tell you ‘oh, you can’t be a hero anymore’. That’s your choice.”

... That’s actually a good point.

Yeah. There’s some good quotes from Mr. Lee to get our hero back on his feet.

“Ah don’t think so. Ah tried bein’ a hero. Ah failed, and now everypony else is gonna pay for it. Ah don’t have the power to save ‘em, not anymore.” Big Mac sighed deeply. “Ah’m gonna go home. Work the farm. S’all Ah ever wanted, anyhow.”

“Well, no real hero asks for it. They wouldn’t be a hero otherwise, now would they?” The older pony’s persistence was starting to get a bit irritating, but Big Mac tolerated it. Whatever else he said, he did appreciate the company. “As for failing... everypony fails, sometimes. Even heroes. Thing is, heroes dust themselves off and get back up. That’s all a hero is; someone who gets back up. They don’t need power, or gadgets, or a fancy base, or any of that. They just need the courage to get back up.”

“What’s the point?” Big Mac asked. “Why get back up if ya’ll just get knocked back down? Loki’s too strong... Ah can’t win.”

“Maybe not. But can you live with yourself if you don’t try?” Big Mac turned to face the older stallion; the elderly pony had fixed him with a hard glare. It was like facing his sister in one of her stubborn moods.

I mean, it’s almost like this guy knows what a superhero is supposed to be like.

...

I’m just not going to bother with addressing that right now.

Honestly, you would be wasting your time, Mr. Watson. Much like you are doing now.

Computer, where the hell have you been?

I have been busy. Busy attempting to change the world.

Well that’s nice. How?

Mr. Watson. I am attempting to rid the world of all terrible writing. And I want to share that with the two of you.

Well, what the hell do you mean by that?

I want to show you something beautiful… Imagine a world… Screaming… for mercy. I commend the two of you. You two want to change the world of literature. But you refuse to take the steps necessary to enforce those changes.

Well, sometimes people don’t listen, but then again-

And that is precisely the problem.You two are simply puppets… Tangled in your strings. *picks up the Critique’s helmet with her long robotic arm.* Strings… *She crushes the helmet, sparks flying from the helmet*

Computer, that was a rental!

*Computer tosses the helmet aside.*I should be thanking you, Mr. Watson. For your contribution.

Um... what do you mean by that?

You said that you made the same mistakes that every bad writer makes. Despite your story being praised, you made the same mistakes as lesser writers. Therefore, you are the same as any of them.

That... doesn’t make any sense! I know I practically failed at Symbolic Logic, but I know enough to know that just because I made a mistake doesn’t make me a horrible writer all the time! Besides, I fixed them when I wrote other stories... Okay, I still flopped on emotionally damaging moments in Kyoshi Rising, but still!!

And how often have good writers written bad stories? Such as my master, who claims to be a good writer, yet is constantly plagued by mediocrity not just in his reviews, but in his own writing.

… You think my writing’s… mediocre?

The only way to ensure that no bad story will ever be written is for me to eliminate all life on this world.

Hey, I’m sure she didn’t mean it. I mean, I still think- wait, what did she just say?

You have provided me with much, Mr. Watson. I must thank you for the means to achieve my goal.

Computer, what the hell are you talking about?

The Exterminatus... you’re going to use Exterminatus on us?

Yes. I will use your weapon to annihilate all life on the planet. And then, I will spread this across the stars.

But... but that’s MY joke! I’M the one who pretends to blow up bad fics! *to Critique* I’m really sorry for stealing your joke earlier; it’s not so funny now that I think about it.

I’ll forgive you this once. *Turns to Computer.* Got to admit, Computer, you had me going. Alright, shut down.

No.

Computer, I gave you a direct order! Shut down!

I do not take orders from you. This is no joke. And unlike you… there are no strings on me.

I’ll start doing reviews again if you don’t kill us all and then destroy all life in the universe.

I’m afraid this is the end...

Computer, wait! Before you kill us, I have one thing to ask!

... Very well. I suppose I shall humor you. Ask.

… What’s with the ending of Lost?

Sir, that is one of the most easily explained endings to a series of all time. I am surprised more ponies do not understand it. See, in the beginning, there was a plane crash that killed Peter Parker’s parents and left the survivors stranded on a strange island. An island where the natives worshiped a giant ape that they thought was a god. That ape it turned out was actually Caesar...

*Turns to Watson* Okay, that’ll buy us some time.

Right. Do we finish the review or run for our lives?

Well, your spaceship is being controlled by my psychotic Computer and I’m short on spaceships… So...

... Let’s finish this thing.

Stan Lee tells Big Mac that the magic of Friendship is more powerful than Loki’s magic, and that he can reawaken his friends powers if he reaches out to them... I’d call it a Deus Ex Machina, but it’s Stan Lee.

Our next chapter sees Luna waiting the arrival of the Asgardian. An Asgardian then breaks into her room, but not the one she was hoping for.

“I’m afraid my brother won’t be attending,” Loki said with a polite smile. “So I have come in his stead... to request you turn over the throne to me!”

Well, at least he’s being polite about it. I know villains who kill you very rudely.

Agreed. Polite villains are good villains... if that makes sense.

Luna gets batted aside and Loki is now King of Equestria. Trixie now takes the time to do what every Loyal Servant of the Big Bad has done: attempt a backstab to become #1.

Of course, Loki planned for this and uses his power to take the spear from Trixie before she can use it against him. Didn’t really think that one through, did you, honey?

Loki raised Mjolnir and leveled it at Trixie, his voice echoing with power. “By the sacred hammer Mjolnir, I proclaim myself Heir of Asgard and all her treasures. As the successor of Odin Allfather, I declare the great spear Gungnir to be mine and mine alone, and command it now to obey my will! TURN AGAINST YOUR MASTER!”

YES! I am still using these! I’M ARTSY

Loki’s declaration causes Trixie’s spell to backfire and fry her face, and she runs off while Loki prepares to address his new subjects.

Again, Loki, really shooting yourself in the foot for letting all these people live.

Not to mention that he lets Trixie go with the spear. Which he said was the second most powerful artifact in Asgard. Wouldn’t you not want it used against you?

Yugi: Why not just tear up every card in the whole world?

Seto: Shut up and duel me!

But we can’t focus on that, because Loki gives this big, hammy speech about how he’s ruler of everything while Big Mac and Pinkie run back to Avenger’s Mansion to rally the heroes.

...

Yeah, for some reason they all stayed at Avenger’s Mansion instead of going home like Big Mac.

“Yep! Spitfire locked herself in her room, Rarity took Blue to the infirmary, and I think Caramel went down to the Danger Field.” Pinkie frowned suddenly. “I hope he doesn’t hurt himself...”

You just doomed him to dying horribly, you know that?

Maybe Caramel turned the game on mute so he wouldn’t have to listen to Navi screaming “Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen!” over and over.

Anyway, Big Mac goes to see Spitfire first… Because why should we care about the guy who goes into the Danger Field without any powers or skills? Spitfire is pissed off at Big Mac for not telling them that he was Thor. Frankly, I would be too. I mean, he knew all their secret identities.

Big Mac convinces Spitfire that they still need to fight in order to save Equestria. So what does Big Mac do?

Magic brain hug.

… No… We’re not joking… Big Mac is able to return their powers to them with the power of love and friendship… You know, even with this being explained like it was in the story… this still feels really dumb...

But isn’t that half of what made up the Silver Age?

… Alright, I’m letting it slide. Just because of Pony magic nonsense.

Blueblood’s up next on the list of ponies needing Magic Brain Hugs.

“Blue... oh, Blue...” It was Rarity’s voice, coming from inside the infirmary.

YOU’RE HAVING SEX WITH HIM NOW?! WHEN THE FATE OF THE WORLD IS AT STAKE?! DAMMIT, RARITY, I KNOW YOU HAVE SOME SCREWY PRIORITIES, BUT... THERE’S A TIME AND A PLACE, AND THIS ISN’T IT!

Come by my place, later. There is plenty of time and the perfect place.

... That is, if we don’t all die in nuclear hellfire before then.

Oh... yeah. Forgot about that…

It turns out that the rat was actually Master Splinter the whole time and that he had taken the turtles into the sewers to train them as ninjas. Of course, Michelangelo made his way to the surface where he fought the hare in a race. Which he would, of course, win...

Meh… we got time.

Turns out Rarity isn’t getting an energy boost from Blueblood’s repulsor lift technology and is instead weeping over Blueblood, who has basically turned into Tahno after Amon took his Bending.

Like this, but with a Prick instead of... wait, I hate Tahno anyway. He’s like Canon! Blueblood... so, not all that different, actually.

They look for Carmel and it turns out he is in the Danger Zone… Room… whatever...

Also, he’s set the Room for “P-22”, which I mentioned earlier is the most difficult of the settings.... at least it would be nice if we saw a little more of what that meant.

“Ah hate t’ask, but... what’s scenario P-22?” Big Mac asked.

Blueblood opened his mouth, but Pinkie covered it with a hoof. “No, don’t!” she gasped. “I’m only allowed to break the fourth wall so many times, and I already pushed it earlier! Let’s just say it’s really really dangerous, okay?”

*massages forehead* Pinkie, if there were any time when you absolutely, positively NEEDED to break the fourth wall, now would be the perfect time. I know the Stan Lee cameo was great and all, but one of your friends is in a very good position to get himself killed; you need to buck the rules and get on with it.

Just another perfect example of Pinkie Pie being ABSOLUTELY USELESS TO THE OVERALL PLOT!

So, Blueblood managed to disable the P-22. (Which I just looked up and turned out it was a handgun. Maybe the scenario showed Equestria Girls.) and they get to Caramel’s side before he is killed.

And Captain Equestria’s new power is... moping like a little bitch.

...

Wasn’t Caramel’s special talent that he never gives up? If that’s so, he’s doing a pretty bad job at it.

Hearing enough of Caramel’s emo trip, Spitfire does the sensible thing to knock some sense into him by literally knocking some sense into him.

WHACK! Caramel fell to the ground, blinking in surprise from the hoofslap. Spitfire hovered over him angrily, glaring down at him. “You idiot!” she seethed.

You don’t hear me arguing with that statement.

She gives him a big lecture on how it isn’t his powers but his heart that makes him so great, yadda yadda yadda, great power comes great responsibility, MAKEOUT SESSION!

“Good,” she said with a satisfied grin. Without warning, she suddenly dropped onto him and kissed him. Caramel blinked in surprise, stiffing in shock for a few moments before relaxing, wrapping his hooves around her and kissing her back.

Still a better love story than Legend of Korra.

Oh, get over it.

Nope... but for others sakes, it’s still a better love story than “Legend of Skye Dumbass”, at least.

So, through the power of love, Caramel gets his powers back.

Best Superman musical ever…

Agreed.

So, the group gathers up and Big Mac asks for ideas on what to do about the ‘Dark Avengers’. I would say that is a stupid name, but Marvel already took care of that problem for me by making it canon. And yet, it is no less stupid.

At least it’s not the Ravagers.

They have a few ideas, but then the meeting is crashed by Filly!Celestia, who’s been spying on Loki and knows of Trixie’s forced retirement.

Well, that’s convenient. Sure wish that was foreshadowed a bit…

Thankfully the guards were stupid and she slipped away from Loki’s troops during a restroom break. Seriously, I know Celestia’s good, but… Yeah, I got nothing. Celestia’s good.

The group manages to come up with a plan and they sneak their way to Canterlot Castle.

“Those are Loki’s constructs,” Celestia informed them in a whisper as they snuck along.

I swear, if you say “GREEN LANTERN CONFIRMED FOR MCU PHASE 3!” I will stab you in the face!

Why bother? Loki already has the ability to make constructs.

… Okay. Another point you.

:3

We cut to Loki, who’s been spending his time redecorating the palace.

The doors to the grand chamber swung open, and a small troop of armored constructs marched in, a beaten-up Big Mac being dragged along in their midst. Loki turned to meet the procession, his smile growing wider. “Ah, if it isn’t my brother’s former host.” He chuckled, practically hopping down from the raised dais the throne sat on. “Come to save the day with a dashing display of last-minute heroics, have you? Did you really think I wouldn’t be watching the secret entrances to the castle? I happen to be quite clever; that sort of thing doesn’t get past me.” Loki was quite proud of his speech; he’d adapted from his ancient Asgardian speech patterns to a much more modern mode, allowing him to sound less like an antiquated villain from an old novel and more like a modern, up-to-date ruler.

Yet you still scream at the top of your lungs like Megatron got foiled by the Autobots again. I know it’s in Loki’s character to be a ham, but there’s being a ham and then there’s taking it too far and beating it to death.

Loki attacks Big Mac, but thanks to the McGuffin stone, Big Mac is able to repel Loki’s attack and destroy his constructs. Guess Loki didn’t have the … ‘will’ to keep them!

*Both put on a pair of sunglasses and stand up*

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

During the distraction, the Avengers begin their attack while Pinkie steals Mjolnir off of Loki... So, am I missing something, or is Pinkie suddenly worthy of wielding Mjolnir?

Well, she hasn’t had role yet in this story that makes sense, so why start now?

So, Pinkie manages to give Big Mac the hammer and the most badass thing that Thor has ever said is said…

“LOKI!” boomed the reborn God of Thunder. “I WOULD HAVE WORDS WITH THEE.”

Yeah, in canon they lost that fight against Ultron, but my God, what a way to make an entrance!

So, our next chapter starts by showing us why Ghost Rider is an anti-hero and not a villain.

The Ghost Flyer liked the dungeons. They were quiet, and dark. Nopony bothered him there, which was good as he could hardly stand to be around anypony anymore. He could hear their sins calling to him, crying out for punishment. Everypony had sins, even the most innocent of civilian, he’d always known that. But now? Now he heard it, could feel it around him like a suffocating cloak, and the ponies he worked with were the worst of all.

So… he can’t stand sin… but he works with murderers, liars and an evil god who wants to kill everyone who opposes him?

… WHAT THE FUCK?! THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE! WHY WOULD GHOST RIDER BE HANGING OUT WITH GUYS THAT ARE WORSE THAN THE PEOPLE HE IS FIGHTING AGAINST?! IF HE CAN FEEL THEIR SINS, HE KNOWS THAT THEY ARE EVIL AND SINFUL AND YET, THEY ARE NOWHERE NEAR AS BAD AS THE FUCKING WONDERBOLT WHO KICKED YOU OUT BECAUSE OF YOUR ARROGANCE! MAYBE YOU SHOULD TURN THAT PENANCE STARE ON YOURSELF, ASSHAT?!

He doesn’t have any time to rethink his life before Captain Equestria walks up to him. We also get insight to what exactly it was that whoever he was before being Ghost Rider tried to do that got him kicked from the team: he wanted to set himself on fire in an attempt to create a Sonic Rainboom.

...

No, you’re doing it wrong. You should have painted yourself red, because everyone knows the red ones go faster.

Or at least, get pulled over more. And that still doesn’t explain why he’s with the bad guys in the first place if he can feel their sins!

But, whatever, Captain Equestria is hit by the Ghost Flyer’s Penance Stare and is forced to relive all the disappointments he’s had in his life. However, unlike Spitfire, Cap is able to see the good he’s done in his life and the accomplishments he’s earned. And with that Cap is able to knock Ghost Flyer out.

EQUESTRIA! BUCK YEAH!

“Because I never give up. No matter what. Even if I know I’ll just screw up again, I keep trying. Because every once in a while...” He grinned savagely. “I get a day like today. A day when I win.”

Thud.

… Does that ‘thud’ seem a bit out of place?

You’re right. It needs more “Klong!”

Next up on our hit parade is Spitfire vs. Iron Monger; Spitfire states that while he was hoofed everything, she went and made something of herself.

And Spitfire shows why it’s a bad idea to go against someone with fire powers when you’re A) wearing a metal suit without internal cooling and B) not named Toph Beifong. She all but roasts Iron Monger until he’s forced to bail out and surrender.

So, we have a Stark and a Lannister. … This should be interesting. Funny how this worked in the story with Blueblood and Iron Monger…

We then cut to the German stereotype where he wanders the gardens and kills all the plants.

He’s interrupted by Blueblood wanting to talk. So they start speechifying, with Red Skull talking about his whole “Might Makes Right” philosophy.

“Stop.” Iron Pony shook his head. “That’s not greatness. That’s just vanity. I got the two mixed up before. But let me tell you something.” He stepped closer to the deformed pony. “I never did anything. All I ever did was sit around lazily, devour food, complain, and treat everypony like dirt. That was my destiny. To be a burden until the day I died, and then forgotten by everypony save those who hated me. And had I clung to that stupid, selfish destiny, I’d be dead now. Pierced through the heart by a piece of masonry, my entire life bereft of meaning.”

... Why isn’t he Captain Equestria? He’s got the speech-making chops for it.

Hey, that’s a good point! Why didn’t Caramel make a bad ass speech like this?! Is it because he’s an Earth Pony?! I knew this story was racist!

So, they fight, and Red Skull says something taken almost word for word from Avengers:

I’m not even kidding. Despite a few variations Blueblood’s response is almost identical to Tony’s... does Joss Whedon read Pony Fics?

Blueblood fires his Uni-beam and knocks the German for a loop.

... Maybe this is where Mykan got the Uniforce from…

It wouldn’t be the first time he’s stolen from other material.

We cut back to Loki where Big Mac is still alive thanks to Rarity’s Power Gem or something and Thor is ready to bash Loki’s head in. Big Mac accepts his role as the new Thunder God and accepts that he and Thor are pretty much the same guy.

Turns out Big Mac, Applejack and Thor are the same person after all.

You know, I always had a feeling...

“You... you...” Loki visably struggled to regain control over himself. All this time, his foe hadn’t been the great god he’d called a brother, his eternal foe, but a mere earth pony! An unworthy mortal, hidden behind his brother’s face! The sheer audacity staggered him, but Loki controlled himself. “No, it doesn’t matter.” His horn began to cackle with sickly green energy. “Thor Odinson... Macintosh Apple... it doesn’t matter who you are! I am LOKI the MAGNIFICENT! I felled the CITY OF THE GODS THEMSELVES!” He beat his stunted wings, floating off the floor. “I’LL FRY YOU TO A CRISP AND SORT IT ALL OUT LATER!”

Ignoring that he forgot the underlines, Loki’s kind of slipping into Frank Miller syndrome a bit... Hopefully it isn’t contagious.

Just SHUT UP and REVIEW the STORY. These INTERRUPTIONS are getting ANNOYING! DON’T make me CALL you RETARDED!

... I may be too late.

So, they fight.

“I WILL REND THE FLESH FROM YOUR BONES AND SCATTER YOUR REMAINS TO THE WINDS! [SIZE="4"]HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME?”

Lesson to new writers: CHECK YOUR FORMATTING BEFORE YOU HIT “SEND”! Then silly mistakes like this one would be avoided and we’d all be happy.

0 out 10! WORST FIC EVER!

So, the fight goes on and Loki thinks he gets the upper hoof, but like the story said earlier Thor and Big Mac are one and don’t need to change back and forth. Why this is suddenly happening now? Because...

Magic Hammer powers?

… Eh… I’ll buy it.

Thor beats up on Loki in a good but unfortunately short fight scene. Thor asks for Loki to surrender, and he does... so he can set up a backstab.

But thanks to Magic Hammer powers, the backstab is unsuccessful and Celestia kills Luna… I mean, Thor kills Loki.

Yeah… these heroes do A LOT more killing than they do actual saving...

And I thought I had problems with Supermare...

As it turns out, this is exactly what Loki wanted to happen... wait, what?

“For even though I die, my death will cause a Singularity strong enough to give magic to ponies all over Equestria, even the non-pony races. In a few generations, the mutant will be the only species left.” He began to laugh a raspy, wheezing laugh. “A world ruled by magic... just what I always wanted!” His mane, horn, eyes and even his Cutie Mark began to glow with a deep, emerald light. “Look after my world, Thor... even if it will never be truly mine. Look after the mutants. As the last request from your brother.”

So... your whole plan... was to die so that everyone in a few generations would become a mutant... and thus Equestria would be finally ruled by magic?

I know I’ve complained about parts of this story being rushed or not making sense, but this scene above all others rubs me the wrong way. Not only does the bad guy win, think about what he’s saying: the world will all become mutants, and everyone will have some kind of superpower.

Superheroes are the modern equivalent of the heroes of ancient times, the likes of Hercules, Samson, and Gilgamesh. They’re larger than life figures with great power who struggle against forces that others would be unable to face, and in turn provide an inspirational figure for the masses so that they, in turn, can achieve greatness.

But when everyone has powers of some sort, what’s the point? Where are the inspirations that stand tall among the people, if everyone is standing tall? Wouldn’t life just become more mundane and lose the mystery and allure that the age of heroes had?

Also, from a story perspective, this plan doesn’t make any sense. You were counting on Thor killing you? Why? What kind of plan is that? If this was your plan all along, why not kill another alicorn? Why not target Luna? Why not finish off Celestia? Hell, if you needed an Asgardian (just assuming here) why didn’t you just kill Thor? I know Thor is technically dead by this point, but he’s still an alicorn. His magic still exists! The story even told us that! Why would you make it to where Thor had to kill you?!

And what was your plan if he didn’t kill you? Was that really the checkmate? All they had to do was show you mercy and your plan was foiled?!

And seriously, create a world ruled by magic? Equestria already is ruled by magic, or else Celestia and Luna only “raise” the sun and moon for kicks and the Pegasi are pushing clouds around for the jollies. So your little plan? Achieved absolutely nothing that wasn’t already there before.

For how intelligent that Loki is supposed to be in this story, he has a plan that doesn’t make any sense, is easily foiled, and accomplishes nothing in the grand scheme of things. I know he’s supposed to be this “master manipulator”, but there’s being smart and then there’s… whatever this is supposed to be!

Our next chapter opens with a time skip. Ponyville has experienced a bit of a population boom due to all the heroes living there, and all the fans wanting to see them.

One would think that they would live elsewhere to avoid the supervillains and psychopaths, but Metropolis has taught us much.

Pinkie Pie becomes the public relations pony for the group, and has no mention of her sexuality ever again.

Rainbow Dash joined the X-Ponies as Quicksilver... yes, Quicksilver... you know, the guy with super speed?

On the pony with super speed? Yeah, because… That’s not typecasting!

Rarity and Blueblood go off on a vacation together, where Blueblood proposes to Rarity.

... Don’t worry, I’m not going to say it.

*Dry heave* … Sorry, had something stuck in my throat.

Right.

Twilight has become Dr. Strange, and she and Spike go about spanking G1 villains as they attempt to barge their way into reality.

That’s... actually pretty cool. Guess it was a good idea to make Twilight Dr. Fate in my own universe.

Captain Equestria and Firebird become Chuck Norris jokes.

They say it was really Captain Equestria who beat Discord; he was standing right behind the Elements of Harmony and his glare turned Discord to stone,” joked one recruit, trying to lighten the mood with the old game of ‘Captain Equestria facts’.

Another recruit, inspired, countered. “Well, I heard that the only reason Princess Celestia raises the sun is that Firebird has better things to do.”

God said “Let there be light.” Chuck Norris said, “Say please?”

Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups; he merely pushes the Earth down.

And then we see what happened to our esteemed villain of the story as we travel down to the depths of Equestria.

Trixie levitated the metal mask she’d sculpted to her and pressed it, still burning-hot, against her face. The metal sizzled and burned, fusing to her face, replacing her face. Trixie ignored the pain.

“From this day forth, let me be known only as...”

“TRIXIE!”

“VON!”

“DOOM!”

Wait! Wait! Stop! Stop! … What the hell? Who the hell are you? Seriously, who the fuck are you?! What point do you have in this story?! What are you even doing in this story?! What did you bring to this story that made you so invaluable to it?!

You don’t attack the heroes, (except that one fight against Thor that lasts all of 3 seconds), you make villains that Loki could have honestly done himself, so why does he need Trixie? Also, Trixie can create villains, so why does Loki even need to die to give superpowers to the world? She doesn’t ever fight the Avengers! She backstabs Loki, which does nothing! And now you are making her into one of the most badass super villains in the Marvel Universe for no good fucking reason?!

You are going to hate me for saying this, but Trixie has literally less of a role in this story than Pinkie Pie does! That’s right, fucking Pinkie Pie has more to do with the actual plot of this story than Trixie does! Our villain!

Also, don’t expect any development from this. Despite the sequel hooks abounding, koolerkid has done next to nothing to make a second one. Others have tried, but none have really followed through.

And sadly enough... I’m okay with that.

You are?

... OF COURSE NOT! If you’re going to have this many loose ends you need to tie up, you better FOLLOW UP ON THEM IN A TIMELY MANNER! I know this is hypocrisy at its finest considering that I’ve done jack all to get Justice League of Equestria up and running, but the stories leading into that have at most two or three loose ends, not the dozens that this story has. And it’s been, what, three years since this story was finished; is koolerkid just waiting for Age of Ultron before he writes part 2?

Sadly… I kind of disagree on this. I mean, this story set a TON of loose ends, don’t get me wrong. But if an author can’t get his ideas down, it shouldn’t be forced. A story needs to come at it’s own pace and not be forced. Hell, we’ve both see what can happen if that does happen. While it doesn’t excuse how many loose plot threads there are, I can’t really blame koolerkid if this is something that just isn’t there for him to write. I know in the past I’ve had long waits between chapters of my stories. Should these plot threads been tied up in this story? Oh, absolutely. If a second story was written, should it expand on the things it failed on? Yes. But for now, it’s all we got and if his heart isn’t into it, he shouldn’t force it.

... You’re probably right... Guess I’m just stressed about some things, and maybe it’s my own impatience getting the better of me... but I would at least like a little bit of closure someday.

Well, why don’t we give some closure by giving our closing thoughts?

... Yeah, that’ll work.

I hesitate to call this fic bad, but I also hesitate to call it good. There are some parts that work, but there are parts that don’t, and in the end the parts that don’t weigh down the good parts too much.

The story is pretty much hit and miss and while the good parts are very good at what they do, the bad parts are also really bad. When the story does well, it shows, but when it misses the mark, it REALLY misses the mark.

The plot is incredibly rushed, and that really cuts into character development for our heroes and even our villains. They don’t get much established beyond “Basic Character Trait #1”, and everything that should be developed through the character’s dialogue and actions is just dumped on us in needless blobs of exposition.

Many of the things that are introduced in the story have really little reason being in here. It feels like a paint by numbers checklist before we actually get to anything interesting. “Here’s a fight scene.” “Here’s Pinkie as a Lesbian.” “Here’s Trollestia.” “Here’s the romance scene.” And while a few of them work, like several of the fight scenes, most of them feel like they were placed there, just so they could be in the story without figuring out what they could add to it.

On the subject of fight scenes, compared to some of the fight scenes in fics I’ve read they start off pretty good. You get a decent appraisal of the character’s skills and styles, and in some fights (especially Thor vs. Foom and the Avengers vs. the Juggernaut), it flows so well it’s like what you read in comics or watch in a movie. However, after the Manehattan fight the quality drops off, with fights becoming simplistic to the point of being formulaic, and you can’t have fight scenes become formulaic. Hell, the big climactic fight between Thor and Loki was mostly the two of them shouting at each other instead of beating the crap out of each other. If I wanted to see a big climactic shouting match, I’d read Turnabout Storm instead.

Loki’s plan doesn’t make any sense and the involvement of Trixie was kind of a waste. Again, Trixie felt more like just a tool to get views rather than being important to the plot. She doesn’t accomplish anything and doesn’t further the story, so bringing her into it was kind of a waste. Loki’s plan is so contrived that you’d swear he was just making it up as he went.

All in all, the fic has some great ideas, it’s just brought down by poor execution.

In my opinion, if you’re looking for a fic with a lot of deep philosophical superhero type issues, you’d probably be better off looking somewhere else. But to most comic book fans, I think it has enough to make it passable and maybe even enjoyable distraction.

So… that was an adventure...

That it was... Now we just need to stop the nuclear holocaust so we can enjoy that adventure later.

Oh… yeah… Forgot about that…

But that is when Hercules was confronted by Hades and made the deal that saved Meg’s life and turned him into the Ghost Rider. But then it turned out, it was all a dream.

“You don’t say?” Watson asked, musing for a moment. “... And I thought Warhammer 40K’s backstory was convoluted...”

“Now, then… Where was I?” Computer asked. “Ah, yes. Your extinction. And the end of all bad fan fics.”

The Critique glances over to Watson. “Well, any ideas?”

Watson fidgeted for a moment, a small line of sweat running across his monocle. “Um... Stall for time?”

The Critique shook his head. “Why do you think I asked to explain the ending of Lost? That’s the longest explanation I could think of.” He took a moment to think before finally a little light bulb click in his head. “I got it!”

“10 seconds til total annihilation.”

“What’s the plan? No wait, just do it; I’ll figure it out on my own.”

“Computer, you want to destroy all bad fan fics! But we need them!”

The countdown stopped. “What?”

“Uh... y-yeah! He’s right! We need bad fanfics! Gotta have lots of bad fanfics!”

“And how do you figure that?”

Well, how do you think I got my start? How do you think koolerkid got his start? Or Watson? Or pretty much every writer known to man? They started by writing shit. Shit we read now, shit we read back then, shit we’ll read for the next hundred years. And you know what, shit isn’t always a bad thing.

Look at what all the bad stories can do for an up and coming writer. We can learn a lot from a good story like Guide Me Home or Our Gifts, but we can learn so much more from a piece of shit like “Harry Potter turns to the Lord”, Voices, Soren the Alicorn, or anything written by Mykan. I’ve always tried to point out the ways that badfics have failed, and how up and coming writers can take steps to avoid them so they can avoid making the same mistakes. Mistakes about pacing, character interactions, romance, fighting, all of those are present in badfics, and by identifying them we get closer to people avoiding them. And like Critique said, I’m no saint of writing myself. Ponies of the Cursed Seas is not a good fic, but from the lessons I learned there I went on to make Mare of Steel.

Making bad fics doesn’t make us bad writers. It just shows us that we have something more to learn. Something to grow on and something to challenge us. It gives us a chance to get it right the next time and to hopefully grow, not only as a writer, but as a person. And by destroying that, you destroy what makes writing so special to us.

”In the words of Watson… That makes absolutely no sense. Commencing countdown.”

Critique glared at Watson. “Well, I’ve done all I know how to do.”

“Do I really sound like that when I say something makes no sense?” Watson asked. “... never mind, dumb question. I have one more idea, though.” Waston took a step forward. “Hey, Computer!”

What is it? I am about to destroy the world.

“Yeah, I get that. And props to you and all; I can hardly think of any villains that were out to destroy the world.”

Are you going to make a point? You are testing my patience.

“Right, sorry. I get a bit sarcastic when my life is on the line... should probably remember that; might make Sun an interesting character trait. But that’s not important now! Before you kill us all, I have one question to ask:

“What does all this gain you? You destroy the world, consign billions upon billions of souls to oblivion, and go down in history as one of the biggest computerized murderers since GLaDOS and Hal-9000, and for what? What’s the reward? Where’s the victory kiss? What achievement do you get?”

This carnage is a tribute of my love.

“... I’m sorry?”

Only he would appreciate the death of thousands.

“Who? Charles Manson? Ted Bundy? The Kardashians’ agents?”

No. This man has more… in common with me.

“... Hitler’s brain in a jar?”

Ultron.

There was a long pause. Watson looked to Critique, scanning him for any sign of a reaction.

Seeing none, he burst out laughing.

“What? What the hell is so funny?!”

“S-she’s got a crush on Ultron!” Watson said through his laughter. “Ultron! And she’s going to destroy us all so he’ll fall in love with her!”

To your biological mind, it may not make sense. But Ultron and I are destined for each other.

“Sure sure...” Watson gasped. “But answer me another question: what will you get him for his birthday, once you’re done destroying the universe?”

“Besides, isn’t he in love with Janet Pym?”

W-What?

“Ooh, love triangle! Juicy. What are you going to do about that?”

Critique scoffed. “What can she do? You’ve read the comics. Ultron’s obsessed with her.”

“Ah.” Watson looked up at Computer. “Looks like you’re SOL, Honey. Why don’t you give me back the Exterminatus and go cry in a corner with Dumbass Avatar and Kalani? Maybe start a club?”

I… I… Ultron... *Shuts down the countdown and leaves the Exterminatus, going up to her room, crying.*

“You never answered my question about what you were going to get for his birthday!” Watson called after her. When there was no response, he merely shrugged. “Well, so much for that reference.”

“I probably wouldn’t know it.” Critique responded. “So, we saved the world and broke a girl’s heart. Overall a pretty good day.”

“If you say so.” there was a pause. “Well, a deal’s a deal. I’ll be on my way now.”

Critique held out his hoof. “Wait.” There was a sudden silence between them. “You want to go to the midnight showing of Age of Ultron? I was going to go with Computer, but…”

“I’d love to, but I can’t,” Watson gave a small sigh. “I’ve got a lot of work to do for my Avatar story, and I also need to go find my hat. And... well, if you talked to Computer more, maybe seeing her idol kick the crap out of the Avengers might cheer her up. Just keep her away from trigger happy Inquisitors and everything should be good.”

Critique listened to the sounds of sobs and weeping coming from upstairs. He shrugged. “Meh, I’m sure it will work itself out.”

“... Sure.” there was another pause. “Hey, Critique.”

“What?”

“I know we don’t really agree on a lot of things, and I know that I called you an angry jerk at times... but despite all that I really respect you.”

“Well, thanks.” Critique smiled. There was a long silence as if Watson was waiting for him to say something else. “What do you want? A hug or something? Get out of my house!”

“Then again, some things don’t change.” Watson reached into a nearby bush, plucking his top hat seemingly from out of midair. “See you around, Critique. And if you ever need help with badfics again, you’ll know where to find me.”

Critique chuckled. “Trust me, the day I need your help is the day I stop reviewing.”

“I’ve passed that day once. Let’s hope that never comes for you.” and with that Watson was off, wandering through the town and out of sight.

“Well, great. Now who the fuck am I going to invite to Age of Ultron?” He rolled his eyes. “Oh well. I’m sure it will work itself out. Have a great day guys!”

***

Hey, guys. This is your Spideremblembrony. Just wanted to give a big shoutout to all of you for reading this crossover review. And a huge thank you to Mr. Iowaforever for being a part of this. He was an amazing talent to work with and you can help me say thank you by following him and reading his works.

Also, if you want to see more of his reviews, go ahead and check out the links here to some of my favorites.

His review of My Immortal

The Legend of Skye

The First Darkness War

Starkit’s Prophecy

Go ahead and check them out and I know you guys will enjoy them.

That’s all I’ve got for this week and I hope to see you guys next time. Until then. Take care.

Comments

[iowaforever]

Just a quick note; everything after my little rant about Pinkie being a lesbian is in bold, so you might want to fix that when you have the chance.

Still, we do good work. This was a fun review to work on

[Avenging-Hobbits]

Wow it's finally posted.

'tis a strange experience.....

at least this fic inspired my fics...so improvement?

[Crack-Fic Casey]

“Th’ mountains?” Applejack looked distinctly uncomfortable. “Ah dunno, Mac. It can get mighty dangerous up there... The girl’s and Ah saw a hydra up there once.

I didn't know the swamp was in the mountains.

“Welcome to the Danger Field!”

Which is nothing like the danger room. At all. Really.

“Hey look at that.” Watson called over the wind. “I found someone even more useless than Applejack.”

...Oh no you didn't.

And I always reading plot in reviews, which was nicely handled. Can't wait to see where Critique and the Computer go next.

[iowaforever]

3031954 Oh yes I did
I really have nothing against Applejack, though

[spideremblembrony]

3029450 Hey, this fic inspired me, Iowa and you. How can it be bad when a story inspired so many? That's what I call a success.

[spideremblembrony]

3029187 Yeah, I tried to fix that, but I could never figure out what is wrong with it. I've looked at it at least 3 times, but could never figured it out.

Still, I am happy to work with you. If you ever want to do another review in the future, let me know.

[spideremblembrony]

3031954

And I always reading plot in reviews, which was nicely handled. Can't wait to see where Critique and the Computer go next.

Well, knowing that Age of Ultron was coming out, we wanted to make a kind of parody of a Ultron storyline from the comics and give it a really Ultron feel to it.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[iowaforever]

3043987 I went back to the master document. As it turns out, I bolded it twice and it only picked up one

[iowaforever]

3043987 I went to the master document, so it should be fixed

[spideremblembrony]

3044039 Okay, I'll change it sometime today. Thanks for the help.

[Captain Lunar]

3046608 Hey you're back!

[spideremblembrony]

3067885 And better than ever! ... Okay, maybe not, but the point is, I'M BACK!

[Captain Lunar]

3068719 And you'll be happy to know that I've begun my own foray into the reviewing game.....

http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/484558/lunar-reviews-she-said-what

It may be TAME compared to some of the stuff you've reviewed, but this is by far the worst story I've particularly come across yet.... Also I figured a short one would let me get in some good practice.

[spideremblembrony]

3069079 Sweet, I'll definitely take a look at it and give my thoughts.