Story Reviews » Reviews! Round 64 · 4:36am Mar 17th, 2015
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Corejo sat on the curb, watching a handful of fics mill about the cul de sac. He wasn’t sure where they had come from, but from the looks of things they weren’t up to any good. Or were good, for that matter. He kept eyeing the seedy-looking self-insert, with its windswept pages and suede binding, chatting up the neighbor’s mailbox.
He took another swig of pop. Just another Sunday afternoon.
A sigh. When did FiMFiction get so boring that there wasn’t anything going on? No one had incited any drama over on Blog Street in a good week or two, and though the More Most Dangerous Block Party had been a blast, ‘had been’ wasn’t ‘is.’
An overblown adventure fic and sappy tragicomedy started wrestling on the RCL’s front lawn—You guys should totally feature my fic because it’s awesome and stuff.” “No! You should totally read mine. I promise Spike and Doctor Whooves will kiss next chapter!”—and Corejo knew it’d only be a matter of time before one of the moderators chased them off.
Another swig. He really needed a hobby. One that didn’t entail watching JohnPerry release an Amazonian battle cry and let loose with the business end of an overly large broom, as much fun as that could be. And was, at that moment.
A faint hum lilted over the cries and mewlings of first-time writings and pleadings against downvotes fading down the street. Corejo looked up and saw Belligerent Sock racing toward him with all the speed the Seattle Segway could muster. Which was to say, a blinding five miles per hour. He came to a not-screeching halt in front of him.
He wore sunglasses over his cuff, elastic reaching just high enough to reach the red-and-gold tassels dangling from the segway’s handlebars, Ferret’s Radio Flyer hitched to the back expectantly empty.
“Get in, loser, we’re goin’ fic hunting.”
Corejo stared at him for a second, then the self-insert, who was making out with the mailbox and feeling up the little red flag thing. Without a word, he stood, climbed in , and off they went.
ROUND 64
A hundred years has passed since the Catastrophe, which meant the end the alicorns’ era. Now their graves make for the seat of a new power: the Parliament of Equestria, where the “three stand as one, now as before and forever”. The motto of the Parliament, inscribed in stone for all to see. Just wipe away the blood first.
UBERMENSCHEN, ASSEMBLE!
Hmm… A title that’s a play on one of Friedrich Nietzsche’s works? An evocative description hinting at grim darkness? An apparent political drama? Well, douse me in fabric softener and color me intrigued.
I’ll start by saying up front that this is a bit of an esoteric one, and may not be to everyone’s liking. For starters, it’s about as far-removed from the show as you could get without resorting to human-in-Equestria. The world depicted in this story is dark, violent, and apparently teetering on the brink of annihilation; something’s happened to bury the old colors of Equestria in a very deep tomb.
There’s some solid characterization on display here, from the conflicted single-father Guard Lieutenant Deck Heart to the enigmatic Chancellor Clarity Feinsake (spout that name off in a random conversation), pretty much all of the characters—including the minor ones—deliver their lines with strong voice and hint at things lurking beneath the surface. It’s also effective in its imagery, conjuring crystal-clear pictures of the rain-soaked streets and the deep shadows of the alleys.
One oddity about the story, however, is its opening chapter, which seems to lack any real connection to the following action. That said, the rest of the story is well-constructed enough that I’m willing to believe this is wholly intentional, and we simply have yet to see the payoff for this foreshadowing. Long-undisturbed Chekov's guns are always fun, since you never know when they’re going to go off, like waiting for the time fuse on a block of C4.
About the only thing I could fault it on is that it tosses quite a bit of information at its reader in a short amount of time; the first chapter is a veritable deluge of worldbuilding, with few glimpses into how this new setting relates to the one we are familiar with. What glimpses there are, however, is enough to keep one’s interest engaged. It’s a solid mystery which, as of this writing, is unfolding at a good pace, and is one which I am quite interested in witnessing.
Before we get started with this one, let me restate something there:
A hundred years has passed since the Catastrophe, which meant the end the alicorns’ era. Now their graves make for the seat of a new power: the Parliament of Equestria, where the “three stand as one, now as before and forever”. The motto of the Parliament, inscribed in stone for all to see.
Alright. Not bad. I might read this.
Just wipe away the blood first.
You have my attention.
Yes. Just yes. That’s how you write a hook. That right there is how you do it.
Okay. Got that out of my system.
There are few stories I’ve read where I can stop and say, “damn, this is good.” Or not stop and say. Cause when I picked this one up, I couldn’t stop to put it down. I haven’t been this engrossed in a fic since we reviewed A Wake of Mist and Flame. Let’s break it down.
First, I like dark. If you don’t, then feel free to skip on down. It’s a sad truth that you have to have a taste for dark to appreciate this story, but it’s really a bad one to miss out on.
Now to state the obvious, this fic is pretty dark. And from the looks of things, the tunnel’s only gonna go deeper. But what about it that really reaches its tentacles out and grabs a hold of you isn’t that it’s dark; it’s that it’s heavy. There’s a lot going on here beneath the surface, lots of worldbuilding and characterization that flow so seamlessly with the setting and the story being told. The dialogue is pitch perfect, the narrative well within the heads of the ponies it follows (take chapter one with a grain of salt, if it’s style seems weird to you; the character’s a complete loon). Props to stanku and his proofreader for all that.
Really, the only thing I can complain about this fic is that it isn’t finished yet. But stanku’s been maintaining a consistent updating schedule. And I can’t wait to see where this all heads.
STORY 2
Chompers, by Space Commie
Granny Smith insists that Applejack has to go to the dentist. But she doesn't have to like it. At all.
I WANT THE TOOTH!
I don’t think anyone actually enjoys going to the dentist. At most, one simply tolerates it as a consequence of living a properly hygienic life. Oh, you might disagree, but I’m just going to denounce your arguments as the words of your dentist overlords being transmitted through the mind-control implants they put in your molar during your last check-up. You can’t fool me.
Nor can you fool ol’ Applejack. In her case, she doesn’t even tolerate the dentist. In a hilarious set-up, she’s been forced to make a trip to Colgate’s clinic for a routine cleaning, and she fights her fate the entire way. Taking to the procedure with all the stubbornness of a sock charged with several volts of static electricity, she recoils at every action with a defiant quip.
What I like about this one is how it handles its narrative almost entirely through dialogue. It is, for all intents and purposes, simply a discussion between Applejack and Colgate, and yet the two play off one another remarkably well. With AJ being absolutely petulant, and Colgate trying her hardest to maintain some semblance of professionalism, it creates a great dynamic which carries the story all the way up to the final punchline. The bits of hyperbole thrown in here and there are just the icing on the cake.
All in all, it’s a quick little read that nonetheless leaves you plenty to chew over. I recommend consuming it while the dentist polishes his heinous drills; maybe it’ll help dull the pain a little.
Not many people ponies like going to the dentist. Applejack is one of them.
This is a short but funny one brought to you by SpaceCommie. It’s about going to the dentist, and all the fears/annoyances that come with it. Hopefully everyone got that impression from the synopsis.
There isn’t much to say about this story, but what there is to say is positive. It’s on the low end of 1.4k words, and it’s one of those one-off, straight-from-the-get-go jokes that seem popular. While some might read that and roll their eyes, Chompers doesn’t overbear or overstay its welcome. Genuine laugh-out-loud moments to be had, and Applejack’s negative attitude really pulls it all together. The Element of Honesty has her own brand of canonical sarcasm and snide wit, and SpaceCommie pulls it off well. Also, just look at that scrunchy face cover art. LOOK AT IT!
People put off by single-joke stories and Applejack being sort of a butt probably won’t like this, but the rest of you certainly will.
When you lose a tooth, you put it under your pillow. Then, in the dead of night while you slumber, the Tooth Fairy comes to take your tooth and gives you some money in exchange. This is a simple and harmless procedure. ...Or at least it's supposed to be. The Cutie Mark Crusaders don't know the meaning of "simple and harmless."
YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TOOTH!
The title of this fic’s sole chapter is “Toothulu Fhtagn.” I feel this warrants special mention, because how the hell do you follow that up? I was giggling before I even started reading.
So yes, like the second of a pair of socks, this is another story dealing with dental disadvantage. It’s also a comedy, and handles its subject matter accordingly. This one, though, is focused on the Cutie Mark Crusaders, which means there’s a lot of stupidity. Good stupidity, though—the kind you don’t feel bad for laughing at.
To delve into the story’s plot would be an exercise in both futility and spoilers. It meanders through several scenes of no real consequence aside from the aforementioned stupidity, only to culminate in a climax of dumb. There’s a narrative thread running through it all, of course; it just zig-zags more than a sock’s elastic. And, of course, it answers that ancient and powerful question: what is the Equestrian Tooth Fairy like? The answer is definitely not what you’re expecting.
Furthermore, it succeeds in multiple brands of funny. There’s the absurd, with the Crusaders finding themselves in increasingly bizarre and outrageous scenarios; the witty, where the dialogue spins itself into a verbose whirlwind before hitting you in the head with a rock; and the prompt, where the rapid shifts in the prose force the reader to draw their own comical conclusions. More than any of that, however, it sets an irreverent tone and makes great pains to maintain it, which is what makes the rest of the story click.
So, if you still feel the need to dig your canines into some toothy goodness, take a bite into this one.
And nothing but the tooth, so help me, God! Err… Am I thinking of something else?
Maybe not. Because this fic is absurd. And I mean absurd. In a good way, though. theworstwriter has a knack for comedic timing and stretching the boundaries of awkward, two skills exemplified in this short fic. Did I mention this story is absurd?
Basically, the CMC find out about the Tooth Fairy and how she leaves bits under the pillows in exchange for teeth. They, however, like the synopsis implies (and could be assumed from the fact it’s a CMC fic), try gaming the system to horrifying results. Lovecraftian-ly horrifying results.
There’s plenty to laugh at, both in the Lovecraftian vein and in CMC shenanigans, and theworstwriter’s writing actually isn’t the worst. (Please don’t kill me.) The pacing of this story feels mildly rushed, but at the same time helps string the funny moments together better than a slower story would, which balances out, I’d have to say.
My only real complaint with this story is that the CMC seem to have more of a ‘partner in crime’/’I’m stuck with these dolts’ relationship rather than the canon BFBFFs they are. This, though, is played up in a comedic fashion, so if the idea doesn’t bother you it’s easy to laugh at like the rest of the fic.
STORY 4
Up There, by Miller Minus
I understand you wish to learn more about my dreamwalks, as well as what I did with my time on the Moon. Well, listen carefully when I say I do not entertain these types of inquiries lightly. My life and my work are my business alone, and no amount of sheer curiosity will get me to delve too deeply into them… Well, perhaps you should pull up a seat.
OVER DERE, DOWN DERE, UP DERE!
The fandom has written many volumes about what Luna got up to during her imprisonment on the moon. Some of them are mundane, some of them are abstract, and very few have anything to do with socks, much to their detriment. This one rests firmly on the “abstract” side of the spectrum, given it’s all about dreams, and happens to be told from Luna’s perspective, in her voice. Thankfully, it doesn’t bother with Ye Olde Englishe at all.
Beginning with Luna escaping from the great dusty sock drawer that is the moon, we are swept into the inferno of dreamland, and without a Kirby in sight. The premise may clash with canon a bit, as it presupposes Luna’s consciousness is somehow not subsumed beneath that of Nightmare Moon, but so long as you can swallow that, it leads into quite the interesting tale.
There are some cool concepts on display here, from the way Luna affects the dream to the manner in which the dreamer’s identity is gradually revealed. As with any dream in fiction, symbolism abounds, and Luna has to decipher many a clue to discover the truth about who she’s dealing with. It almost reads like a crime scene investigation, with all the little details adding up to a logical conclusion.
And when that conclusion is reached, the moment is pretty darn heartfelt. This is one fic very much deserving of its “Sad” tag. If we didn’t know that Luna’s story had a happy ending in the show proper, it’d be downright depressing. It still kind of is, in fact.
But don’t let that stop you: this is the good kind of sadness, the kind of pathos that is needed every now and then. If that prospect sounds good to you, don’t hesitate to give this one a read.
Apparently, I have a knack for liking second-person Luna fics… But for good reason! Because they’re good! And not just because this is my most favoritest picture in the whole wide world:
Best Pony 2015
This second-person fic isn’t so much second person in the idea that you yourself are a character. This story is Luna retelling an experience she had while banished to the moon. Whether or not that distinction bothers you or relieves you, this is still a story worth your while.
Let’s get the bad stuff out of the way first. The beginning is a little slow, as it takes its time getting into the meat of the story, and the narrative itself toes the ‘wordy’ line.
Okay, on to the good stuff.
Have you ever had that dream? You know, the one where you remember everything, and every vivid detail makes perfect sense despite how truly undetailed or illogical they are?
Miller Minus hits this perfectly.
Up There is a story about how Luna manages to enter a filly’s dream while stuck on the moon, that being a thing she couldn’t do for reasons explained within the story, and what comes of it. Immediately the dream world feels real. The nuances mentioned and explained suck you into the thick of things and keep your eyes glued to your screen:
When I opened my eyes in the dreamworld, I was standing in the center of a vast, two-coloured canvas. Green was below me, blue above. While I waited for my eyes to adjust, I inhaled deeply, hoping to reclaim the pure scent of Equestria's greenery. The air was indeed familiar, but only because it was the same lifeless and lacklustre scent that was always found in the dreamworld.
Smell is one of the two least nourished senses you dreamers apply to your dreams, but at least it is proof that I have arrived.
But a snippet of the immersion you’ll fall into with this story.
The surrealism here is simply astounding. Many authors stumble through dreamwalking scenes, but Miller time and again excels at it throughout.
You can’t go wrong here. Not in the slightest.
“So… has anyone seen the Segway?” said Professor Plum.
“Or my wagon?” chirped Ferret.
Burraku Pansa looked up from the treehouse’s main table, upon which was set an ocean of discarded sheets of paper and loose typeface. Setting aside his scissors and glue, he said, “Allow me to answer your question with another question. Where are Sock and Corejo?”
Ferret looked around. “Hmm… Come to think of it, I dunno.”
“Oh boy...” Plum punctuated his sentence with a sigh.
BP nodded. “Now, a further inquiry. What is currently the talk of the local news?”
“Uh…” Taking a TV remote in hand, Plum activated the treehouse’s wall-spanning flatscreen. Immediately, images of police cars, flashing lights, and a highway in turmoil filled the space. A maelstrom of activity surrounded a lone Segway and its towed little wagon in what the headline called the “Slowest Police Chase in History!”
“So, I take it this means the reviews will be late?” he said, as an orange glow suddenly lit the screen.
Ferret’s jaw dropped open. “Wait, why would the wagon explode?!”
BP took up his scissors once again. “Now we’re asking the right questions.”
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
If anyone comes here asking why this is on their feed I'm going to fight them.
Why is this on my feeD?
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The first rule of Fight Feed is you don't talk about Fight Feed.
2884641 A) I see what you did there.
B) Nick Cage is not happy.
Why is-
-the sky blue?
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Nicholas Cage vs. a semi-crazed looking Latias.
Somebody tell me how I fit ponies into this so I can write it later.
EDIT: Oh you cheeky devil, Wanderer, I see what you Did there.
2884628 Why is this on my feed? Ultron demands a answer.
Pls don't hurt me
I like these intros more then the review sometimes.
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I'm legit confused by this; aren't these always on my feed?
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Oh, yes, totally Amazonian.
The menfolk of the surrounding villages are positively quivering in their togas in fear, they are!
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Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!
I love how most of the comments are about the feed and not the actual reviews.
Oh, hey, Sock is doing the reviews. Hmm, the metaphors make sense, I'm not being confounded by the secrets of sock anatomy, there're no horror stories about Varyag and Slavic wars. Maybe I won't be mind blown this time arou....
Ah, now that's what I've come to expect from these reviews! Brilliant!
Fair enough. So I was wondering, how do you guys decide what stories to review?
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Alex reads stories and if he likes them, he reviews them. D used to do it, but he got bored. I think Wlah did it once, but I'm not too sure.
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Site Post. Everyone sees it.
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Which Alex?
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Alex is not alex.
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I... I don't follow.
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Alexstrazsa is capitalized. alexmagnet is not.
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Csquared... how long have I been here?
You know what, screw it. This wasn't that funny to begin with.
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Oh, I thought Alex's crack was something specific to this post; but it was just a general pre-emptive strike against the inevitable handful of folks who are either new or haven't been paying attention... gotcha,
Wow, thanks so much for the mention again! You've got me smiling like a fool. Also, thank you for showing off that fanart, Corejo. Bloody cool.
I mean-
Why was this in my feed? Unsubscribe me, plz&thku.
Oooh. I'll have to check these out. :) Thanks.
How long has it been since the Seattle's Angels have produced a Billy Mays style infomercial?