Opinion Blog; Depression VS. Attention · 8:21am Nov 21st, 2014
The last opinion blog I did was pretty short, and since I know a handful of people like these I decided to make up for it. That an procrastinate from starting the next chapter of Missing Dreams. Oh don't look at me like that; it'll get done. Don't even pretend you don't procrastinate.
Anyway, this is a topic that I see a lot, and can occasionally bother me. People exploiting or downright lying about depression in order to gain attention and sympathy.
Those of you who read my blogs regularly will know that depression is something I've had to deal with on a regular bases for a while now. I tend tot talk about depression a lot, simply because I know what the fuck I'm taking about unlike some other people, and I usually do it in a way that could potentially help others who are also dealing with their own issues. I have never used my depression as a method to garner sympathy. Simply put, depression is not, and never will be, something to be taken lightly. It's a serious condition that effects millions of people, and using it just to boost your own ego is nothing short of despicable.
Now I won't lie; I like attention as much as the next guy, and a sympathetic ear can do wonders for a person with depression, but there's a difference between honestly needing help, and wanting a little sympathy to feel good about yourself. People who exploit their depression in a desperate struggle for attention are a complicated case. On the one hand, they are using their condition as a method to get sympathy, but on the other they are actually depressed and might actually need help/someone to talk to. I don't approve of what these people do, but I can understand it. Having been depressed I know just how much a single person asking "Are you okay?" can mean. But really, you don't want people to feel sympathy for you because you're depressed, you want them to feel sympathy for you because they actually care.
There's a big difference between someone talking to you because they actually care, and someone just returning automated responses because it's the "right" thing to do. They may feel like what they're doing is good but it's really not, and it's only a temporary solution. The best thing you can do for these people is just talk to them, don't sympathize with them, don't offer automated responses, just honestly talk tot hem and see what they have to say. Who knows, you may end up helping them. Don't toss out sympathy to people who you couldn't really care about; in the long run that just hurts them more, but do take notice.
But the people who really get on my nerves, the people who this blog is really about,a re those that will outright lie about depression to garner sympathy.
Look, I get the desire for attention and sympathy, it's a desire every human being has in some capacity, but to exploit a serious condition to make yourself feel good? No. Just no.
For these people, the only thing you can do, and the only thing you should do, is ignore them. Just ignore them, and walk away. They probably won't learn any better, and they probably won't stop trying, but it doesn't matter; this isn't for their own good, this for you. Don't get drawn in, don't waste your time, and don't take the bait.
Perhaps the most difficult thing about all this though is telling who's actually depressed and who's faking.
From what I've seen, you need to pay special attention to how they describe what they're going through, and what they say.
For an actually depressed person, they don't really mention how they feel all that much. They'll state flat out how they feel, but then they'll generally go on to explain why. Most of the time, there are some pretty valid reasons. If it seems the person is over reacting, it's probably someone who actually is depressed and is just trying to get someone to listen to them. if it seems way blown out of proportion, then they're probably faking it.
Another way tot ell when someone's faking is that a lot of the time these people won't tell you what's happening. They'll say either "It's personal stuff" or "Private business" and just tell you that they're depressed, and normally over exaggerate that as well. If they're writing seems... energetic, they're probably faking. If it seems slow and lethargic, it's probably genuine.
A lot of the time, people faking it will try to bait you in with statements like "I feel yadda yadda yadda because of some private junk, please don't ask what."
That last few words; "PLease don't ask what" is how you can tell the person is not actually depressed.
Go ahead back to some blogs I made when I was depressed, what did I do? I flat-out stated what was going on in my life that was making me feel the way I felt. Occasionally I'd omit some detailed, usually because it was about someone else and I didn't want to release private information about other people on the internet without their permission, but if it was about me I did not hide it. Why? Because as I said in one of those blogs,
Maybe as long as you get a single view on your tiny, insignificant blog post, you know that someone, somewhere knows. Someone took the time to read it. Maybe they didn't read all of it, but they read at least one word of your personal problems.
One word can make a world of difference
When I make a blog about how I'm feeling, it's because I want other people to know. Not because I want sympathy, but because just knowing that someone else knows what you're going through, whether they understand or care, can make a big difference. When I post blog because I'm depressed, I wait around until they get a view. Just one view; that's all I need. As soon as I see that someone has read my blog, I smile, and I feel a little bit better, knowing someone knows.
These methods don't always work to find those who are faking, as some have gotten pretty good, but as a general rule of thumb, I find it works. Don't get baited into giving your sympathy to those who don't need it.
Until next time,
Kodeake out
You make a good point. I talk about being depressed quite a lot, but it's always through a story about what wonderful kick in the ass life just gave me this time. I used to tell people "Oh, I'm fine," or "I'm okay." Now when people ask me if I'm okay, it's a flat "no." I tried for the longest time to deflect my depression. I've always been stubborn, and for many years I told myself it wasn't that bad and that I was going to come out of it, but the longer I'm here, the more I realize that it's deeper, and darker than I ever thought it could be, and I don't want that anyone should ever have to feel this way. It is awful. It is soul killing. It is energy sapping. It turns everything lifeless and gray. Colors are dull, food has no flavor, and what used to bring joy instead brings indifference, and it is awful.
I certainly don't do it for attention. Hell, when people visit my dinky little blog, I'm usually ruminating on something that has left me bitter, frustrated, depressed, listless, and exhausted. Most people want to get away from that kind of thing, but if I don't let it out somewhere, I would burst. The sad thing is I used to be an optimist, and I actually still consider myself one, even through all of this, because I have the crazy notion that someday, somehow, things will get better.
I hope you feel better, and all of my best in your fight against depression. For what it's worth, have a hug from me.
John
2608271
I thought long and hard about this reply. I wanted to say something... inspirational, I guess. But I have nothing, so instead, just know this;
That crazy idea that things will get better is none sense. Things will not get better.
Not on their own.
You have to make things better. You have to take control and force your life to get better; a brighter tomorrow is not going to be delivered on a silver platter. It's going to be your paycheck at the end of a week of hard work.
Everyone deserves a happier future, and if the world were fair, everyone would have one. But the world's a cruel, unforgiving place, and those who do not have the desire, the will, or the determination to make things better will not get better. Don't rely on things getting better; rely on yourself to make it so. rely on those you trust, family and friends, to help you on your way.
It's never too early to start carving a brighter future.
But that's just my own personal experience, and I'm 16, so it doesn't count for much.