Why I hate this site sometimes. · 12:22am Jun 24th, 2012
Alright, since I'm probably BARELY hanging on to my followers due to a lack of fics, I've noticed a few things on this site. Mainly readers are drawn to SHIT FICS. Oh yeah, it's a rage post. If you love terrible fanfics, better get the fuck out right now. So, I'm going to look at a couple of fics I fucking ABHOR that are popular, along with the writer. Do these fics deserve fame? FUCK. NO. Do the writers deserve praise? FUCK. NO. Do they deserve to die? Depends; are they drinking in their fame like an alcoholic might do to fermented wine? If so, yes, they do need to die. Without further waiting, let's begin.
1. LIVING THE DREAM.
Description: The world has ended for humans, but people get a choice, heaven,hell, or a world of their choice. A young man chooses to go to the land of Equestria where he becomes a pony him self. (I have no idea how this is so popular!) Comments contain spoilers, read story first before looking through them.
Ok, back the fuck up. This fic. Is fucking. TERRIBLE.
'Oh, but I love this fic! It's so beautifully written and everyone should read it'!
If that's your reaction? Unfollow me right now, because I strongly dislike you. This fic is terrible in EVERY SINGLE WAY. Grammar? Doesn't exist. Spelling? Bleh. Cliches? Luna's abacus couldn't count them all. Let's delve deeper, shall we?
This fic starts off with this guy I think named Lance (don't correct me if I'm wrong, I could care less) sitting on top of a building with some friends. That's cool(not really, though.) Now, I think he decides to jump off the building.
If the fic ended right there, I would like it, because oh boy, it gets WORSE. He gets to talk to some higher being! Excuse me if I withhold my enthusiasm. After some discussion, he gets sent to Equestria as a pegasus; once again, my enthusiasm is withheld. Now, within the first few chapters, he not only befriends Twilight to the point of LOVING him(wish fulfillment), he makes Rainbow Dash seem like a sex-crazed nymphomaniac who would rather harm her friend than go without sex.
Yeah, this is MY face when this happens. Oh, did I mention RD makes a magic-prohibiting cupcake that's LETHAL to non-unicorns? Yeah, this is her way of subduing Twilight so she can FUCK the main character. Needless to say, it kills the main character. Now, the fic should've ended right here, and I'd be the happiest person in the world. But guess what?
He gets to talk to higher beings again, and gets revived. Yeah. Logic doesn't exist in this fic. Sadly, I have to admit, BEFORE I KNEW HOW TO WRITE, I followed this fic, which is why I know what happens. Then I learned this beautiful language, and I can see that this fic is shit.
Now, for the next who knows how many chapters, Lance discovers OTHER bronies that somehow end up in Equestria, one of which is a dog(that ends up BONING WINONA), and another I think is a dragon. Oh, do I mention that the main character bones Twilight and gets her pregnant? If not, well. He bones Twilight and gets her pregnant.
Now, I'm not going to comment on the main character's color scheme because I fall victim to the over-cliche OC color scheme. Dark grey/red OCs for the win.
So, let's see why this fic sucks:
1. It's a huge wish fulfillment fic.
2. Main character is instantly liked by everyone.
3. Grammar/spelling is atrocious.
4. Sentence structure is more awkward than me on a date, and that's pretty fucking awkward.
So, tell me. Why do people like this shit? Do they enjoy watching people write about how they wish they can bone little purple unicorns? Well... let's look at the next fic.
2. MY SECOND LIFE.
Description: None, never bothered to look this up.
This fic was previously the longest in the entire FANDOM, which I have to give Coal Buck props for. It takes guts to continue a shit fic for this long. Sadly I can't comment on this fic that much, since it has been DELETED.
Best pony thinks this is a good thing, because it is. From what I've gathered about this fic, it's the same thing as Living the Dream, except this time the main character is a HUMAN. Does that make this better? No, it makes it worse. MUCH worse. Thankfully, I never looked at it. But, if what I heard is correct, one chapter has the main character boning Applejack while smoking a bong. Or a pipe. Doesn't really matter which, he's getting high in the magical land of Equestria, 'cause apparently weed is canon, or he found a way to smuggle it in.
Hey, Pinkie. What do you think of this?
Uh, well then. I guess Pinkie doesn't like it either, AND SHE LIKES BASICALLY EVERYTHING.
Now, Coal Buck is a cool guy from what I've heard. Pretty chill and whatnot, he just can't write. Anyway, that's all I have to say about this fic.
Ready for a shit storm?
3. MY LITTLE DASHIE
Yes, I'm fucking going there. If you love this fic and crie errytiem u read it, pack your bags, and unfollow me. I fucking hate this fic, and I hate fanboys/fangirls/fancreepers.
Description: When your life is as dull a gray as the world that surrounds you, the mundanities can make it all seem meaningless. Sometimes all we need is a little color -- or six -- to reintroduce us to what truly makes life worth living.
This fic... words can't describe how much I loathe it. How many views does it have right now? 217 fucking thousand. Why?
Now, we've ALL heard of this fic. A depressed man finds a filly Dashie and takes her in. This makes his life so interesting for fifteen years, before the other ponies come and take her away. This fic is said to be a cornerstone of MLP literature. Let's take a look at it, shall we?
Now, let's get straight to the point. What exactly did the guy do for those fifteen years of his life? Did he go to a job where he earned an income? Did he ever once go to a bar and share a nice cold one with a couple of buddies? Did he ever go to the strip joint and toss a couple hundred bucks at a stripper to dance on a pole for him?
No. He didn't.
This guy, the main character, did fucking NOTHING with his life for fifteen fucking years besides watch this filly Dashie. Anyone else see anything wrong with this? What is the main character, a fucking millionaire? Did he have a gold reserve in the back of wherever the fuck he lived? No? So tell me, how did he manage to get food, pay rent, pay for other things he needed to do for the fifteen years?
'Oh, but it's just a fic, it doesn't need to follow logic!'
Thank you, Pinkie.
Now, back on task. The writing in this fic? I'll admit, it's better than Living the Dream. But it's still subpar. So why is it so popular? Wish fulfillment? Maybe it's the fact that people who read it wanted a filly Dashie themselves? Seriously, I want to know. Tell me why it's so popular.
Now, the next thing. How many fucking spin-offs can one fic create? Do you guys reading this KNOW how many there are?
Fucking. Countless.
And I LOATHE it.
'Oh, but why? Spin-offs are good and whatnot!'
Thank you once again, Pinkie.
These writers can't write. At all. We have a subpar fic with 217k views being the reason a plethora of other shitfics are uploaded to this site on a near daily basis. Do you know how much this pisses me off? To see better fics go completely unnoticed because people are too busy crying over a creeper who's secretly rich watching over a filly Dashie, and who gets a boner whenever Dashie calls him 'daddy?'
Now, the final point. WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A MOVIE BEING MADE OF THIS? One of my friends is actually helping on it, AND I DISOWNED HIM. THIS FIC DOES NOT NEED A MOVIE. IT DOES NOT DESERVE A MOVIE. IT DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE CALLED THE 'SADDEST FIC IN THE FANDOM,' IT DOES NOT DESERVE ANYTHING. AT. ALL.
Want a good sadfic?
Out Last Goodbye, by RagingSemi
This crushed me, made me feel powerless. It does have clop, but it's POWERFUL.
Another powerful fic. This especially hits you hard if you're in a long distance relationship.
Nightfall at Sweet Apple Acres, by midnightshadow
Once more, another powerful sadfic.
You know what these three have in common? They're all better written than My Little Dashie, and they deserve more fame.
Now, I could delve into more, but I already feel I'm going to lose a LOT of followers for this. But guess what?
And that concludes my rant.
TL;DR: if you read any of these:
Carmine, OUT.
You used the word abhor. Rarirty like.
Oh, and first.
Adding a disclaimer: I will say that I'm in no way a good writer, but these fics had it coming. Hate away, fellow bronies.
Then you'll love the riff on it. A bunch of people mocking the fic into pieces.... just awesome.
Wait, I read the fic, and I don't seem to remember any of that. He does bone Applejack and Rainbow (he get's into a polygamous relationship with them) but smocking? I don't really remember that. It's a piece of shit, none the less. A ton of shit went on in that fic, from transformations, to having a pony clone child, him being controlled by his inner seven deadly sins... it just got worse and weird.
That's seriously depressing. I thought this fandom was better than that. I mean, yeah, it was sad, but really?
I agree with this.
You agree Pinkamena?
gamesprays.com/files/resource_media/preview/pinkamena-5140_preview.png
...I...
I'm going to take that as a yes.
Also:
anabolicminds.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=51505&d=1327199456
187566 Holy, give me the link at once.
I like your rant.
187574 Here you go. In fact, this contains all of their riffs, just in case you're interested. Just click on these blue words.
I liked the nature of MLD in that is was about a pony coming into the human world being absolutely clueless and incapable of self-sustainment... but there were a plethora of unanswered and vague solutions to the provided problems. The ending was also pretty bad and generic. But I though it was alright. What about FoE? What do think of all of those Fanfics?
I read the entire thing, here was my reaction
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120427024009/vampirediaries/images/3/36/Happy_gif.gif
187593 I have never read FO:E, to be honest. I've heard mixed reviews about it, and I've heard that SOME spin-offs are really damn amazing. So I can't really criticize it.
I can understand why people don't like My Little Dashie. I too think it is very overrated. But just because something is overrated doesn't automatically make it bad. But again, I understand why people don't like it, so I'm not going to argue that.
However, to say that he did nothing for 15 years isn't accurate. Sure, the author didn't write absolutely everything that took place, but why should he? He simply wrote what he felt was important for the story. Does this make it good? No, that's up to the author and his writing abilities. But just because something wasn't explicitly stated doesn't mean it didn't happen. Of course, maybe it was mentioned that he sat around and did nothing, which would render all this meaningless.
187598 FoE is basically the script to Fallout 3 with name changes and OC ponies out the ass, and it's in a style that has nothing to do with the setting of MLP. It might as well feature the cast of Ed Edd n' Eddy or Dexter's Lab.
You know what?
I read this post. And now I have the strange urge to read those allegedly horrible fics so I can have a real opinion and not just your second hand rage.
What is WRONG with me?
I'll just walk away now and pretend I was never here.
187612
Try telling it to the Fanboys.
I've seen Anime fangirls with more sense.
187620
It's okay, we read them.
So you don't have to.
We suffered for you.
Sometimes I would just like the people to just only write nice comment on stories instead of saying that it's horrible. The way I see it it's like this, either you have something nice to say about the fanfic, or don't write anything at all.
That's all I'm saying.
187625
See, the issue there, is that if they only get good stuff said, it makes them (and others) think that it is good, and encourages them.
For example, all the MLD spin offs.
187625
Constructive criticism is key to writing.
187625 That's... that the worst advice you could give.
187632>>187633
I know, I know. But it still sucks.
what a coincidence! I also hate those 3 fics! just terrible, they is.
anyway, i don't normally read blogs unless they are pertinent to a story i am currently reading, and rage/vent blogs can be annoying, but i can't argue with you one this one.
peace outtie.
187649
The truth hurts.
187657>>187646
Sorry, I'm just speaking from my own personal expericance from my first fanfic since I didn't have any proofreaders at the time. I'm just saying what's on my mind.
187664
I've been there, it feels crappy.
But if you listen, you get better, which is why we need those comments.
187625
well sometimes people need to hear the truth if something is truly bad. of course, if it is mean for the sake of being mean then I agree with you, (i.e. "that was lame and you sux die in a fire lolz") and that is just uncalled for, but sometimes hard and seemingly "mean" constructive criticism is necessary for a burgeoning author.
187669>>187669
I understand that.
I know what your saying. You learn as you go and learn how to take critizism from people who don't like certain aspects about one fanfic.
hey man, i wont disagree that there are some bad fics. thats true. there will always be a variety of fics out there written by a variety of people, with and equal variety of writing talent. but come on dude, lay off. if people wrote a bad fic, tell them that yourself, but dont just bash them. tell them how to make it better. why just yell at people for bad writing if you arent even going to tell them how to make it better? and so what if people like it? other people are allowed to enjoy a story if theyd like. no need to fight over it.
i just think that youre being a little too harsh on these people. unless they themselves are legitimately bad people, then relax and dont attack em like that. there is a point to this whole love and TOLERATION thing you know.
(note, tone is hard to imply through this, but just know im not being angry or anything, just stating my opinion/making a point.)
187701
Oh please, Love and tolerance has been dead for a long time.
187715 see, i think that that mindset is foolish. one of the reasons i enjoy this fandom is because at some points, at least with some people, there is a form of hope that humanity isnt dead. that people can be good people. i understand that some people dont follow that motto, and some people find it gone and dead, but i follow and i still believe. theres no point in spreading hate, at least the way i see it. maybe im idealist, or maybe i just want to change things. take it how you will.
187772
I'm not saying that people can't be good people, I'm just saying that the idea of every brony "Loving and tolerating" is dead.
And for Luna's sake man, use Caps lock once in a while.
Oh you silly folks, love & tolerance doesn't mean staying quiet about something you dislike (with an apparent passion of one thousand suns). It ain't healthy to bottle up emotions y'know!
Whoever truly believes you can just blanket a huge group of people with one term is kidding themselves. 
There's more than a fine line between raging and ranting...usually having to do with real reasons to back the "harsh" claims.
I'd like to let you know that I've read the whole thing and come to the conclusion that:
It's been a while since I've read one of those three sadfics you mentioned
And so, I'd like to thank you for leading me to reread it, and reminding myself that the other two being on my 'read later' list is a terrible injustice
ps. Maybe it's just me, but I happen to like when people express opinions that might be...frowned upon? Could be why I like Device Heretic's blog posts so much. 'Course it's a huge plus when they express their reasoning
[Heh, with My Little Dashie (which I still have yet to read, and am still unsure of whether I want to read), I made the connection between the phrase looking 'through rose-tinted glasses" and Dash's rose coloured eyes...
]
187772 187776 187785 The term "love and tolerance" is the equivalent of "haters gonna hate" in pony form, and it was invented to be against "trolls" and "haters." It never had any meaning to begin with, and it has almost has nothing to do with the show.
By the way, if you thought those HiE stories were bad, you should (no, wait, you shouldn't) check out Angst Much. It has got to be the most cliched piece of shit wish-fulfillment multiple waifu garbage that's not clop that I've ever read (well, the clop scenes are separated from the fic, so a reader can skip those). It's all most retch inducing.
187561
Wait... "Yours Truly" is on FimFiction now?!? *Insert fangir..I mean, fanBOY scream here*
I seriously owe you one Carmine. /)^3^(\
Now I may be wrong about this, as it has been a while since I read MLD, but I'm pretty sure a job was mentioned somewhere near the beginning. Just sayin'
187825 Mentioned in the beginning, never brought up again. Guy would've been fired year 1, never stated that he got another job.
187785 187776 i never said to keep quiet. rather that if he wanted to tell these people that they wrote bad fics he could at least offer them some constructive criticism instead of just up and saying this is bad. true, he did at least say WHY is was bad, but that not entirely the same. equally, i'm not trying to blanket statement this group/fandom. just that this fandom, or rather a portion-able quanityt of it, in particular had expressed an interest in bettering themselves and i appreciated that. i just dont find up and throwing it out the window to be the right thing to do.
i too enjoy when people express their opinions. by no means would i ever tell some one NOT to say how and why they feel the way they do. sometimes i just think its possible to direct those feelings in a different way, as stated before. i especially enjoy them when people actually do give their reasons, which Carmine did indeed do. i mean really, what do you think we're doing right now? a nice, healthy chat/debate, however you'd like to look at it. it's nice.
p.s. i enjoy the shift key more than caps lock, i just don't exactly find it necessary when writing these comments.
187830 Just because it isn't mentioned doesn't mean it didn't happen. jobs tend to be one of those daily routine things that don't need to be, and in all honesty shouldn't be mentioned, that is just assumed.
187835 Then he really does have the most mundane life, doesn't he? Which makes it even worse.
187837 Yeah, I guess he does have a mundane life, but again, it mentions that he lives in a dying city. Those tend to be mundane.
187848 Then he should've hosted a parade or something.
187851 With what? I doubt there would be extra floats lying around. Nor enough people to really make it a parade anyway.
I did the same thing with all of those fics, I liked MLD but i didn't go all fanboyish over it, My Second Life I like it at first but then it got repetitive, same with Living the Dream and the fact that Ponies with powers and are extremely 'OP', but yeh I can sorta see where you're coming from with this, I mean yeh there are some pretty bad fics but it's our job to help them and provide Constructive Criticism, although I'm one of those people that can't stand to see bad fics not cause they're bad, but because of the fact that people put a lot of work in to their fic, I have a few fics 2 of them are pretty shitty I must say, and the other one is well I don't really know, ....I'm at the point where i don't really know what i'm trying to say at the moment (been up since yesterday :S ) well anyway I guess i'm to nice of a guy, and I just can't stand to see fics fail..... it saddens me I suppose, I loved your rant (I always love to see other people's opinions :3) It had plenty of valid points and all that jazz and I guess i'll go chill somewhere now, maybe go to sleep, Keep on keeping on man
.
187856 Then become a vigilante. That solves everything.
187859 I guess, but I don't really see the point. But we're getting into the coulda-shoulda-woulda now. What's written is written, and opinions have already been formed. I liked it, you didn't. To each their own.
I agree with everything except My Second Life being not-a-good-story dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
>and who gets a boner whenever Dashie calls him 'daddy?'
No, that's Mic The Microphone dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
[youtube=YufqhgfX_XQ]
FUCK YOU CARMINE I'M UNFOLLOWING YOU FOREVER GODDAMNIT BITCH ASS NIGGER DICK FFFFFUUUUUUU.
You just HAD to do it. You had to link to Yours Truly.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I NEED TO CRY SOME MORE.
And you say the best pony agrees but I only saw Pi-*shot*
And lastly(I fucking swear to god it's really the last), a few months ago, I would've said "FUCKING GLADLY I'M LEAVING. AND PINKIE YOU'RE ONLY BARELY IN THE TOP 3 SO WATCH YOUR FUCKING BACK," but now, every time I think about it, it's really just a typical 'kid leaves home' ending.
...So why the fuck did I cri evry tiem :(!??!
The only one of those in your rant list that I've read was My Little Dashie. I admit, I had not really thought about the things that lacked at the time, but I do have to agree that this information would have made for a more fleshed-out read. I'm assuming that he was going for a 'summarized life' deal there. Assuming.
And yes, it has too many spin-offs to it. And to the sequels, there were too many of those made as well. I did enjoy it, however.
To the others, as I've said, I've not read them.
So what's your opinion on all the Cupcakes spin-offs? Personally, I'm sick of seeing them.
187598
I've read FO:E. I'm a huge fan of Fallout and the fanfic just blows the game out of the water. Truly amazing, I saw one comment on how it's just Fallout 3 with OC ponies. But he leads me to believe he never got past the first chapter. It is a FAR different tale. Trust me, I know.
The fanfics of the fanfic however, are hit and miss, some are just as amazing if not more so than the original (Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons) While others are good, but mostly for those who are still dying for more Fallout ponies after nearly 2 million words. (FO:E and FO:E PH add together to nearly 2 million words.)
I recommend the original and Project Horizons, the rest, well that's up to you really.
Let me love you.
ellensama.com/imgs/plog-content/images/gifs/doctor-who/tumblr_lk6ddhuurs1qe13a1.gif
I was fucking shocked when I saw how many likes "Living the Dream" has compared to how abhorrently shitty it is. It's absolutely wretched, not because of the horrid writing (well, that's part of it) but because of the sickening objectification and sexism that the mane 6 are subjected to. They turn not into characters but vapid brainless bimbos, especially Rainbow Dash. And the author is ENCOURAGED to write such things! It honestly makes me ill just to look at it these days, especially the comments.
You have different tastes,
Everypony gets that
Be a fucking douchbag about it
Now you clearly have a fucking problem
I don't like MLD I personally think it's overrated, but I don't go around and talk shit about just to make others mad ('
');
MY. LITTLE. FUCKING. DASHIE! I freaking hate that piece of dragon drop shit. There's plotholes galore, a cliche topic, and it's not even fucking sad. I could rant about that fucking story all day, but I've got better things to do. As for the others, never heard of them.