The Customer Service department completely misses the point · 6:24pm Oct 30th, 2014
A few months ago, my previous Internet provider announced shutdown. I'd kept my Email address with them for some time and needed to switch a large number of things over to a new home, with some of them business-related, others social, and more than a few corporate. One particular company whom I regularly received mailings from was unable to handle the change -- or rather, was unwilling to let me do so myself. In order to change my address, I had to contact Customer Service, personally ask for the switch, confirm personal information, wait five to seven business days and then -- do it all again, because the only thing I received at the end of those business days was an echoing silence.
I first began the attempt to change that address... let's call it 'a while ago', because it sounds a lot less sanity-breaking than the actual number. And in that period, I have called, written, and generally tried to get through to someone who could do something eight times. I have a file with an order of notes which i must recite to each new person contacted, since the corporate system ensures I never get the same contact twice. I have my performance down to an art and always find an audience which can lie about being appreciative until they hang up, at which point they will also do nothing to solve the problem.
But over the last few days, someone has been presenting the illusion of working on the issue. I've been promised that they're just taking time and extra-special care to make sure things get fixed once and for all. Which would be nice if i still believed any part of it -- but this time? They sent me the letter! That's right: I heard back from them! Want to see what they said?
"We apologize for any confusion or delay which may have resulted from your inquiry. At this time, we require you to officially confirm that you would like the email address linked to your account to be changed from defunctaddress@oob.com to defunctaddress@oob.com."
...so.
Yeah.
How's that Turing Test working out for you?
Its simple, they don't want you to leave, and now that you dare, DARE turn against them, they will do everything in their power to make you suffer until the day you show up to their front door with a hatchet and your legal information.
What is this "Customer Service" you speak of?
You could try asking them if they are trying to send a verification email to the old address, which might explain why you are not hearing anything.
They're a pack of schleps, regardless. This is something that is so simple to get right that most websites have automated scripts for it. Shame on them for making it an involved, error-prone process.
I blame irrational performance metrics for this sort of tomfoolery from call centers. The focus is too often on reduced talk time, and not nearly enough on quality of service.
2564444 They'll be riding a pale horse, too.
I love your blog posts. You make the most mundane things so exciting. I try not to get any schadenfreude from your trials, I swear.
2564444
The hatchet was not the last option.
*sigh* I did briefly think about a very short story where Twilight tried to change a magazine subscription address after moving to Ponyville and simply couldn't get it done, told entirely in letters sent back to her from the publishing company. We could wind up starting from 'We do not accept scrolls which appear in a flash of green flame. Send something with a stamp', moving through 'Subscription rerouted from Ancient History department to Periodicals' before getting to what I just received and wrapping up with 'You are clearly attempting to steal the rightful subscription of the Princess and your criminal activity has been reported to the Guards.'
Right now, I'm a little too close to the situation for comedy.
2564453
We already went through that during Round Three. However, I won't be surprised if they revert.
2564451
"I'm not having fun. I've had fun. This isn't it!"
(Y'know, a little pronoun subtraction and that would be a beautiful bit of Lunaspeak.)
2564461
To their credit, they have often spent as much as eighty minutes on the line with me at a stretch before failing to do anything.
Of course, that includes the sixty-two spent on hold.
The Turing test is working just peaches, good day. I enjoy breathing and beer science, how about you?
2564631
The big problem with the Turing test, I think, is that real life humans sometimes seem like very dim computers. It wouldn't actually be that hard to convince me a computer was a real person, if the computer were just dismissive and sarcastic to cover its own inadequacy.
Has customer service ever been satisfying and helpful?
Now that I think of it, the only customer service i've had a good time at is with the folks at LEGO. Real friendly, quick to help.
"Hello, LEGO customer service."
"I'd like to change my email address at so-and-so corporate such-and-such."
"I'm... sorry... but you'll need to call them if you want them to change your address."
"But you guys actually have a chance of getting it done!"
Not too hot. Siri turned down my marriage proposal. Again. Apple products haven't learned to love like Microsoft has.
...
My Xbox won't return my calls.
Are you sure you need to do business with that company?
Most call-center personnel are like this:
images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/7900000/Brain-star-trek-women-7973408-500-333.jpg
judith2you.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/mr-gumby.jpg
And those of us who have to deal with them often feel like this afterwards:
readeroffictions.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/gif-spock-smash-star-trek.gif
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/60953/953/77/scootaloo_pianoheadsmashlarge.gif
2564679
And in fact, I recall a version of the Turing test being passed by a chatbot pretending to be a confused Russian kid; any errors in syntax could be chalked up to not knowing English very well, and any conceptual errors were rationalized as coming from the mind of a child.
2564461 Having worked in a call center, I can confirm this. No matter how much positive feedback you get, all that matters is that you cover the script, have low call times, and closed as many cases as possible. Even if the case is not actually resolved and your personal performance in solving it is highly questionable.
are you sure you should be putting your email out on the internet estee?
2564967
Yeah, I saw that story :)
I'm sure Alan Turing was a great guy, but I think it's time we retire the concept of the Turing Test as being obviously too subjective to mean anything at all. Plus, I'm pretty sure that when the computers openly take over customer service results will improve for everyone and that trying to keep humans in the loop will only slow things down :P