The Cynical Brony: Episode 3: "Party of One Review" · 12:28am Oct 14th, 2014

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and before I get started with the review, I have a story to tell. One day, a new, some-what talented comedian tried to make a review of an episode of a show that he really liked. He couldn't, however, because the whole God damn universe refused to let it happen! First, it had his German Shepard start barking and that sent his mouse flying, accidently clicking the close tab button on FiM Fiction. The next time he tried, his computer, whenever he tried to get a new tab to open so that he could put a joke in, would replace FiM Fiction with the site he was trying to go to in the new tab. The third time, his computer crashed half way through the review. In a fit of rage, he quit trying to write it until several hours and bottles of alcohol later. That reviewer was me.
So, the episode starts off with Twilight reading a book, because that's all she's good for. Pinkie starts knocking at the door, and does a little song and jig to get all her friends to go to Gummy's birthday party. I know this because it burned itself into my skull when I tried to make the review so many times. Queue the God damn theme song!
After the theme song, we see Pinkie and the gang partying in Pinkie's room. Let's start with Rainbow Dash and Applejack, who are bobbing for apples.
"There are tons of other surprises in there!" Like Gilda's corpse! When they look for the surprises, Applejack gets spring-based waterboarding device and Dash gets Gummy's teeth in her eyes. She's horrified, as she should be, but Applejack's laughing. "Ha! My friend's face is getting bit off by my other friend's pet alligator! Ain't is hysterical?" Next is Rarity, who's drinking some punch. Hey, Rares. The secret ingredient is something alive. Then we see Gummy's bathing in the punch bowl. Ha, you all thought I was going to make a Cupcakes joke, didn't you? Lastly is Fluttershy and Twilight, who are on the dance floor. Pinkie joins them, and I like to think they're jamming out to this:

Huh, apparently dancing with Pinkie is a death sentence. Look what she did to Flutters and Twily! Also, Gummy is best dancer. Ever. They party long into Luna's night, and none of them are sober by the time they leave.
"Great party! We should do this again soon." Twilight, you've just awoken a demon. The very next day, Pinkie comes to Twilight's house to invite her to another party. Twilight declines because she's working on a very special project.

She goes to Applejack next. Since this immediately after asking Twilight, no, I don't know how she got from one side of town to the other in just 1 minute.

Sure, why not. After hitching a ride with Doctor Whooves, Pinkie shows up at the farm. She invites Applejack, but she also declines.
"Ah have to, uh, pick apples! Yep, that's all Ah do!"
Two things.
1. Hey, she said it, not me.
2. You are a terrible liar, Applejack. Remind me to never let you be a spy.
Then Rarity goes into the crosshairs. We see her ordering Spike to take out the trash when Pinks shows up.
"I have to wash my hair."
Rarity, if it wouldn't work on Sweetie Belle, it won't work on Pinkie Pie. After she points that out, Rarity starts eating out of the garbage. If this happened during Ponyville Confidential, it would have been such a meanly juicy story. When Rarity's gone, she decides surely Rainbow and 'Shy will have a different response. They do not. Apparently not only can Pinkie Pie believe Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash would be house sitting for a bear, but also think it's the most likely excuse. Also, this seen reveals that Dash is both a good drawer and doesn't wear a watch. Scene's very funny, so go and watch it. I can wait.
We cut to Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie is being the Equestrian equivalent of a Facebook Conspiracy Theorist.
"Something strange is defiantly going on here, Gummy."
Gee, like your crazed ramblings towards a mindless reptile? We see Twilight creep into SCC, and Pinkie decides to ease drop on Twilight via a couple tin cans and a string. I know what you're all thinking, so here:

How does Twilight not see the can? She needs glasses, I tell you. Ha! She saw it when it punched her in the face! >:) We cut to Twilight sneaking around Ponyville, and for these scenes, I recommend Phineas and Ferb's "Agent P" theme. Quite fitting when you use the instrumental version. Pinkie is stalking Twilight, and based on how Twi's acting, she knows or at least suspects it. Twilight arrives at Rarity's boutique, and they speak cryptically for a bit. Then we see Pinkie's new disguise. You all knew this joke was coming since the day I announced this review.

Rarity starts walking into town and meets up with Fluttershy. They say some things, Pinkie gets sad, and Rarity drops of "the package". Fluttershy takes it and walks in the opposite direction of wherever Rarity was heading, and Pinkie's upgraded her disguise to feature a baseball sap and trench coat. After scaring Fluttershy, Pinkie mopes about no one attending her party until Dash walks by.
"Hey Pinkie Pie."
Then Dash realizes she just bumped into Pinkie Pie.
"Oh no,"
Then she flies away awkwardly. Just when Dash thinks she's safe,

happens again, and Pinkie is suddenly in front of her. Dash tries to fly away again, but you-know-what happens once more, and Pinkie appears in the bell. This time Dash goes to the top of a mountain, BUT Pinkie's already there and she is pissed. Just look at her facial expressions here. Also, I just noticed that this scene is very reminiscent of the chase scene form Griffon the Brush Off. Cute little touch, guys.
Pinkie chases Dash to Sweet Apple Acers, and AJ barely closes the doors in time. That basically sums up my playthrough of Five Nights at Freddy's too. *laughs* Oh my God, Pinkie, are you trying to break the door down with your face? :D
"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!"
"I'M GOING TO BAKE YOU INTO A GOD DAMN CUPCAKE, DASH!" Applejack opens the door to the would-be cannibal.
"Oh, uh, howdy partner!"
Jackie, close the door. She will eat your throat out if you don't.
"Mind if I take a look into the barn?"
Applejack, close the door. She quite clearly wants to kill you right now, so don't give her the chance.
"You can't come in here."
Well, that's the first half, now close the door!
"Dash was just bringin' some supplies!"
-_- What did I just say, Applejack? I told you to close. The. Door. Enjoy the murderous wrath of Pinkie Pie. *squish* 0_0 What was that?! Oh my God, Applejack slammed the door on Pinkie's neck! And they actually added a sickening squish sound effect! :D It's everything grim-dark should be!
After that, Pinkie's very suspicious, but doesn't push any farther. Sorry Applejack, but I don't think you'll be getting the "Silent Assassin" ranking for this one. We cut to Ponyville, where Pinkie's finally snapped.
"Secrets and lies. It's all secrets and lies with those ponies!"
Then she kidnaps Spike and holds him hostage. D: Excuse me while I pick my jaw back up from the floor.
"Tell me that my friends are all lying to me and avoiding me because they don't like my parties and don't want to be my friend anymore!"
And Spike complies. He never gets his bite in the ass from karma for this either. No, he just stuffs his face with gems while Pinkie sobs right in front of him. Who's up for dragon-flavored cupcakes?

Now we get to the interesting part of the episode. You all know what's coming next, so I'm not going to stall. She then has a party with a pile of rocks, a bucket of turnips, a bunch of lint, and a sack of flower. And talks to them like they're alive. And makes names and voices for them. Then Dash shows up.

I simply have to many. Yep, Dash sees the ENTIRE thing. After trying to convince Pinkie to leave, she crushes Dash's head under her hooves.

Nah, I'm just screwing with you. After dragging Pinkie all the way from Sugarcube Corner's top floor, through town, and to Sweet Apple Acers by her tail, Dash reaches the barn.
"Surprise!"
This just seems to make Pinkie madder.
"I really thought she'd be more excited..."
Pinkie then killed them all. No, instead she chews them out about avoiding her all day. Then she realizes it's actually her birthday party, and becomes happy again.
"Oh, how could I forget my own birthday?"
No clue, why don't you tell me? Yeah, I don't buy it. A party pony like Pinkie, who remembers everyone's name and birthday, would never realistically forget her own birthday. After that, they

and enjoy the day. Final thoughts: I really like this episode. Comedy's great, Pinkie's logic and conclusions are believable, and the only real problem with the episode is Pinkie forgetting her birthday. I don't buy it. I say "real" problem, because there's one that doesn't really count: the Cupcakes vibes I get from this episode. It's by no means intended, but it gets uncomfortably similar at points. Oh, and don't worry, I'll get to Sargent Sprinkle's magnum opus soon.

Credits:
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is owned by Lauren Faust and Hasbro Inc.
Doctor Who is owned by the BBC.
"Party of One" written by Megan McCarthy
"Cupcakes" written by Sargent Sprinkles.
"Fallout: Equestria" written by Kkat.
"Discord" by Erobeat Brony, cover by Stablefree.
"It's my Party (And I'll Cry if I want to)" by Lesley Gore.
"True, True Friend" by Daniel Ingram.

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