Saturday Night Featured #4: Birthday Wishes Ungranted · 4:05am Sep 21st, 2014
Oh god. Another one. Another one of these… and on my birthday, too! But I have a responsibility, no, a duty (heh, duty) to complete these reviews for you, my loving fans (who enjoy my suffering for some sick reason most likely). But hey, at least I’m not doing this alone! That’s right, I got some other poor sucker to join me in this crusade of the awful! You may know this fine gentleman by many names, such as alexmagnet, but his more professional title is Trixie fanboy extraordinaire! Now, time to get deep into this wonderful box we have in store for us today!
WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE AND MILD DRUNKEN SHENANIGANS SHALL BE AT HAND!
The tears shall fall plentifully tonight
Bob: So, alex, what do you think about tonight’s fine selection of stories? You think we got any winners?
alex: No.
Bob: Come on, you can be more optimistic than that, can’t you?
alex: It’s like you don’t even know me.
Bob: Fiiiiiiiiiine. We’ll play it your way. I was trying to be cheerful so that the soul-crushing realization of how awful this job is can only break me a little, but for you it seems there’s nothing left. Just dust, scattered to the wind. Everything pulverized until there’s nothing left. What a sad fate to have, alex, so sad indeed. And yes, before you ask, I have been drinking. Heavily.
alex: I wouldn’t expect any less. It is your birthday, after all. Don’t worry. You aren’t alone. I, too, am drinking… heavily.
Bob: Then we are one in the same. So, to not keep the crowd waiting any longer, let’s kick things off with #7!
Sweet night~ by Froboy69
Having a bit of a sweet tooth, Spike can't resist the one chance to get delights at Sugarcube Corner for FREE for a month when appoarched by the owner of Sugarcube Corner.
Bob: Oh Jesus Motherfucking Christ, the author spelled approached wrong. Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?!
alex: Spelling is hard. Just like Spike’s boner.
Bob: Oh wait, we’re not even DONE with the description yet.
(Mini follow up sequel from 'A different Type of Greed...' universe series)
Bob: FUUUUUUUUUCK me it’s a verse. A bad verse. A horrible verse. A verse that uses a risky as fuck Mrs. Cake anthro butt cover art. A verse that doesn’t even capitalize the ‘different’ in the title. What a delight… Also, does ANYONE out there know there’s a sequel function on fimfic? It ain’t that fucking hard to find, people.
alex: I was not aware this was a thing, and I can’t help but feel I was a better person for it. So, thanks, Bob, you asshole. Anyway, I haven’t actually read this story yet, so lemme just open it up real quick and—
Personally, Spike liked to call it 'footy', and was actually getting more and more into the sport. Especially since his growth spurt into adulthood, he's tall enough to handle himself in a competitive environment.
alex: —FUCKING DAMMIT. We’re one paragraph in and it’s already driving me to suicide by alcohol overdose. There’s a friggin’ tense shift in the first 100 words. LOOKS LIKE WE’RE IN FOR A GOOD TIME.
Only Oprah can save us now
Bob: Ugh. Uggggggggh. Jesus fuck, another one of these fics. And on my birthday too. Nothing makes sense, the growth-spurt I have no fucking clue on. I mean, why, why include that is this fic of all things? It just doesn’t make any—
NOTE: Read the aboved linked story to acknowledge Spike's growth spurt into adulthood as he is not 'under aged' by the site's guidelines.
Bob: MOTHERFUCKER! If you didn’t already know, that was in the description. And if you also didn’t already know, the author thinks “aboved” is a word. Just… fucking damn. Your thoughts, alex?
alex: I can’t even begin to criticize this story’s description, so I won’t bother. Instead, I just want to talk for a second about how this story seems to want to trick you into thinking it’s about soccer. I mean, the first like 1k is just Spike and Thunderlane gushing about how much they love “Ziverpool”. I wish I was making that name up.
Bob: Oh god, the awful OC names already. I mean, it’s not like it can get any worse. And by that, I mean it does. Oh boy, it does. Apparently the author can decide whether the story wants to be in past or present tense, the spelling mistakes would make autocorrect cry itself into misery, and just… fuck, any editor out there would rather fuck themselves with a rake while strangling themselves with a hose than go over this fic. It’s just THAT bad.
alex: It’s like the Powerglove… It’s so bad. But maybe we’re being too hard on this fic. Maybe there’s some redeeming qualities in here. For example, the author is inexplicably specific about the time Spike leaves the library:
“I am going out Twilight!” Spike called out, as it was 10:00 PM and around the closing time of Sugarcube Corner.
alex: So, y’know, that’s good, I guess.
Bob: I gotta give the author credit for including the dark tag. Cause, like, bad shit goes down in the story. Like rape… fetish. Also, adultery is all up in this shit. If this fic was any more out of character, it’d just be erotica without the pony. Which is still pretty shitty erotica.
alex: Whoa! Spoiler alert, Bob! I haven’t got that far into the fic yet. Are you telling me that Spike… rapes Mrs. Cake?
Bob: It’s more along the lines of rape fetish, which in itself was pretty shoddily pulled off to begin with. Beautiful job, author, you really learned how to create an emotionally dramatic clopfic that truly… Pffft. I just can’t do it, man. It’s awful. It needs an editor. It needs a goddamn [ hr ] or line SOMEWHERE in there, because then it suddenly jumps into a scene where Mr. Cake is fucking Pinkie. Because yeah, fuck marriage.
alex: Hang on, what? I’m not even 2k words into this fic, and you’re telling me that it also includes double infidelity? Bob, I don’t understand. Why? What kind of a god would allow this to be written? WHAT HAS FIMFIC DONE?
Bob: Don’t worry, alex, there’s still hope. For example, there’s no foalcon in here, as shown in the ending.
“You sure do!” Mr. Cake confirmed, as he gave her a pat on the head. Sure she was used to pleasure her landlord, but it's all right since she's legal~
“YAY!”
Bob: There we go. At least the sanctity of legal adults fucking is still here. Isn’t that a relief?
alex:
Bob: Don’t worry alex. We only have six more to go. You think you can last that long, buddy?
alex: ...I guess. It’s not like they’re all anthro clop, right?
Bob: Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure. Now, before you jump ship, here’s #6!
Foreign Complications by RainbowBob
Twilight has come to discover that royal politics are complicated, but foreign policy is the worst. When the minotaur king decides to pay a visit, Celestia invites Twilight to be part of her first meeting with a foreign leader. This is her first big chance to impress on an international level... but the king isn't here to celebrate the Magic of Friendship, and he has more than a few choice words for the rookie princess. Twilight might just want to go back to world-saving after this.
Bob: Ugh, fuck me, another RainbowBob fic in the featured box? Man, what a dick.
alex: Bob… are we actually doing this? Are we actually going to review your own fic? Are we going to be those guys?
Bob: You’re right, alex. I can’t review the fic. Luckily, my evil twin, Bob, can! We’re different because the letters in our name are reversed. Oh, and he has a mustache. And here he is!
Man, what a devilishly handsome rogue.
Bob: Hey, alex, it’s me, the other Bob! Not to meetcha!
alex: Bob, I can tell that’s just you. See? The mustache comes right off. You just stuck it on with peanut butter and laffy taffy.
Bob: Listen you little bitch, I swear to god I’ll fucking gut you like the piece of shit you are. You fucking understand me? I will find you, and then I’ll destroy everything you cherish. This isn’t Bob, this is his fucking evil twin brother, and you better FUCKING understand that!
Haha, alex, you’re sooooo funny! Bob always mentions what a nice guy you are. Now, you ready to review this fic or what?
alex: tl;dr 0/10 — It was shit.
Bob: Come now, alex, you’re Bob’s friend. At least try to review this fic. I mean, at least it was nicely edited. Bob always makes sure to fix any mistakes in his stories before publishing.
alex: But then I have to actually read it. You know how I am about actually reading things. All right, okay, just put that knife away, Bob. I’ll review your fic about fucking politics or whatever.
Bob: Sweet! Anyway, going into the fic, the author makes a strong case for the OC minotaur King, though it comes off as a bit whiny overall in my opinion. While he does have valid reasoning and even some compelling arguments, many fall flat or could be brushed over when taken into a wider scope. For a oneshot it comes off well enough by wrapping things up with an ambiguous ending, but leaves much to be left explained. Also, Celestia could have been more composed than she already was in the story, although some other complaints are mostly based on headcanon. Which, y’know, you can’t really complain about… since it’s headcanon and shit.
alex: I agree with everything you said. All right, next fic!
Bob: Goddamnit, alex, just leave some parting words or something. Jesus Christ, you can do better than that.
My knife knows you can do better than that.
alex: Uhh ,well, let’s see here. Usually I notice a lot of weird phrasing in your stories, but that was less prevalent here, and the description of the king was pretty cool. Oh, and Twilight was fairly well characterized. So, yeah… it wasn’t the worst pile of shit ever. Right, and there’s politics, and I like politics, so that tickled my fancy… and my boner.
Pictured: Me, after having my fancy tickled by Bob.
Bob: That’s all I—I mean, Bob, ever wanted. Now, time for my good twin Bob to shine and move onto #5!
After Hours by Rinnaul
Scootaloo has earned her cutie mark, and even discovered the cause of her flight difficulties. However, overcoming those difficulties will require a lot of hard work and training on her part. Fortunately for her, Rainbow Dash and several of her friends decided to start a flight camp of their own, and when Dash and Thunderlane are touring with the Wonderbolts and the camp is closed, she gives Scootaloo permission to use the facilities for her own training.
This time, Scootaloo has brought Rumble along for help. It's not like anypony is going to catch him going into the mares' lockers with her or anything.
Silly Scootaloo. That's not what Rumble is anxious about at all.
alex: No! No! Dammit, Bob, no! It’s a fic about Scootaloo and Rumble… engaging in fancy tickling on school grounds. I dared to hope, Bob… I dared to hope that we wouldn’t come across any out and out foalcon, but here we are anyway. Excuse me while I go find my rope and a tutorial on knot tying.
Bob: Wait, alex, there’s still hope! It appears that instead of foalcon, it’s just stupid teenager sex. Which is… well, still pretty baby, but at least it’s legal in some states, if not most in the South.
alex: Bob, you’re lying to yourself if you think this isn’t foalcon with the word “teenager” thrown in to make it seem less creepy. You can call Scootaloo whatever you want, but she’s still a kid. If you’re wondering why I’m singling out Scootaloo over Rumble, it’s because I hate Rumble. Fuck him. I hate his stupid face.
Bob: Is it because he stole the best Crusader from you?
alex: Are you implying that I’m Humbert Humbert in this scenario?
Bob: I’m implying that Rumble is your personal Flash Sentry.
alex: And there it goes… looks like that reference went sailing over your head. Ah well, I guess it should be expected of a FUCKING PHILISTINE LIKE YOU. Anyway, this fic is dumb, and you know who you are if you want to read it, otherwise I can’t imagine why you’d bother.
Bob: It’s not that easy, alex. We still gotta go deeper. So, lemme open up some champagne, get those glasses out, and then drink all of it while I laugh at your misery.
Every time I read a fic with alex, this is what plays out.
alex: [insert low-hanging fruit joke about “going deeper into Scootaloo” here]
Bob: Oh, you bet. Well… not really. Because the fic is just… well, not bad, but not good either. The set up is interesting enough and decently built up, but holy fuck does the author skim over details just to get to the clop. A good portion of the fic is summarized on the go just to skip to the sexybits. Now, that just makes me think it’d be good, right? Well… kinda right and kinda wrong on those points. It was hella fast. I’ve seen obese whales fuck longer than this. As for the clop itself, it was just meh. It definitely needed better expanding upon, and the climax itself is just two sentences saying the characters came. I mean, it’s not so bad that it left me with disinterest, but it definitely left me wanting something more than just that. This story could have benefited with more details and more words, because as it is it just doesn’t cut it.
alex: Maybe this fic and the first one shoulda teamed up, since the first one had way too much description. I mean, to be fair, it was really superfluous description… so maybe not. Anyway, all I can say is this fic didn’t give me a boner, so take that how you will.
Bob: Wait, I figured out why the lack in details.
(Oneshotober 2014—Contains awkward first times with teenage characters.)
Bob: The poor bastard is attempting this. I mean, for a oneshotober fic it’s alright, but I fear for the author’s sanity if he decides to write 30 more of these stories.
alex: Just think about it, Bob. 30 days of Scootaloo fucking Rumble. Oh god, I just got the worst/best idea for a Nightmare Moon clopfic. Make it a parody of Oneshotober and call it “30 Days of Night”, and just have it be NMM invading a different pony’s house everyday for a month. You’d get all the upvotes.
Bob: Do I have her consume and rip apart the flesh of every pony like in the original “30 Days of Night”?
alex: If you want to appeal to the vore fetishists.
Bob: ALL THE UPVOTES! Now, before alex puts any more perverted thoughts in my head (he’s a sick, fetish-fueled freak), let’s get to #4!
The Enchanted Library by Monochromatic
Everypony enjoys myths and ponytales, even if they know such things aren't real. Princesses fighting against a spirit of chaos? A princess trapped in a library under a tree, waiting to be found? Quite enchanting and fantastic tales yes, but nonetheless as fictional as Daring Do and other such stories, right? Well, Rarity used to think that, too.
She doesn't anymore.
Bob: Wait… can it be? A decent looking AU story that isn’t awful? alex, am I dreaming, or is this real?
alex: It’s just fantasy. There’s no way this can actually be good. Years of feature box abuse have taught me that.
Bob: But alex! There’s still hope! Hope… for the future!
What alex thinks of hope.
alex: I don’t believe in hope. It costs too much.
Bob: Really, alex, we’re doing the Jew jokes now? Wait, no I was jumping to conclusions again.
...Unless we actually are doing Jew jokes. Are we? Please tell me it’s so.
alex: It was another reference that went over your head. Good work, Bob. I always know I can count on you to not catch a reference.
Bob: References can’t go over my head. I am much too fast. I’d catch them.
alex:
Bob: Great! Now, to the story! Did you actually read it this time?
alex: Read that question again and answer it for me. You should know me well enough.
Bob: Well, looks like it’s my time to shine once again. It had a nice fairy tale atmosphere, and other than some awkward sentences that popped up here and there, it was a nice enough piece. Although for myself I felt like it could have been longer. The pacing was stilted, and left the story very open ended. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, the lack of conclusion draws away from the fairy tale aspect, leaving me wanting a bit more umph so that I could properly enjoy the story. Other than that, it was nice enough and an overall good time, which in itself is a rarity (heh, pony joke) for the featured bob. Any thoughts, alex?
alex: And here I thought you knew me, Bob. Of course I read this fic. Like you said, it has a nice fairy tale vibe running through the whole thing, and I kinda liked it, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for about 90% of the featured box fics I bother to read. I thought the writing was pretty solid too, as were the characters. I actually want to see more, for once, so take that in whatever way you want.
Bob: High praise from alex, authorperson! That’s good enough for us! And while we’re still rolling on good vibes, time for #3!
Diplomacy for the Strong by Wages of Sin
Mis-communication has started many a war, but in this case maybe calling it a war was too generous.
The "war" is over, Twilight has successfully orchestrated a bloodless end to the Griffons' aggression, but only now does she realize that there is more to winning than she had first assumed, especially against a nation that holds war as a central part of their culture…
Now Twilight must deal with the aftermath while facing a challenge she never anticipated: being seen as a conqueror.
Bob: Oh, for fuck’s sake, not another of these fics… which all follow the same premise, actually. Equestria easily nukes or beats every other country with no problems whatsoever. Because them being easily defeated by Nightmare Moon/Discord/Chrysalis/Tirek shows that they are always able to beat everyone without even breaking a sweat. I mean, really, it’s just another “FUCK YEAH PONIES” fic, which is similar to “FUCK YEAH HUMANS” fics, except… well, the ponies and humans are switched. Any thoughts so far, alex?
alex: Is this an actual genre?
Bob: Is having a headcanon masturbation and then covering the jizz all over a fic that’s not even 2k long and finally slapping it on fimfic considered a genre?
alex: I’m asking you. I actually have no idea. I don’t read ponyfics.
Bob: Goddamnit, alex, the question was rhetorical. And the answer is no, it isn’t. Actually, now that I think about it, this looks oddly familiar…
This can be read alone, but I recommend reading the letter that started it all for a chuckle and a little exposition.
Bob: Son of a bitch, it is! It’s a sequel (I think?) of that one super boring fic from long ago that blew up into popularity because of the “FUCK YEAH PONIES” trope. Which, for some odd reason, has been popping up more and more in the box as of late...
alex: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Bob: Oh right, you don’t read ponyfics. Or look at the featured box. OR DO ANYTHING! YOU HEATHEN!
alex: I mean… yeah. That’s me. I only look at the featured box if I’m in it, because I’m arrogant and shallow.
Pictured here is alex being arrogant and shallow, like he said.
Bob: Anyway, onto the fic… which is only the fucking prologue. Ugggggggggggggggh—GOD! I really hate prologues. Most of the time they aren’t even spelled right. Which, thank god, isn’t the case here. As for the fic… well, there wasn’t even much in there, and anything I read was just a bore. Twilight defeats the gryphons without one casualty, blah blah blah, filler stuff here, and even more filler. The entire chapter was just one overdrawn snorefest of info-dumping. Which, once again, is why I hate prologues. There’s almost no story here other than a bunch of headcanon being displayed with a giant neon sign saying read me, read me, read me, read me…
alex: Guess what I didn’t do.
Bob: Pass high school?
alex: Besides that.
Bob: Middle school? Actually, I’d go so far back as elementary school.
alex: I was homeschooled until middle school.
Bob: Man, the teacher must’ve really hated you then. But what I’m probably guessing at is that you didn’t read the story, did you?
alex: No, of course not. I don’t read things. That’s why you asked me to do this!
Bob: Good point. But hey, maybe I’m being too hard on the author. I mean, their original story I read was months ago. My opinion may have changed about it. Lemme just go see an—
4/5/2014 -Featured!
Bob: NO NO FUCK YOU FUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOU! Also, Jesus Christ, this could be the very first featured box date in the description I’ve ever seen. Back in April. This could very well be the thing that caused other authors to include it in their stories, since it got so popular…
alex: Y’know, Bob, someone should write a parody of people that put “Featured!” in their descriptions. That’d be really cool, and well worth reading. Hell, it’s even worth surreptitiously plugging, not that I would ever do that, of course.
Bob: Eh, it’d probably suck and be written by a terrible author. Just an awful no-good, mediocre, Trixie-loving writer. Before I vomit at the mere idea of such a fic being written, time for #2!
Ratchette runs a one-pony fix-it shop for enchanted conveniences and devices, the only such facility in Ponyville. Some of her services are limited ones, and there are things she has to refer elsewhere -- but on the whole, she puts the majority of the repair traffic in order and in the two years since she first moved to the settled zone, Ponyville's become used to her. But strangers in town can still have a little trouble with her qualifications. Because her mark says she's perfectly suited for her occupation --
-- while her body claims exactly the opposite.
Bob: Hey, look, alex, a fic you might actually read!
alex: Bob, lemme stop you right there, bud. This shit’s 12k, mang. I ain’t got time for that shit. I have lots of things to do, because I’m a busy important adult with many responsibilities.
Those responsibilities alex was talking about.
Bob: Fine, I guess it’s just me, then. And, surprisingly enough, this wasn’t another Estee fic I skimmed. I read it all the way through, and genuinely enjoyed it. Ratchette made for a fun and interesting character I was cheering from the sidelines for. The author did wonderful foreshadowing throughout the story that left the twists feeling like they were well deserved without outright showing what they’d be. All of the characters such as Twilight, Spike, and Rainbow Dash stuck to their characters, which I am eternally grateful for. Like, Jesus, it’s as if people never even watched the show with some of the fics I’ve seen written. The pacing wasn’t too shabby that I felt like skipping over parts, and kept me glued to the read all the way through. As for the OC Ratchette herself, while I am leery towards “special” OC’s with an “special” ability, she was well defined and altogether a pony that I’d love to see in the actual show. Only major complaints is that it felt lackluster in some regards because of the inclusion of so many characters at once so that the focus on Ratchette was thrown off every once in a while. I wasn’t too attached to the prequel, but the sequel adequately makes up for it. Anything you want to add, alex?
alex: It was really long.
Bob: No penis joke to add onto that?
alex: It was implied.
Bob: Just like your penis?
alex: Yes.
Bob: Whelp, glad to see that we’re on the same page. And hey, look, it’s that special time of the night. The graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand finale! You know which fic we get to review next, alex?
alex: If it’s anthro clop, I’m quitting.
Bob: Close! It’s the top of the box, #1!
With Twilight away in Canterlot, Spike is left to his own devices. But Ponyville isn't the busiest of towns and before long, boredom begins to creep.
So to cheer himself up he decides to go spend time with his friends. Five stalwart companions whom he has known through thick and thin.
But Spike soon begins to realise that really, those are Twilight's friends. Not his.
In fact he starts to wonder whether, since he moved to Ponyville, he's actually made any friends at all…
Bob: Wait… doesn’t Rarity count as a friend? I mean, Spike’s been so long in the friendzone that it practically counts as some form of friendship at this point, right?
alex: I mean, they wouldn’t call it “friendzone” if they weren’t friends.
Bob: Actually, my biggest surprise is that there’s no sad tag. Like, usually with these types of Spike fics it’s about him having such a bad life and how awful it is to be him and whine, whine, whiiiiiine. Kinda like you in story form.
alex: I see what you did there.
This pretty much sums up alex’s reaction to everything.
Bob: Okay, since it’s the end of the night, I’ll let you take the reigns for once. So, alex, did you like this story?
alex: Y’know, I actually kinda liked it, to be honest. Spike is written well, and the interactions are genuinely pretty fun. It’s the kind of thing I would write… well, sort of, but I really like the slice of life atmosphere.
Bob: A positive reaction from alex? It’s true! Miracles DO happen after all! Well, as for myself, I give the author props for not making it a feels milking story like most Spike fics of this caliber tend to become. Feels a bit forced in some areas, but overall Spike’s characterization was really enjoyable. Other than that, an all around good reader I would recommend to others.
alex: Yeah, for once, I actually feel comfortable recommending a feature box fic to someone. So yeah, this wasn’t a total shitfest. Whoo!
Bob: Now do you appreciate what I do for the site every week? DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY PAIN, alex? DO YOU?!
alex: You just started last week...
Bob: I started three weeks ago. AND THE PAIN JUST WON’T END! And on that note, any parting words to the folks back home?
alex: Bob tickled my penis.
Bob: You’ll never be able to prove that in a court of law. And with that, goodnight everyone! What a wonderful bursting out of a vagina day it was! Peace!
Little did Rainbow Dash know that even the touch of the kitten spread the dangerous and most of the time terminal rabies. So fluffy, yet so deadly.
Also, blame alex for being a lazybutt for the reason this wasn't posted exactly on Saturday. DAMN YOU ALEX!
I hate you, Bob. Why would you make me do this?
(jk, bby, I luv u)
Lazybutt
Happy birthday, Bob.
Why on your birthday, BOB! You were so young!
Bob... I'm so sorry you had to endure this on your birthday. But, hey, at least there was some decent stuff in the box for you this time around!
2471321
MY HAPPINESS DIED LONG AGO!
2471330 Oh, come on... smile...for me?
Please?
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/304/3/1/smile_jpg_by_atnezau-d6sh8lh.jpg
Uh... I just wanted to point out, but this, like, totally breaks Fimfic's "no script format" rule. I'm totally going to report you both, because I can. Just so you know.
Happy birthday and drinks all around, mate.
You magnificent bastards. Both of you.
*sends more birthday wishes*
Happy Birthday Bruce
It was on Saturday for me...
I still wish you a happy birthday~
I was curious as to how exactly you'd handle reviewing your own story. All I have to say is this:
Can Evil Bob stick around from now on?
2471330
Enjoyable Bobday, Bahb.
I give you a crossover fanfiction I found on youtube as a gift. The one I was writing for you will have to wait until my mind unscrambles.
Wait, what.
That first fic got featured?! It's been in my read-later cause I've been aching to do an in-depth review of it. Now I have more motivation to do so!
Hope you enjoy the rest of you However-many-years-you've-been-on-this-godforsaken-plant-th birthday.
In other news, for some reason, I read this in Linkara's voice. Not sure why.
Isn't "Prologue" just a fancy title for a first chapter that just explains to the reader why the story is happening?
2471305
i.imgur.com/lJMwx5p.png
It shall be done.
2471429
DON'T DO IT SAVE YOURSEEEEEEEEELF!
I failed you, Bob. My story wasn't even close to the feature box.
Of course, whether it would be an improvement or not is debatable. Five people would say no, apparently.
The moment you realize that you've been in a vagina once, thus your privates were in a vagina, so technically all of us ARE NOT born as virgins.
Then that realization that you're thinking of your mother and that it's incredibly gross and you wish you never made that epiphany. Unless if you have a fetish for incest and MILFs and birthing, then good for you.
Just bang, already!
You should have sent Doodle Bob to rip apart that Gary Stu minotaur story. He would have given it the proper bashing.
I did get a chuckle out of the original story when I checked it out again. That chuckle came from Chapter 2, the part where the author said that he was skirting the site's rules and two mods got on his ass.
2471482 ................................Well, it's not like I was going to be sleeping anyway.
Bobby, where can we sign up to do this with you like Alex?
Re-posting what I said in the chat since it was good stuff. Well, I thought it was good.
You know what squicks me out the most about authors that like to write foalcon? It's that they WANT to write foalcon, but the rules say they can't write about underaged characters having sex, so they age them up, but in the author's mind, they still envision these characters as their young selves having sex.
And they KNOW the readers are thinking the same thing, so it's like they get away with it even by following the rules.
Oi. Prologues. Here's a nifty way to filter out stories that I know will stink. If it isn't a one-shot, I usually avoid reading a story that's less than 2,000 when it's first posted. It tells me the author just got to the minimum word count so he could post it and didn't put any necessary hooks or details into it. It also is a good indicator that the story will peeter out quickly and never finish.
There's my bit x2. One for each of ya. Don't spend 'em all in one place.
It did come out on a Saturday for me...
2471503
Well I'm glad I inspired you.
Gotta say...that was one enjoyable read.
2471476 I've already read it, Bobby. My disappointment has already gone through. There is nothing left to save.
2471524 The foalcon rule is only for anthro/human, you reading comprehension drop-out.
Congratulation! You turn box full of shit into something enjoyable.
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Prologues tend to be shorter than the average chapter length.
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It's supposed to open the story by providing another story that helps create the setting and motivations. For example, beginning the story by reciting some in-universe legend or a prophecy, or reciting a creation myth.
The "prologue" of Diplomacy for the Strong is not a prologue at all, it's a chapter 1. The author likely thought that it was neat to call your opening chapter a prologue instead of a chapter 1.
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2471595
oh.
Happy birthday, Bobby!
And props to you for making this blog post. Greatly enjoyed it again!
*risque
Incidentally, I've been seeing FUCK YEAH FEATURED in story descriptions since I joined the site. Me being new as fuck, it probably goes back further than that.
Unfortunately.
Hay only two pieces of clop on the board. Weird.
I was also drinking heavily last night.
Sorry, man. I'm told my story got featured so you coulda wrote shit about it, but if that's true then I tots missed it because I'm stupid and walked away from the computer right after updating and didn't come back for, like, three hours, so I have no proof.
But I tried. That's something, right? Maybe next week.
I tried, Bob. I really did.
I tried to give you a good story, but it just couldn't get there.
Is it bad that I want one of my stories to get featured, not for any of the extra attention or whatever, but just so Bob could review it?
Yeah, this week's crop of featured stories was surprisingly non-awful. It is almost like good stories got featured or something. Plus the usual clop/sequels.
This was a far more enjoyable read than nearly every featured story ever. I actually laughed a few times, which is unusual.
Oh, and -
- I understood that reference. Never thought I'd see a reference to that on FimFic.
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That would be one excellent reason all in it's self! Be it a good or bad review. Well, one might not call the review bad, just the story. The review, wold be worth seeing. There is only so many stories one could go through however. As to which one get's picked, could be just a toss of the dice. Not to say I really know, any of RainbowBob's methods for picking. For all I know he has a name list on a board, The only thing he picks is his nose, and the name is chosen on a fling. One just never knows.
Do I get author points by proxy for having a name similar to one of the author's with an arguably passable story?
We need to institute a scoring programme here so we can keep track of repeat offenders and pillars of the derivative literature community.