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SPOILERS BELOW!
Well, a new chapter is finished and up for your perusal. This one, though, had a lot cut, moved around, or just discarded.
This chapter was important in a lot of ways, one of which was finally setting up how Blueblood began his march into villainy: with a Cutie Mark. There were also a lot more flashbacks planed in the chapter, including one about Blueblood getting the snow globe and another where he's started acting like a douchebag, but the chapter was running long as it was and the flashbacks were seriously killing the pacing. In addition, the scene where Blueblood protects Cadance from bullies was originally going to be more detailed, but after reading through it again, I decided to make the whole scene based on how Celestia saw things going down and expand on it later in the story.
And yes, the first flashback ties into the second. Blueblood saving Cadance is what starts him thinking about his special talent, he sleeps and dreams on it, and then wakes up with his magic butt tattoo. While most of the show has ponies getting their Cutie Marks immediately, "Call of the Cutie" confirmed that it's not always like this, since both Cheerilee and Twist got their marks while they were sleeping. It feels more like when a pony realizes they are special at something, and then make a mental commitment to that activity or profession or whatever, the Cutie Mark finally appears.
And speaking of Cheerilee, she had a big influence on how I presented Miss Brightly. Originally, I planned for her to be a total scumbag, taking the position so she could get kickbacks from the children of nobles and aristocrats that passed through the school. She would continually take Orange Peel's side in bullying Blueblood, talk trash about ponies that weren't from Canterlot, and would get her comeuppance in the last chapter. But then I actually started thinking about Cheerilee's character and...she kinda sucks as a teacher. She turns a blind eye to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon bullying Apple Bloom, teaches lessons that everyone already knows about, cancels class so everypony can play with hula-hoops, and punishes foals that release evil Chaos Gods by giving them homework. So with that in mind, I started tweaking Brightly until I got to where she is now: a caring, loving teacher, albeit with some status issues still. As we saw in the first chapter, she still thinks her school is the most elite preschool in Canterlot, and that ponies who end up in places like Ponyville must be failures in life.
Another thing that changed when writing this chapter was Orange Peel. Originally, the two groups of ponies would get into the fight, where Gusty would knock the globe over trying to buck Peel's face off. However, this just strained credibility too far for me to be comfortable, so I changed it so that he and his goons get chased off very quickly. Since just about everyone who read Chapter 4 knew that globe wasn't going to survive, I figured I could set up the bullies as a nice red herring to screw with all of you. And besides, if it worked, then the knife should have been plunged oh so much deeper.
THE cornerstone of this chapter was Blueblood finally breaking. This was basically my one chance to really sell my version of Blueblood to you, and I hope I succeeded. The way I see a pony like our dear protagonist, as well as real life wealthy and elite who make similar choices, is that they aren't cartoonishly superevil. Rather, they operate by coldly rationalizing everything they do, to the point where it all makes perfect sense, even if only to them. To any outside observer, burning down a village because a few inhabitants messed up your party is the mark of a deranged supervillain, but in the mind of Blueblood it makes perfect sense. He is nobility, they are commoners, and they caused massive amounts of property damaged and assaulted the higher classes. Throw in the old traditions his parents brought him up on (just wait until you see what those are), and you have a recipe for a very messed-up stallion.
There's more I could talk about, but this post is getting long enough as it is. In any case, I hope you stick around for Chapter 6, where we get to see Lofty's birthday party.
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Comments ( 11 )
I just now figure out you're writing a sequel to My Little Alicorn?
Fu**.
i hope its good
To be fair, Cheerilee had no idea that the CMC released Discord. She was just punishing them for fighting.
Good ideas, man. I think ya did good on Chapter 5, and I can hardly wait for 6.
I really liked your characterization of blueblood in chapter 5 and it was a new view on him from my perspective though it fit perfectly in a way I can compare with, me being a bit of an analytical overrationalizationist myself. (words are so fun to make up
)
The scene with Blueblood finally cracking was probably one of the greatest scenes in fimfiction history. I seriously felt my heart break and the feeling remained for about 20 minutes afterwords. It wasn't really the same affect that My Little Dashie had (being that it wasn't tear-inducing or sad), but it definitely plucked a heart string that isn't often plucked. Only you can do that.
Ah, I am glad you made this blog, I actually wanted to comment on the story under the thread but wasn't quite sure how to put it down since I didn't want to kill the mood since I tend to go a bit deep often with philosophy and why things work, including how to write a good story.
and without further adieu,...
RELEASE THE DEEP CRAP!
The mirror bit, in short I loved it, not only because I have experienced this myself both from a physical mirror before and from various metaphorical mirrors but because I have come to a various conclusions as to how so many people can get so messed up we have trouble understanding how they even COULD end up like that and often write it off as "they are just evil".
So many never stop to truly ask themselves why they are what they are, they never really look in the mirror for roughly 3 reasons.
1. For some it is on purpose, they know it wouldn't be pretty and they don't want to face the truth so they never look and just concentrate on whatever it is they have always been doing.
2. They actually have looked... but what they saw the liked and decided to further the cause. (this is where I say someone truly does become evil)
3. The most common one, they are just to busy or just so sure that they never take the time to glance, besides, they know they are good so why bother? They may also have others to help keep them from looking at themselves.
Number 3 is where I would place Blue Blood, not only is someone of that nature not likely to any longer look in a metaphorical mirror any time someone tries to show them they would logically assume that the other party was merely trying to throw them off and confuse them like playing a game of chess.
It was not until Blue Blood was all alone and so many of his built up mental "blinders" had been broken down that he could really see just what had become of his own self, even then parts of him are trying to get him to look away but so far he hasn't, he is still taking a good look at just who "Blue Blood" is.
And I could say more but I think I already dropped a pretty large clump of text so I think I shall be taking my leave now
>>173495
I liked how you handled Blueblood n chapter 5 and your interpreation of cutie marks is practically identical to my own (which may seem odd coming from one writing a story about a mare who doesn't know the meaning of her cutie mark, but the reason for that will eventually be revealed). So, well done.
I have a theory about cutie marks. I think their appearance is psychologically based; they show up only when the pony acknowledges or recognizes the thing that makes them happiest. Applejack is a perfect example, in that she worked the farm since she was very young, but her cutie mark didn't appear until she consciously realized that this was what she wanted to do with her life. I believe it's impossible for a pony to dislike their talent, because it's the one thing that fulfills them beyond all else. (Which, of course, is where the CMCs go wrong -- it's not doing your talent that makes it appear, it's loving what you do.)
Well, because of that, I think that many ponies don't even notice their cutie mark appearing because they're so wrapped up in what they're doing. They'll frequently work to exhaustion in the excitement of the moment, and once in a while, everyone misses the cutie mark's appearance until they wake up the next morning and look in a mirror.
Maybe, once in a while, it actually does show up while the foal is reflecting on the day's events before falling asleep or after waking up. But I tend to think that would be the exception rather than the rule. It should be a joyful moment in the pony's life, which isn't likely to come when they're relaxed and at rest.
I secretly hope he kinda stays a colt, and Just regrows up the natural way. He's more bearable as a colt then an adult XD