Commissions · 5:41am Sep 17th, 2014
Hey guys, Babscon is coming up in a little over half a year, and I'm broke as fuck. Now, I know a lot can happen in six-seven months, so that's why I want to grab this shit by the balls and get cracking into making some dough.
"But wait Regi!" you type furiously from behind a mountain of dirty dishes and semen-stained plushies, your neckbeard trembling at the very thought of giving me a small sum of money for any reason. "Fanficiton and money don't collide! I thought you knew this! You sell-out, corporate shill!"
And to this I say, fuck you. Cons are expensive. I live in Hawaii. A plane ticket to san fran is like a thousand bucks on a good day.
Now, since you all are the same jews who couldn't be bothered to spare a buck or two for my
Patreon, I am to assume you are all pennyless fucks. Now, I'm not going to be for this. I don't need this. I can get a job in other ways. But I really would like to earn a bit of cash doing something I love. Think of it as a donation, except instead of getting the satisfaction of doing the right thing and other gay shit like that, you'll get a story of your choosing! I like to pretend that's fair.
Anyway, I actually tried this back in January, but that failed miserably. I'm going to copypaste it over so you have the idea, and I'll list changed below:
I don't think I mentioned this before, but I do take requests. If you want a story done, you can PM it to me, and I'll do it.
Twice. Once for a NSFW fic and once for a SFW. I do have scruples though:
I do NOT do:
Winningverse
Fallout Equestria
Five Score and Whatever the fuck
My Little ANYTHING (baring Pony/parody, of course. Duh.)
Conversion Burrito
I would prefer not to do:
Rape stories (unless it's played for drama)
OC stories (unless your OC impresses me which is a little elitist, but seriously; almost NO ONE can make a good OC. I certainly can't.)
Crossovers (if you chose a REALLY good thing to crossover with, though, I'll most likely do it)
I also do Birthdays; try and request it on your actual birthday please, otherwise it gets confusing and unfair.
Now, if you'd like more than your birthday request and your pre-allotted requests, you CAN pay me 5 dollars for every 10,000 words. I am not comfortable doing commissions, because honestly you guys must have better things to spend money on, but if for some reason you weren't properly discouraged by my writing already and want another request, I'd be happy to supply for the price.
So: 1,000-10,000: 5 bucks
10,000-20,000: 10 bucks
20,000-30,000: 15 bucks
and so on and so forth
This is all under the assumption anyone would ever want a story from me, and I am most likely blowing hot air out of my ass.
Just figured I'd put this up here because every once in a blue moon I get a story request, and I thought a guideline would be helpful.
No, the first change is what you all feared. The price.
I have like, zero concept of work to money. 10k for five bucks is retardedly under priced. And as much as it pains me to do this, I'm going to have to mod it to be something more affordable on my end.
1,000 - 3,000: five bucks. 3k - 6k: ten. 7k-9k: fifteen. 10k-12k: 20.
And then three bucks per every 2k afterward. I think that's a bit fairer to me. It takes a long ass time to write that many words. I already feel like I'm undercharging you guys.
But that's good, right?
Alright, the next this is that "free story" rule. I can't afford that. I WILL still give you a free fic for your birthday. That is fair. I like writing birthday fics. I don't need money for that.
Anyway, that's all. PM me with what you want, if you want it, and I'll give you my paypal so we can do business.
And, as a bonus! Just so you know I won't rip you off, I will not ask for money before the story is completed. This also requires a code of honor on your part too, though. Try to avoid ripping me off if you can.
Thanks guys 
I'll give you a half-eaten potato chip for a 500,000 word epic fantasy novel involving my red and black alicorn OC going around defeating all the evil villains such as Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, Sombra, and some generic high school football jock, helping everybody solve trivial problems such as racism, world hunger, and Detroit, and marrying all of the mane 6 plus the three princesses, (And also Trixie because she's hawt).
Hmmmm...*checks calendar* holy shit my birthday is in less than two weeks
2461287
My birthday is in 10 days. Are you my twin?
2461288
Nah. Mine is less than ten.
2461290
Plus or minus the fact of time zones and midnight?
2461294
I do not know. Either way it should be around eightminutes, nine hours and seven days.
I dont know the minute I was born though
I'll pay you 15 dollars to actually write a changeling fic, any length over 3k.
2461292
do you really believe that I am not flexible enough or that I don't have a varied fetish pallet?
I've already spent $100 on commissions so far this month, but hey what's an extra $15? I'm rich AND and adult, I can buy whatever I want, if I had a kid, I'd never let him have the poor crappy childhood I had.
I think I could do with reading some sensual sexy stories.
How would feel about writing a 10k-ish word Flash Sentry/Twilight Sparkle romance story? With sex of course.
2461304 No. Statement redacted.
I'll repost the video though because JC Denton is still funny after 13-odd years.
2461306 I could stand to write one
honestly I've been dying to write a Bad Seed-esque Flashlight fic
pm me with all the details you want/need
2461318 What island are you from/visited for ten minutes?
shore ting boo
I wonder what a Conversion Burrito tastes like...
>implying I have any money to give.
2461346 like sawdust and broken dreams
2461351 you poor fuck
Maui master race
How about a story in which Rainbow commissions Twilight to write a Daring Do fanfic?
>mfw my birthday was back in August.
2461367 Maui is pretty free of mainland and Oahu issues, but it's boring as fuck. Too small.
2461380 I'll still write you one if you like.
2461394
Up to you, dudeski. It'd be a nice gift nonetheless, plus it can be returned (god I love writing).
Oy vey
img.4plebs.org/boards/pol/image/1386/46/1386460820191.jpg
I still don't like the idea of commissions (I type, my neckbeard trembling) but at least that's a damn good price. Looking at all these requests, though, you should set up some commission slots so you're not trying to write a billion stories at once and like 40k words a day.
Regi, I want to throw some jewgolds at you but I can't find where to put them!
2461583 good idea
I was going to set a commissions thing up on my userpage, actually, but the thought of slots did not occur to me.
I never knew you did birthday fics or I would have requested one years ago. :)
Hmm, it's not that I'm poor but I never really had a story I wanted to see happen. I'm more an art commission kind of person, like my avatar for example.
If I think of anything I want though, I'll give you a shout. :)
-Reader Out-
2461881 Alright, thank you
LIKE BABS SEED CON?
C'mon! My birthday was less than two weeks ago... fifth of September.
Sounds cool, though. Might be able to convince one of my parents to let me do it someday.
Assuming it wasn’t a thinly‐veiled dig at the Conversion Bureau universe and instead actually about a burrito¹ I would actually read that. (Purely out of curiosity if nothing else; spare it somehow involving burritos I have absolutely no idea what the fuck such a story would be about.)
¹ No ponyfication bullshit goes without saying, but no allusions to the TCB in any way spare the title, please.
2461977 Bay Area Brony
2465050 aw shit
sign me up baby
it'll be cool to chill with you irl
2466260 hey sea glass is becoming a rare commodity
don't write it off so soon
2466602 move to hawaii
hippies love that shit you'll be stacked
*your
You don't deserve any shekels if you're going to keep making rookie mistakes like this.
2468359 my mom will buy up your stock pretty fast
2469311 neat
pls do