Fic recs, September 8th! · 2:51pm Sep 8th, 2014
Sorry for the delay. I wanted to make sure I got Ordinary World in this one, since I've kind of been ramping up to it.
Happy birthday to my dad!
H: 1 R: 2 C: 1 V: 2 N: 3
Derpy Accidentally a Portal Gun and Derpy Accidentally a Portal Gun II by Admiral Biscuit
Reading by ShadowOfCygnus
This guy is great. His deep voice and British accent make him the perfect narrator, especially for a comedy, but above and beyond that, he reads like he’s actually telling the story. I was also very impressed with his use of sound effects. You’ll definitely be seeing his name again.
Genre: Portal Crossover
This review is a two-for-one because the reader did both stories together, so Admiral Biscuit gets a pass on my "one story per author per journal" rule. The first is an insertive crossover: Derpy tries to deliver a Portal gun to Canterlot, accidentally sets it off… and ends up bringing Chell to Equestria. I have to say, looking at the title, I was not expecting much from this, and that was more or less what I was afraid would happen. (Also -- maybe it’s just from seeing too many fans shipping her with Gordon Freeman -- I found it hard to believe Chell could talk.) Still, the writing is pretty darn solid, and the story is extremely funny. The word “cake” shows up, but thankfully is not followed by an assertion of its veracity as either concept or promise. Also, this ends up being a lampooning of HiE tropes, though it banks on OOCelestia (who is bestia), so YMMV there. It is a shame that it takes this long to reveal that it’s not meant to be taken seriously, even as comedies go. Honestly, my biggest criticism is that it doesn’t end on much of a punchline. Thankfully, there’s a sequel.
Recommended If You Don’t Mind Silly Video Game References
As for said sequel, it’s a very different animal, chronicling Sparkler going to rescue her… roommate? Her actual relationship to Derpy and Dinky is never really explained. Though written in the same style, it’s not quite as funny, even if the premise is equally ridiculous. (Sparkler starts out by kitting up at tactical locker hidden in her closet. Yes, there are guns for Dinky to use.) Things pick up a bit when they find Derpy, and the ridiculousness rockets through the roof. It’s that sheer absurdity that keeps this from being horrible in a bad way, though I’m not quite sure if it crosses the line a second time. It’s nice getting some continuation from the first story’s non-ending, but still… This.
Vaguely Recommended
To Win a Marshmallow’s Heart by Mattricole
Reading by Emogak, TheLostNarrator and ObabScribbler
Genre: Crackfic
This story was so crazy I had to reread it after listening to it. On the surface, it’s a comedic Rarijack where a transparent misunderstanding leads to a declaration of “we’re marefriends now”. It’s hilarious in its unsubtlety. On the other hand, there are also a lot of asides from the writer to the reader, generally mockery of tropes being used in the writing and so forth. Unfortunately, there aren’t quite enough of these, making the story feel unbalanced. Should we be focusing on the story, or on the meta-narrative? It doesn’t help that if we do the first, the narrative turns out to be telly and fast-paced, with lots of capitalization, spelling and punctuation errors. So while it was a good idea (Rarity’s reaction at the end is hilarious), and the narrative comments actually work really well when read aloud, this doesn’t quite make it, from two directions.
Not Recommended
Ladies Don’t Freak Out by paleowriter
Reading by Porpose Pete
Reading by VisualPony
Genre: Sparity
Rarity starts freaking out because she thinks Spike is moving back to Canterlot, and he didn’t even say goodbye. She runs to the library, freaks out at Twilight, and then gets all defensive when Twilight tells her to stop freaking out. While I of course dislike the ship greatly, this story has a lot going for it. On the surface it seems like nothing really happens, like it’s a mistitled “Pony Does X”, but that’s only because it succeeds in being subtle, in showing the story rather than telling it. Also, Spike’s actual reason for going to Canterlot is a good one, and not something I’ve seen or thought of before. Unfortunately, the punchline is “congratulations, Rarity, you’re a pedophile”. I really wish this setup had been used to tell any other story.
Vaguely Recommended
I Quit by General Spritz
Reading by Goombasa
Genre: Episode Extension
Coco Pommel works through her doubts about Suri Polomare after Fashion Week, and finally stands up for herself. Having just rewatched Rarity Takes Manehattan, I find I have a great appreciation for this story. Prim Hemline is written quite well, serious and pragmatic, yet kind and understanding, and we get to see her playing some fashion politics. Suri, who I have decided is one of my favorite ponies, is smarmy and awful and just perfect. Center stage, of course, is little Coco, and let me just say that watching a timid, trod-upon mare finally find the courage to end an abusive employer relationship is one of the most satisfying things ever. That said, the one thing I can fault this story on is a lack of surprises (and one instance of the word ‘plot’). If you sat down and asked yourself, “Huh, I wonder what happened to Coco and Suri between the time they saw Rarity outside Prim’s office and when Coco gave her the trophy”, this would be the logical conclusion you would reach. Add in the cover art giving away the climax, and you’re left with a thoroughly unremarkable idea for a story. However, this is the first piece I’ve ever read about that episode or its characters, so I can hardly fault it for unoriginality, and the writing is absolutely serviceable. I hope this author does more.
Recommended
My Sister; My Saviour by Melody Moon
Review removed by author request.
To My Princess, on the Day of My Departure by DGD Davidson
Reading by Scribbler and Goombasa
Reading by BlackIrisBalloon
Genre: Epistolary
Flash Sentry writes to Princess Twilight Sparkle ahead of a two-year tour in zebra country. One thought I had while listening to this is that having someone write about the future is more interesting than them writing about the past, and less likely to fall into the telling trap of letter stories. I'm talking along the lines of, “This is happening now, and here’s what’s going to happen next, and this is how I feel about it.” The other thought was along the lines of “dang, DGD Davidson puts most shippers to shame”. He’s a notorious fan of Flashlight, but this doesn’t take the easy ship route, despite Flash declaring his love for Twilight at the end of his letter. Instead, we get a response from Twilight that is one of the most level-headed (from the writer’s perspective) rebuttals to a declaration of love I have ever seen in ponyfic. It’s wholly believable that Twilight would respond as she does. Meanwhile, this also does a lot of worldbuilding, though not as much as the casual reader might think: this draws heavily from arc 1 of the comics (including, I was pleased to realize, the mini “meanwhile” comic at the end). It gets into some dark and gritty soldier’s life imagery, but all the emotions come through well. Even the juxtaposition of the one species that gives the Breezies a run for their money as “Equestria’s biggest evolutionary losers” with scenes of blood and violence is enjoyable. (Though again, it might trip up those unfamiliar with the comics.) If you want to see how to do romance and letters right, take a look here.
Recommended
Ordinary World by PaulAsaran
Sequel to The Weed and The Challenge of Fleur
Genre: Action Adventure
So finally, I get around to the story that took first place in the non-mature side of the Body Swap contest, and let me say, it was worth the trip. (On that note, this is more directly a sequel to The Weed, though if you can accept that Rarity and Carrot Top are dating, you should be fine. The events and characters of Challenge of Fleur are more perfunctorily used.) We start off with four ponies going to an auction outside Ponyville: Carrot Top is accompanying Rarity on their first date in months; Applejack is hoping to make a few bits selling family heirlooms; Trixie is hoping to make any money selling off an old bauble; and Fleur de Lis has her eyes on that very bauble, for somewhat devious purposes. After a mishap, said bauble turns out to be a magical artifact that swaps their minds, and that’s when things get sticky.
I’ll start by commenting on the characters. In Challenge, neither Fleur nor Fine Crime — who made an appearance as “background OC pony #1” — really left an impression on me, but in this piece, they really shine. It turns out Fleur’s modeling career is a cover for secret agent activities, Fine Crime being her superior. Fleur’s antagonism with Trixie was a major, and pleasant, surprise, and they end up being the centerpieces of this story. As for Fine Crime, he makes a real splash in this piece (he apparently is a major player in PaulAsaran’s expanded universe, although comments from the author lead me to believe that this series of stories is an offshoot of that universe, and it's all very confusing and I don't want to figure it out right now), though at times I questioned his presence. He has something of a deus ex machina effect toward the end of the story, though honestly, the conflict he resolves isn’t the main one, so it's not the worst it could be. As for Trixie, she gets a remarkable character, penniless as she tends to be in fics, but actively seeking redemption. (She’s terrified of meeting Twilight because Twilight might pity her.) She gets one of the best scenes in the whole story, and it really astonished me how much that scene affected me. As for Applejack, her characterization might leave some cold, but the quick resolution thereof helps it stand on its own. Her feelings for Rarity, of which I highly approve, may be the largest entry obstacle for some. But to those, I say, if you’re willing to pass up a good story just because you don’t believe ponies can have feelings for each other, well, you have my pity.
Missteps were few. I already mentioned Fine Crime, but honestly I think his role holds up better in hindsight than trying to analyze it as it happens. Actually, my one complaint was the first major chapter after they all figure out something’s wrong. The POV goes from AJ to Carrot Top, then back to AJ, then back to Carrot Top. I was very interested in Trixie and Fleur’s predicaments — not that the romance story wasn’t compelling — and dying to find out what happened next, so I was a bit miffed. Moreover, in that time period, both Applejack and CT go through personal crises that are quickly resolved. I’m not sure if that was a side-effect of this being written for a contest, but there were spots where I felt like this needed maybe another ten thousand words of breathing room all told. There are an absolutely acceptable number of typos.
Still, it’s a horribly engrossing read, and despite some of the loose threads related to the author’s fiction world, I never felt too lost for too long. The body swap trope is used excellently, as all four characters learn something about themselves as well as about each other, and it’s got a little bit of something for everyone: romance, love triangle, action, adventure, drama, friendshipping, spy thrills, and yes, even slice of life adorableness. Like I said, it’s full of surprises, and absolutely worth the read. (Also, the author has excellent taste in music.)
Highly Recommended
So That’s What a Wingboner Is... by Fire Gazer the Alchemist
Reading by sharpieboss
Genre: Shipping
Twilight gets a wingboner while receiving flying lessons from Rainbow Dash, and once she discovers what that is, has to figure out what it means. The concept of wingboners is one I still have no appreciation for. I look at it this way: wings going up due to fright, shock, or even excitement makes sense. It’s like throwing your arms over your head and shouting “Yay!” when something awesome happens. But do you ever get armboners? No you do not, not unless you have a very unfortunate affliction the existence of which I am not privy to, in which case you have my pity. Anyway, this story’s main misstep is in taking itself too seriously. There’s some light comedy in it, yes, but a concept like this really shouldn’t be done as anything but. This also really bobbles the shipping, essentially going with “You give me boners, so now we’re dating”. (Not to mention, Rainbow accepts Twilight’s ‘overtures’ because no one’s ever said she was pretty before.) On top of that, this suffers heavily from Lavender Unicorn Alicorn Syndrome and telling. For instance, there’s a scene near the beginning where Tank shows up and has a ‘conversation’ with Dash. It would have been much funnier if we hadn’t been told what ideas he was conveying and instead only saw Rainbow’s reaction. Overall, this isn’t terrible, and I even have some positive thoughts for it, but it just doesn’t do what it’s trying to do very well.
Not Recommended
So funny story. After rewatching Maud Pie and noting something slightly off about the way she hugs Pinkie, I thought, “Gosh, I’ll bet Fimfic is full of Maud x Pinkie incest clop, right?” The answer, as it turns out, is WRONG. There are but two stories, only one of which is complete. I got about ten paragraphs into it before I gave up. No, I don’t read incest porn, it’s one of the few things I am horrendously against. It was just the combination of uniqueness, the train wreck in the comments, and the boobular anthro cover art that made me think that maybe reading the story wouldn’t be the worst decision in my life. But I mean, the parasprite didn’t even like it; that should have been the bright pattern on the butterfly's wings. At least I didn’t read the whole thing. The more you know! =*
Oh yes, please do not take this as an exhortation to write more PinkieMaud clop because Present told you so. D: I mean, there are things I expect from this fandom, but that doesn't mean you, personally, have to be That Guy.
Headcanon confirmed
THE MYSTERY IS SOLVED!
A freaking brain transplant? I don't even...
Are you not counting clop stories with incest as part but not the focus? Cuz if you are, then mine counts.
Unless of course mine was the completed one you stopped reading after ten paragraphs. I hope not. I'd like to think I'm funnier than that.
My nickname is high school was "That Guy". Don't worry, I'll slap something together for ya you lil perverted present you.
"Excellent taste in music" could mean anything from "owns the entire Sun Ra collection" to "Finally, I found another person who doesn't hate Buckcherry!" Can I get something more specific?
Also, everyone go take a look at the wordcount for The Challenge of Fleur. What's up with that?
The important question is, who (or what!) was the source of the brain for the transplant.
As funny as the armboner mental image is (and my god, I will be laughing about that all day), it's not a particularly good argument. Cats do this after all:
blog.evercats.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Scared-Cat.JPG
And you can't really argue that they don't because humans don't have tails or fur.
(Not that I'm particularly attached to the wingboner concept myself. Startled ponies getting all fluffed on, on the other hand, I just became a huge fan of.)
2438229
Wow, no kidding.
2437897
I...
I'm five years older than him! >:|
2437977
No, it wasn't yours. It's called Maud's Surprise, if anyone dareth to undertake. (Don't, just believe me.) And no, I mean straight-up just the two of them bumping uglies. Good lord, do I no longer have any desire to read that. D:
2438121
NO
FUCK YOU D:
2438229
I noted that in my review. :B And I meant that the story is named for the Duran Duran song.
2438246
Eh, we get raised hackles too, it's just not as obvious because not completely covered in fur.
Oh yes, and the source of the brain was Rarity. If you read my last fic rec journal (I think), you know why this story was suggested to me now. It doesn't end up being about her having to live in Sweetie Belle's body, though, so what's the point. D:
2438286 I don't care, you can't take my angry fluffy ponies away! Wait, you weren't? Good!
It's always a joy to look at the title of a story and think, "I bet Present will
call this story a piece of literary trash and scorn the author for livingthink this story is not recommendable."2438286 Oh. That's boring. I just went the super silly route.
Yes. Yes I am.
Look, I can't fault the earnestness put into the story. The author just didn't stop to think about how such a thing would even be feasible. And you didn't mention the best part: though brain donation always results in the donor's death, there are still volunteers.
My Sister, My Saviour
I have not read the story yet (want to see whether the author has the same take as to why a braintransplant, but I do not want this comment influenced by the story), but a braintransplant may not be as silly as it seems on the surface:
From the POV of Sweetie Belle, a braintransplant is just as much death as dying, but if she is altruistic, she saves another pony from death and her family does not loose her too:
Her family will still have a Sweetie Belle, and somepony whose body fails from disease or accident get to live. Her perspective might be:
Now I have to read the story. I half expect that the author forgot that ponies are their brains, so that Sweetie Belle will be the same after the operation.
I shall report the results when finished.
2439386
The Author of My Sister, My Saviour does not realize that ponies are their brains. I had to downvoting the story, but I left this constructive comment for the author:
2439256
I know, right?
I totally missed this blog when it first came up. Shame on me.
Que?
Which scene was this?
I actually did have one individual gripe about the love triangle, but it was aimed at Rarity, not AJ. Being a fairly regular shipper of ponies (with maybe a crackship or two, depending on your definition), this kind of opposition mystifies me. I really don't apply to the OTP concept (although LunaTrix and Lunatavia are favorites).
Actually, the original format of the story kept the Applejack and Golden sections of Chapter 3 each as a big section, instead of divided up. You can thank my editor for pushing me to divide them into pieces, because he thought (accurately) that keeping them as one big piece each would only make their conclusions seem even faster than they already are. So yeah, in biting a bullet I dodged one, even if the solution wasn't perfect.
Why, thank you.
2440701
All you would've had to do was put Fleur and Trixie scenes in between AJ/CT1 and AJ/CT2.
And the scene I'm talking about is her bonding with the Apple family. That was some wholesome, heartwarming shit right there, of the sort I barely ever give praise to.
2440799
That's a relief to hear. Writing in the Apple Family was actually the hardest part of this entire fic, especially for the 'afternoon' chapter.
Now that I think on it, there's a blatant absence of Trixie in A Challenge for Fleur (that's the sequel, not the prequel) that needs to be remedied somehow. I could go back and add her into that story... or go the fun route and make a new story explaining her absence. So many options, so little time for more stories.
Number one spot!
Vague recommendation!
I'm moving up in the world!
Next comes the New York Times bestseller list.
Six weeks later and I am just now finding out about this.
My confidence has been tickled pleasently, so I really can't complain.
The one thing I'd like to say is, I saw those flaws coming from the get-go. I knew that it was merely episode fan-exposition with a blatent ending cover art, and I was perfectly alright with that. Why? First off, this was my first fic written. Ever. I wanted to write something that wouldn't crash and burn from the start. The second thing was, I figured the journey was more important than the ending, since we all knew how it went. Not an entirely bad thing.
So, yeah. I now have ideas. They must be made!
Thanks a crapton for doing this.
2548952
Thank you! If that was your first fic, you're off to a good start. :D
2439562
Excuse me?! I'm a moron. Well sooorrry for not meeting YOUR expectations with my FIRST story. Kindly take your insulting words elsewhere.
2550526
You, my dear writer, earn an upvote for your reply to my comment:
I stand by the statement that you were so carried away with writing the story, that you did not realize that it is fundamentally flawed; but unfortunately however, I totally forgot about tact.
I am sorry
I shall edit my comment.