Shadow Day, Revisited; The Boneyard, Expanded · 12:47am Sep 3rd, 2014
I've been stuck on "Shadow Day" for quite awhile, to the point where the rest of my writing has stopped. For this reason, I have reluctantly revoked the story until I can develop a good resolution for it.
Part of the problem is the Breezies. My original resolution involved re-introducing the Breezies into the MLP universe and I was knocked a-kilter when the series decided to do this without consulting me first. (This is the second time the series has made me abandon a story; I was happily working on a story about a solitary shapechanger, and then the series introduced a whole race of shapechangers. And, try as I might, I couldn't figure out a good way to distinguish my character, the Munkydo, from the Changelings.) I kind of trapped myself by publishing the "Stormy Weather" bits; try as I might, I couldn't figure out a way to get to my desired ending without the Breezies. (Although, Diamond Tiara, Ponyville's new expert on the wonders of methane, had this idea for a stinky fuel-air bomb...)
A second part of the problem, which many of the kind respondents have noted, is that "Shadow Day" started wandering all over the place. Frankly, I kind of fell in love with the idea of mixing and matching the characters and their roles and I enjoyed trying different things out. This was fun for me, but I don't think it was much fun for the reader. I want to re-focus the story on the four main characters, Twilight, the Mayor, the Mayor's secretary and Pinkie. Each of them has something to teach the other and I don't want that little story lost amidst the sturm und drang of Ponyville battling a Storm Giant.
I hesitated over the "revoke" button for quite awhile, because I feel it is unfair to the many good respondents that shared their encouragement and thoughtful criticisms with me. But I also feel I owe them a better story than the mess o' pottage that I have produced so far, so I hope they will forgive me.
From this point on, I will only publish completed stories. No reader, I think, needs to waste time on some half-baked tale when there are plenty of other tasty treats available.
While I am working on other things, one project that I keep in front of me is a re-write of "The Boneyard." I originally wrote this for a competition and, as many of my respondents have noted, the story suffers for my attempts to compress the story below a word limit. I'd like to slow the pace of the opening down a bit, spend some more time describing the setting and the characters, particularly the revenants. I want to include a scene I wrote about the impact the of Come to Life spell in Equestria, but had to cut for length. "The Boneyard" is my "Earth Ponies are magic" story and I hope, with a bit more work, to help you feel what I felt, when I realized that Earth Ponies, across the span of eons, still see each other as family.
I am very interested in seeing where you are going to take Shadow Day. That story was so much fun. The Pinkie parts in particular were amazing so I am glad to hear that you are going to concentrate on that.
I'm game for seeing more from you. I always enjoy your works. And if you rewrite boneyard, would you be willing to keep the original around too?
Can't wait to see a expanded Boneyard. It is a wonderful story as-is, and I'm sure the rewrite will make it even better.
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I'd really like to go back to my original idea of "Shadow Day" as a response to Berrow's Twilight Sparkle and the Crystal Heart. No disrespect to Ms Berrow, but I really wanted to read a story about Twilight and Madam Mayor. Twilight (at this point in her life) is all about rules. Madam Mayor is all about compromise. Fletcher (Madam Mayor's secretary) is all about order; Pinkie is about fun! That the four of them could learn a little from each other was my original idea.
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NEVER DISCARD ANYTHING is my rule.
I am amazed by how often bits and pieces of nonsense I wrote and discarded months ago take on a fresh, new meaning.
My "expanded" version of The Boneyard isn't really a departure from the original. I'd like to describe the revenants in greater detail. (I delighted in fossils as a child and so I'm afraid that forgot that not everyone knows them as I do.) There is a heartbreaking scene with AJ that I really want to add back to the story. And, just for fun, I'd like to add a reference to Maud to the story.
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Thank you.
I am a very happy
ponyhuman right now...The Boneyard was wonderful!
Can't wait to see it more wonderfulerer!
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Likewise. Shadow Day was one of my favorites. I hope that a lot of the secondary parts- like the initial scene of the pets dividing up Shadow Day roles- might stay in as interludes. That way, people who only want to read the main storyline can skip those, while the amusing stuff happening elsewhere isn't just erased.
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That's actually where I was originally going with the story: Twilight learns the Magic of Leadership from Madam Mayor as the main plot, while a bunch of nonsense goes on in the background. Unfortunately, the Derpy/Storm Giant plot started to take over. I think that's where most of the cutting needs to be done. (I still want to keep the Storm Giant, though; a tornado doesn't fit easily onto a 3x5 card.) Also, looking at the story now, I think I had too much of Fletcher (who is an OC, after all) and not enough of Madam Mayor.
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I think there's even space for a potential epilogue chapter to Shadow Day. Given that even well-meaning ponies who try their best can screw up (say, if Derpy literally will be right on top of the storm giant situation) and it seems likely that there might be a Cleanup-and-Fix-It Day after Shadow Day.
I didn't think there was too much of Fletcher, especially since his breakfast with Pinkie Pie sort of establishes the nature of Shadow Day.
I understand your philosophy, but I don't share it.
When I publish on actual paper, I work until completion first. I work to provide something direct and coherent.
Here? This is my ball pit.
Oh how I'd like to read a 'director's cut' of the Boneyard.
After finishing I -was- wondering why the scene between Luna and Celestia never was mentioned again despite being so promising. A loose plot end seemed very unlike your style considering your other stories.
the more scenes the merrier. Hope you get around to it someday... I know how challenging it can be to pick up a story again.