'Life of Brad' 16 Preview and Request · 8:07pm Aug 23rd, 2014
So, anyway, the previous chapter of The Mixed-Up Life of Brad got a somewhat cool response, at least partly because people are getting confused by all the EU references. I tend to forget that not everybody around here knows his expanded canon.
In one sense, my answer is, "Tough." This story is a self-indulgent romp anyway. Then again, I don't want to leave anyone high and dry if I don't have to.
So, the final section of the last chapter was meant to raise more questions than it answered, so if you didn't understand what was going on, that was a feature, not a bug, though if you follow the comics, you already knew anyway. This section is intended to open the next chapter, and I'd like somebody, preferably somebody who doesn't read the comics, to tell me if it dumps sufficient information.
After a dose of salts, the vigorous use of a fan, and some brief explanations, Cadance looked up into Celestia’s eyes and said, “Why didn’t you tell me from the first it was a different Sombra?”
“Well, I would have. I didn’t expect you to faint! Honestly, in your condition—”
“Ugh, you sound like Shining.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Only sometimes.” Cadance climbed to her hooves. “All right, Auntie. Out with it.”
“But—”
“All of it. Come on now.” Cadance pressed a hoof against Celestia’s croup until Celestia sat. “You might be my adoptive aunt, but I am the princess of love. If you have love troubles, you come to me. You should have told me about this already.”
“Cadance, I haven’t told anypony about this. Even Luna doesn’t know.”
“Tsk, there’s your first mistake.”
Celestia sighed and shook her head. “No. No, that comes at the end of a long, long list of mistakes—”
“Don’t start that again, please. Tell me.”
“Understand my position, at least. I knew you as a child. You are not one I go to for advice.”
Cadance sat on the floor and scooted up against Celestia’s side. “Then you can add that to this allegedly towering pile of mistakes you have. Stop stalling and talk.”
“Fine.” Celestia gestured to the mirror. “When I was young, and still a new princess, Star Swirl the Bearded created this mirror to travel to other worlds. We went to many places, learned many things, and bought or traded for most of the machines we’ve learned to replicate and now use in our land. It was in a world much like ours that I met Sombra, a kind and wonderful stallion. I modeled this very city on his capital. I modeled my kingdom on his. And I loved him.”
“And? What else?”
Celestia sighed again. “And Star Swirl discovered that the mirror travel was making our worlds unstable, so he forbade me to go to Sombra’s world anymore. I started going behind his back. He caught me and closed the portal, intending that it should remain closed for good—but I learned to open it again.”
“I don’t think you understand what I want, Auntie. Details. I want details. All the details.” Cadance leaned her hooves on Celestia’s shoulder and blinked her big eyes.
Celestia dipped her head, but a smile appeared on her mouth.
“Is he cute?” Cadance asked.
“He’s handsome, Cadance. I’m not a schoolfilly.”
“Well, no matter. I already know I have the cutest colt in Equestria.”
“But I have the handsomest stallion in the multiverse.”
“Ooh! She begins to open up. What else can you tell me?”
Celestia laughed. “Well, let’s see. He’s very kind. His voice is soft, mild . . . but deep. I could just listen to him for hours. His moods are delicate, but, oh, when he laughs, the world turns bright! He’s a wonderful dancer—”
A blush appeared in Celestia’s cheeks, and she added through clenched teeth, “And he’s a wonderful kisser—”
Cadance giggled and started climbing up Celestia’s shoulders.
Celestia struggled to get to her feet as Cadance clung to her neck. “Ah, Cadance, you’re too big for that! And in your delicate condition—”
“There you go again!” Cadance’s giggles redoubled, but she slid to the floor and rolled onto her back. “He sounds wonderful, Auntie.” She started poking at Celestia’s underside. “Speaking of conditions, can we expect—?”
“Stop that! I am, unfortunately, well past foal-bearing age—”
“But you look so young!”
“Yes, but I still had a limited number of ova. Stop it!” She clutched Cadance’s hooves in her pasterns and pressed her to the floor. “Frankly, I’m amazed to learn that you’re in foal. How did you get Shining Armor to put down his board games long enough—?”
“They’re role-playing games, Auntie, as he’s explained to me many times, and I simply taught him to redirect that creativity into other channels.”
“Really?”
“Oh, yes. I appealed to his intellectual side: ‘Think of it as like a chess match,’ I told him.”
Celestia paused, but curiosity got the better of her. “You did?”
“They don’t call it checkmate for nothing.”
“All right, stop it. In any case, I think you’ve misunderstood what I’ve told you: I can only visit his world for a few minutes at a time, so I could hardly—”
“Then you definitely should have come to me, Auntie. You would be amazed at what you can accomplish even when you only have a few minutes—”
“Cadance! Honestly!” Celestia pulled away. “Sometimes I don’t know what to make of you. You swing back and forth between sounding like a prude and sounding like a libertine!”
“It all depends on the company. I’m a libertine with my husband and a prude with everypony else.”
“I don’t have a husband, so—”
“What?
“As I just said—”
Cadance rolled over and jumped up. “Are you telling me you’ve been visiting the same stallion for over a thousand years, and you haven’t married him?”
“Well—”
“Tsk.” Cadance pointed at the mirror. “Step through that portal right now and tell Sombra to put a ring on your horn. Go on! Shoo! I’ll keep your breakfast warm.”
“Cadance, it is not that simple.”
“They all say that. Get going.”
“No, this time it’s true. We have to arrange our meetings years in advance. It’s dangerous!”
“Years?”
“Yes.” Celestia looked away and added sheepishly, “In exactly one year, five days, and six hours, we are going on a picnic.”
“For a few minutes?”
“A short picnic.”
“I have a recipe for some hoof-sandwiches that will knock his horseshoes off.”
“Really? I’d like that.”
Cadance walked to Celestia and slapped her in the back of the head with a hoof. “Auntie, you can’t live like this.”
“But I have.” She walked away from Cadance, closed her eyes for a moment, and composed herself. “Fate set a test before me, Cadance. I failed that test. I long ago gave up struggling to pass it.”
“This would give a month’s worth of gossip to the scandal sheets, I admit, but I still don’t see what leverage you think Director Thunderhead has on account of it.”
“It isn’t a simple matter of secret love. The portal . . . I can’t claim to understand it completely, but it damages the fabric between worlds. It’s not like the mirror to Brad’s world. Sombra’s world is dying, and it’s my fault, but I can’t stop, and he won’t tell me to stop. I fear that our world, too, is beginning to fall apart on account of me.”
She closed her eyes again, and one tear fell out. “I have tried so many times. I’d smash that mirror, but I don’t have the strength.”
“The director knows all this?” Cadance asked.
Celestia nodded. “All of it. Every last detail. Even things I’ve said to Sombra in secret. I don’t know how he knows, but he knows.”
Cadance walked toward the door. “I admit, Auntie, it sounds much as you’ve said: you have a choice between Sombra and Equestria.”
“I have known that a long while, Cadance. But I’ve already made my choice. The ponies think I am pure and perfect, but my life is a lie.”
Cadance turned around and gazed in Celestia’s face a long while. “The Queen and Judge, do you really believe in them? When I was younger, I never thought you did. I’m surprised you spoke of them here.”
“I don’t know, Cadance. The Queen, at least, was real, but I can’t say if the stories about her are true. As for the One True Judge, I find the stories hard to believe: she walked into the Valley of Dreams on a Rainbow, and under her the ponies lived in Paradise? That seems unlikely. But I did know Star Swirl the Bearded, and by his magic he mastered space and time. He often traveled to the future, and he returned troubled, but he wouldn’t tell me what he saw. Nonetheless, when he disappeared, I found on his desk a single book—”
“The Aponycalypse.”
“Yes. I am uncertain what it means, but it seems to tell of the return of the Judge.”
“My adoptive parents often read it to me.” Cadance walked toward Celestia and recited from memory in a singsong, “Then Magog sat down on her great white throne, and the books were opened. The beasts were chained and thrown into Tartarus so that they might deceive the nations no more.”
Celestia quoted in return, “A pony clothed in white spake unto me, saying, ‘Come, and I will show you the new Paradise.’ I went, and I beheld a city come down out of heaven: on its foundations were written the names of Magog, Danel, and Moloch, and of the ponies who serve them.”
Cadance replied, “And a voice from the city cried out: ‘Now the Kingdom of the One Queen is with ponies. Their city shall have no castle, for Magog shall be a fortress unto them forevermore. Neither shall they need the sun to light the city by day nor the moon to light the city by night, for Magog and the Queen shall be its light. And the righteous ponies shall shine forth like the sun in the Kingdom of the One True Queen.’”
Celestia closed her eyes and recited very slowly, “But outside are the mules, the unfriendly, the ungenerous, the unkind, the disloyal, the joyless”—she paused, swallowed, and licked her lips—“and all liars. Their place is Tartarus, for that is the second death.”
For several minutes, the two stared at each other.
“No, Auntie,” Cadance whispered, “you haven’t failed yet. Every moment of every day, you have the chance to make a new choice.”
“Is it wrong to love?”
“Only if you love wrong. Do you love Sombra enough to save his world?”
“I was hoping—”
“That I’d tell you to destroy everything for love’s sake?” Cadance shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. Some poets would tell you it’s romantic to kill yourself for love, and maybe it is, but then you’re dead, and nopony enjoys your love except the one reading the poem.”
“In all Equestria, Cadance, am I, alone, to be alone?”
“I can find you a wonderful stallion if you like. But I don’t think that’s what you want. You’re married to Equestria, Auntie. I’ve always known that.” She nodded toward the mirror. “So be faithful to your husband. Break it. Break it right now. Don’t hesitate.”
Celestia didn’t move. Cadance stood in the doorway and waited.
After a minute, Celestia said, “You’re fighting on Brad and Twilight’s behalf—”
“For a mistake they can’t undo. They will be miserable, but they will bear it, and they will have each other to bear it with. You, on the other hoof, are dragging down two worlds. Break it.”
Another minute passed. Celestia could not meet Cadance’s eyes, but she swallowed once, wiped tears from her face, and said, “I can’t, Cadance. I simply can’t.”
Then w8 for 1 year, go in there, conceive foal and birth your own little Sombra...duh.
2394561
It's explicitly stated that she can't have children anymore
Honestly, I'm siding with Cadence in all of this. She may be insufferably arrogant and condescending, but she has good reason to be, considering she's only speaking common sense
This... is goddang haert-wrenching. You son of a bitch, ripping out Celestia's heart like this. Still, I've never seen you as the "Happily Ever After" type, so I guess it's to be expected.
Why must good stories come at the expense of the charadter's happiness?
2394578
lies, magic fix everything. they need to use elements on her.
Man, I'm not reading the story this is from, but I love your take on Cadance.
2394601
Because otherwise they wouldn't be good stories.
2394613
So... happy endings are a myth?
Poor Celestia, she just never gets to be happy.
(I read the comics, so no help from me on the request.)
2394639
Nope, but there's a reason they're, well, endings :-P
Nice preview, I wish the Aponycalypse was fully written, it sounds like it would be an amazing read.
I really like that Celestia's concerns are more spiritual than anything, it looks like she is terrified of becoming a corrupt immortal like almost every other one in Equestria and gives us a glimpse into her own beliefs.
2394694
Right, but because the story ends doesn't mean, "Then everybody got cancer and died." A happy ending means the character's achieved their goals, and things look up, hopeful, and people are, well... happy. Yeah, characters have to suffer a bit for the ending to be truly satisfying, but I still wish true love could conquer...
2394850
Well yeah, true love can conquer, but it's kinda boring to read about. I mean, tons of descriptions of how everything's going fine...are kinda bland :-\
2394863
Right, in the middle. There has to be conflict, but at the end of the day...
2394869
Well, yeah. Who knows, maybe Brad with his Human Powers can did the mirror and make it so Celestia and Sombra can spend as much time as they want together :-)
I haven't read this comic yet, so far I got up to Gazebo repair. I have heard it mentioned in some podcast i guess but that's all.
I think your introducrion of the story is nice enough. You introduced new character (or Mrs. Colombo), new plot device and explained how it all came to be.
Well, since I've seen enough of the comics to get the gist of the storyline, I can't say whether or not this does an adequate job of introducing the topic to those unfamiliar with it. However, you've done a great job with the material you have to work with. Still, I really hope Cadance does something intelligent with this information.
In any case, I look forward to the full chapter.
I've read the comics, so I can't judge how well Sombra and the alternate dimensions are explained, but I do love the second coming of the Magog, Daniel and Moloch (I never DID trust Molly), taking ponies to the great playset in the sky.
2394601
You know, I honestly want to write happily-ever-after stories. I just can't seem to. Last time I tried, it turned into the story of sexual battery from a giant fish.
2394863 .
Stories can end in two ways: the protagonist returns triumphantly home to his wife and children, or he returns sadder but wiser (and possibly dead).
A third sort of option, rocks fall and everybody dies, is what happens in today's "literary" fiction, which is struggling to be novel and different. And that's why nobody reads it.
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121125202612/mlp/images/0/07/Mule_wearing_shades_S3E04.png
"Yeah, well... I´m gonna go build my own kingdom. With blackjack and hookers!"
Seems dump-y enough to me & I'm even more in the dark than your Life of Brad readers. You manage to reconcile "evil Sombra" and "Celestia in love with Sombra" pretty darn well.
I don't know what to make of your Cadence. I swing between quite in love with her & absolutely
at how, oh how can I say, explicit? she is willing to be, often in the same line.