A writer's brain works in stupid ways. · 8:37pm Aug 22nd, 2014
Yes, I'm perfectly aware of how much I just set myself up there, thankee. It's just... sometimes, one idea leads to another.
Here's the current chain.
1. In Triptych, I said that taking somepony else along on a teleport is called escorting and that Doctor Gentle hadn't learned how to do it.
2. Naked Lunch had Crossing say he hadn't had the chance to take the test which would allow him to escort. So it's a licensed thing, apparently due to persistent rumors that it's possible for an untrained pony to lose whoever's being brought along within the between.
3. This Group forum post found me noting that Twilight had taken said test. Obviously she passed.
4. Twilight. Major test. One which would have been taken fairly early in continuity, sometime during S1
Hmm.
None of that is (probably) the stupid part. There might be a short story -- 5k words or under, possibly even an all-dialogue -- waiting to come out from the experience of Twilight trying to get her official paperwork. Twilight vs. Exam is an easy running gag to go with, especially with something like teleportation where things can go wrong in a fashion as entertaining as you want them to be.
Here's the stupid part. The prospective title.
Twilight's Escort Service
...the trolling/false advertising accusations would start in the first comment, wouldn't they?
Okay... so maybe it's more about Twilight trying things out after passing the test by helping Ponyville residents go all over the settled zone. Whether they want to be helped or not.
...still a trolling title, isn't it?
But it just looks so pretty...
Clearly the answer is to have at least one of Twilight's customers share in the confusion of what type of "escort" she is.
Step 1: Setting your Story Bible to determine the distance teleportation can go and the difficulty involved.
Step 2: Baseline your various characters to that bible including Celestia/Luna (both canon teleporters) as well as other NPCs for flavor, such as Sunset Shimmer.
Besides, you already have a
suckerexperimental subject for escorting: Miss Smarty Pants. Perhaps she gets lost during the 'port, displaced somewhere and making Twiliy and SA search for her.Shining Armor: "Smarty Pants. Are you out here?" (brief and chagrined pause) "I can't believe I just did that."
That title's too good to waste on such a petty matter as shame. I say go for it.
Also, Twilight did bring Spike along for the ride in "The Ticket Master," so it's possible that she was certified pre-Season 1. That, or she was that desperate to get away from a town full of sycophants.
There are worse trolling titles.
And, the comey (deliberate and inadvertant) from the idea is worth it.
You terrible man.
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I seem to recall her saying she didn't mean to do it at all, so that puts it pre-test for me (and she'd have some explaining to do). That scene is also the origin for my having her say that Spike's scales react badly to something in the between and she has to shield him before taking him along, or smoke plumes happen.
I really do base a lot of the stuff in the 'verse on events in the show. Believe it or not.
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It's a variable based on the pony's overall field strength, how much they've practiced with it and (rarely) if that's their mark. Celestia and Luna can pretty much go cross-continent with one effort, although that's not necessarily a casual one. Most other ponies would have to tackle that kind of trip in stages, using multiple safe arrival points to divide things up. (For the weakest, that's several thousand jumps. Might as well take the train.) Twilight hasn't really practiced major distance travel (although her field strength would allow more than she might think) and her witnessed maximum escort mass to date has been two other ponies and one very small dragon.
Teleporting something inanimate may be easier than bringing something living, or at least so the rumors go. (The test may involve live flowers.) Either way, default is you and maybe what you're wearing, if it doesn't weigh too much -- and, given ponies, if you're wearing anything at all. Anything over a pony's normal limit may just get left behind at the departure point. Or not.
As for SA, I'm already on the road to making him a professional victim. Let's not push it too far by making him a Calvparent, too.
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Clearly.
Brings up the question of whether escort services -- 'somepony hanging off my back' and sexual alike -- are legal in Equestria. I'd say that for the current 'verse, they are: Celestia would rather have such things above-ground and regulated, as it's safer for all involved.
...and now I have an idea for Fleur.
*sigh*
I think I just understood 'plot bunny'.
That is a fantastic title and it would be a shame to not use it, especially so in relation to the story content.
I agree with everyone here that that's too awesome/hilarious NOT to use. Seriously, I burst out laughing when I saw that tentative title.
Not all trolls are evil, unjustified or even unwelcome. A good troll educates, inspires and could even liberate. It could enable a mind to expand beyond its current horizons, and thus reach a higher plane of existence.
Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as a good troll.
Especially if it involves a particularly juicy pun.
Clearly this is a thing that needs to happen.
I suppose it would be extremely difficult to justify Twilight feeling a need to take on another job for extra income, but dammit, it would be so nice...
"Wow, Spike, look at all these letters! I just put up the poster on the big notice board in the marketplace this afternoon, and already half the adult population of Ponyville wants to reserve a time for my services! I didn't think Fluttershy would ever want to go traveling. Go figure."
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I'm still trying to work out what that story content is. The current iteration --
-- ETA: yes, this was me pretty much trying to find the plan within the flaw in real time --
-- has Twilight having just passed her test -- and having discovered, to her financial horror, that there's a fee for it. A very large fee, one nothing could get her out of on short notice (and 'long notice' would have meant waiting moons for a reschedule), severe enough to do some very real damage to her finances. And there are some books coming out which she's not willing to wait on.
So she decides to get back on track through trying out her newly-licensed skill. Sure, she's not confident about jumping between settled zones, but... well, there must be ponies willing to pay for shortcuts, right? Even if it's just across town. Maybe -- well, at least it couldn't hurt to print up a few flyers and post them all over Ponyville. And since she knows what 'escort' means, everypony else will see the word in exactly that context.
The flyer... would have to come out as something which could be read two ways with ease. Or one wrong way without thought. And so some very opportunistic ponies begin to sign up. Possibly a fairly high number, much to Twilight's delight and financial recovery. Payment in advance, please...
So the key may be how long we can keep this going with Twilight just moving ponies from place to place while others keep signing on, convinced the main thing which will be moving is the earth. (Oh, and possibly the bed. Some unicorns do lose a little control, y'know.) Probably not more than a day or two. And we don't want to paint Ponyville as a town completely filled with those who would engage services, so at least one pony should understand what she actually meant, which also keeps the illusion intact that much longer.. Of course, Twilight would have to blink off to her next escort job almost immediately after completing the last, just so her clients would have very little time to protest...
Still gonna be a few ripped-off feeling ponies.
And then somepony will have to educate Twilight on reality. Carefully. Oh, Rarity...
(The only lock-in need (if this goes in-'verse) is that she can't escort an earth pony. Easy enough.)
How long could this be kept going? Two days seems to be pushing it. I'm seeing one very active day and night, with the aftermath hitting in the morning.
Much blushing ensues.
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Something you find in an Equestrian Gentlestallion's Club?
"nudge nudge, you know what I mean, you know what I mean."
I say you should go for it.
But I'm kind of an a-hole like that.
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And then this popped into my head.
"So I'm just taking on you, sir?"
"...you were expecting more ponies?"
"Well, I couldn't be sure. I did put down in the fine print that I'm licensed for up to three, but I'm not certain everypony read that far. Honestly, I wanted the government test to get a icense for six, but the fee was just so high! I'm sure I could have done it, though. I just know I could have found more ponies in the license office who would have wanted me to give them a ride. And frankly, taking on three didn't tire me out at all!!"
Please make it happen. For extra trollyness, write a second story with the same title and cover iMage, but using the second definition, and publish them at the exact same time. In this second story, twilight tries to raise money as a prositute to save the library or something, and can't understand why all the guys (and a few girls) rather than snogging, just want her to take them here and there.
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Want to see great peaks you could never reach with your own hooves? Come to Twilight Sparkle! For a reasonable fee Miss Sparkle will take you places you could never get on your own! No need to skimp on your dreams: Twilight Sparkle will take you everywhere. There is no such thing as too far! With her magic and a point of physical connection, Miss Sparkle will carry you through worlds beyond your imagining to take you exactly where you want to go. Don't hesitate, beat the crowd! Come to the library to begin your voyage today!
Just do it. When anyone complains that there's no sex, just reply that they knew going in that there was no sex.
It's always worked for me.
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See, with your verse's average displayed pony intelligence, I'm fully expecting the first few customers to actually believe they were serviced as they were escorted to the other side of town.
how long did you say it takes through the between?
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Somehow, I suspect that when it comes to "screwed: being vs. getting", most ponies can tell the difference.
Which doesn't mean there won't be one idiot wondering "Was it good for me too?"
Oh, please, pretty please, do it.
2392158 As much as the story's idea is a bit crass for me, I can confidently(but respectfully) argue with you on this point(that is Ponivillians and intelligence) with two words: Bunny and Stampede.
It's your call (girl), but I say you should turn this trick into a story. Maybe you'll even get a
slutslot in the Featured Box!And another thing.
Twilight should totally create some safe exit_nodes around town, to ensure no exit_occupied_error occurs.
I'm thinking something along the lines of a few circles sketched unto the ground with multicolor-chalk, next to signs stating "don't step in this circle".
I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
This blog and it's comments amuse me greatly
Solution: Awkward teleport mishap in which Twilight ends up on top of some stallion who she knocked flat with recoil.
2391942 (The only lock-in need (if this goes in-'verse) is that she can't escort an earth pony. Easy enough.)
Um. Why not? As long as the earth pony isn't actively channeling their magic, they won't act as an anchor. (Twilight: I'm pouring in the power, but we just aren't -- BANG -- Ah, much better. Welcome to Van Hoofer, Mr. Cake. You look kind of pale. Are you all right?"
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Seriously, this story is just writing itself. You’ve gotta include that snippet in there somewhere. Perhaps with said pony going wide‐eyed and backing away slowly, muttering something about not breaking eye contact while Twilight is left wondering what the hell going on.
You know, with Rainbow Dash's competitive streak I think she might set up a service in competition. I mean, wings are better than a horn, right? And she always needs bits for the poker games.
Perhaps Rarity (or one of the others, Pinkie Pie for maximum laughs) has to explain the "escort" euphemism to both of them...
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The crassness... they can't all be G-rated. (Well, they can. They're just not going to be.) But I have no intention of running off into The Wonderful World Of Clop. (I come here to get away from work.) And there's just something about Twilight and misunderstandings, especially when she winds up in social or sexual situations which she truly doesn't comprehend. This doesn't necessarily mean having sex: Naked Singularity is a fun demonstration of Twilight working herself into some almost Victorian-feeling cringe comedy.
So nothing's going to actually happen -- not sexually. But as Rarity seems to find a great deal of her comedy when she's in a situation she can't control, Twilight comes into her own during moments when she's sure she has absolutely everything worked out -- and she's either completely wrong or operating on a correct-but-separate track from the rest of the universe.
I promise it won't go beyond Teen and likely won't even have the Sex tag because as said, ain't nothin' happenin'. But double entendres? There'll be a few... and I won't be offended if you opt out on this one.
As for the notorious Bunny Stampede freakout -- as Jordanis said, there needs to be a standing order allowing Twilight to muzzle the Flower Trio during emergencies. They're Ground Zero for many of Ponyville's herd mentality flight slips.
Thanks, Daisy. Really. Moving supplies gift box?
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Huh. I'm not going to use that here because she'd need to officially zone things off with permission from the mayor (plus I'm setting this in midwinter and she'll have fewer concerns about traffic), but it makes sense for her to have set up a small network of emergency arrival points around Ponyville. Thankee.
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It's always nice when something writes itself because that means I don't have to do any of the work. Do you think 'something' can avoid all typos on the first try?
However, in this case, I think we're verging into a group effort. I may need some credits in the Author's Notes...
As for that snippet, our subject may be wondering where he can find two more ponies at this hour.
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In-'verse, teleporting an earth pony momentarily breaks the connection between pony and land, resulting in disorientation and nausea. The severity of the problem is based in distance traveled and the earth pony's overall field strength. Small leaps aren't necessarily too bad. A Ponyville-to-Canterlot jump had Applejack fighting not to be sick on the Hall Of Legends' floor: The subsequent Canterlot-to-Trotter's Falls (or the wild zone outside it) left her helplessly vomiting all over the arrival point. It's not something Twilight learns about any part of until the start of the local Year Four.
However, it's okay for continuity as long as Twilight doesn't see the reaction, and she can always blink out before the consequences manifest. Besides, I'd really like to involve Caramel in this.
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*covers eyes against horror of image*
This is turning into a mosaic story. Y'all know that, right?
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"writing itself" seems indeed to be the case...
2393812 The horror of Rainbow flying around town escorting ponies, or the horror of Pinkie being the one to explain things...
Without a chariot she would have to carry ponies on her back...
Caramel has a thing for pegasus mares...
Perhaps Rainbow gets an education on the escort euphemism from him (before, during, or after she gives him a few good kicks), and she is the one to explain it to Twilight.
"Hey, Twilight. You know how our client list seems to be exclusively male?"
"I have been wondering about that."
"And how all the mares in town have been giving us dirty looks?"
"I just don't know what I've done to offend them..."
"It turns out that an 'escort service' means something totally different to what we thought it did..."
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Or a loophole, maybe. Unlicensed escorting of baby dragons is technically okay, for some reason.
Hmm. I guess one of the problems is that the game could easily be up as soon as she asks her first customer where he (or, well, she) wants to go.
"Can't we just... y'know.... do it here?"
"I... suppose, but it kind of defeats the purpose if we're already here..."
"I meant your bedroom."
"Why would you want to go between just to get to my...
...eep!"
Of course, if they always want to go to hotels or their own homes, maybe she wouldn't catch on for a while... until the already-discussed scenario of learning about what services such an agency might offer "under the table"...