I Am Technically Not Dead · 10:43pm Aug 18th, 2014
So, new story. My first since 2013, actually. It might be my last.
I've been trying to find the right balance of how much effort to put into fulfilling my personal goals, and how much to put into improving the world. And the thing about writing is that you get out of it what you put into it—so yes, it's been unspeakably rewarding, but it also takes much more energy than, say, going out to a party. That's energy that hasn't gone into my larger goals. I've known this intellectually for approximately forever. A while ago, this started making sense on an emotional level, too. (My guess is that it's because I gained the ability to express my emotions without first writing an entire story.)
I'd been in the middle of revising this story with my prereaders. And then I sort of... stopped. I didn't feel great about leaving them hanging, but there was stuff to do, you know?
Well, I've had time to take stock lately, and I want to tie up some loose ends. The story may not be 100% perfect forever, but the important stuff is all there, and it's more than postable. And people have been asking if I got hit by a bus or something, so it seems wise to let everyone know what's up.
Maybe I'll be back, if I gain the ability to balance writing and working in a more stable way. But for now, at least, it's not my highest priority.
Heh. Speak for yourself. I feel about parties the way other people feel about final exams. They're long drawn-out tests that I'll probably fail, but have to keep taking anyway.
(And I probably feel about final exams the way other people feel about parties.
)
2380827
I just find parties terribly dull, personally. The only kind of party I enjoy is the kind where it is friends getting together and playing games.
Always glad to have another story from you to read. As for the balance, well, things come and go in cycles. If you feel that you want to spend your energy elsewhere, you should. Might be a few years down the line you are missing the creative output writing gives you and wander back.
Good luck improving the world, and maybe if you drop in occasionally you can tell us how it's going.
Speaking for myself, I always saw writing as one of the best methods available to me for improving the world. Art—particularly music and storytelling—I think is uniquely powerful in that regard. So, for myself, I often feel like the time I'm spending not writing is time I'm being selfish. I've got some rather serious issues with an inability to recognize selfishness/selflessness in myself, though, so I've learned to view some of my own attitudes with suspicion.
I can definitely relate to trying to find a balance for writing, though. It seems to get particularly hard for me every summer, and grad school is pretty unconducive to it in general.
I'm glad to hear you're doing okay, though, and glad to see this story finally go up on the site!
2380827
I unreservedly concur with this sentiment.
I know how you feel, Benman. Good luck out there.
Good to see you back, however briefly. The RCL's been swimming along. Things have more or less stopped falling apart in my personal life, though my social schedule's filled in with summer. I'm glad to know that you're alright — hope the conference was as cool as it looks from the outside.
You've got important things going on, and I don't want to intrude in that, but when the writing's tugging at you — or if you just want to hang out — I'll be here.
It has been a pleasure to read your stories; Mortal is one of the first works to convince me that fanfiction could be not only well-written but enjoyable, and it remains one I recommend readily. By all means, go and do your thing; you've given us something wonderful already.
At this point, I'd say focus on doing what makes you happy. If that includes writing ponyfic, great. But nobody sane is likely to fault you for choosing not to write and to instead improve the world in such a big way.