MLP episode review: Lesson Zero · 11:10pm Jul 2nd, 2014
Now, then. This one, ho boy. I guess if quality is Job One, then it's time for...
Lesson Zero
Strap in, folks. We're going for a ride! We open at dawn at Golden Oaks and Twilight is preparing for the day. it starts out alright, then we get extra extra ink and my alarm bells are going off already. Seventeen seconds in, too. She's got the things ready to create the checklist of things to do today. Item one is create the checklist. Spike faints and I am rolling my eyes in a bad way. The checklist thing is NOT funny! Back from commercial and we see Spike checking off stuff, including new parchment and quills. Twilight is flabbergasted because they ordered some a few days ago and I wish to smack her. Next is cupcakes. Except she ordered twelve and there's thirteen, and some of the icing's rubbed off the extra cupcake onto the next one. She... proceeds to ruin the Cakes' hard work and pretty much ruin the cupcakes. There are some pretty skeevy faces, too.
Eight.
Spike gets splattered, as does Missus Cake. Spike cleans himself off with his extra-long tongue. Missus Cake in the background has a worried look on her face. So do I, Cup. So do I. Back at Golden Oaks they finished everything except... triple-checking the checklist to make sure nothing was missed when double-checking it. Spike's got a claw cramp. tendinitis, perhaps? Twilight, take over writing for the rest of your life. He says it's good there's nothing to write to Celestia this week... and Twilight freaks. Apparently she's supposed to send a letter to Celestia every week about friendship. She gets all up in Spike's face and I'm about ready to get a restraining order on her!
I call bullshit even before the end of this episode! She didn't send a letter in 'A Bird in the Hoof' or 'Sonic Rainboom'! She searches for her calendar. Spike gets it and she TKs t over so hard she knocks him for a loop.
Nine.
Last letter was last week. If she doesn't send a letter by sundown she'll be... tardy. Spike pushes away the backdrop of Twilight's freak and says Celestia won't punish her. Twilight says she's afraid to take the chance. Like with Philomena? And the Gala?! You KNOW from previous episodes she's not like that! And Twilight begins going down a deep, dark hole, all the way to... magic kindergarten. Which is what she thinks Celestia will do to her if she doesn't send in a report. And we get that infamous imagine spot. Spike rolls it up and says its' ridiculous. Twilight agrees, because she's going to find a problem and solve it! The point whizzes by her head at superluminal velocity, it appears. She asks Spike, but he has nothing. Spike, either lie or tell her about the ultra-neurotic friend who's stressing out over nothing that she has SEEN is nothing!
In town, we see the sun moving to the ticking of a clock with a windmill. This is the writers and animators showing Twilight's stress. Twilight says she's got it. She hears Rarity crying out and runs to Carousel Boutique, finding her crying. It's The! Worst! Possible! Thing! She... lost her diamond-encrusted purple ribbon. Hey, Rarity? Discord and/or Nightmare Moon ring a bell? She then TK's a fainting couch over and... faints. This is her running theme, folks. they diva-fied her! Twilight looks away and is all sorts of glad Rarity's got a problem. Isn't this how one of the Flash's rogues got his start? Twilight launches into a speech, but Rarity finds it. Twilight asks if there's anything else wrong, and Rarity asks for her to get her measuring tape. Twilight, this is how Spike feels 27/7. Twilight storms out, huffy Rarity found her ribbon. Twilight floats it over and leaves. Rarity asks if there's something wrong, but she's gone. Strike one!
Back at it and we see Dash going all Karate Kid on Applejack's barn, and I don't mean Daniel-san! We see Applejack with a helmet on and ducking. Twilight thinks they're fighting. "How wonderful!" Wait, who's the bad guy again? she tells Dash to stop and pulls an Applejack with her tail using her TK. She says she can help them solve their problems! Dash is confused, Twilight is condescending and I am kinda hungry. We cut to her pulling a Deanna Troi, complete with her mane tied back, Dash on a couch and some floaty stuff. Dash says Applejack... asked her to go all Mythbusters on her barn, so she can put up a new barn. Wait, where'd she get the money for that? She says to get to it and Dash takes off. Applejack pulls a Burt Gummer and says to take cover. Dash flies up and does a... crash into the barn that results in a rainbow-colored mushroom cloud. Okay, I have problems with this episode-mostly Twilight-but this? This was awesome. :D
Applejack and Twilight dig themselves out of the debris, Applejack ecstatic and Twilight depressed. More sun-ticking animation that's shorthand for Twilight's deteriorating mental condition is shown. Her mane's starting to go, too. She says she should've come here, first. Fluttershy's always got a fear to get over. We see... a bear roaring at her. And then Fluttershy beats the bear up! MORTAL KOMBAT! Twilight is aghast, and so am I! And then... she breaks its neck. Yogi, no! Twilight walks off, apparently not caring about the apparent homicide... and then we see Fluttershy is massaging it. I call bullshit on that. That was an asspull. That was not what was happening beforehand in that scene.
On a park bench Twilight pulls a Gollum, or maybe Two-Face? Twillum? No, that sounds like a 'shipping portmanteau! Spike comes along with the ruined cupcakes and asks what the hell's going on as her server board crashes. Twilight hears laughter, sees some ponies playing jump-rope and it turns into the children from Village of the Damned. Spike pops the imagine spot-okay, is he wearing the Mask? Freakazoid at this point? He yells at her to snap out of it and he's worried. He tells her to go to the picnic and starts to say to relax, don't do it, when you wanna go through it. But Twilight cuts him off like a lightsaber, TKs the cupcakes and runs to 'see' her friends! Spike, she hasn't come to her senses! Don't join her in McDonaldland!
At the picnic, Pinkie-wait, why didn't Twilight go see her?! UGH! Pinkie puts down a basket, pulls off a blanket and balloons float from it, taking the basket with it. Wait, Dorothy still needs to get aboard! Dash is there with her Oppai Gangnam sunglasees and the othes are chilling. Rarity forgot the plates and we get another worst possible thing/fainting couch. Legit points for the others looking at her like she lost her mind. "What? You didn't expect me to lay on the grass, did you?" *Thinks to Dog and Pony Show* YES!!!!!!!!! Dash lays back and the cupcakes box drops next to her. We get a Dash-eye view of Twilight and holy shit it's BAD! Slasher smile a'la the Joker, hair all... frazzled. Applejack asks if she's alright, and Twilight explodes. Not literally, but the rate this is going I kinda wish she had... They ask her what's wrong and she pulls a Rarity. She tells them her letter's late and they all sigh in relief. She... begins 'porting around screaming how she'll be tardy, and they laugh at her. Okay... point against the Mane Five, there. But only one. They seem to know Celestia better than Twilight does at this point. Applejack tries to get her to calm down/see reason and Twilight rants and raves. Okay, about nine-thousand points against Twilight. Applejack tries to get her to sit down and stop sweatin' the small stuff, but Twilight 'ports out of there. Rarity calls her a drama queen, and the Pacific Ocean is wet. At least there's a 'relatively speaking' from her, but yeesh!
Back at Golden Oaks, and clock is ticking... for BIG SAVINGS at your local Chevrolet dealer! she decides to 'make' a friendship problem and she opens a chest. We cut to outside and a bird landing in a nest, then twilight pops her head up... and where's her horn? That bird's not moving! That laugh and look is genuinely disturbing, too. she spies the CMC playing with a ball, and then Twilight tele-frags right into it and says the infamous, "Hi, GiRLS!"
Ten. Eleven.
This... is not good. I any sense of the word. It's creepy, off-putting and plain WRONG. Apple Bloom tries to say hi and she bulldozes right through them. Scootaloo is hunkered down and legit SCARED. She holds up the tattered Smarty Pants doll. I own the mini-figure version of it that came with the Cake family. She wants to give them to the CMC, but they don't want it. Smarty Pants even has a quill and notebook to pretend do homework. That explains so much about Twilight. Sweetie Belle repeats that she likes her mane. Twilight wants them to fight over it and then solve it, but they don't want it or Twilight.
And then Twilight casts the want-it, need-it spell and basically mind-rapes the three. Ohhai, Discord!
Twelve.
They begin fighting over it, not this bad since... Discord. "Works every time!" And what the fuck does THAT mean?! Twilight tries to 'solve' the problem, but the ball of crazy knocks into her. She jumps in, but gets knocked out and into Big Mac. Big Mac gets the doll, but now he's affected with it. Then Mayor Mare, then a large chunk of the town, including Bonbon coming back from her Thimble Theater auditions. Where they all came from I have no idea. This episode's on the Crazy Train. I wish it was the Soul train, but that's just me. It's a fucking riot. Twilight can't get a clear shot at it.
Thirteen.
At the picnic, Applejack hears the rustling. Winona's not there, though, so herding might be a bit tough. It runs through and... that doll's pretty tough. Twilight tells them what happened, and that the day is almost over. Applejack points out 'not almost'. the sun goes down and Celestia shows up. And she is rightfully PISSED. She cancels out the spell and everyone wanders off, probably with at least bruising and/or contusions or concussions. Big Mac sees Smarty Pants and takes her. At this point I don't give a damn. Celestia tells her to meet her in the library, hopefully to be arrested. Twilight says goodbye and she'll be in Magic Kindergarten. They ask what's what and leap to their own conclusions, with Rarity doing her show bit. And this time really meaning it.
At Golden Oaks, Twilight tells Celestia about the letter thing, and Celestia says she's a wonderful student and doesn't need a letter every week to know that. And at the worst possible time, the others burst through the door at the worst possible time. They say it's all their fault for not listening and for not stopping her
No... it really isn't your fault for her actions. And you did tell her to stop worrying and tried to invite her to the picnic. Besides, if you tried she wasn't gonna listen and would've teleported out of there!
Celestia... decides they all learned a valuable lesson and decides they all will report to her about friendship. So they're punished for Twilight's mind raping of the CMC and the riot she caused. Twilight asks how she learned, and it turns out despite the pain, Spike wrote her his worries. Okay, in this episode, Spike is THE hero. Twilight gives him a hug, and we cut to them dictating their letter. Spike at the end says he didn't have anything to learn because he was the only sane person, but they laugh at him. Hah... no.
Thoughts
I... this episode was disturbing. And no, that's NOT a good thing!
Twilight suffered a gradual nervous breakdown, ending with her mindraping the CMC and nearly destroying Ponyville. Last episode Discord mindraped the Mane Six and nearly destroyed Ponyville. I just... I don't know what to say. I really do not know what to say here. It was... chilling. It was wrong. It reminds me why I'm not a horror fan!
The thing is... she's wrong. On all accounts. No, she doesn't have to send a report every week. She's NOT sent a report every week. Celestia's a lot more forgiving than she thinks, and has SEEN that. I can feel some empathy and pity for her... up until the spell. Then it's all out the window.
Also, if I may quote the Wallbangers page, Twilight could've written a report about any of those problems.
Sheesh, it's not like they're hard to wring out of the most basic activities. Rarity flipping out because she can't find a ribbon? "Dear Princess Celestia, it's good to take care over the gifts you give to others, but not to stress yourself out over them." Brutish Rainbow aggressively smashing up AJ's house? "Dear Princess Celestia, sometimes what might seem to be a flaw in your friends can actually be a strength, and strengths are best used when they help friends out." Fluttershy beating up a bear? "Dear Princess Celestia, I learned that your friends can have surprising reserves of strength, and that it's not right to assume you know everything about them."
Do I blame the others? Although they could've stepped it up a bit, by that time she was too far gone IMHO. And they didn't make her do.... that. Am I being too harsh on her? Maybe? I don't know! Lord knows I suffered my fair share of breakdowns, but here's the thing. Before it got out of control, I got help.
Twilight Sparkle needs help.
Other things... Spike was made of win. Rarity was awful in this episode. Her only real bits flanderized her horribly. The bear thing still makes no sense and even after there's no real way to interpret that as 'massage therapy'. Nice to see Celestia so powerful. The checklist thing is beyond grating. I've been tempted off and on to write a fic where Rarity and Applejack find out about the want-it, need-it spell cast on their sisters and are pissed at Twilight. Not sure what else, if anything, I can say at this point about the episode.
Also, sorry about the little lack of updates. Trying to get the next chapter of my fic 'Elements of Harmony and the Savior of Worlds' done up. Tune in tomorrow for Luna Eclipsed, or 'Pinkie Pie, STOP IT!"
I love you!
No, it's just visual shorthand for telling her to knock it off. Like with the ticking sun.
On my personal opinion, Twilight was suffering in this episode of a serious case of PSTD after the whole mess with Discord, after most of part two trying to keep going, can't blame her for snap.
My personal headcannon is that Celestia was planning to punish her harder, but after seeing her mental state, she realized that would make thing even worse. Also, ironically EQG made her reaction retroactively more serious, after all, Celestia maybe though that another student of hers was going the deep end, (and we don't what Spike exactly wrote, maybe he exageratted a little)
Fun fact, there is a ton of fics calling Twilight friends for their actions on the wedding, some of then using this episode as a proof, but there is none calling her out of this, and was orders of magnitude worse.
This is one of the hardest episodes for me to deal with for simplest of all reasons.
Twilight Sparkle has a hideously bad case of PTSD, nopony thinks about anything like, oh, treatment (i.e. it's no big deal, it's all in your head), and it all accumulates with the use of a spell that should make everybody go "Geez, Twilight, did you dye your fur and call yourself Trixie a few weeks ago?!?". The only character that even comes remotely off well is Spike, and even he gets whacked with the Beta-Male club at the end. It's got some good sight gags, but all it does in terms of characterization is show that ponies have all the stabilty of a nitroglycerine factory on a volcano near a fault line, right next to a Heavy Metal Rock Festival with a pyrotechnic guy that is overcompensating for something.
Oh, and it makes me want to punch Megan McCarthy in the face(1). With a cinder block. Twilight has a serious mental issue, and not only is it played for laughs, it's played for stupid laughs. The sort of laughs that would piss people off if it was any number of issues.
There's a better episode idea in here, somewhere. Everypony realizes they have issues after Discord. They do silly things to try and deal with it(2). Hilarity ensues, and Princess Celestia comes in and points out that there are ways they can get help. Friendship report at the end, written by them all is that "sometimes, you need to ask somepony for help when things get bad inside your own head. You're not wrong or evil or broken, you just need help. And, it's right to ask for help."
But, no, we get the cliches.
(1)-She makes Dave Polisky look good. This is not a high bar to cross.
(2)-Fluttershy wrapping up all her animal friends in cotton wool, Applejack trying to FIX EVERYTHING, Rainbow Dash in denial so deep she's at the bottom of the ocean, Rarity trying to make The Perfect Dress, Pinkie Pie alternating between Pinkamine and Pinkie and trying to do the Perfect Party, and Twilight Sparkle's OCD going to 11...
I once read somewhere that what makes this episode particularly disturbing is that it comes right after "Return of Harmony". Twilight's insanity and breakdown here could in part be seen as a residual effect of Discord having messed with her head.
Let's look at the transcripts. "Sonic Rainboom":
"A Bird in the Hoof:"
So, yeah, in-person friendship reports excuse letters. See also "Swarm of the Century." And apparently, Celestia accepted reports from the rest of the Mane Six after near-death experiences.
Anxiety doesn't work like that. It's not rational. It doesn't respond to counterarguments. And thus, it's one of Twilight's worst enemies.
Applejack's income is directly tied to the plot. It's the same principle that allows the Enterprise to get somewhere just in time for something exciting to happen.
Applejack can afford ta keep puttin' up barns every other episode because she grows her own lumber. Think it was shown in Apple Family Reunion, maybe.
What annoyed me was the way Trixie gets treated in her 2 eps. Compared to Twilight in this one, and the rest in other ones.
Twilight mindrapes small children, causes a friggin riot (I'm sure Big Mac was using ponies to beat other ponies) and all she gets is a (mild) talking to? And her workload reduced and spread out among the others? Not to mention, she was never *publicly* called out for what she did. It was all hush-hush.
Meanwhile, poor Trixie will forever be damned for putting on a show, and later being taken over by evil accessories.
Yeah, I really disliked Twiligth nearly losing her mind being played for laughs. That's not funny. And some of the characters felt honestly flanderized here, particularly Rarity.
The post-traumatic stress syndrome from Discord is a good explanation, but since it's not been mentioned in the show, I'm not even sure the staff thought about it.
2252265
Oh god yes.