Fin. · 4:06am Jun 27th, 2014
(Big ol' disclaimer: pretty much entirely personal crap. Skip if you're so inclined.)
Contrary to popular opinion, I'm bothered by a lack of resolution on a personal level. So, here I am again. This is going to sound a bit rambly, as I was slightly drunk while writing some of this.
I'd like to talk to you all about addiction. I have what could easily be labeled an addictive personality, which has led me down a few roads in my life I'd rather I didn't. Zealotry, kleptomania... and a few others I'd rather not name. Point is, I get too enthused or otherwise too into things too easily. I could feel this happening when I started this pony thing. And y'know what? That I don't regret. Ponies were good to me. They were a fine creative outlet, let me sharpen my skills, and I met some awesome people.
However, as a direct result of what I did in the fandom and the things I was involved in, an addiction of mine I thought I'd kicked to the curb came back. Slowly, at first. However, over time, I found this problem to be looming bigger and bigger. And it kept getting worse the more I delved into brony stuff. And I apologize for being all vague about this, but on the off-chance any of you had respect for me, I'd rather not say exactly what this thing was. It's irrelevant anyway; just know it's a thing I'd rather I wasn't doing. Those of you who know, if you'd keep quiet, I'd be grateful. The point is, ponies, great as they were, were exacerbating my problem.
So I walked away.
Sure, there were other issues: simple stress, my breakup, a growing apathy towards the show... but I realized at some point, I had to take stock. One of my most deeply held convictions is that freedom is the ability to say fuck it and walk away from anything. Damn the costs and the repercussions; in that moment, you have power. I'm not so stoic that I can do that without saying something, however. I need whatever this to be some kind of epilogue. Perhaps more for my own sake than others', as this is already going to make little sense to most so far, I imagine.
The place I found myself walking to is Denver. I have family here, and I've managed to piece my life back together pretty well: I've got a kickass job that pays well and makes use of whatever writing talent I have, and ever-present loose ends aside, I feel like I'm moving forward with this thing called life. I'm getting over the addiction as well. Slowly.
However, I think all those things besides my "problem" aside, I could probably still keep writing pony fanfic even if I didn't watch the show. I mean, it's fanfiction. If push comes to hard buck in the face, canon can get curbstomped and most won't care if you replace it with something interesting enough. However, I've got to face facts: I'm a far better editor than I am writer. I don't write this to gain anyone's pity, but a lot of the shit I've written is very lacking. I've got a lot of weaknesses in how I write, and these style things just don't seem to go away.
Beyond that, though, I harken back to something that a reader said about... I believe it was my story where I was commissioned to write about if heteronormativity was no longer a thing in Equestria. Someone said that they liked the idea, but there was pain evident in the execution due to my own experiences that held it back from being truly enjoyable. And I think that statement kind of encompassed the problem inherent in most of my stories here; I write when I'm miserable, or to work through some issue of my own. A pretty frequent one was issues with sexuality (which, dear sweet Loki, probably don't belong projected onto My Little Ponies), as well as dealing with power, facing aspects of yourself you don't like/don't accept, searching for answers, rejection, and... whatever was at the core of Twilight, Revised. (I'm still not really sure.) Anyone looking at my page could see pretty plainly that from May 2013, when I graduated college and fled to California to be with Ebon Mane, my productivity plummeted. I tried taking commissions to keep myself active, but those ranged from somehow B-movie fabulous to iffy at best. I had a good six months out there in Cali, freeloading off my then-boyfriend, to do little else but write.
And I squandered it. For both fanfic and original fiction, I utterly squandered it. The words wouldn't come, fanfic wasn't getting written, and I was getting roundly rejected at every turn by magazines for my non-horse words.
It's only been now, with some distance that I've realized that I really only write fiction at any level approaching well (that is to say, beyond a technical proficiency I can usually muster under any circumstance because I paid attention in English class sometimes) when I'm miserable about something, and I just don't think that's a tenable situation, for both my physical and mental health, for something that would be my main focus in life.
Beyond that, I've always advised people that if fanfiction wasn't fun any more, stop. So I'm taking my own advice.
I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with any kind of fiction writing. I once made a video game in my teens (which apparently doesn't exist on the internet anymore, but whatever it was a middling RPG Maker 2000 product), and I enjoyed that sort of writing, as it let me focus on what I feel are my strengths (characterization, dialogue) and pretty much ignore the weaknesses (setting, physicalization, maintaining a consistent emotional tone beyond what a Bollywood epic does, etc). I've got a few ideas on that front, so I might do that. For the moment, I've chosen to occasionally blog about terrible movies and why they're awesome, while rating them on a scale of Nic Cage out of five to fulfill some kind of writing itch.
So, at last, I guess I come to my point: I'm bidding a farewell to this site and the fandom. For all those reasons above, I can't continue (not that I have been for a while) as an EqD pre-reader, fanfic author, fanfic editor, fanfic reader, or hell even a watcher of the show. I'm just done with pone. Fans are (mostly) great, but the scene just doesn't click with me anymore.
So, to some people, on the off-chance we don't speak again...
To short skirts and explosions: We've talked already, but in short, you are the best thing I leave the fandom. I'm glad I could help with what stories of yours I looked at. Keep the flame of absurdity alive.
To Varanus: You're a bastard for getting me into Twilestia, and by proxy pretty much all other pony shipping. Thank you. You're good people, as they say.
To Kegisak: We've had our differences over Eminence, but I still respect your sense of emotion in your writing. Also you showed me how bizarrely great gay ponies could be. It'd still baffle me otherwise.
To AestheticB: I will continue to be proud over helping with that bloated beast of an epic you cranked out. Hope life treats you grandly.
To Ebon: It was good to talk to you and I hope we continue to do so.
To Nick: I'll miss our days of trying to one-up each other with horrifying, ill-fitting fanfics.
To everyone I rejected as Pre-reader Air Pirate/Piastol/X/Unimpressive: Pretty much no regrets!
To everyone else: enjoy yourselves. That’s what this place is all about, right?
If any of you want to keep in touch, my gmail listed on this page is still active and I check it from time to time. I'm on Steam and Skype (rarely) too, but I don't like giving those out super freely. Send me something if you'd like either.
Well, in perfect Vimbert anticlimax fashion, that's all I've got. Stay cool, all of you. 
(Picture from, uh... somewhere. Shit. Someone sent this to me from some tumblr or other around a year ago, saying they'd requested a picture of that androgynous horse of mine.)
Hope the road treats you as well as it has me.
Take care, Vimbert. Glad to hear Denver's treating you better :D
... The part about this that I find most ironic is that I just visited your userpage this morning for the first time since your last blogpost.
Well, take care of yourself out there, Vimbert. Good luck.
P.S. Since this may be the only time I ever get to say this to you, my mind when reading End of Ponies decided that Professor Vimbert was voiced by George Carlin. It. Just. Fits.
Thought you ought to know.
2237763
You know, I've been put into a few fanfics in pony form. I've been a badass knight, a sexually confused pegasus, a bookstore clerk, and... an alcoholic janitor.
And the alcoholic janitor is easily my favorite, so I will happily take Carlin VAing Prof. Vimbert as my headcanon.
2237759
(Something something legal marijuana reference something)
Yeah. Colorado is good.
Although altitude still makes me its bitch.
Vimbert, I can't say I know you the best, but it's been a wonderful time getting to know you nonetheless. I'm glad to hear now life's treating you well and I hope only for the best in your future, wherever it may lead. Don't be a stranger and godspeed, you magnificent bastard.
2237766
Your approval of this headcanon pleases me to no end.
I know I've seen your pony's orange behind in at least three fics. The Professor and Sir Unimpressive were the first two, but I can't recall the third. I think it might have been in something that Props wrote.
Allow me to say that it is thanks to you I feel more confident as a writer than any class from high school ever gave me. Back in 2012 you allowed some poor crossover writer into your ponychan thread and helped me far beyond I ever thought you would. Through your help and constant verbal beatings, I was able to not only sharpen my skills but actually finish something. I hope beyond all measure that you find success in whatever you strive for next. I am glad to have met you and learned from you.
Farewell, Maestro. May the road treat you well.
I'm glad to hear you're doing well, but also sad to see you go. Personally, I enjoyed reading some of your stories and I still appreciate the pre-reading commission you did for me. Whatever you have to do to make yourself truly happy, go and do it. Fare thee well, good sir, you will be missed.
2237766
If ever somehow I had the money to pay him to read your lines by the time I get there in the audiobook, I totally would. Can't find his rate anywhere, but I'm sure it's far outside what I'm currently making =P
Take care Vimbert. Moving up and on and out to bigger and better things, on the shoulders of the experiences and memories to be fondly remembered.
I regret to see you go, Vimbert. You rose above so many others by doing nothing more or less impressive than frankly admitting that some of Late Bloomer came from your own pain, and that deserves a great deal of respect. I hope that you find success in conquering your demons, and that freedom will lead you back here with a fresh zeal and a soul full of ever-present laughter at the simple glory of being alive.
2237797
You'd have to get a necromancer, Carlin's been dead for six years now.
Peace out, Vimbert. Glad you seem to be finding something better for you in life!
Good luck with your life and your kickass job.
Link to your reviews of bad movies?it's already linked in the text derp2237818
Or some green flame. Time may be immutable, but that doesn't mean I can't store the tape somewhere </endofponiesreference>
I owe everything to you. Now and forever. Thanks for inspiring me, burning me, and transforming me into something better than the shade that I was before. I'd thank you for being the door through which--by fate or by fortune--I discovered new things and new friends to live for, but I do believe I've already done that in private conversation.
I'll continue to miss you. You were the one thing that gave this fandom serious eyebrows. And drive. At least for me.
Farewell, candlestick head.
Goodbye, then. Good luck in your future endeavors, out there in the real world.
2237766 So you are Sir Unimpressive. I always vaguely wondered.
2237818
2237839
I would fully support any scientific endeavor to make either of these things happen.
Fare thee well, Vimbert. Thank you for the eclectic group of stories that grabbed my attention not long after I joined the site, and bringing my story idea to its "iffy at best" realization.
I was just thinking yesterday that a lot of the old guard of this site were quietly disappearing. That's the nature of communities like this, I suppose.
Take care in life.
Damn. While I can't imagine what your "problem" is, I'm glad to see that you took the steps to curb it. Not everyone can go through that kind of effort to change, so good on you. I'm also glad that your life has picked up and you're doing better.
Maybe one day I'll finally get around to reading all of your stories. I always mean to but making time is hard.
Stick around Skype, and don't be a stranger. Good luck.
Ah well. Good luck! I hope you can start kicking your addiction again, whatever it is!
All the best Vimbert, it will be a shame not to see you about, you are one of my favourite people, and a lot of my stories are written in a 'damn I hope this is good enough for Vimbert!' mindset! I hope you stick about on Skype!
Well, Vimbert, it was fun stomping around and on some of EoP with ya. I've pretty much phased out of most of the pony thing apart from an occasional check in on the people I've met through ponychan and here, so I fully understand the lack of further "clicking" with the whole pone thing.
Addiction of any sort is tough to knock, and I'm glad you're working at killing that hydra yet again.
I'll have to give you a poke on Steam next time I see you around there. Cya 'round ya crazy drunk.
P.S. Count me jealous at you for finding a job related to writing this summer. I have yet to find anything where I'm at, let alone something touching on the creative craft.
Good times...
Well, while I'm sad to see you bowing out of the fandom, I'm glad you're proceeding with getting your life in order and attending to The Shit That Needs To Be Done.
You'll always be a friend, man. Come on Skype more often. We always miss seeing you around.
And Vimmy? take care of yourself. We're always here for you. That's what friends do.
Well...
Yeah, I got no smart ass remarks for you. So I'll try sincere.
I've always respected what you done in this fandom despite never really being all that fond of you. You're decision to leave the fandom hurts us all in some small way but like you said, if it doesn't make you happy then you should stop. If you need to remove yourself to remove the urge to... yeah. Then do so. I'd rather see you gone from here and find out in a year or 2 you managed to turn your life around and made something of yourself (even if it's just making yourself a better person) then see you here and miserable.
Sorry to see you go and may your future be full of good times.
We'll always have Paris. :B
You know, I always thought the "tortured artist" stereotype was just something people doled out to be edgy or romanticize the awful circumstances of writers and artists of the past. It makes me wonder if just... I don't know, if good writing comes more naturally to you out of emotional turmoil and that otherwise, you'll just have to work more for it. I mean, it's not like you're some kind of Incredible Hulk with a "write good" switch you can flick on and off with emotion.
Anyway, don't give up writing. :B Go keep doing the do, or I will be cross with you.
Be well, be safe, be happy, and go do what you need. We never talked, but that doesn't mean I wasn't listening, so thank you - though you may never know why.
Cheers.
I have enjoyed your writing and I hope you at least keep the account up. There was an author named Church a while back that didn't and I've wanted to reread some of his fics.
I guess it's like putting a blue's player on antidepressants. It will break them.
I empathize with the frustration about writing. Some people are unfairly, superhumanly good at it, and it's all I can do just to recognize what they've done. But to be fair, those people usually take 5 years to write one book.
As a final parting gesture, you should go through the entire EQD queue and approve everything.
2238446 Church
Hope we'll still see you on skype dude. Kudos on figuring out what's best for you.
Well its always sad to lose a member of the fandom, but I completely understand your reasons for stepping away from the herd. I wish you a good life and fun times and if you ever change your mind it would be great to have you back.
Once a brony always a brony
A shame to see someone as classy as you bid farewell to the site. Don't be a stranger to anyone on Skype.
welp.
Sometimes cold turkey is the only way to go.
Good luck! As you can see, we'll all miss you.
I am sorry to hear of your woes, and glad to hear you are conquering them. Thank you for all you have given me (and so many other people, of course) in your time with the community.
I must ask, however, about the situation regarding you as a mod. Would you like to remain one? If not, do you have a suggestion for your replacement?
Regardless, thanks for all you've done and good luck in all you will do. Sorry to see you go.
I don't feel like I got to know you all that well — mostly through the RCL, toward the tail end of your time here — but I came to respect you, and this post does nothing to diminish that. It takes courage to face up to negative patterns in your life and make a conscious decision to change them, and equal/greater courage to publically admit when you've stumbled.
It's sad to remain behind when someone walks away, but you're truly doing it for the best of reasons, and this post is some excellent closure for both you and us. Thanks for all you've contributed to this little community of authors, and I wish you great things as you move forward.
Best,
Baxon / Horxil
I've never really got to know you on a personal level, but I know of you, and the things you do.
All the best. Your blog in on itself is an inspirational story. Please rest well, and may your future find fortune with whatever path you wish to take.
...I honestly would have liked to gotten to know you.
I truly mean that.
Still... Wherever you go... Don't forget the friends you made from here.
Better than nothing, at the very least.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2238555
Thanks. I guess he took down some of his more popular fics instead. I don't recognize the stories I have read.
Vimbert,
We never talked a whole lot, but when we did, I always really enjoyed our conversations. You were always a very cool dude to bounce ideas off of, discuss stories, or just shoot shit about video games (I still gotta download Iji one of these days.)
I'm happy to hear that life is treating you better over in Denver. Getting your life straightened out and solving lingering issues should always come first.
I don't think I can express how helpful you've been to me as a writer over the years, but all I can say is that I'm glad you seem to be in a good place in life, and I hope that that good place continues to be good, or even (Gasp) get GOODER. I sincerely hope one day we cross paths again, Vimbert. You're an awesome guy.
Thanks for everything!
-Brian
Best of luck, Vim. It was an honor and a pleasure.
Honestly, the smart ones are here because they enjoy themselves, and when it gets old or it gets bad or it just gets "meh", they go.
You have very good reason to stop writing fics. While I like some of your writing, I would never ask you to continue doing something that makes you or feeds off your unhappiness.
The fact that you are leaving the fandom completely, beyond writing, is sad in a sentimental kind of way but just because I myself still like proofreading and love the show and reading many fics and seeing many arts, and your leaving makes me imagine a time when these things which make me happy might no longer do so.
I wish you the best. You were a pretty cool brony... Because one can make an acronym of your handle and run around pretending to be a UFO saying "ViU ViU ViU" ( it sounds like pew pew pew
).
Best of luck to you, Vim.
Bye.
2238396
You have no idea how amused I am at that juxtaposition of respect versus fondness. I'll take it.
2237907
Sorry I keep badmouthing the damn thing every time I bring it up. I just feel like I could have made it more, y'know?
2238052
Not just this summer. I've had the writing-related job since January!
2238758
Since I created the group, I'm not sure I can be unmodded. As for a replacement, uh... yeah, I have no idea who's even active these days.
2239905 I'm working on it. Gives me a good excuse to bring some much needed extra help to the group, anyway.
It doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing, it's who you are. Though, trying something different may help you realize who you are, or to accumulate things to the hermit crab of experience that is an existence. Sorry for devolving into platitudes, but considering how I'm now randomly flipping to FimFiction just to see what's going for once in a while and notice you saying goodbye to us all, it's all I can offer at 2 AM.
Thank you for being the one who actually studied English, and became an awesome editor, and helped SS&E ascend to greatness. You were the front line.
I do hope that as you go forth to other ventures you find fulfillment.
Also, one of my old college friends is going to Denver soon to get MS in neuroscience :D
Well... damn, I feel sad now.
I knew you were going through some sort of personal trouble a while back; split with Ebon, having a hard time finding work, but after mentioning moving back in with your family in Denver, you just... disappeared. I was honestly kind of worried about you for a while; I wrote, I emailed, I even tried asking Sethisto if he knew how to get a hold of you: nothing. Knowing what happened and what's become of you provides a little closure, but... to be honest, I feel kind of depressed now.
Even despite our immense differences, I was still kinda fun going back and forth at each other; ripping on each other's stories, arguing about the validity of Rarity's character, and the general gibes that we traded. In the end, those moments were still worthwhile, and I enjoyed having them.
Except for reading that one story. You know the one I'm talking about. Fuck it with the trunk of a redwood tree.
Still, it's been a pleasure. Brian and I have both stated that we've become much better at writing since we started work on DECEPTION together, I still laugh at some of the audio recordings you made in the process of editing it, and to be honest, I've actually bragged that we managed to write something that could impress you at times.
I do think I understand the tragedy of your creative process; you're one of those artists who gets work done by lighting themselves on fire and then makes pencils using the ash from that part of their soul that they just incinerated. And while the end product can be something truly magnificent (except for that one story), the phrase "burned out" was never before so applicable. Finding a new muse to channel creative energies through can help, but it only staves off the problem by perpetuating the cycle without rectifying it.
I used to be the exact same way. To an extent, I still am.
This whole affair reeks of bittersweetness. Now that I know, or at least have a better picture of what you were going through, I'm glad you found some complacence, but I'm still left in mournful pause that you concluded this discourse was most, if only solution. It actually pains me to think that this is goodbye.
Out of my proclivity to rationalize worst-case scenarios, my premonition that this might happen again compels me to leave you with a succinct, yet what I've found to be surprisingly profound piece of advice. Not matter whatever fate and the future hold for you; no matter what paths you find yourself upon, what trials and tribulations you'll face, what slings and arrows of joy or misfortune afflict you, or what brings you delight and angers, just remember one thing:
Happiness comes from within.
And... that's as much as I can think to say, really. God knows how terrible I am with goodbyes. Point is, to one extent or another we'll miss you. I think that speaks for itself.
I still hate you though... but it a good way.
- Christian 'Walk Away' Harisay
We'll miss you. Have a good life.
Once upon a time, you gave me a review for what I believe was my second piece of creative writing I ever attempted.
Even though the document containing your review is now gone forever, I remember a few of your words perfectly. You weren't afraid to give it to me straight. And even though I felt crushed and somewhat hurt at the harshness of your review at the time, those words you gave me still guide me today.
You were one of the stepping stones on my journey to becoming a better writer. For that, I give you all the thanks in the world.
So long, and good luck.
You won't read this, since you're gone, but I was genuinely happy to see you comment in my blog a few days ago. Best of luck wherever you go, bro.