Sorry, everyone. Guess some people don't change. · 10:42am Jun 25th, 2014
Turns out I delayed the other things I should've been writing for no damn reason. Tonight was my last time to bang out the draft before my schedule hopelessly closes up, and I didn't even get close.
The worst thing is that I didn't even dedicate myself to it like I told myself I would.
Tell me if this sounds familiar: You stare at a blank doc for a while, get mildly bored or frustrated with how it's going, take an ADD detour to (social media site or online multiplayer game of choice) and end up doing that for the rest of the god damn day. You leave the word doc open and tell yourself that you can just go back to it at any time, but you get engrossed in it, like you always do. After this has gone on for long enough, you find an excuse to just let it go and put it off until your next opportunity to clear out some writing time. Rinse, repeat.
"I should write more" is something that everyone in the fandom and beyond says constantly. I should draw more, I should practice more, I should cook more. When I see other people saying this, I silently judge them. What kind of statement is "I should pursue this hobby more often?" It's basically admitting that Reddit and League are more important to you, which means you're not ready to call yourself a practitioner of your art.
I know full well that I'm being unfair with that last comment. ADD makes this tendency a compulsion, and some people who don't have first hand experience don't understand that. This is why "video game addiction" often looks similar to an actual addiction: it's a habit, not a decision.
But we are adults, and we should be better than that.
For this contest, I failed at that, and it really feels like a personal failure. I need to make it up to myself, somehow. Hopefully that will take the form of things that you guys will want to read.
Despite having great scores on almost all of my tests, I managed to fail 2 of my classes this semester for the same reason. Didn't manage to finish 2 of my projects on the deadline. The other students where also quite a bit astonished how I didn't finish them. But yeah, it is kind of hard to explain, and well... I don't even want to explain it to them.
Thankfully I passed every other class with good scores, so I will survive, but meh. I have at least stopped playing WoW half year ago. (On the other side I play now Tera, which isn't much better in this regard....
)
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Your experience is shared by basically every "gifted child" ever, and the silver lining of how we over-diagnose stuff nowadays is because we look for red flags like that. You and I, we're the lucky ones.