Read It Later III: Return Of The Monday · 6:15am Jun 24th, 2014
Hey, look! I didn’t give up on this thing.
Sorry for the long wait, but life decided to remind me what being a student was like. Coupled with a few other noteworthy things not worth noting, I went on an impromptu hiatus for a little under a month. But that isn’t stopping me from poni poni poni.
Also, I want to see a movie tomorrow but I’m not sure which. Anyone have any suggestions for a good movie in theaters? I’m torn between Godzilla and The Edge of Tomorrow. I know it’s a bit late to catch in theaters, but I recently saw Non-Stop featuring Liam Neeson. It’s an actiony murder-mystery that takes place on a plane, and it’s one of the more enjoyable movies I’ve seen this year. Granted, I haven’t seen that many, but the point still stands.
Now onto the things. As usual, have a silly image to start things off with.
There’s an inference here, I just know it.
Before we get to the reviews, it’s time for another news thingy.
Seeing as I’ve been on about a month-long hiatus, last month’s write-off came to a close. I walked away with a wooden spoon for my troubles and a slap on the wrist from a very special friend (you know who you are). Needless to say, that story won’t be published here anytime soon. I still need to take it out back and dig the bullets out of its hide before the scars completely close. There’s also another write-off going on right now, but I was unable to secure a submission do to a complete inability to create an idea for the prompt. Oh well. I still plan on reviewing those at some point, so I’ll provide a link to them when the time comes. If you want to read my reviews for the event before where I got my precious souvenir, you can check those out here.
A friend of mine, alexmagnet, has been writing a story called Scootaloo Dies a Bunch that I may or may not have had a part in the creation of. Basically, Scootaloo dies a bunch, once per chapter in accordance with the show’s episodes. It’s stupid and silly and generally just fun comedy. Now I can say I’ve had a part in its longevity, as I was offered to write a chapter as a guest. If you want to check that out, you can find that chapter here and I might do another in the future.
Keeping the endorsement train rolling, TheBrianJ’s magnum opus Exit Through Canterlot is coming to a close. There’s only a final chapter and an epilogue left for him to fart out, and I have to say it’s been a wonderful experience to help him edit this grand thing. As I’ve said before, the Octavia / Vinyl Scratch pairing is a tired one, so it always fills me with glee to see a unique spin on their relationship, especially when romance isn’t involved. Here, Octavia goes vigilante and sticks it to the man (with a bunch of spray paint) and delivers a very interesting study of her character and the morals of justification throughout.
And after a nearly year-long break, my friend RedSquirrel456 has recently updated his grand epic, My Little Metro, which is without a doubt one of the finest post-apocalyptic stories there is. He’s able to masterfully bring the gloomy atmosphere of the Metro series to life, and throws ponies into the mix for good measure. It’s actiony, depressing, and has all the hallmarks of a great grimdark story. It’s almost like Fallout: Equestria, except not Fallout, so it’s better.
Now onto the reviews, also known as the only thing people would care about. I have eight stories this time around instead of the six of the past. Considering how long it took for these to appear, I have no excuse for that number not being higher. Oh well. Grab your pitchfork, I’ll help you sharpen it.
Disclaimer thing: For all intents and purposes, these reviews are independent and therefore unaffiliated with Seattle’s Angels. I’ll try not spoil the stories in my reviews, but I offer no guarantee. The comments may end up rich with those, however, I don’t know.
How this ended up on my RIL list: darf’s probably known best for the porn he’s written, but the guy’s also written some nonpornographic stuff too. The first thing I read of his was Αλεκτρονα, a really nice writing experiment. Since then, I’ve listed a number of his meager amount of nonpornographic stuff for future reading, and this so happened to be the first I picked. The description isn’t much to go by but it alludes to the butterfly effect, and if Αλεκτρονα was any indication, I could expect something really imaginative and interesting.
What I walked away with: Something else, surprisingly. This story isn’t exactly imaginative, but it’s definitely interesting and a bit awesome, and while it doesn’t ask or necessarily answer any sort of profound questions—a path it often wants to walk—it’s certainly thought provoking and wonderfully introspective.
We begin with Twilight stepping on a snail as a young filly, and she immediately woes over its death. Her mother quickly convinces her it was just an accident and that nothing of value was lost, like any good parent would. This story could be just a great exaggeration of that stupid excuse, and for a scene or two it does follow that route, but it quickly grows philosophical with every passing scene. To see how Twilight grew from that one incident as a filly into what she is by the end is something that takes serious care, because the sort of growth that happens needs proper justification with every level. There is obvious care taken, and the first half of the story is fine, but the latter half becomes harder and harder to justify. The slope the story takes is slippery to say the least, and it gets so slippery I think we just found the world’s first frictionless surface. It comes to a point where the story expects all it’s done so far to explain where it ends up, and it does like it, but for some reason it just doesn’t feel like it’s achieved this.
This is the kind of story that has to be experienced, as it’s really hard to put into words exactly what the themes behind it are. Though, like I said before, this story isn’t exactly imaginative, as its idea has been done before many times. This is just one take, and while it isn’t bad, it isn’t anything special either.
Afterthoughts: In all seriousness, I did enjoy the story being told and the way it went. The story reads a lot like Isaac Asimov’s great 1956 The Last Question. Only, Multivac didn’t really have a personality and somehow had more character. But I think this story’s worth a read, and it’s only further proof for the admins as to how desperately we need a [Sci-Fi] story tag. I’m thinking of a light purple, almost pinkish color.
Five Should Be Enough
by Arcainum
How this ended up on my RIL list: I remember a time when the Pony Fiction Vault was still open, and this story was welcomed behind its door. Were it not for that feature, I probably wouldn’t have ever seen this story. As a lover of having my emotions being torn, the little preamble at the end of the description is what ultimately convinced me to give it a read. Brevity is something I can appreciate, and I could tell there was so much unsaid behind what little there is, and I was eager to discover what.
However many months later, I just now read the thing.
What I walked away with: A heavy heart. This story’s all about love and sacrifice, and it seriously does all that it can to manipulate and take advantage of those ideas.
I don’t want to spoil anything because what happens in this story, for me at least, had to be experienced. Let’s just say there are some repeating elements to look out for and a cruel fate that Applejack just can’t seem to escape, no matter what she tries. So in the end, she gives it one last desperate try, and the open ending doesn’t let us know whether or not she succeeds, but dammit, do I believe.
This story’s strongest aspect is the intimate relationship it sets up for Applejack and Big Macintosh, the former especially. The Applejack we’re given is wholly believable given the show and the circumstances of the story, and her character is polished masterfully. The love and desperation she feels for her brother becomes empathetic—maybe even sympathetic—and just takes a stab straight for the heart. This isn’t exactly a character study, but it’s a definite look at coming to terms with loss and the hardships people can endure in the wake of tragedy. It earns that tag as well, and it’s one of the most deserving examples.
My only real issue with this story is the way its dialogue is formatted, which made it difficult at times to understand who was speaking. But big props to the author for not butchering Applejack’s dialogue to get her accent across.
Afterthoughts: I want to stop thinking about this story because it’s so tragic and yet I can’t.
Literary Love, Literally
by alexmagnet
How this ended up on my RIL list: I could tell from the description and cover alone that this story promised three things: stupidity, absurdity, and general hilarity. And if alexmagnet’s track record is any indication, that prediction should be fairly accurate. I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason I added this to my list, actually. Also, the lack of the Romance tag played a part for sure.
What I walked away with: Giggle fits. This story is an absurdist comedy that’s actually written pretty well, which is a feat in its own right, but it’s also able to keep itself fresh and not bore with ridiculousness.
We start with Twilight Sparkle discovering that platonic love of inanimate objects is in fact illegal, or so says the dictionary. Trixie overhears her distraught ramblings and hatches a plan to turn herself into a book, so that Twilight will fall in love with her—because this is an alexmagnet story, after all. We then proceed to follow Twilight going to a bookstore while trying to keep her cool while Trixie puts her plan into action, and hilarity rightfully ensues.
Now for this story to work, as with a majority of purposefully absurd stories, there has to be a suspension of disbelief. Like the incredibly silly premise being taken entirely seriously by everyone, everyone being out of character to a degree, and a general cluelessness for everyone to find themselves in. The dialogue is what really sells the story, full of too many puns and jokes to properly make a list of. Somehow, the story even provides comic relief from itself (Can a Comedy even be allowed to do such a thing?) by introducing Applejack and Rainbow Dash, who are about as straight-faced as the Lutece siblings.
In total, this is an enjoyable, nicely paced story. It’s a great example of absurd comedy done right.
Afterthoughts: Dammit, why’s Trixie such a popular character?
How this ended up on my RIL list: The Featured Box, if such a thing were to be believed. In actuality, I was a bit hesitant to give it a look on account of the description that hints next to nothing. Fortunately it was backed by the cover art and relevant title, but on its own the description just wouldn’t have been enough. Regardless, I had little to anticipate other than some lighthearted slice of life, which is never a bad thing. Recalling not having read anything of the sort in some time, I think that’s what made me cave and give this a chance.
What I walked away with: Misguided feelings. This story is quick to interest and it does keep being interesting throughout, but its tellingness hinders it from being something more.
The story begins with Twilight finding an usual spell that’s left incomplete, so she decides to finish the original author’s work and discover what this spell is supposed to do. Predictably, this ends up causing her friends to worry as the spell reveals to be potentially dangerous, and Twilight continues to pursue it anyways. This sort of path is a tired and overused one for sure, but it’s always nice to see it taken in a unique way. What the spell ends up doing is shocking to say the least, and so is the moment at the end when she realizes who actually starting writing the spell so long ago.
This story presented itself as being lighthearted and for the most part, that’s what it is. But it’s too serious for its own good in some areas and plainly monotonous in others, where it tries to force feed ideas and expects the reader to just accept them. There’s some intriguing aspects brought up in Twilight’s pursuit, such as some sigils and other arcane drawings, but they serve no real purpose other than to show just how old the spell is. The pacing is level but it’s dull, where it felt like I was sitting before a slideshow instead of an actual story. And that pretty much sums up the whole story: it’s dull. Done well enough, sure, but there wasn’t anything that truly made me want to keep reading. Not to the mention the ending is so cliché it ultimately made me gag at how sweet it tried to be, and that itself seemed like it was shoehorned rather being an actual, proper ending.
Afterthoughts: You know those kind of movies you feel indifferent about, and the only thing that inevitably drags you to the theater is the title or the word of a friend or some fancy trailer showcasing a relatively interesting premise, and when you walk out you feel just as indifferent as you were in the first place? This story is like one of those movies.
This story is like After Earth. It’s meh.
The Cutie Mark Inspector
by Blueshift
How this ended up on my RIL list: Oh Blueshift, wherever have you been? While I haven’t read much of his stuff before, the ones I have are some of my favorites. So when over the past three or so months, I see this guy reappear after almost a year of absence, and after I suppressed my envy for his wherewithal to write so much, I became very happy. However, this was the first to grab my attention. The description alone begs me to ask why I’ve never seen this done before, and making it a comedy I think is the wisest choice. However, this also makes for the story to be predictable; Pinkie Pie, for instance, will probably be told her special talent is blowing balloons instead of throwing parties and Applejack will probably act smug for having the most obvious destiny there is in relation to her cutie mark. But I don’t think this will hinder the story, so long as it’s done well.
What I walked away with: Pretty much what I expected insofar as how the story unfolded. Unfortunately, I was mostly disappointed with it. Not because it was incredibly predictable, but the story seemed confused with itself.
We start with Twilight being accused of having her destiny delivered to her because of her cutie mark, not because of the choices she’s made in her life like she asserts. So, in order to make a point, she calls for the Cutie Mark Inspector to come and evaluate everyone’s cutie marks. Very predictably, just about everyone’s told their lifestyles are completely wrong, and they’re compelled to adapt in order to make the most of themselves. And they hate it.
But this is pretty much all there is to the story. It actually revolves around the Cutie Mark Inspector, curiously enough, which I think is its big hinderance. The story spends too much time focused on him instead of exploring everyone trying to deal with their newly imposed destinies, which caught me by surprise to see the story barely acknowledge. Rainbow Dash becomes the voice of reason, and it’s a stretch to call her that because while it looks like she wants to be the main character, she does so little. Similarly, Applejack is given the role as being the one pony without a new destiny to follow, but she’s flat and when it’s revealed her cutie mark does in fact mean something else, this revelation goes completely unused and ignored in actually moving the story forward. In fact, the only real explanation I saw for the story moving forward is because it... just does. Everyone more or less mills about, and while there is an obvious conflict present, nothing really seems to be done with it, like everyone’s just waiting for the story to be over already.
The comedy itself is there, but at the same time it isn’t. It comes off as forced because of the abruptness of the jokes and overuse of exclamations, especially when characters are supposed to be muttering or whispering. The story itself is more amusing if anything, and feels undecided as to whether or not it wants to be taken seriously. Some parts are handled very well, particularly the introduction scene which plays very naturally with the characterizations we’re given. But then shortly after we’re with Rainbow Dash and Twilight and a joke pops up so suddenly it isn’t even that funny, just confusing. Then a giant effigy is being built in the middle of town that gets continuously mentioned, but isn’t really used or explained. The ending was nice, although not as well as the beginning, but it failed to bring everything together for me because everything in between dragged the story down.
Maybe I expected too much going into this story. I expected to see the sort of conflicts it implied in its description: all these ponies trying (and presumably failing) to adapt to their new destinies, Twilight starting to think calling this inspector was a bad idea, some sort of dialogue between characters to make a lesson about taking a point too far. But the story doesn’t really do any of this, which I found uninteresting and perplexing. The story hardly spends any time where it’s really needs to work and instead focuses elsewhere. There is a moral in there somewhere near the end, but given the nature of the premise, it’s underwhelming and not properly deserved. And in the end I felt like I walked into a bait and a switch, because despite how predictable the story was, it simply failed stay true to my expectations, if not its own.
I must also nitpick how Applejack’s dialogue was written. Phonetically spelling any character’s accent is just... ugh.
Afterthoughts: Maybe I’m too harsh, but I’m disappointed with this story. The story I got wasn’t the one the description had told me. I see it as being just a typical waste of a good idea.
Tomorrow Never Knows
by DeiStar
How this ended up on my RIL list: Honestly, it was seeing Derpy wearing a head mirror in the cover art, which would likely make her a doctor. I thought that was interesting and that this story at first was going to do something with her and Redheart, but then I didn’t see Derpy as a character tag. Instead there’s Lyra. The premise the description is a little worn, but I was inevitably drawn to seeing what would cause Redheart want to quit being a nurse. Presumably, that’s her special talent. And then there’s the title in the description, especially capitalized, which is a little disconcerting, but there has to be a contextual reason for that to be that way. Guess I’ll figure out when I read.
What I walked away with: A want for a nap. I caught myself skimming on several occasions, which is never a good sign.
The story starts off with a lethargic Nurse Redheart, deciding that tonight’s the night she’s going to quit her job at the hospital. But first, she has one last patient to take care of: Lyra Heartstrings, because she’s had a heart attack and needs to spend a night in the hospital to recuperate. And then things happen. Boy, do things happen.
Let me get this out of the way: this story isn’t written that well. I don’t mean things like grammar and spelling, at least not necessarily, but the whole thing is just awkward. Sentences are clunky and transitions are in some places nonexistent. There is an obvious overall path for things to go but on the smaller scale, the story is disorganized. The dialogue in particular is monotone, where I actually think every character is the same except for different names.
But these complaints are minor compared to the main conflict of the story, the actual plot. There isn’t really one. I’d think that Nurse Redheart wanting to quit would be the main focus of the story, presumably having her change her mind at the very end, probably through a conversation of some kind between herself and Lyra. This does happen, but over the course of only a few lines, and halfway through the story no less. For this to work, this epiphanic moment for Redheart needed to have some build up, but because the story is so short there isn’t any and made me ask, “That’s it?”
No, it’s not. After this we go into a conversation about friends and reveal Redheart has none, and then the two become friends, Lyra has another heart attack, and in an unexpected twist, ____ ______ ________ _______ dies. It’d have made more sense to see this friendship building happen before Redheart changes her mind about her job, not only to give their relationship the time it needs to develop, but to also give Redheart the proper time and reasoning to change her mind and keep her job. That these two key points of the story are switched around is confusing and serve to be counterproductive in making this story seem believable, if not at the very least justifiable. The sadness this story advertises just isn’t there because of this.
Also, Lyra’s character could’ve been anyone. I think the only reason it’s her would be to make a Background Pony reference, but it’d have made more sense for the story to choose a character who could, reasonably, suffer a heart attack. Or at least choose a better ailment than a heart attack. And when Lyra has her second one, Nurse Redheart stands by chewing her hooves as the doctors try and save her. I mean, she’s a nurse. Couldn’t she have done anything herself?
Afterthoughts: There’s really no reason for the words “tomorrow never knows” to be capitalized in the description.
“Princest Is Wincest,” It Said.
by cleverpun
How this ended up on my RIL list: It almost didn’t because of that period in the title, not the mention the topic. But alas, I had a friend recommend it in a Skype chat, claiming it to be a stupid, silly comedy. After some more words being tossed around, I pretty much caved into the peer pressure.
What I walked away with: Lethargy. I had no expectations going into this, but I was pleasantly surprised by where it went. Too bad the experience was dull and monotonous, where it felt like I had my hand being held the whole way through. And for a stupid, silly comedy, that has to be one the wrongest ways to handle such a story.
We begin with Princess Luna finding some hooligan has tagged the phrase, “Princest Is Wincest” (GDocs counts both those words as legit? Good lord.) and being the out of touch pony she is, she goes and asks Celestia what it means. The conversation that transpired was actually pretty good. Instead of some awkward, baffling exchange like I feared, the two princesses had a pleasantly intelligent discussion. Celestia brings up an amusing scenario in the past to draw similarities to in order to convince Luna that she’s a worrywort for reacting so harshly to this graffiti, and even uses Luna’s own words against her.
While I liked how the story was structured, it badly suffers from having practically all of its jokes explained right after they’re told, and there weren’t that many to begin with. For instance, there’s a part where Luna does a spit-take and conveniently avoids splattering Celestia because Celestia had nonchalantly put up a little magic shield beforehand, because she expected this, and then the story tells us this precise information. This is just one example, and they all came together to ruin all the enjoyment there was for me to get. It’s not that the story tries too hard to be funny, but it tries to explain why it’s funny, and I almost feel insulted because of this, as if the author had no faith a reader could understand his own story.
That’s my big complaint, anyways. There are others, like unappealing exaggerations of war metaphors and Luna trying to drag an “I’m upset because Nightmare Moon and ponies not remembering me” moment into the discussion, unwarranted. The princesses themselves read like they’re wearing fezzes, sitting around a fireplace, and smoking pipes while stroking their chins, which given the topic at hand, doesn’t really fit. Jokes go on for so long they don’t seem like jokes, and the prose is superfluous to the point it serves to be counterproductive in delivering the short, stupid, silly comedy I thought I was getting into. The epilogue is something else entirely, but it’s equally as bad for all the same reasons.
Afterthoughts: I don’t think the author intended for this story to kill its own humor, but it did for me. Overall, the story’s pretty mediocre and I don’t think it’s worth the time I spent reading. I guess I should’ve figured that out myself by the period in the title.
The Carnivore’s Prayer
by Cold in Gardez
How this ended up on my RIL list: The first story of Gardez’s I read was the epic crossover The Wind Thief, which was also one of the earliest I read on FIMFiction and became one of my utmost favorites. I loved the air of fantasy that story had, so it was with glee when I noticed this story appear and first read its description, and written by the same author no less. So, I excitedly told myself to read it when I had the time. And just about two years later, it’s finally time to knock the oldest story off my list.
What I walked away with: I’m at a loss for words, really. I tried to think of a word for how I felt after reading this, and I could only come up with “awestruck” and yet, I know that isn’t enough. This story is hauntingly beautiful, poetic, and enamoring with its darkness. It’s so cold, and yet so warm.
The story is about a gryphon named Aquilas, growing up in the cold, distant mountains to the north. His tribe has lost all its artists and poets and now exists as just a bunch of hunters and warriors. Aquilas, one way or another, rediscovers this lost history of his tribe only after becoming its most ferocious killer, which sets the story up for a very interesting conflict of interests, both internally and externally. Had that been it, the story would’ve worked just fine. But the author was able to interweave a complexity of themes and symbols into the plot that’s nothing short of mesmerizing, and I felt absolutely enchanted throughout watching all these devices dance around and support each other.
What’s more, is that all these elements come to create a shining example of what makes grimdark special. It’s not the blood and gore, nor the downtrodden atmosphere or general violence. It’s the little flashes of life and color in between all the gloom, which by contrast help all the violence become violent, all the depression become depressing, rather than simply being. For example, there’s a scene where a pelt gets tacked onto a wall, right on top of a relief that showed this creature and gryphons having a merry time together in the ancient, forgotten past. The story holds no punches and makes sure the reader sees all that they need to see, and it’s downright admirable to see it done so tactfully.
That’s perhaps what I loved the most about this story. It says all that it needs to by using just as many words as necessary, and it gets just as much across with what it doesn’t say. There’s a number of repeating elements and images, one is particular that’s a bit overused with all the hammering (not that it’s bad, just a bit annoying), and a lot of the time, they mean different things whenever they’re used. The story is beautifully written and structured, and overall stands as something I’d be sure to point to when in need of an example.
My only complaints are nitpicks. There’s some formatting errors in regards to line breaks and an occasional misspelled word, as well as an author’s note that could take advantage of one of those snazzy new boxes. I also have to ask if the last two scenes are necessary, because while I understand that they must be there, I also feel like the story could’ve stopped perfectly right before and leave the ending given up to the imagination. But they don’t hurt the story, only add to and narrow its ending.
Afterthoughts: I almost cried reading this. Almost. Also, proper spelling of the word “gryphon” and that this is undoubtedly one of if not the best story of its kind has motivated me to make this one of my all-time favorites. It’s something I’ll definitely be recommending to anyone I meet who wants to read a good story.
Well, this happened. Silly picture for your troubles, as always.
IT’S SO CUTE I JUST CAN’T AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Nice to see someone else praise The Carnivore's Prayer. It's one of my go-to stories for explaining what I mean when I say that writers should look for Door #3.
Door #1: Nonhuman wants to be accepted into human society, but is afraid he's too different. Ultimately, he succeeds and is loved by humans. This is cliche, but works, and I've seen it over and over.
Door #2: Nonhuman wants to be accepted into human society, but is afraid he's too different. He dies alone and unloved. This is depressing, says nothing meaningful, and doesn't work. I've only seen it tried once.
Door #3: The Carnivore's Prayer. The base trope is barely recognizable, and the end is essentially new. It still vaguely fits into one of the two previous categories, but it's a fresh creation that's better than either of them.
(If anyone cares, my other example is Bonafide, which twists and distorts the Spot the Imposter trope.)
I hate how much reviews these days tend to go over stories that I will be reading no matter what, but you did at least help me vacate two spots from my RIL. Thanks for that. :3
Fuck you, I can't hug her.
The thought that this phrase has any meaning is both frightening and hilarious.
I'm a little surprised that you didn't like that Blueshift fic since he's kinda known for writing good things. Having not read it i can't comment on the quality of the story, but your review certainly didn't make me want to drop everything and go read it, which is a little disappointing given that I generally like Blue shifts fics. Oh well, at least CiG delivers, as always.
>it’s been a wonderful experience to help him edit this grand thing.
Not only has it been a wonderful experience to get help from you, but I cannot properly express how much gratitude I have for you for everything you taught me about writing over the years. I really truly feel that through your suggestions, and the suggestions of the other SATGF guys, I've become a better writer, and that's something I don't know if I'll ever truly be able to pay back in full because of how much I appreciate it. You're awesome people, Raz. Always have been, always will be.
Also, my older brother (who does not like Tom Cruise and does not like action movies) actually really enjoyed Edge of Tomorrow, so I'd recommend that.
I'm just getting caught up on your reviews, stuck out here in Afghanistan as I am, but I wanted to thank you for the look at Carnivore's Prayer. It's definitely one of my older stories, and I'm often nagged by the worry that, maybe, my older stuff is better than my newer stuff. That I'm not growing.
So it was also nice to see you liked For Whom We Are Hungry.
Also, unrelated, my entry in the Outside Insight contest will feature gryphons and ponies again.