Storytime With Rust; Vol. II · 1:25am Jun 23rd, 2014
"Oh gee, Mister Rust! It's been a while since you've done one of these!"
It's also been a while since you've seen the light of day, Billy. Don't push it.
HTE TLAE OF SATAN'S ARMY AND ETH DNAGER ZOEN
rated "R" for excessive Rust
>be rust
>take a moment to bask in it
>any-fucking-way
>be in oosnavi
>embracethesuck.jpg
>shit's hard
>like seriously the food makes you shit wrong
>one day good friend of mine (we'll call him Papa) wants to play paintball, gathers a bunch of fellow monkeys to play
>nuts cringe from last time, but okay bro lets relieve some stress
>we get to the place, snag some guns and masks
>could probably rob somebody
>we are lumped into the recreation group with all the casual players who show up without a team
>mfw little kids
>little kids everywhere
>like fucking five year old to ten year old
>they paired fifteen strapping oosnavi against a small army of goddamn children
>africa.nutshell
>wel okay, u asked fo it
>we get to first arena, big sandy pit with huge concrete blocks and tires all over the place
>master race oosnavi on one side, orphan shitnuggets on the other
>ready to exercise muh privilege
>ref calls go
>mfw goddamn storm of paint erupts from their side
>it's like taking a goddamn sixty gun broadside from a home depot in the face
>mfw oosnavi brothers falling left and right
>can't hit them, too small, too quick
>rugrats from hell with paint guns
>its last thanksgiving all over again
>literally getting destroyed by motherfuckers a third our height
>tactical retreat behind junked army jeep
>Papa is there
>"Dude, we are so f-buy some apples-d! They're everywhere!"
>notonmywatch.gif
>open pocket, pull out paint grenade
>queue the heroic slow motion
>rush around jeep, pin is pulled, going to go out in blaze of goddamn glory
>take three steps
>hit in nuts by half a dozen different kids at once
>right in the privilege
>fall on top of grenade, my eggs have been scrambled
>grenade goes off, paint everywhere, pass out to sound of applauding children like someone turned on the grunt birthday party skull
>i see a bright light
>move towards it
>heaven sounds like Kenny Loggins
>a figure appears
>its Burt Reynolds
>"Talk to me, Goose."
>wake up in bed, covered in cold sweat
>never again having Taco Bell before bed
True story.
i.imgur.com/EZsNgly.gif
GREATEST STORY EVER!
And this is where I really lost it.
A tear shed for the fallen.
Your dreams are awesome!
2227293
Sad part is, minus the hallucination, this actually happened. I did play a bunch of tiny children. And they did wreck a group of trained military warfighters.
>Mfw the navy is easily defeated by children
Rust In Pieces
Are your balls blue now?
2227301 Wow.... that's um......
The only explanation was that you let the kids win "wink" "wink" "nudge" "nudge"
i673.photobucket.com/albums/vv96/jesper1992/funny%20sjizzel%20dizzel/dont-worry-sir-im-from-the-internet.jpg
2227328
I had to hand them in along with my man card.
*winces in sympathy* Sounds like somepony needs something better. Yikes.
... also, at some future point, I wanna play paintball with you.
Well fuck me, I always thought heaven sounded like Elton John.
Warrior-men make their shots count.
Little shit-midgets just spray like a bubblegum machine gone haywire.
One well-aimed round is still subject to paintball's LOL-WAT-R-ACKURACY rule because spherical projectiles plus smoothbores. One bajillion badly-aimed rounds are more likely to hit shit than that simply by virtue of breathing paintballs rather than air when you're on the team opposite a bunch of hyperactive, trigger-happy munchkins from hell.
That, and lemming trains are totally a valid tactic. *trollface*
Even better than your last one.
2227334
Either that, or horde tactics work.
2227266 where on earth did you find this?
Now you know why Africa does what it does
2227460
quickmeme.com/img/2c/2cb7eb19b08d1f9e9f529f85d1ac624f342c332f7eb5ddf880091b31467cd691.jpg
I don't know what you've been told!
Navy Blue ain't better'n Gold!
In all seriousness, any sort of activity involving guns not involving live fires is a joke because it always devolves into spray and prays, combined with the power of runnin' and gunnin'. At least from my experience.
Why cant I fave posts like this? Knighty, fix this!!
Also, wooow. That reminds me of this
i.imgur.com/7b6OZ4U.png
The power of the Squeak is upon us.
ok.
2227426 Human shields and what not.
Demonstrated above: Why I don't do paintball.
Googled notonmywatch.gif for shits and giggles. Found gold.
global3.memecdn.com/not-on-my-watch_o_526998.gif
2227301
I went paintballing as well on Saturday...damn petty officers and zoomies kicked our asses. We did win one of 12 matches though...and I stayed alive through most of them, only getting outed due to no ammo 9 times...
Also...glad to see that the Rickover Sanatorium isn't treating you so badly haha
2229418
The place at Mt. Pleasant is pretty sick, but i think the other one might be better if you do it with your own group. Bigger, crazier fields, but better players go there so you'll get wrecked if you join up in the rec group.
Standard Reply to any mention of the Danger Zone:
2229434
The small fields were the biggest issue this weekend. When you have 60 people playing on fields that should play 20 max, it gets more than a little crazy. The only field that was fitting for the group we had was the team King of the hill style fort. I'll have to get my group together soon for a trip out to the other fields.
DANGAH ZOOONE
2232794
Lana.
Lana.
LAAANAAAAAA!
2233589
with1shoe.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/gator.23581617_large.jpg
>look through notifications
>oh look, this guy favourited my story, lets look him up
>THIS is the human being who favourited my story
All of this is wonderful. There is literally no part of this that is not absolutely wonderful.
"Heaven sounds like Kenny Loggins" made my fucking day.
I am now following you, in hopes of things equally wonderful.
And incidentally, I realized I'd actually read some of your stories, so that was cool.
2363352
Love you too, dude