The Fake Man and The Real Man · 7:28am Jun 15th, 2014
(Please note: the species designations are purely for emphasis and apply to the Brony side of things not the general furry fandom.)
A caribou completes his "business" in the home of a married couple. He is unattractively attired but doesn't care. By his estimation he is the manliest man that ever manned. He has just slept with the wife, mostly because she was bored. Her husband cares little. Henie almost comically disinterested. He also sleeps with other women, married and single. He doesn't care much about names or status. He just does it. Who he is doesn't enter into much. He's flat as a pancake and empty besides. He will destroy any relationship that suits him without counting the cost. He has his defenders but they seem to mostly be those who also never count the cost. In his estimation, he's the superalpha. No man could be greater than him, and the things he does are the sign of what a super man does. And that is the end. Society and stability be damned.
Elsewhere...
A pony stallion sits down wide awake at three in the morning. He's not crying. His red, raw eyes ran out of tears an hour ago. He casts his aching eyes across at a soft gasp, pained but weak. A small foal rests in a hospital bed, tubes running in and out of the frail body. The monitor beeps softly with each heartbeat. Recovery chances are fair; with fair fortune they will be good. The stallion places a comforting hoof on his child and sighs. His wife will be around by dawn to collect him. He will catch a quick wink of sleep then rush to work to pull a full shift. If he is aware of terms like "game" or "alpha" outside of normal uses they never enter his head. He has actual, important, grown-up real life concerns. He neither needs nor wants that kind of designation. He just wants a healthy foal.
The species are not arbitrary but are irrelevant for the nonce. What matters is how real men are defined. The first is the definition gaining traction despite it being foolish. The second is mocked. Men mustn't cry, and are generally assumed to be cold and soulless automatons. They are supposed to live on beer and whiskey, and breasts that are being paid to bounce. Explosions. Blood. Cigars. Everything on Spike TV.
For this Fathers' Day, I want to honor three real men, two of them no longer with us.
My father's father. Korean war veteran. POW. Ill-served by the mental health service and Reaganomics. He died young, relatively speaking, but was a good man all told. Did what he could to eke it out in the wilds of New Mexico.
My mother's father. An immigrant, barely spoke the language, kept seven children fed and clothed with the strength of his arms. Worked for the railroad and construction, and worked hard as possible. A union man, in the finest tradition of the term. He was once a mountain of strength that stooped and weathered into a living jerky. It gave him character. He lasted out through a bum ticker and the oppressive unpleasantness of Arizona. It took three kinds of cancer to undo him, and even then they had to mug him in a dark alley, and he hung on for a good while.
Finally, my father. Quiet. Humble. Funny. His education is my envy. He has his advanced degrees but can do nothing with them. The recessionary economy and changing circumstances did that. Served his country, as a hospital corpsman. Now he helps the sick and old as a home-care worker. He lives with what I can imagine in a constant dull ache. If his back isn't torturing him, it's his shoulders. Or his diabetes decides to be annoying. He loves his romantic comedies, even more than me, and is devoted to his family, near and extended.
These are the real men I have known in my life. These are the ones that inform my view of how things go. And this is my tribute for Fathers' Day. I can't do a story, since my upload day is Wednesday. But I do sort of have one coming on Wednesday. At least, it's a story about a father-to-be who happily sports with his very pregnant partner.
Happy Fathers' Day all!
(The caribou description is based on the OC of a friend who doesn't come around here so I can say this. That's the usual fantasy stuff. But from what I have been told they are a bit... domineering in real life matters. Is there a good domineering? I hope so. Otherwise I may end up doing comforting in the future.)
I think you're a little wrong there. Manly men are not merely meant to be soulless automatons, but rather, they are oft envisioned as sturdy and solid, as boulders in a river. Meant to weather whatever passes with minimal wear. Strong of mind as well as body. Because of this, tears are left out of the ideal image of manliness, but this of course does not mean they are not part of the equation. For even the manliest and strongest of men, in fact sometimes especially those men, will weep for some heartache or another.
Perhaps simply because men are thought to weather anything without so much as batting an eyelash, it is they who might endure the worst of hardships. But tears or otherwise, they still endure them. And that's how they can live up to the reputation.
The posterchild of manliness may have devolved into what amounts to a redneck hick who wears plaid, drinks beer all day long, and ogles pretty women, but the origin of the image surely is the strong, infallible man that can bear any burden, physical or emotional.
Being as such, they're hardly soulless.
I'd like to disagree about the directional shift between these two antitheses. I think feminism has helped make the second much more accepted and encouraged and the first one looked down upon (though this is somewhat countered by a less fidelitous and sex-positive society). Perhaps you only see an uptick in #1 scenarios as desperate chauvinists get their fix online.
It sounds like you've had some great male role models in your life.
Most men want to be "the man" the one with the cars and money and women while killing their lungs with tobbacoo and their livers with endless amounts of alcohol. Many become blinded and do not realize they should just focus on being a man.
Providing for your family, helping others and being a good moral example ot the newer generations around you.
This is what my father taught me, and I will always remember him for it. As I strive to be an honorable and good person.
2208169
You may be right. There was a great shift in the image from one who "chooses not to cry very often" to "one who better not cry or risk social eviceration." Inenjoy pointing out the manliest manly men in ancient Greek epics loved them a good cry. In Northern European epics as well. Shedding tears for fallen friends or destroyed nations or such happened a lot. And for those who are Biblically inclined, there's the famous line "Jesus Wept."
2208243
I have. Other guys have been influential. But I mention these because they had the greatest influence and are fathers. It's only too bad two are dead. I could use their guidance in my life.
And you might be right. It may be a perception problem. The squeaky wheel and all that. But I not only see that type often, pompous and puffed up "speakers for men" promote that as an absolutist position. "Manginas" are often mentioned.
2208417
That cuts right to the heart. The fixation on being "THE Man" while sacrificing the capacity to be "a man." In some sense men do it to ourselves, with the fixation on victory/dominance/mastery/perfection. Very martial and inflexible ideas. The obssessive fixation leads to a steady decrease in values. If second place is automatically execrable then it encourages cheating, fixation, or abusing/eliminating competition. And of course, female ponies taught us the lesson of accepting being less than first, which ties the journal together nicely with the site.
2208599
Also Some men. Not all men, because nothing is ever 100% in this life of ours.
Yes......darn I had some quote I was going to say about the honorable man but I forgot it.
Stupid brain.
Oh well. Il just include this quote I said to some guy once who loved to just sit around beign lazy and living the "Dude" life and laughing at the "Sheep" as he called us, who did hard work and an honest living.
Words to live by.
2208607
"And Brutus is an honorable man."?
2208992 wasn't brutus actually a pretty smart guy who just pretended to be dumb to fool those around him into underestimating him?
Or am I thinking of another Roman tale?
2208607
It's been a while so I have forgotten the source an exact quote but it went something like this.
It's good for cutting down those assertions about how adult folks are meant to be miserable, sour-faced folks who don't laugh or enjoy a good bit of fun, as well as the idea that strapping men cannot or ought not cry.
you're gonna love this:
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/04/to-be-a-man/
A corpsman saved my life once. Hats off to your padre.
2209001
No, Brutus was smart, and honorable. For all the worship of Julius Caesar and honors by folks like Dante, he was just another autocrat. Honestly, the Imperial cooption of the Republic was quite a bad thing.
2232826
I will convey your good thoughts. And I'm glad to know you made it through.
I'm not surprised you're a fan of romantic comedies. Tell me, have you ever seen, or heard of, Don Jon?
2236243
I heard of it. I like JGL. But I never saw it. Was it pretty good?
Really...
[youtube=wvDg7UftJw8]
Time for a redo on your estimates there stud
2546984
What video is that? Sadly, embeds don't work for me.
2548161
Its Sabatons Inmate 4859. Its about Witold Polecki
2548258
I'll have to check that out.