MLP episode review: Call of the Cutie · 1:24am May 28th, 2014
*Phone rings. Striker picks it up* Oh, hello. What's that? Worst characters in show are introduced this episode? Okay. *Hangs up* oh, sorry. I just got the...
Call of the Cutie
We open on the Ponyville schoolhouse. Or possibly elementary school. I am NOT going to try and tackle the Equestrian educational system. I could barely make heads or tail of my own back when I attended school, for Primus' sake! Oh, those were some bad memories. So, the school bell rings. Inside we see the students, hay on the floor. Some think that's in case of 'accidents' and you know what? I can kinda see that logic. We have a semi-disturbing tracking shot of the foals' rumps and their cutie marks, shooting up to the introduction of Cheerilee, the teacher. Today is the lesson on cutie marks! She slides a piece of paper off an easel, revealing several. One... student says it's boring. Apple Bloom, though, is studiously taking notes, using her mouth to manipulate the pencil. And I have just died of diabeetus from that. :p
We get some info on their cutie marks. Ponies aren't born with them. "my flank was blank." And an insult... no. Not yet, Striker. Rein it in for later. A filly with glasses says she's precious, lisping. This is Twist. She likes to shout. ;) Cheerilee shows us an image of her from the Equestrian equivalent of the 1980's, with cutie mark. Like far out, man! Now let's go to the Orange Julius and listen to Tiffany at the mall! Apparently that's how they were all wearing their mane back then. Apparently she decided to become a teacher, and the flowers symbolized hope that she could help her students bloom. The smiles represented the cheer she wanted to bring. In other words, cutie marks can be really interpretative. And their 'special talents' are not always inline with them. Nor do, IMHO, special talents 'dominate' like how some people I've seen think about them. If so, well, Rarity would be in a mine. Twilight would be at a fireworks company. Pinkie Pie would be in the air even more than usual. So on and so forth.
Sorry. Little bug of mine. *Ahem*
Cheerilee asks when ponies get their cutie mark, and Twist... twists her head while saying it happens when a pony discovers a certain something that makes her special. Am I in the Exorcist all of a sudden? It's a certain 'something' that makes them different from every other pony. And while Cheerilee is trying to impart an Aesop for a later episode, a filly with a tiara on her head but nothing between those ears is pssting at Apple Bloom. Doing it rather loudly, too. Hey, Cheerilee! Walk like an Egyptian over there and stop that! The filly hands Apple Bloom a note while a remote drone in the shape of another filly motions for her to pass it over. Apple Bloom does and FINALLY Cheerilee notices it. Head, meet desk at supersonic speeds. But the note, has nothing on it. And the tiara-wearing bitch laughs about it.
*Cracks knuckles* Almost time...
After the credits school is let out. Twist hops along while Apple Bloom is sad. I want to hug her and wave a lightsaber around. Twist tries cheering her up while...
Okay, I gotta say this. Some people think, with good reason, that I completely hate Pinkie Pie and think she's worst pony. And that I hate Discord. Well... actually? With Pinkie Pie, yes. There will be moments I want to throttle her. There will and have been moments she made me genuinely laugh, be surprised by her sensitivity and maturity, and cross the fourth wall to give her a hug.
Discord is... yeah. I hate him, but in the best way possible. To me, he's like Ted DiBiase or Roddy Piper. Yeah, I'm gonna pay to see him get beat. But I'm gonna PAY to see him get beat. However...
We are now properly introduced to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Folks, I've said this before, but it needs repeating. Factoring in screentime, we have the flattest, least-developed characters in the whole damned show. I am dead serious when I say this. They flank Twist and Apple Bloom, talking about what a 'waste' of a lecture that was. They've all got their cutie marks. Well, 'almost' all of them. God I wanna punch them with the boat sword. *Checks* Ah, damn! I don't have a Gypsy Danger, only a Cherno Alpha! They rub it in, and say they're invited to the cute-cenera. And they do this insanely dumb butt-bumping thing. And they coin the 'blank flank' insult. Yeah, urge to kill rising! Urge to hug also rising.
At Sweet Apple Acres Apple Bloom is venting while Applejack tries to reassure her. She says she was the last to get her mark. She rubs her rump and it sparkles. Yeah, to quote Spike, that's creepy. Granny Smith and Big Mac were last in their classes, too. I know she legit means well... and Apple Bloom outright says that. Then she gets an idea. "Runs in the family!" No, no. The Running of the Leaves is the next episode. She gets the idea that her talent has to do with apples. She jumps for joy and crashes into a barrel.
We cut to Applejack hawking apples. *COUGHBOASTBUSTERSCOUGH* Sorry, something in my throat, there. Apple Bloom tries channeling an informercial, but it's not too effective. She uses a tennis racket to volley one and apparently almost hits someone offscreen. She fires off another one at a canvas, splattering it and the pony next to it. She even breaks the fourth wall a bit. She tries up Doctor Whooves, but it's no go until she gets creepy assertive. He buys it and runs off, home to Ditzy, Dinky and Sparkler. Applejack's not too pleased, natch. she does the 'you touch it, you buy it' routine on Berry Punch, and apparently there's credit in Equestria. Then she dumps apples into Bonbon's bag and tries to charge her for it. Bonbons' voice, btw, isn't too pleasing to the ear, IMHO. Four bits for a lot of apples. Applejack gives some, no charge. Bonbon makes out pretty nicely, and Apple Bloom's sent home. Applejack asks if others have their cutie marks, and Apple Bloom's reminded of Twist. Safety in numbers, after all.
Apple Bloom goes to Twist's house and asks about the party. And it turns out Twist has a cutie mark! It's a pair of candy canes crossed. It's 'pretty sweet'. And Apple Bloom's kinda crushed. Diamond Tiara and her shadow conveniently wander by to be grade-Z assholes. Apple Bloom makes that face. You know the one. We come back from commercial and see her sitting next to a well. Dash pops down and says someone's got a dark cloud hanging over their head. So she pushes it aside. Okay, that's a good visual pun. :D Dash asks what the matter is and Apple Bloom spills about everything in one long gulp of air. Dash says she can get her one like that, even snapping her tail like we'd snap our fingers. Okay, that's a good effect. Apple Bloom says that Applejack says it takes time, and Dash rebuts by saying she should make it happen. We also learn Dash was the first in her class to get her cutie mark. It was during her first race she discovered her need for speed. That's... a line of video games? And another butt-shot.
Montage time! Cue up either the A-Team theme or something from Survivor! The band, not the show. Never seen the show. Eye of the Tiger, perhaps. Dash is rocking a serious mullet and I'm afraid she'll tell my achey-breaky heart. Her plan is try as many things as possible. It's... not too bad a sounding plan. But since I don't even have any RL tattoos I can't comment fully. Juggling.... ends with stock balls hitting head. Hang-gliding... ends with her tripping and tumbling head-over-hooves. Karate, and we see Dash with a Black Belt?
Okay, little bit of headcanon from the Hasbroverse. Dash's teacher is named Iron Butterfly. He is basically Bruce Lee as a pony. He also becomes Apple Bloom's teacher in Lánjié tí fāngshì -Way of the Intercepting Hoof.
Back to the much more interesting show, Apple Bloom kicks a sand bag and breaks her leg. Kite-flying... ends about as bad as Charlie Brown's attempts, with the kite disintegrating as it lands. Roller derby... ends with her causing a four-foal pileup! We cut to Dash doing her best Twilight Sparkle impression as the two... TOS violations walk by. Apple Bloom hides while they still manage to be condescending pieces of slag. I wish to throttle them. Wash, rinse and repeat. Diamond Tiara is also balancing a rather large package on her back. Bigger than she is! Apple Bloom laments, and Pinkie Pie appears outta nowhere! She'd be good at eating cupcakes! Well, I'm good at eating cupcakes! Apple Bloom ditches her mentor for the sweets.
At Sugar Cube Corner, Apple Bloom cheers on a cupcake-eating cutie mark. I ponder that, then I realize I'm hungry. She searches for the cupcakes, but doesn't find any. Pinkie Pie plops a chef's hat onto her. She would like some help making cupcakes. No, Pinkie Pie! Remember the Baked Bads with Applejack! And we get the 'Cupcakes' song. It's, pardon the pun, a sweet little ditty. Nothing special about it but nothing too bad. We fade to Apple Bloom's 'attempts' at baking. She pulls out some charcoal from the oven, her best attempt yet! Pinkie eats some and we get some interesting shades of Maud here... foreshadowing this early? Nah. Maybe. ;) Apple Bloom's crushed. We get a mild hope spot of something on her flank, but it's flour. Pinkie... now's not the time for guessing games.
Twilight comes in... for some reason. She declines the briquettes. Apple Bloom asks for Twilight to magic up a cutie mark. Twilight says that it's something a pony must discover for herself. Apple Bloom begs and Twilight reluctantly tries, and fails. For the record, I really hope she never gains the ability to do that. she's also exhausted at the end. Apple Bloom decides not to go to the party... and wanders out into the party.
We see a pony eating frosting-covered charcoal, and Apple Bloom hides. She berates herself for forgetting while Pinkie... puts a party hat on her. Not helping, Pie. Not. Helping. Apple Bloom does a Solid Snake to get to the door. Berry Punch gains the 'alcoholic' meme. Apple Bloom almost makes it... and bumps into Applejack, who pretty much shoves her back into the room and is about as oblivious as you can get. I am facepalming here and not in a good way. It's just so obvious and badly-written. So the Doublemint jerks stalk their prey. Apple Bloom MacGyvers a dress out of a tablecloth and tries to bluff it hiding an amazing cutie mark. We learn Diamond Tiara needs to be the center of attention. Natch. Apple Bloom almost makes it, but trips again. She knocks into the record player. It skips and they zero in for the kill.
Did I mention how much I loathe these two? I really, really do.
They restart being assholes. But Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo to the rescue! Also, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo for the proper introductions! They emerge from under a table. Literally. Wiat, what were they doing under there?! Silver Spoon drops about half a dozen 'likes' and not in the good Facebook way. She's so Valley Girl she's hit rock bottom. Sweetie Belle says she's full of potential. Scootaloo says she could be anything and mocks Silver Spoon's 'like' overuse, which I sincerely love. All but two listen and take it to heart. And we see two shots of them being blank flanks. Twilight says she's still got the joy of discovering who she is. And Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are upstaged in their own party. Silver Spoon tries the rump thing, but it fails. And I laugh at them.
There's formal introductions, and we cut to everyone rocking out, save two. And the Cutie Mark Crusaders is formed! The tree sap shall flow! And we get one more rump shot. Because we have to.
Thoughts
Okay... I love this episode. Cutie marks are explored. We get some cool worldbuilding/cultural stuff. Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Cheerilee, Twist and two/one others is introduced. Some good comedy, a heartwarming ending. Points are deducted for Applejack, Cheerilee and Pinkie being pretty oblivious. The show should be better than that! The CMC is formed. Sir Mixalot looked on with pride. But...
Like I've been saying throughout this episode. I loathe Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. They are generic alpha bitch bullying assholes. Over the next four seasons they'll display, what one decent moment apiece? And they're so small as to be almost nonexistent. I took great pleasure in writing out Megan's OC daughters, Danielle and Michelle, chewing them out. Between the two of them, they might form enough of a personality to be one fully-realized character.
Several easels?
You were just talking about unfortunate implications, man...
You put quite a lot of thought into that.
I also despise Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. In my review of "Flight to the Finish", I nicknamed them Tweedle B---- and Tweedle Cunt.
I contend that Rarity's special talent isn't 'gems', it's 'finding a pony's inner beauty'. The diamonds on her butt represent the beauty that she found even when it was hidden in a dumb rock.
2151359
Although they constantly say "special talent", mah position is that the cutie mark doesn't reflect skills at all - only passion. We have never seen a pony whose cutie mark didn't represent somethin' that they loved, though we have seen ones that represent things that can't properly be called skills; Cheerilee even identifies hers as representin' her love for teaching, not her ability at doing so.
Oh, an' Striker? You forgot ta mention how Rainbow Dash insults Applejack right to her little sister's face. What, you can dog on the earth pony but not the pegasus?
2151307 Twist and Shout is a reference to an old dance craze in the 60's, actually.
2151343 Thank you. And yes, those two suck.
2151359 Yeah, it's interpretation.
2151478 Good point. That was wrong of me to miss. It's been a long work week for me.
Boat sword reference. My day is now complete
Ah also have a headcanon about Silver Spoon, but ah cain't post it here 'cause it's a spoooooooooooiler.
I like the two bitches, but only in a "spite-the-writers" sense.
I think part of it is because I know I'm being manipulated, and part of it is because I really like Limyaael's Fantasy Rants, and she wails on writers who use these kinds of archetypes, the flat foil character(s) that only exist to make the main characters look better in comparison.
Their attitudes are kind of like in the Uncanny Valley, where other characters' behaviour is glossed over for being so out there, but because what they do is realistic to the point where many viewers have likely experienced these kinds of things first hand, it hits closer to home. The fandom hates these two with a passion, but adores various harbingers of the apocalypse, dangerously clumsy characters, and individuals with shortsightedness and impulse control issues so bad they're lucky to avoid a body count even in a world where cartoon physics reigns (though the inconsistencies in pony durability makes me think it's based on the phases of the moon or something).
The closest thing to depth those two have it would seem is that they don't seem to go out of their way to target any blank flanks that aren't Applebloom or associated with Applebloom, to the point where they will side with a blank flank who will torment Applebloom and her friends. I wonder if the whole Blank Flank thing was just a convenient tactic to mess with Applebloom. IIRC, in this episode, they didn't seem to recognize Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, despite them being blank flanks and likely sharing several classes. The only time I can name either of them messing with a blank flank that wasn't Applebloom or associated with AB was when DT bodychecked Dinky for her newspaper in Ponyville Confidential, and that seemed more "general bitchiness" than deliberately targeting a blank flank.
Ah, DT and SS, the two most hated characters of the series, it says a lot when the villains can have more redeeming qualities than them.
Yes, I too loathe and despise them.
And what's the problem? Punch them with Tesla powered fists